Chp 54. Inter-racial relationship

Given below is an article I've just submitted for our BMA (Bangalore Mizo Association) Annual Magazine. I'm sure most of you must be surprised at my standings, but really hope we can look at this maturely and have a good discussion regarding this. Thanx.

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Isn’t it strange how things that happen around you or around people close to you make you ponder on it deeply, and in my case, write an article about it?

This particular article is probably one of the most controversial topics in our Mizo culture. It’s something that every Mizo knows about, but prefers not to talk about in public, especially when they're in the midst of their non-Mizo friends. Before reading any further, I would like to warn you that this is just my personal opinion with no intention of maligning anybody, and would also like to apologize in advance if I have hurt anybody’s sentiments during the course of this article.

Inter-racial relationships.

Aghast! I have just uttered the forbidden word! Such audacity. Surely I must be an exile, banished from the homeland thousands of miles away. Haha fat chance. I believe the right word would be “candour”. I’m just an average Mizo living in Bangalore with lots of Mizo friends, who regularly go to the Mizo Church on Sundays and actively participate in various Mizo activities in Bangalore.

Since time immemorial, we Mizos have always been protective of our women. We are a tribe. No matter how deep Nike, Reebok, Pepsi, cable TV, cellular phones and western music have penetrated our cities, culture and the minds of our youth, deep down inside, we will always be a tribe.

A tribe always looks out for each other. If your brother’s blood is spilled, it is your honour to avenge it. If a woman of your tribe is humiliated, it is your duty to protect her honour and retaliate. Anybody resembling the faintest threat to the existence of one’s tribe is either annihilated or viewed with much skepticism. It’s an immediate call to arms.

And most Mizos still look at Mainland Indians as the aggressor, the evil perpetrator. After all, most of us have been through years of abuses under the Indian Army, journals after journals of absurdly falsified information over-sensationalized by wanna-be journalists who have never even set a foot inside the North-east, days and days of discrimination from the public majority just because of our different looks or customs.

Anyone victimized by such ordeal will definitely look at the World from a completely different perspective. Every little thing that befalls him, he blames it on racism. A bunch of drunken idiots out looking for trouble sees him and roughens him up. Racism. It’s been ages since he asked the waiter for the bill and it hasn't come yet. Racism. A really mean son-of-a-bitch suddenly cuts the queue and stands in front of him. Racism.

From my own experience, I must admit that things are actually never THAT bad. Of course yes there have been many incidents where the balance is skewed purely due to one’s identity, but this is a part of life, and this definitely does not mean that every other little thing that does not work out in my favour is because of racial discrimination. Not every apple in the basket is sour.

Similarly, when a Mainland Indian goes around with a woman of our tribe, our blood pressure rises. How can one sleep with the “enemy”? Treason! Treason! Burn her to the stake!

I've always been struck by why so many of us do not appreciate the fact that a Mizo girl is going around with a non-Mizo. One of the first impressions most people get is that, she’s a slut (Excuse my French). This is due to the fact that there are some girls from the North-east including Mizoram who go to various late night discotheques and pubs and flirt openly with even strangers. If you have a car and money, chances are, you can do almost anything you want with these girls. And this makes the common people stereotype other north-eastern girls into thinking they are there to be picked-up when in fact all they wanted to do is just have nice clean fun at such places.

And there are also many girls, really nice girls, who have genuinely fallen in love with a non-Mizo, not because of the size of his bank account or the number of BMW’s lined up in his garage. We’re talking about true love here. Love is blind and cupid is drunk. His arrows know no such distinction. Where they fall is where love sow.

My dear brothers, do you really think that sitting around that table with your homies and bitching about Mizo girls who have a non-Mizo boyfriend is really going to change anything? Wake up and smell the coffee! I know more Mizo girls with non-Mizo boyfriends than those in a relationship with Mizo guys here in Bangalore. They keep it a secret from people mainly because of the way you tend to judge them and look down upon them as if they are an outcast.

These girls face an enormous amount of pressure from the community. I have met a couple of guys who have met their cousin/friend’s non-Mizo boyfriend/husband and believe me, they are impressed. Instead of talking trash about these people, why don’t we just look at this whole scenario and try to analyze why this is happening.

One of the first reasons is because of our tribe. We Mizos are in a Patriarchal society. Father is the head of the family. The man works and makes a living while the woman does not have any recognition in the society even if she has a more prestigious occupation. Laws are made by men. Executed by the same men. Judge, Jury and Executioner. If the father is not a Mizo, the progeny aren't, legally speaking.

Another reason is, I have noticed the way some of us treat women. Respect would be a word nearly void in our dictionary. We take pride in boasting about how many virgins we've slept with, and yet if a girl is in a lot of relationships, we brand her as a whore from Gomorrah. Most guys just assume that Mizo girls are theirs for keeps. Maybe during the days of Kroll the Cave man. Duh! Today’s Mizo woman is groomed with Cosmo and exposed to a world of glitterati. They are educated, strong and independent. They would occasionally like to be treated to a romantic candle-lit dinner or a walk together in the beach with the waves slowly hitting their feet under the bright moonlight. Times are a changing; either keep up with it or be left behind.

