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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Chp 194. Interracial relationship: A 2-way street

[ Are Mizo women more anti-miscegenist than the men? Click here to skip this post and go directly to the bottom of the page to voice your opinion. Otherwise do spend a few minutes on this post and then participate. Thanx. ]

To all my Zo sisters. A serious Mizo-centric Post.

[Apology to my non-Mizo readers once again]

Before crossing a two-way street, we always look to the left and the right. But sometimes when vehicles travel in only one direction on that two-way street, we eventually end up looking only at that one direction whenever we cross that particular street.

And that’s exactly what interracial relationships are today. We have forgotten about the fact that cars can run from the other side too.

Mention “Interracial relationships” to any Mizo or at any Mizo community discussion forum, and the only thing most people will think of is a “Mizo girl + non-Mizo guy” relationship. After that, everybody jumps into a long never-ending discussion about hnam feeling, hnam pride, culture clash etc. Take a quick glance at some of those opinionated discussions, and all you’ll read is the same ’ol thing since the dawn of internet.

What most people never think or talk about though, is a “Mizo guy + non-Mizo girl” interracial relationship, because everybody, including women, are hung up on that “Mizo girl + non-Mizo guy” syndrome.

People don’t realize how much more difficult it is for a Mizo guy to get into an interracial relationship. Yet, many women just assume it is easier for us and continue to talk about their own difficulties and the problems they face from their community, and some even compare Mizo men to non-Mizos, and exclaim how non-Mizos are so much more mature and liberal in accepting such kinds of interracial relationships.


Ok, we shall discuss about the evils of comparing men based on our race or ethnicity at other posts, because some women treat us as if we are nothing but a piece of meat hanging in the dingy discount section of an underperforming supermarket surrounded by flies and germs, whose selection criteria by the consumer (women) is based solely on the meat’s age, breed, and the amount of fat present.

For now, let us leave this unhealthy practice of comparing men aside and take a look at the two-way street of interracial relationships.

I’ve gone out with quite a number of non-Mizo girls in the past. And most of my interracial relationships didn’t work out for more than a year because there was always a problem later in the end, either from the girl’s family or her community.

If you have a non-Mizo boyfriend or husband, sometimes people from our community may not treat you kindly because we are a highly insecure lot not even constituting 0.01 percent of the Indian population. I am not justifying such unfortunate activities with those sociological issues, but at least they don’t come to your house in the middle of the night armed with hockey sticks and chains just because you’re in an interracial relationship. That’s the kind of BS I had to put up with back in college in Tamilnadu, because the few North Indians studying in our college vehemently objected to the fact that my girlfriend was "one of theirs", a Marwari from Rajasthan.

On many occasions, they threatened to break my limbs if we didn’t end our relationship, straight out of a soapy B-Grade Hindi movie. Crazy? Nah, I had similar problems in Hyderabad with the local guys too over a local girl, and again in Bangalore. Same story everywhere.

Honestly, can you ever picture a group of Mizo guys thrashing a non-Mizo just because he married a Mizo girl? Sure some of them may bitch, but beating up the person just because of that is out of the question.

On the other hand, have you heard of honor-killings? Does the name Rizwanur Rahman ring any bell? Or other victims (men and women) like Du’a Khalil Aswad, Anooshe Sediq Ghulam, Tina Isa, Ghazala Khan, Samaira Nazir, Aqsa Parvez, Fadime Sahindal, Jaswinder Kaur Sidhu, Hatun Sürücü, Arash Ghorbani-Zarin [source: Honor Killings ] or if you want you can visit this website for more details: ICAHK [International Campaign Against Honor Killings].

You speak of mere alienation from some of the Mizos just because you are in an interracial relationship. Well, I can show you real scars all over my body as a result of the fights I had because of interracial relationships.

You end up hating the Mizo community just because of some of the treatment you get from some section of our society? Look at me: In spite of all the terrible experiences I went through, I have no grudge against the non-Mizo or Mizo community. Don’t let a few sore apples spoil your entire perception.

You speak of racism? I abhor racism of any kind, be it towards Mizos or non-Mizos, and I agree some guys talk rubbish about Mizo girls going around with non-Mizos. I don’t encourage that kind of talk. But again we are talking about the two way street here. Trust me, the amount of crap I used to get from Mizo girls just because I was going around with a non-Mizo was far far far worse than all the stuff Mizo guys talked about. The less said, the better.

And this is exactly the crux of the whole matter. Some people are so busy playing the role of the victim that they’ve unknowingly become the perpetrator. Instead of complaining about the resentment you face from Mizo men, take a moment off and imagine your brother marrying a non-Mizo, say a Tamilian. Does the picture that comes to your mind appeals to you? If not, then my dear, I believe you have absolutely no rights to complain about your issues. Remember, it is a two-way street.

