Chp 78. Dowry or go the Mizo way

Almost everyday in India, there’s an incident of a woman committing suicide because of dowry pressures from her in laws (“official report: 16 deaths a day! ). Hail to those women brave enough to put their dowry demanding husbands in jail.

Dowry, which is a punishable offence under Act no.28, 1961 known as “The Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961” and considered a social evil by many progressive modernists and various Women’s Organizations, is still very much in practice today. History makes no mention of where and when exactly this system came into being. One school of thought believe it to have originated “from the Colonial British who forcibly introduced land ownerships and hence the people had to trade or gift lands to each other using marriage as an occasion, while another set of researchers said Dowry was introduced before the British Raj came to India as a measure to discourage the increasing number of Polygamy and Polyandry within the society.

Collins Cobuild English Dictionary define dowry as “A woman’s money and goods which, in some cultures, her family gives to the man that she marries”

Most people accept this as a normal practice because they believe that after all, the woman is going to live with the husband for the rest of her life and it kinda makes sense for the husband to have some sort of additional financial income to support an extra person in his family. But it doesn’t make sense at all when it comes to 21st century true love or gender equality. Getting married is not like booking a room in a Hotel and paying for that accommodation (That’s just the Honeymoon part). Call me a dreamer, but to me my idea of a perfect marriage has always been with somebody who truly loves me the way I love her, and that I will be the head of the family earning bread for the whole family while it’s up to my spouse to work or not. She doesn’t need to bring her fortune into my family… I mean ofcourse it might make our life easier but if she’s not able to contribute, it doesn’t really matter to me because what matters the most is that she is already bringing the most precious gem into my family, herself, the greatest dowry one can ask for. From then on, we can always work out things together.

While I was doing my engineering course back in Coimbatore, our English ma’am once asked the class how many of us were planning to do an MBA after our BE. A couple of hands went up and when she asked one student why, he replied “To get a larger dowry”. And the whole class erupted in laughter while I just sat there clueless not catching the humour. Even our English ma’am clearly did not find it funny and she changed the subject. Later after the class, when I asked my friend what was so damn funny, he explained the whole dowry concept to me. Damn! Right then I did feel a bit sick. All these time I thought people go for higher studies to get better paying jobs and hence have a more secure future; I just didn’t know getting a bundle of your wife’s cash and jewellery was a part of that security.

In our mizo culture, there is no such thing as a dowry. Ever since the earliest written record about the Zo Chieftain warlords who ruled their respective settlements/clans now collectively known as Mizoram was archived, there is no mention of any dowry settlement or the girl’s family paying the husband-to-be any amount of money.

Infact, according to our tradition, it is the complete opposite. The man’s side has to pay a certain amount of money to the girl’s family! How cool is that! The bride does not have to pay anything; it’s the groom who must come up with the moolah. I’m sure by now many of the ladies out there must have moved a bit closer to the monitor screen ok just kidding. But it’s true. According to our customary law, the husband has to pay the bride’s family some amount of cash or livestock if he wants to marry their daughter. No dowry from the woman’s part. Ps. Ladies, I’m single. *wink wink*

In our culture, when a male child is born, the elders (Upa) bless the son by saying “Mipa huaisen sai kap tur” meaning, a brave young man who will kill an elephant (those days, for a male member of a family, it was necessary to kill an elephant single-handedly if he wants to be accepted in the society as a man, until which he is considered just a boy. This probably explains why there are no more elephants to be found in and around Mizoram today!!!) And when a female child is born, the elders bless that baby girl with “Hmeichhe hmeltha se man tur” meaning, a pretty girl who would bring fortune to the family.

In a way, a girl child is considered to be more precious than the boy child. Female infanticide is one thing you’ll never find within our community. Ofcourse when you consider this situation literally, it actually means the girl is being sold. But it’s not as bad as it sounds, like the many gory news you read in the papers where some poverty ridden family sold their daughter off to a stranger because they need the money. No, it’s nothing like that. Mizo community has always been an open one, where guys were allowed to court the girls freely. And once they are in love and wants to get married, both sides of the family have to approve of their marriage and the girl’s family has every right to reject the guy’s side if they don’t find him worthy enough (maybe the elephant he killed was not big enough… )

The closest thing that comes to a dowry in our culture are the personal belongings of the bride that she brings along when she moves in with her husband, like her clothes, shoes, wardrobe, mattress etc. But all these, called “thuam”, belongs to the bride and the husband has no right to dispose any of it without her consent “except in times of famine”. These items play a significant role when it comes to a divorce. Divorces, like in many other societies, had been shunned upon in our society even those days. But when the Upa (elders) fail to make the bitter couple come to an understanding, then they do get a divorce (History and books I have read on early mizo divorces only mentioned about divorces due to adultery). If it was the husband who cheated on the wife, she was entitled to her belongings. But if it was the wife who cheated on the husband, she has to leave him and her belongings and go home. In such a case, the money paid to the bride’s family has to be returned too. Suppose the bridegroom passes away, then the bride has the full proprietor right to his home and belonging. And she’s free to marry again once the three months long mourning period, called “thlaichhiah”, is over. (Guys, beware of black widows! Hey what’s that white powdery substance floating in your tea? Lolx. )

Not surprising that Mrs N.Chatterji, in her book “Status of women in earlier Mizo Society”, has rightfully said “…the status of women in their society was in no way inferior to that of man and she suffered none of those derogatory and discriminatory treatments as may be found in some of the more advanced societies”.

So I guess that is how our culture differs from most of the other cultures in India when it comes to Marriage. As far as I know, the Khasi community of Meghalaya is the only other community in India whose early traditions and practices do not involve accepting a dowry from the bride during marriage. But I can be wrong too and would be grateful if anybody else can point out other such communities where dowry was non-existent during their days-gone-by times.

Thankyou, and say no to dowry. Kima.

Reference: “Essays on the history of the Mizos” by Pu Sangkima, loving father of Stephen (classmate and one of my closest friends in School).