Most urbanized Mainland Indians residing in the Metros (and by this I mean “Vai changkang chin tawh” from an open and liberal family, and not your average roadside romeo or somebody from a conservative background) have been brought up with a sense of respect for women. Be it their mother or sister, they respect them like how the baker Enzo Robutti respects Don Vito Corleone. Whereas in our society, we sometimes make the mistake of taking girls for granted. Sure, it may work out for some women, but the vast majority wants something more than just a boyfriend who will bash up anybody they’re jealous of. They want someone who will genuinely listen to them when they want to talk or just hold them without crossing any boundaries. Someone who will be there for them when they need them the most, and not out drinking with his buddies. Of course I too used to be in the “Bros before Hos” bandwagon, where my loyalty was always with my group of guy friends rather than some girl I've just met at a party. But once you’re in a committed relationship, the better half deserves to get all the attention she can get. Your priorities must be reshuffled.

Yes after reading this far, some of you may rub me off as somebody completely frustrated with our Mizo culture, somebody who encourages inter-racial relationships. This is where you’re wrong. I love my culture and tribe, and I still advice all my friends to get into a relationship with a Mizo. Here is where racism takes a backseat. My advice has nothing to do with one’s race or colour or creed. We, as Indians, live in a society where everything is based on one’s background and caste. India is not the US of A, where multi-racial relationships co-exist harmoniously. No Sir. We still live in the Dark Ages. Wherever one goes, be it North India, South India or NE India, that person always carries his identity tag along with him. That is how things have always been for the past thousand years. No amount of social revolution will uproot the practice of identification and segregation from our system (maybe in the future, but not soon). Mind you, this has nothing to do with discrimination.

Hence when you are not married to your kind, you are cutting off a part of your culture and history. To some, it feels like your entire bloodline ends there abruptly, giving birth to a new line of genes. Maybe that new offspring is much better than the old one, as had been proven medically. Any matured Mizo girl/guy deeply in love with a non-Mizo is definitely well aware of these facts too. But woe is them, for what can they do? Are they willing to sacrifice their happiness just to continue their bloodline with somebody, a Mizo, whom they may not even love as much as their current girlfriend/boyfriend? Well, I've done it once, and believe me, it was not easy at all. I broke up with my Marwari girlfriend mainly because my family was not going to accept her and her family was not going to accept me either. But now, I've found somebody else again, and I've never been this happy in my entire life. Sometimes we think a torn heart will never heal. Believe me, it WILL heal.

And then of course there are the children. Most of these children are brought up in a confused atmosphere, not sure of what their exact identity is. Had it been in the US or Europe, they would easily fit in. But as I've said before, in India, we must all carry our own identity with us, and also whole-heartedly cherish family values. Family background plays a very important role in one’s status and welfare. One area where Mizos and mainland Indians have a lot in common is when it comes to joint families. Even though we as an entire family don’t usually live together like most Mainland Indians, we are extremely close to our relatives. People in the west are more independent, and there are also more cases of family feuds. With such close proximity among family members, children of mixed parents usually feel left out. They frequently become the butt of racial abuses, and what makes things worse is, they get abused from both sides! And all for no fault of theirs. They're usually either unpopular in school or popular for the wrong reasons. A fortune's fool.

And then there is the reservation factor. If one is a pure Mizo by birth-right, that person immediately gets various benefits like State quota where they can get an admission into the best Engineering and Medical colleges in India while a person of mixed birth (read, a half Mizo) will have a lower rank even if he/she scored much higher in the entrance examination. But then I don’t wanna dwell much into this topic as I've never been a strong proponent of reservation. Reservation only makes us weaker as we tend to take things for granted. But then, this is a completely different topic which I will not discuss here.

My last two cents on this whole issue is that, a majority of Mizos who have tied the knot with a non-Mizo reside outside Mizoram for various reasons. And most expatriates usually feel homesick later on in life. A deep inner longing to be back among one’s own people, one’s own brothers and sisters. Sure they are content and satisfied with their current life, but sometimes there is something deep within them that feels so hollow, something that they really miss. Maybe it’s the “bekang” or the “vawk lu bawl”, or the Christmas and New Year feasts, or the “tlawmngaihna”, or the way life seems so normal and simple, or the idyllic sunrise view, or the Church bells chiming across the silent valley on Sundays, or the hilarious Mizo jokes that are not funny when translated in English… There is usually a small speck of unhappiness in their life, though there are those who are content too.

The bottom line is, everybody’s free to do what they want and marry who they love. Love is blind, but unfortunately reality is not. It all depends on how the person decides to weigh the scale. How involved are you going to be with society, with your family, with your community. Yes there are times when such people spend restless nights thinking about the situation, debating about whether to commit further or not, maybe even thinking of an alternative. I for one am speaking from such an experience too. Trust me, it's not easy at all. Unless you have been in a relationship with a non-Mizo before, you won't understand.

And similarly, if somebody, a non Mizo, “stole” the princess of your dreams, don’t bitch about that person. Be fair. If you really want to win her back, go after her with all guns blazing. Don't whine about how she fell for him instead ONLY because he's not a Mizo. Maybe it has nothing to do with race. Maybe it's the way you treated her or the way you ignored her. Woo her like how Don Juan would. Respect her. Worship her. Listen to her. Put your Mizo male ego at the back seat. And believe me, you CAN win her back. As long as you are completely honest and truthful, nothing is difficult. Because deep inside, know that she would probably rather be with a Mizo than a non-Mizo because of all the complications I've stated above.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Ps. I know some of you may disagree with my opinion. Do feel free to contact me if you want to discuss about this. – Kima , phone no. 9845-5-KIMA-5 (that’s 9845-5-5462-5 if you don’t understand).

Disclaimer: My views and opinions are entirely my own and are not influenced by any external pressure, and my views does not necessarily reflect the views of the Editor of Chhinlung Magazine or anybody else related to this magazine.