[ Are Mizo women more anti-miscegenist than the men? Click here to skip this post and go directly to the bottom of the page to voice your opinion. Otherwise do spend a few minutes on this post and then participate. Thanx. ]
To all my Zo sisters. A serious Mizo-centric Post.
[Apology to my non-Mizo readers once again]
Before crossing a two-way street, we always look to the left and the right. But sometimes when vehicles travel in only one direction on that two-way street, we eventually end up looking only at that one direction whenever we cross that particular street.
And that’s exactly what interracial relationships are today. We have forgotten about the fact that cars can run from the other side too.
Mention “Interracial relationships” to any Mizo or at any Mizo community discussion forum, and the only thing most people will think of is a “Mizo girl + non-Mizo guy” relationship. After that, everybody jumps into a long never-ending discussion about hnam feeling, hnam pride, culture clash etc. Take a quick glance at some of those opinionated discussions, and all you’ll read is the same ’ol thing since the dawn of internet.
What most people never think or talk about though, is a “Mizo guy + non-Mizo girl” interracial relationship, because everybody, including women, are hung up on that “Mizo girl + non-Mizo guy” syndrome.
People don’t realize how much more difficult it is for a Mizo guy to get into an interracial relationship. Yet, many women just assume it is easier for us and continue to talk about their own difficulties and the problems they face from their community, and some even compare Mizo men to non-Mizos, and exclaim how non-Mizos are so much more mature and liberal in accepting such kinds of interracial relationships.
Ouch.
Ok, we shall discuss about the evils of comparing men based on our race or ethnicity at other posts, because some women treat us as if we are nothing but a piece of meat hanging in the dingy discount section of an underperforming supermarket surrounded by flies and germs, whose selection criteria by the consumer (women) is based solely on the meat’s age, breed, and the amount of fat present.
For now, let us leave this unhealthy practice of comparing men aside and take a look at the two-way street of interracial relationships.
I’ve gone out with quite a number of non-Mizo girls in the past. And most of my interracial relationships didn’t work out for more than a year because there was always a problem later in the end, either from the girl’s family or her community.
If you have a non-Mizo boyfriend or husband, sometimes people from our community may not treat you kindly because we are a highly insecure lot not even constituting 0.01 percent of the Indian population. I am not justifying such unfortunate activities with those sociological issues, but at least they don’t come to your house in the middle of the night armed with hockey sticks and chains just because you’re in an interracial relationship. That’s the kind of BS I had to put up with back in college in Tamilnadu, because the few North Indians studying in our college vehemently objected to the fact that my girlfriend was "one of theirs", a Marwari from Rajasthan.
On many occasions, they threatened to break my limbs if we didn’t end our relationship, straight out of a soapy B-Grade Hindi movie. Crazy? Nah, I had similar problems in Hyderabad with the local guys too over a local girl, and again in Bangalore. Same story everywhere.
Honestly, can you ever picture a group of Mizo guys thrashing a non-Mizo just because he married a Mizo girl? Sure some of them may bitch, but beating up the person just because of that is out of the question.
On the other hand, have you heard of honor-killings? Does the name Rizwanur Rahman ring any bell? Or other victims (men and women) like Du’a Khalil Aswad, Anooshe Sediq Ghulam, Tina Isa, Ghazala Khan, Samaira Nazir, Aqsa Parvez, Fadime Sahindal, Jaswinder Kaur Sidhu, Hatun Sürücü, Arash Ghorbani-Zarin [source: Honor Killings ] or if you want you can visit this website for more details: ICAHK [International Campaign Against Honor Killings].
You speak of mere alienation from some of the Mizos just because you are in an interracial relationship. Well, I can show you real scars all over my body as a result of the fights I had because of interracial relationships.
You end up hating the Mizo community just because of some of the treatment you get from some section of our society? Look at me: In spite of all the terrible experiences I went through, I have no grudge against the non-Mizo or Mizo community. Don’t let a few sore apples spoil your entire perception.