A Mizo guy going around with a non-Mizo is definitely not smooth.

Do you think Pu Manzuala, the former Chief Secretary of Mizoram, had it easy? Believe me you do not want to hear all those horrible stuff the women of our locality used to say about him because he married a non-Mizo. None of the men ever used to say anything like that. I cried my heart out when Aunty Renu passed away, and till now I still remember all those wonderful picnics our two families used to go to, and those boiled-egg sandwiches she used to make especially for me. She even taught me how to swim on one of those picnics. She treated me like the son she never had, and I treated her daughters u-Joanna, u-Margu, Pari and Olivia as my own sisters. But after her sudden sad demise, we all simply drifted apart.

Damn, just writing about this particular part of the article brings back a lot of painful memories... I can give you so many other examples like that. Unpleasant ones. Stuff that will make you sick…

I’m sorry if you find this post a bit pugnacious, but I just can’t take it anymore when I see some of our women repeatedly complain about how unfair it is because "Mizo guys are xenophobic… Mizo guys are not open to interracial relationships… Mizo guys are this… Mizo guys are that… blah blah blah” as if the women are completely free of any blame!

I’ve heard many women speak out about how we guys can marry anyone we like whereas they face a lot of roadblocks and speed-breakers. That’s truly a gross misconception. Trust me, we guys have it much harder and worse; we just don’t kvetch about it.

A man is “supposed” to be the head of the family. And you know how most Indians regard us "chinkies" in the social strata – as untouchables or even lower. Imagine in a typical Indian household when such a person is the head of the family. Imagine how her parents, relatives, colleagues and friends would feel about that person. Believe me, you are most fortunate to be a woman. Especially a Mizo woman. No dowry issues, no caste issues, no gotra issues, and best of all, no need to run for your life if you marry somebody your parents objected to.

Hey. Interracial relationships are never easy in any close-knitted small society. That’s a world-wide sociological phenomenon. The smaller and fewer the members of that society are, the more they will resist to outsiders “diluting” their dwindling bloodlines. I am not saying it is good or bad. All I am humbly asking for, is to please stop mentioning that our Mizo society is unfair because of the partiality shown to guys when it comes to interracial relationships. Partiality, my ass. We guys are handed the worst crap.

Always remember that it is a two-way street.


Author’s addendum:

Are Mizo women actually more anti-miscegenist than the men?

Please feel free to point out your answer on this. Any opinion is welcome. Comment is completely unmoderated and anonymous comment is activated.

My answer is yes. And my theory on the reason why Mizo women are like this is simply due to the “hunted becomes the hunter” psychological phenomenon.

In College, the guy who gets ragged the most in 1st year usually becomes the most vicious ragger in 2nd year. Likewise, a victim of racism usually becomes a racist eventually.

I have noticed many Mizo women at “phai” speak viciously against “vais”. They look upon other Mizos with “vai” partners in disgust. And ironically, such women have gone around with “vais” in the past! I believe that is where their anger is stemming from. They faced so many criticisms during their romantic years that they have now become worse than those who criticized them.

Seriously, it’s true. Take a look at the woman who speaks out the most about relationships with “vais, midums and saps”. The bitterness and anger in her tone is much more disgusting and harsh than any Mizo guy I’ve heard speaking about “hnam feeling”. And such women always had such a relationship in the past with the very people she speaks out against now.

Could this be the reason?

I’m not a psychologist nor have I done any research on this topic. These are just excerpts from my observations. Please feel free to disagree.


Sekibuhchhuak said...

Sorry hotupa, atlangpui chiah ka chhiar na chu tlem kan saiw ve lawk.

Ni e i sawi ang hian he topic hi rilru zau tak pu chunga kan thlir athat ka ring. Ka hriat ve chinah chuan Mizo mipa hnamdang nei aiin Mizo hmeichhia hnamdang nei an tam zawk a. Heng ka hriatve te hi chu rawngbawlna lam huanga mite deuh vek anni.

Heng hnamdangte hi,Mipa/hmeichhia pawhnise, engvanga hnamdang nei ta mai nge tih hi zawhna pawimawh tak niin ka hria.

Zepnak emaw, Vai nei ho hi chu kan en hniam deuhin kan hmusit deuhva, sap nei hi chu chuti teh chiam in kan sawichhe ngam lo.Sap kan ngaihsan vang te pawh aniang. Vai nei hnam phatsan ang hiala kan sawi hnawmhne lai hian, sap nei erawh chu kan ngaisang zawk emaw tih mai tur ani.

ni e miin aduh phawt chuan eng hnam pawh a nei thiang teh meuh mai.Nimahsela, Hnamdang neih, abikin sap neih te hi kan promote zawk leh kan ngaisang zawk a, tunlaina ah kan ngai tan anih chuan kan in enlet chu a ngai viau ang.

