Yesterday I came across this site www.gizoogle.net which made me laugh so much!
As the site aptly puts it - Fo' all y'all biotches who wanna find shiznit! This site uses a program that automatically replaces certain words of whichever page you’re looking at and makes it sound all gangsta (would it be racist to say ghetto’ish?) like Snoop Dogg’s fo shizzle mah nizzle.
For example, take my cousin’s blog post – mimihrahsel.blogspot.com
It converts the following -
My Happily Ever After
And they lived happily ever after... Sigh! Growing up with fairy tales like Cinderella, Rapunzel and Snow White.. we always want that Prince charming to come rescue us some day, so that we can live happily ever after. The difference between fairy tales and reality lies on the idea of "Happily ever after".
My fuckin Happily Ever After
And they lived happily ever after... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sigh, muthafucka! Growin up wit fairy talez like Cinderella, Rapunzel n' Snow White.. our crazy-ass asses always want dat Pimp charmin ta come rescue our asses some day, so dat our crazy-ass asses can live happily ever after. Da difference between fairy talez n' realitizzle lies on tha idea of "Happily ever after".
Catch my drift? Yeah you might call this humour immature, but hey, it made me laugh so I don’t care :P
Even the comments are funny. Here is what my friend John commented on Christina’s post – “You are Highly Dexterous. I Like Your Flair, Christy” which became “Yo ass is Highly Dexterous. I Like Yo Crazy-Ass Flair, Christy” lolzzz… Dexterous –> Skillful in physical movements, hence John was appreciating the way Christy was skillfully shaking her ass in front of him. Hope her boyfriend doesn’t find out about that :D
Why all these posts are so funny is because these people are the last ones you’d expect to speak like this. And picturing their faces with what they’ve written is utterly hilarious.
You too should totally look at some of your friends’ blog posts and gizoogle it… You can either go to this page and enter the url you want to check, or you can simply insert this code in the address line and replace the XXXXXXXXX below with the address of the website you want to transformizzle.
Here are some of my friends’ blog posts –
Kukui Pachuau - Da dopest muthafuckin thang bout thuglife is knowin yo ass put it together
Some stories cut so deep dat retellin em is a impossibilitizzle. They is tha dark selves dat our crazy-ass asses carry n' which our crazy-ass asses will take wit us, entombed alongside our asses up in our graves. Like dat Stone Sour lyric holla'd, "some thangs is mo' betta left unspoken.Our thugged-out asses bury em up in places dat our crazy-ass asses straight-up only git on over ta by ourselves; Oh n' yo ass was a version like no other". Great cold lil' woo wop fo' realz. And since I can't think of any stories ta tell muthafuckin right now, n' even if I knew, I wouldn't tell, cuz then it wouldn't be a "cutz too deep" kind of story, would it, so yeah, herez a lil ramble down rambly paths.
So tha other dizzle (It was a Friday) I gotz supa buggin up at work n' I looked up a list of pornos which was showin up in hood n' I was like delighted ta peep dat tha freshly smoked up sci-fi thrilla Looper starrin Bruce " Dude was muthafuckin dead tha whole time" Willis n' Joseph Gordon-Levitt was showin at a theatre near me. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I shut down mah 'puta n' strutted ta Gopalan theatre n' then bought mah dirty ass a big-ass bowl of caramel popcorn n' a big-ass coke n' sat down ta smoke up tha porno fo' realz. Alone, muthafucka! Watchin A Porno Alone!
Our thugged-out asses was fifteen-year-old classmates yo. Dude was on tha fuckin' down-low, intelligent, n' a phat playa. My fuckin soon-to-be- best playa thought he was cute, n' I had never straight-up noticed his ass until then. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Slowly we all became playas, a big-ass crew of playaz (wonder where they is now?). We would hang up together, borrowin books n' notebooks, takin long struttz home and gatherin at a playa’s crib afta classes. Our thugged-out asses was lil', n' lookin back at our pictures I cannot believe how tha fuck unbelievably lil' our crazy-ass asses were; I wit mah short hair n' innocent face, he wit his shy n' innocent smile.