You speak of racism? I abhor racism of any kind, be it towards Mizos or non-Mizos, and I agree some guys talk rubbish about Mizo girls going around with non-Mizos. I don’t encourage that kind of talk. But again we are talking about the two way street here. Trust me, the amount of crap I used to get from Mizo girls just because I was going around with a non-Mizo was far far far worse than all the stuff Mizo guys talked about. The less said, the better.
And this is exactly the crux of the whole matter. Some people are so busy playing the role of the victim that they’ve unknowingly become the perpetrator. Instead of complaining about the resentment you face from Mizo men, take a moment off and imagine your brother marrying a non-Mizo, say a Tamilian. Does the picture that comes to your mind appeals to you? If not, then my dear, I believe you have absolutely no rights to complain about your issues. Remember, it is a two-way street.
A Mizo guy going around with a non-Mizo is definitely not smooth.
Do you think Pu Manzuala, the former Chief Secretary of Mizoram, had it easy? Believe me you do not want to hear all those horrible stuff the women of our locality used to say about him because he married a non-Mizo. None of the men ever used to say anything like that. I cried my heart out when Aunty Renu passed away, and till now I still remember all those wonderful picnics our two families used to go to, and those boiled-egg sandwiches she used to make especially for me. She even taught me how to swim on one of those picnics. She treated me like the son she never had, and I treated her daughters u-Joanna, u-Margu, Pari and Olivia as my own sisters. But after her sudden sad demise, we all simply drifted apart.
Damn, just writing about this particular part of the article brings back a lot of painful memories... I can give you so many other examples like that. Unpleasant ones. Stuff that will make you sick…
I’m sorry if you find this post a bit pugnacious, but I just can’t take it anymore when I see some of our women repeatedly complain about how unfair it is because "Mizo guys are xenophobic… Mizo guys are not open to interracial relationships… Mizo guys are this… Mizo guys are that… blah blah blah” as if the women are completely free of any blame!
I’ve heard many women speak out about how we guys can marry anyone we like whereas they face a lot of roadblocks and speed-breakers. That’s truly a gross misconception. Trust me, we guys have it much harder and worse; we just don’t kvetch about it.
A man is “supposed” to be the head of the family. And you know how most Indians regard us "chinkies" in the social strata – as untouchables or even lower. Imagine in a typical Indian household when such a person is the head of the family. Imagine how her parents, relatives, colleagues and friends would feel about that person. Believe me, you are most fortunate to be a woman. Especially a Mizo woman. No dowry issues, no caste issues, no gotra issues, and best of all, no need to run for your life if you marry somebody your parents objected to.
Hey. Interracial relationships are never easy in any close-knitted small society. That’s a world-wide sociological phenomenon. The smaller and fewer the members of that society are, the more they will resist to outsiders “diluting” their dwindling bloodlines. I am not saying it is good or bad. All I am humbly asking for, is to please stop mentioning that our Mizo society is unfair because of the partiality shown to guys when it comes to interracial relationships. Partiality, my ass. We guys are handed the worst crap.
Always remember that it is a two-way street.
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Author’s addendum:
Are Mizo women actually more anti-miscegenist than the men?
Please feel free to point out your answer on this. Any opinion is welcome. Comment is completely unmoderated and anonymous comment is activated.
My answer is yes. And my theory on the reason why Mizo women are like this is simply due to the “hunted becomes the hunter” psychological phenomenon.
In College, the guy who gets ragged the most in 1st year usually becomes the most vicious ragger in 2nd year. Likewise, a victim of racism usually becomes a racist eventually.
I have noticed many Mizo women at “phai” speak viciously against “vais”. They look upon other Mizos with “vai” partners in disgust. And ironically, such women have gone around with “vais” in the past! I believe that is where their anger is stemming from. They faced so many criticisms during their romantic years that they have now become worse than those who criticized them.
Seriously, it’s true. Take a look at the woman who speaks out the most about relationships with “vais, midums and saps”. The bitterness and anger in her tone is much more disgusting and harsh than any Mizo guy I’ve heard speaking about “hnam feeling”. And such women always had such a relationship in the past with the very people she speaks out against now.
Could this be the reason?
I’m not a psychologist nor have I done any research on this topic. These are just excerpts from my observations. Please feel free to disagree.