Tin, Mizo hmeichhia sap nei ka hriat ve tam zawkte hi chu an awmna ramah Mizo mipa awm silo, or mizomipa ten an duh chiah bawk silo,chutih laiin hnamdang tlangval heltu lo nei ve bawk si te an ni.Tin, Mizoramahte han hawngin ngaihzawng,pasal turte han zanwg ringawt dawn se a buaithlakna chen hi atam tawh mai.

Abikin rawngbawltu tan phei chuan, an rawngbawlna lamah an tuipui mi an hmuh loh phei chuan, hriatthiam awm ve tak an ni.Kan culture ah Mipa zawk in hmeichhia an zui lo deuh tlangpui bawk si. Kan hmeichhia te hi hriatthiam awm deuh an ni.Ka hriatve chinah.

Mizo mipa tan chuan tlemin choice ala amw deuh. Ram pawnah rei tak awmboin, Mizo hmeichhia kanawmna ramah kan duh zawng hmu lo ta pawh niila, kan rama kan ahwnin nupui zawn chu thil awlsam zawk ala ni deuh zawk.

Thui ta hle mai! tawk phawt teh se ;-)

illusionaire said...

haha Pu Seki, comment sei deuh i rawn ziah avangin lawmthu ka sawi nghal e. Rawn thawh pawh i rawn thaw tha fu. Mahse tiang anga sei i ziah dawn law law chuan ka blog sei deuh chu han chhiar zo ve hram la aw... lolz. just kidding.

Nia, hnamdang neih chungchang hi chu topic kan tui na ber a nia, article tam tak te pawh a awm tawh a ni. Pathian rawngbawlna a an tawng te pawh an lo nei mai ta a, tiang te pawh hi a awm hnem viau. Keipawn Interracial relationship tih lam article hi chu ka ziak fo tawh a, vawilehkhata han sawi zawh vek theih topic hi chu a nilo ve chiang khawp mai.

Keipawh Mizo hmeichhia chu nupuiah neih chu ka tum ve tho a, mahse Pathianin midang min kawh hmuh tlat chuan hnial thei hi ka nilo.

Tunlai hnamdang nei topic a mi sawi hnem ber hi chu, hnamdang nei te hi Mizo nula awmkhawlo tur ang hian an ngai vek a, heihi chu a dik ber a ni love. Tiang ang awm khawlo ho chu an awm renga, mahse hnamdang nei dangte generalize vek thei hi kan nilo.

Tuna ka ziah MAIN POINT hi chu, mi ho hian hnamdang nei kan sawi a piang hian, Mizo nula leh hnamdang mipa tur ang hian an ngai nghal vek a, Mizo mipa leh hnamdang nula chanchin hi sawi tur a awmlo reng reng a ni. He article a rawn sawi ka tum ber te chu:

1. Mipa hi kan "luck" bik an ti fo a, mahse a dik tak chuan kan "luck" lo zawk e. Hnamdang neih hi kan tan a harsa zual leh bik hmeichhe ho hnamdang nei ai hian. Heng harsatna te hi ka rawn sawi chhuak a ni.

2. Hmeichhe tam tak hian "Mizo mipa ho hi hnamdang in hua, hnamdang kan neih hi in ti theilo" etc etc an tih fo hi thil dik a ni lo bawk. Ka experience atang chuan hmeichhe ho hi, mipa ai chuan an bawn zawk tlats tiang lamah hi chuan. Hnamdang nei mipa te hi an sawichhiat dan te pawh a tenawm fe zawk. Heihi kan Mizo hmeichhia te hian an hrelo nge, engatanmah an ngailo tih hi chu ka hrelo thung.