Writin has always been funk fo' me, mah alone time n' although it soundz straight-up weird, itz among tha few thangs (and peeps) dat put up wit mah buggin self, mah far-fetched dreams n' mah vibe swings. My fuckin dopest playa all up in tha years. Itz a straight-up rare case when i'm bustin some shiznit phat n' enjoyin it all up in tha same stupid-ass time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So when it dawned on mah slowpoke dome dat writin do that, i done cooked up up mah mind ta start blogging. I hope dis don't turn up like mah freshly smoked up years' resolutions.
Dinky Didini - A few thoughtz laid down...
Da 1935 - 1945 decade was a crucial period up in tha history of tha ghetto. Right back up up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da late 1930s saw tha rise of tensions n' struggle fo' juice between tha ghetto nations, which eventually led ta Ghetto Battle Pt II. This decade was tha golden period of Photojournalizzle which pimped outly enhizzled the effectivenizz of media. In America, durin dis time period, our crazy-ass asses saw tha rise of photojournalizzle wit tha advent of Life magazine. Battle photography widely served tha effectivenizz of tha media durin Ghetto Battle Pt II. My fuckin study helped mah crazy ass up in findin up tha situation of tha different ghettos around tha ghetto durin dis time period.
Da polistically correc' title fo' dis one muthafuckin is : “Five Mizo folk talez I now find disturbin afta reachin adulthood”. I think dat not everyone would share mah views. But if there’s every last muthafuckin muthafucka whoz ass hasn’t grown up hearin his and her muthafathas tell em bedtime stories n' oldschool fables, nuff times, tha thangs these lil pimps hear aren’t straight-up what tha fuck they sounded like. Which brangs our asses muthafuckin right back ta tha whole point of this.
Waazzzuupp??, muthafucka! It’s been a whole month since mah last post. Yo Ass might wonder why I don’t reply ta mah B-ta-tha-L-O-Gizzay commentz n' tha halt up in freshly smoked up posts. Well, there’s straight-up no reason behind dat fo' realz. As a matta of fact, I sit up in front of tha computa n' logged tha fuck into mah blogger account, clicked on tha ‘new post’ button n' just stare all up in tha screen thankin nothang. Just straight-up nothang.
I've been gettin a shitload of lyrics askin mah crazy ass where I've been n' why I haven't posted stuffs lately. Well, I've been so busy, I'd like to apologize. Screw dat shit. Da truth is, I be tha one whoz ass misses mah dirty ass when I don't blog. I be bloggin like a muthafucka up in dis biatch. I feel like there's a part of mah crazy ass dat wantz ta drop a rhyme up loud but is held inside. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seriously, I've been busy bein lazy. Plus, no photographers, muthafucka! Pfft. I have ta click mah own photos. I sometimes git mah roomie ta do it fo' me.
So aiiight ta be back up in tha def embrace of phat ol' Bangalore, where the rizla makes mah crazy ass nostalgic n' wanna stay home, cuddle up wit a thick book, a ill cuppa n' just stay lazy all day. Cuddle up wit a thick book may also be replaced by “cuddle up wit some muthafucka special” had dis been mah underground diary. I have always shared a bittersweet relationshizzle wit the rain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Durin mah childhood days, I was scared of tha pitta patta on our roof and it was always a challenge fo' mah crazy ass ta be alone up in a room whenever it rained.
So anyway, I think tha 80’s n' tha 90’s was tha dopest era for noize especially rock yo, but I must admit tha disco guys had it phat too. Some of tha dopest jointz was busted out up in dis era, from jam anthems ta timeless rock balladz our crazy-ass asses had it all. I can still picture partizzles where gangstas would rock it up ta tracks like “Come on feel tha noise by Quiet Riot”, “Our thugged-out asses will rock yo ass - Biatch” etc. Da dopest part bout dis era was dat both pimps n' dem hoes were listenin ta tha same stupid-ass genre of noize ROCK, tha only difference was dat the guys would dig heavy metal n' tha dem hoes hated it yo, but our crazy-ass asses was one and united up in ROCK, until tha NKOTB fever destroyed everythang.
