Chp 146. Rules for a Personal Computer

My 10 Commandments for a “shared” Personal Computer.

For most of you who come over to my blog or visit other websites, you probably come online from:

1. A Cyber café.
   
2. Your office work desktop.
   
3. Your personal computer at home that you share with just one or two persons (hubby/wife/children).
   
4. Your personal computer at home that is also used by a hell lot of other friends.
   

I belong to the fourth category.

I can’t live without a broadband connection. Had one since 2003 (Hyderabad), then 2004-05 (Bangalore), 2006 (Mumbai) and 2007 (Delhi). And every where I go, it’s always the same. Tons and tons of my Mizo friends come over to my place to surf the net.

In the midst of all these, it is of utmost importance to make my own set of rules regarding the utilization of my computer. Yeah, some people call me a jerk and a stingy bastard for such rules, because in our community it is taken for granted that we should be as generous as possible with each other.

But if you weigh the consequences of reinstalling Windows every time some fool opens an .exe file sent to his email from a “Kirsten Schafer” about enlarging his “you know what”, or formatting my entire hard-drive just because another friend disabled my firewall as he couldn’t browse through those porn sites “properly”, yeah, I really really don’t mind being called a stingy bastard

Below is a set of rules that I stick at the side of my monitor, with a strict message that anyone not following such rules will no longer be allowed to touch my computer. Yeah you gotta be harsh sometimes, because some people just don’t realize the pain of reinstalling Windows or the agony of mulling over precious lost data files.

1. Thou shalt not browseth serials/cracks/patch/cd keys websites.
   
2. Thou shalt not installeth Limewire.
   
3. Thou shalt not browseth pornography.
   
4. Thou shalt not chateth at IRC.
   
5. Whilst downloading from Torrent, thou shalt vieweth the “comment” section first.
   
6. Thou shalt not installeth any programs without command.
   
7. Thou shalt scanneth thine pen-drive anon.
   
8. Thou shalt not changeth my settings.
   
9. Thou art recommendeth to clicketh “remember thine passwords”.
   
10. Thou shalt not enlargeth thine penises.
    

1. Do not visit serials/cracks/cd keys websites.

This is the main source of infection on my comp. Guys come over to search for a crack/patch and other illegal wares online from my computer because the hacked software they are using has expired. Search on Google for such cracks and chances are you will see a result of pages which will infest your computer with worms and Trojans if you download from them. Even sites such as astalavista.box.sk and asta-killer.com have such infections (personal experience). And yes, even free password sites are strictly banned from my computer.

2. No Limewire.

Ok I will not get into the technical side of why I don’t allow this software to be installed into my computer, simply because I don’t know the technical reason . Limewire always screws up my computer. It works well in other PCs, but never in mine. Some people say it’s because other P2P softwares like Ares, DC++ and uTorrent are running at the same time and it’s because they share the same port. But even when such applications aren’t running, any file downloading in Limewire slows down my system resources like Hell. Hence, simply put, NO Limewire.

3. No pornography.

If you want porn, then dude you’ve come to the wrong place. Porn is strictly forbidden from here, not because of any moral reasons but simply because of the, once again, high infestation of virus, worms, spywares and Trojans at such sites. Back in Bangalore, I did allow people to download porn through P2P applications from my computer then, but “teens porn” was strictly forbidden even then, as I was playing my bit as a responsible netizen fighting against Child Pornography (Have you seen some of those “barely legal” porn???? Some of them look even younger than teens! Sad.)

4. No IRC.

I am quite an anti-IRC. Chatting with friends on yahoo messenger or msn is okhay, but going into a Chat room and spending a huge amount of time socializing with strangers? That’s a big no for me. Because from my own experience, I don’t find anything constructive (other than the Trivia/Quiz sections) about IRC chatrooms. My good friend [IRC chat id Akillathug] got addicted to IRC chat in 2000, and till today he hasn’t completed his engineering degree, simply because he cannot clear the semester due to lack of attendance, the lack of attendance due to chatting the whole night at IRC.

I know so many other Mizo youth who fell a victim to IRC and screw up their entire future in the process. For an adult with a stable occupation and income, I don’t find anything wrong with it, but I sincerely feel that students should not be encouraged to chat while they are still in schools and colleges. Hence I play another role as a responsible adult by not allowing any of my student friends to chat at IRC from my computer. (Yes, William aka bekang^roll of mizoserver.com, I know you are reading this, and no, I still won’t allow you to install IRC when you come over this weekend )

5. While downloading from Torrent, please check the “comment” section first.

A lot of people search for files at Torrent sites and download them immediately without checking the comment page. I have come across many instances where some nice concerned person post a comment informing the others not to download the file because it is wrongly labeled or it is a virus. Always check the comment section first before downloading it.

6. Do not install any programs without permission.

First of all, I may already have a much better software to perform what you wish. Secondly, it crowds up my task bar, program files folder, start menu etc with softwares I find unnecessary. Thirdly, my C: drive (default location for any installation) is small and some people come and install a huge 3 GB Game at that particular drive without even checking how much space will be available after the installation. Fourthly, the codec you are installing can conflict with my existing codecs. Fifthly, I may have my own personal reasons for not wanting to upgrade a particular software, because in some softwares, there are things one can do with an old version that one can’t with a new version. Just don’t touch my program files please.

7. Scan your pen-drive first.

We now live in an age of “easy data transfer”. I still remember those days when I bought my first computer with a 1 GB hard disk! Now 4-8 GB pen-drives are easily available and every tech savvy person sports one. The problem is, most pen-drives are infected with viruses. It’s like AIDS. When you insert your pen-drive into so many different computers, you are bound to be infected, which will infect other computers. Fortunately, unlike AIDS, it is curable. So please run an Anti-virus scan on your pen-drive immediately when you insert it into my USB drive.

8. Do not change my computer settings.

Don’t you just hate people who use your computer and change all the settings like screen resolutions, background images, fav winamp playlist etc just because they feel more comfortable with it as it is the settings they use on THEIR computer? This is MY computer. Please do not change any of MY settings. You do not find me coming over to your house and changing YOUR settings, do you?

9. You are recommended to click “remember your passwords” option.

Other than personal email accounts, if you and I frequently log in to the same site that requires user-name and passwords (example: blogger.com, orkut.com, myspace.com etc), it is most desirable that you let my browser remember your login details like I do, for easier access. No I am not interested in checking out your account or logging into your account while you are not here and scandalizing your reputation. There is nothing more irritating than somebody urgently wanting to check his/her orkut messages while we are in the middle of a movie, and then that person taking his own sweet time to slowly type his user name and password (comes close to killing him if he ends up typing a wrong password!) whereas that person can easily select his remembered login details while logging in and saving a lot of time.

Guests and other friends who are not regular at using my computer are of course not expected to let my browser remember their details. But those people who are always here, who always hog up my internet time and bandwidth (but magically disappear when its time to pay the monthly internet bill) should by all means let my browser remember their login details.

10. Do not enlarge your penises.

The last commandment in my list. Do not open mails from people you don’t know, that has a subject like “Gaining 5 more inches”. No, now is the wrong time to be curious, what do you think the person means by gaining more inches? Fingernails? And yes, my dear friend Tawia (zorema), I pity you and you have my heart-felt compassion, but trust me, you will not find your answer in such emails.

Any suspicious emails, please delete them immediately or report them as junk/spam. Because eventually in the end, it is going to be me and me alone who will pay for your folly.