3. Thil pakhat ka observe leh bawk chu, phai ah, Mizo hmeichhia an lo awm ta ni. Chung te zinga vai sawichhe nasa ber te chu vai ngaizawng tawh hi an ni deuh tlangpui. Vai bialpa la neilo chuan engmah a sawi lo anga, vai ngaihzawng pawh a tum bawk lovang. Thil han sawi ve hi a nei vak lovang, a sawi pawn, vai chu ka duhlo a ti tawp ang. Mahse uar deuhva vai ngaihzawn tenawm zia sawi nasa ber ho hmeichhiate hi chu vai lo ngaizawng thin emaw vai star ru mek hi an ni tlangpui. Reverse psychology kan ti dawn nge, ka sawi thiam chiah lo helai hi. Mahse thil interesting tak a ni tiang observation hi :-)

Vai hi ka thiante an nia, ka Mizo thiante ka kawm ngaih ang bawk hian ka vai thiante pawh ka kawm ngaih. Nupui ah Mizo neih ka tum nachhan hi chu ka Mizo heritage ka preserve duh vang a nia, heihi vai ka huat vang a nilo. Mizo ho chu a theih phawt chuan mahni hnampui ngei neih hi a tha in ka hria a, nakinah te pawh fate tan harsatna a tlem bik. Mahse Mizo thenkhatten Vai nei an huat nachhan chu vai an ngei vang hrim hrim hi a nia, hei chu a diklo khawp mai. Mahni hnam feeling hi chu neih vek tur a nia, heihi hnamdangte hmusit lo hian a ti theih lutuk.

eeee! Keipawh rinaiin ka comment sei. lolzzz.

3d said...

Kan hmeichhia te hian hnam dang chu duh duh lo nei ta mai mai se, keini pawn hnam dang hmeichhia duh duh chu nei ila, nakin lawk ah chuan mizo dik tak kan tlem tial tial anga, HNAM BO kan lo ni mai dawn lawm, tuman pawi kan tih hmel si loh a..

Almost Unreal said...

interesting. I do not against ppl havng relationship with anyone, any culture let it be vais, black, white, red, yellow..male or female. I would say our opinion on who are having such relationship is wrong or shall I say we are having a bad/dirty mind on them.

Someone will marry for money, love, looks, family but who are we to comment on their relationship? am I so perfect to make such comment?

mnowluck said...

I salute you KIMA for the great post, and every word and even the fullstop speaks out the right word. Dik lutuk tawp!!!!

Sam said...

When someone writes such topic with an experience it is definitely worth reading, I read it all. A very good post. I will comment on this later. You may want to correct the miscegenist to misogynist. (Last sentence hi i lo delete mai dawn a ni a adik chuan)..

Vikram said...

I did not like you comparing yourself to the untouchables. I am not saying that (most) Indians are not racist. Do you know a anything about what has been (and is being) done to the untouchables ?

They are killed for daring to own land, upper caste ppl look away when they talk to them, children not allowed to go to school, women raped as punishment for 'crimes', men burnt alive for daring to enter temples, will be rather seen dying of thirst than draw water from a well .....

Again, in no way did I mean to imply that NE's dont face racism.

Calliopia said...

I seriously don't think for even a minute that Mizo women are as hung-up on the Mizo boy, non-Mizo girl issue as you claim. For every ONE woman who speaks negatively on it, you can bet your ass there are FIFTY Mizo men who speak negatively on the Mizo girl, non-Mizo boy issue. Case in point, the dozens of posts over the years on Mizo internet forums on interracial relationships where Mizo men have made their stands pretty clear. So definitely no, Mizo women are not as HUGELY against miscegenation as their male counterparts.

P.S. I think this is a non-issue.

aduhi said...

Heavy! Let me take a few minutes to think before I proceed.

Personally, I don't mind if Mizo guys marry or have relationships with non-Mizo girls. But I think we are not as bad as you point out. Sure, we bitch, we gossip, we express our disgust at such interracial relationships, as rare as they are. You might have had a whole assembly line of non-Mizo girlfriends, but there are not many of you. Look at your Mizo buddies, how many of them ever had gone out or get seriously involved with a non-Mizo girl? I think you can count them with the fingers of your right hand. The closest they'd come would be with a half-Mizo, half-vai or half-sap. And as protective as you Mizo guys are of us Mizo girls (thanks a bunch), the feeling is, surprise! mutual. The green-eyed monster immediately makes its presence felt the moment we catch sight of you guys hobnobbing with females not of our racial stock. But don't you think you are a bit over the top there, saying we are far far far worse? I'd like to say both the sexes are equally bad.

Something about the two-way street: My sister-in-law is half-vai, and I have heard girls saying behind my brother's back "How can he marry a vai?" It hurts, I know. People are defined by what they are on the inside, not who their parents were.

VaiVa said...

Kei chuan Mizo mipa hnam dang lenpui leh nupui a neita hi ral hriat chauh ka la nei a. Mizo hmeichhia erawh hmuh leh hriatchian thawkhat ka nei ve nual ta a. 2-way roads theory khi ka chai pha chiah lo niin ka hria a. Mah se i topic phena ka ngaihdan ka rawn pho lang ve mai mai ange.

