Chp 22. Love, jealousy & ex-girlfrens : A Valentine's Day Special

Long long time ago, before the invention of the wheel, the male homo sapiens left their rugged dark caves during the day in search of meat while their women remained in the close confinement of the caves gossiping away. And at the end of the day they all returned to their respective female homo sapiens with whatever they managed to lay their hands on. A dodo, a saber-tooth, or even a mammoth.

They were happy indeed. Each guy had his own woman. Ofcourse there was no courting involved. It was more a matter of brute strength. The strongest guy in the gang gets the first choice to choose who his woman will be. Sometimes he may choose more than one, but paleontologists haven’t proved that yet.

Once the two were paired up, the woman became a sex slave to the man, and he in turn became the victim of the earliest form of nagging in history This makes you wonder. Was our ancestor romantic? I’m sure he wouldn’t have given his woman a red rose, but maybe he atleast tried. Comon, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, after all, we wouldn’t even be here today had the woman firmly crossed her legs. I’m sure he must have done something or said something to her to make her melt in his arms.

Maybe he took her for a walk by the creepy mosquito-infested swamp in the night. And then gifted her a necklace made up of dried animal skulls to show how much he care. And then one thing led to the other… and viola, the human generation continued! And ofcourse he need not worry about protection or venereal diseases at that time, the lucky bastard.

But there’s one thing I’ve always wondered. What if things between him and his designated woman did not work out? How do they break up? And if they find new partners after that, do they feel anything about their old flame?

Ofcourse the woman might have cut off his manhood to display her anger on being dumped *ouch*. Or maybe they simply stopped talking to each other again. They both definitely had a hard time dealing with such issues.

Fast forward. Thousands of years later, mankind is still struggling on how to deal with ex-girlfrens/ex-boyfrens.

I guess I am one of the very few lucky ones to have such a good relationship with my ex. We are like very close frens now. We still talk to each other almost every nite and tell each other whats going on with our lives.

In a way, although I’ve never gotten married before, breaking up with someone ur really serious about is like getting a divorce. You’re cutting off every connection you had with someone you’ve shared everything in life with, someone who knows everything about you inside out.

Ofcourse there are many downsides. Like if you suddenly have this urge to speak to her just to hear her voice again at 3 in the morning after drinking half a bottle of rum, and u see her number “busy”, It does kinda make u feel a bit... left out.

Yeah, my ex is now seeing somebody and I’m really happy for her. Even though sometimes I do feel a bit jealous about it, its not like one of those jealousy waves that hits you when ur still going around and she disappears with somebody else while ur at the dancefloor (not that she ever did that, I’m just giving an example ). It’s a different kind of jealousy here. Its just that, its kinda difficult to accept the fact that someone you know so well and shared so much together, is now in the arms of another man.

Ofcourse I don’t have any rights to tell her anything about it, but I do have the rights to feel jealous. Even she told me that there’s nothing wrong in getting jealous. This is what happens to couples who break up.

We ofcourse have both gotten over each other. But I still don’t know why I am so uncomfortable with this entire charade. Is it because of the history that we had? Or is it simply because of the fact that I know her current boyfren very well back in college? Coz, one of the unwritten rule is that guys do not go for a close fren’s girlfren even if they break up. Girls will never understand this. It’s a complete guy thing. We NEVER make a move on our fren’s ex-girlfren.

But then, I am happy for her as she has found her destiny. Anything that makes her happy, makes me happy too. And there’s no other guy I’d want her to be with other than this guy she’s seeing right now. Makes me feel like a father giving his one and only daughter his blessings . But I will always feel uncomfortable being in the same room as she and her current boyfren. A couple of months ago, I was invited to one of my fren’s bday party. She has also invited my ex and her boyfren. When I heard about that, I cancelled out the last minute. I mean, I really don’t wanna be close to them when they are cuddling and coochie cooing each other. I can spend the whole day with my ex, or with my ex’s boyfren. But definitely not when they are together. Period.

On the brighter side, I am still happy with whats going on here. Coz I know so many guys out there we have mega problems with their ex. Not just guys but the fairer sexes too. I’ve even heard some cases about being stalked and stuff!

The only thing I wanna know is, is it possible to break up with someone and yet be such wonderful frens? As long as the two of you are not seeing anybody else, ya, I think its possible. But the moment one of you hook up with somebody, the other person obviously gets isolated. Reality bites.

My ex always calls me up now and then, and tells me to find a girlfren its just that, our heavy IIM schedule prevents me from finding the time for any commitments... Ok, that’s a very lame excuse on why I ain’t serious with anybody yet. The real reason is… guess I’m not ready yet. You know, this is really funny. Usually it’s the guy who gets over a relationship almost immediately while the girl is still hung up on him. After we broke up and I moved to Hyderabad, I’ve dated many times. I went out with this girl, I went out with that girl. It was a break that I needed. And while I was running around, my dear ex never saw anybody. And when she finally went out with somebody, she became serious with him. Where as, me, I get completely freaked out whenever anything is starting to become serious. And the final result: She is happily back in wonderland while I still roam the streets of brokenhearts alone.

Dating is fun, but its just not the same as spending time with someone u truly love.

With someone ur madly in love with, well, the time u spend with her seems to be the most wonderful time u’ve ever spend in ur entire life. Its as if time has just stopped moving and its just the two of you in this entire world. You don’t care who’s giving you a stare or notice the two auto drivers beating up each other in the distance. The most wonderful thing about being in love is the way you can see right through each other like nobody else can. You don’t need to put on a fake smile or a false accent. You don’t need to give any excuses for being late. You don’t need to give a rose for forgetting a date. At the same time you don’t need a reason to give her a rose; you can give her one whenever you feel like. You can take each other for granted. You don’t need to consult each other to make a plan for a party or an outing. You just know that the other person would love to go along. You know each other’s deepest darkest secrets. And when you tell each other that, well, the secret is no longer "dark"... She fills everything dark and sad in your life with light and warmth. You fight a lot too, but at the end of the day you always make up, promising never to fight again. And very soon, you fight again. And then make up again. The strangest thing about love is that, everytime you fight, you grow closer to each other. You fall more and more madly in love with each other everytime you say that you don’t want to speak to each other again. Sometimes you don’t need to say sorry for something you did that hurt the other person. You can make it out easily from the other person’s behaviour that even though he never said sorry, he meant sorry in every action that he makes or every sentence that comes out of his mouth. Love means never having to say you’re sorry – Eric Segal.

What can I say. We guys are lousy with words when it comes to love. Its up to the girl to understand what we really mean

Valentine’s day. Another dogged day for the lonely hearted. I don’t wanna call up my ex and ask her what her plans are for the day. As long as I am surviving out here and she’s having fun down there, all is well.

Maybe I’ll spend the day with my frens. Get drunk and crib about old flames… or go to Club X with my frens and dance the night away... who the Hell am I kidding here? We have our freaking exams on 14th, 15th and 16th!

IIMB truly rox!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.