Hate be a strong word.... a straight-up strong word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And it precisely raps bout mah feelin when I say... "I don't give a fuck bout dentists". And I don't straight-up care if yo ass gotz mah crazy ass wrong fo' realz. A few of mah close playaz is dentistz fo' realz. And I like em mo' betta when they is not up in they clinic. I have too nuff bad experiences wit dentistz since I was a child. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well, there was dat dentist at Civil Hospizitizzle whoz ass 'forgot' ta give mah crazy ass a Local Anesthesia when he extracted 4 of mah lower front teeth altogether.
Since we're gettin a freshly smoked up place n' dat I will finally be gettin mah own room ( I know dat soundz shockin but wit three other siblings around n' livin as a joint gang back home I never gotz ta have mah own space) afta 21 years, I be pretty buckwild dat all I do these days is hunt fo' bedroom designs all over tha internizzle, searchin fo' ideas n' goin gaga over all em phat designs fo' realz. As yo ass might have noticed, I be a big-ass hustla of minimalizzle when it comes ta interior designs fo' realz. Alot of gangstas might find dat straight lines n' minimalizzle gives off a cold n' unwelcomin feel but not fo' me. I think itz refreshin n' easy as fuck ta peep.
Growin up as a only child, a independent girl, was a geek somehow n' mah hood thuglife sinks ta tha bottom. No one straight-up knows me, I guess. My fuckin room is mah straight-up place up in tha ghetto, mah laptop is da most thugged-out faithful playa I've ever had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da only bad muthafuckin thang bout tha playa I have is that, when I pour mah heart up ta him, I don't git a respond I expected, apart from dat I gotz a pimp whom I can lean on ta but itz not like I can always pour mah heart up ta his ass bout everythang, bout life, bout tha stuffs dat bothers me.
What can a elderly biatch wear at a wedding? When i was teachin up in a Bangalore college, tha dress code fo' dem hoes lecturers was tha saree. It was tough goin fo' tha likez of mah crazy ass whoz ass weren’t born tha fuck into dat shit. But i did manage somehow. Once our crazy-ass asses moved ta Mumbai n' i took up a non-teachin thang, dressin became free n' easy as fuck. Our thugged-out asses don’t deal wit hustas; our crazy-ass asses don’t have ta impress anybody.
Two, no, almost four muthafuckin years since tha projec' started out…and nearly three since I became a part of it fo' realz. And todizzle, I hold tha book up in mah hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Unexpected. Our thugged-out asses had been communicatin frequently enough while tha publication was up in process. But complete silence once tha manuscript n' cover literature was finally approved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When tha big-ass sack was collected from tha Post Office todizzle, I had no idea what tha fuck it could be. Especially since mah addiction ta online hustlin finally forced mah crazy ass ta surrender mah cardz ta Mom, I consider mah dirty ass almost “unsurprisable” by periodic deliveries. But todizzle, todizzle, I had tears up in mah eyes.
Even poems are funny…
I be yo' Jezebel,
Da curse yo ass spit up
Along wit tha blood red
Juice of betel dat
I be Delilah,
Yo Crazy-Ass downfall.
I be yo' sticky-icky-icky,
Yo Crazy-Ass shame,
Yo Crazy-Ass reluctant high.
I be tha discarded,
Da one yo ass stone
Come n' gone tha moon
Like rizla up in tha monsoon
Full may it be tonight
Round up in all itz sight
No matta where our crazy-ass asses ludd
All it mattas is us
for all mah Riatsamthiah playas,
though none of yo ass read and care fo' poetry
'yes, dis is it,' he holla'd, 'I be shizzle of it
this is tha spot where Helu fell.
right here, not dis concrete
for tha sun, tha sun
she is outside of her hiding
and tha rizla is pimpin
with a elsewhere
and lata there is ghon be a comin backtion,
and mo' celebratonic
My fuckin hat is da most thugged-out devine hat up in tha ghetto
Of all tha thangs I have
I ludd mah hat da most thugged-out
Itz a neat n' keen hat
It has mah deepest ludd.
Itz colour is black
I can even wore it ta Church.
It gives mah crazy ass shades from tha scorchin sun
I just adore mah hat
And so ta mah hat i say " i ludd you, mah dope hat".