Mizo mipa hnamdang nei chuan sawi an hlawh ngei ang. Mahse Mizo hmeichhia hnam dang pasal nei te pawh hian chu anchhia chu an pehhel bik lo.

Mizo te hi hnam zaidam tak Pathian hminga ngaidam(?) thei zel kan ni a. Kan rilrem loh zawng tak pawh hi pawmzam thei zel kan ni a. Chutih rualin, kan paidai thei chuang miah lo thung a.

Mizo mipa te hian hnamdang hi kan pumpelh chawk a. Amaherawhchu, Aiswariya Rai tluk zet a tha te hi chuan min ngaizawng ve se kei chu ka tlanchhe thui bik lo mai thei. Hei hi mi tam tak ngaihdan ve bawk a ni.

Kan Mizo hmeichhia te erawh vah huai an lo tam takah chuan an tawng ang nawlh nawlh a. Mahse inchhhir ru an ni duh fu. A chhan chu maw, Mizo mipa te chauh lo pawh Mizo hrim hrim hian kan hmu dik chiah lo. Mipa te chu kan lo tawng tlem a niang, mah se kan chetzia ah hian kan pawm lo tih kan ti lang fo thin.

Hmeichhia hnamdang nei sawi sep sep chu hmeichhia tho an nia. A chhan chu sawisep sep kha an hna a nia. Mipa te hian kan sawi tlem vangin kan pawmzam emaw kan zaidam emaw tihna lam a kawk lo.

Chuvangin inpuhmawh tur kan awm lo niin ka ngai a. A pawimawh ber zawk erawh chu, engvanga hnamdang neih duh hial khawpna rilru kan lo put tak mai? tih kha niin ka hria. Rizai hnuai a bekang um dan kan inzirtir theih loh chuan kan inneihna kha hmangaihna kumtluang daih tir a har thin.

Tih dan leh ngaihtuah dan a inan loh na na na chuan eng ang pawhin inhmangaih se a daih rei lo ang. Amaherawhchu tunlaiah kan changkang tawh a, saptawng leh vaitawng te hial a mumang kan nei thei tawh te a nih chuan a theih loh chu a ni miah lo a.

Mizo chhungkua Mizo tawnga tawng thei lo kan tam tawh a, chutih laiin kan hmeichhia Sap leh Vai kan tih te pasala nei ta an faten a Mizotawng kan tih ang hi fiah tak mai a an han lam kalh kalh mai hi chuan tu zawk hi nge Mizo dik ni ta ang? tih mai a awl duh khawp nia!

Duh aiin a thui ta, Racism tih hi ka huat em avangin ka sawi lo mai ang. A topic ah hian Mizo centric a ni bawk a, Mizo hnam culture and tradition an ti em ni saptawngin, te hi kan theihnghilh chuan Mizo hlir pawh innei mah ila hnam bo an tih ang hi kan ni mai ang tih ka hlau ve deuh!

toy soldier said...

Dont have much to comment on antimiscegenation with women

But few thoughts of mine...
If they are in LOVE,what right let us critisizing over their relationship..
But if they went after money,car or whatever..I know it wont be easy for a mizo guy to see them using each other..
But still,who are we to judge??
I personnally dont believe in going out with non-mizos(god knows what the future has in store)
But I do know that many Vais(both guys $ girls) are hell cuter than
Sawi2 hian awmzia om teh vak ka ring lou..engkim thran kin tawh,mahni inchawm thei chin hi chu in hrilh hriat a har ang reng,ang ka ring

mesjay said...

Mizo mipa hnam dang nei ka hre meuh lova. Mahse Sandman sawi ang hian hmeichhia te hian mi sawisel kan hrat mah mah duh viau. Hnam dang neih vanga Mizo hek tih chungchangah chuan, an nu emaw, pa emaw Mizo ni chu Mizoah chhiar zel ila (anmahni'n Mizo nih an duh chuan) kan pung chak ve deuh ang chu. Hnam dang neih chungchanga hriat duh nei chuan min han rawn ta che u! LOL.

Anonymous said...

Marwari in ngaizong tei hrim2 kha engemozong tak cuan mizo mipa nolpui zinga mi mai cu i nih lo hmela,tu ne i nih phei cu k seloa, mahse tih zomzel atan cuan k suggest lo ce, mizo nula ngei i nei dn nia, keini nula ho pn mizo ngat lo cu kn t toh nia....

Jimmy said...

Step 1 : Post interracial marriage stories on our blog.
Step 2: get traffic
Step 3: profit $$$??

Tluanga said...

Mizo mipa in hnam dang an neih chuan, an nupui te chu Mizo an ni mai lawm mi, mizo population te a la tlem bawk si, ram zauh na ah ngai ta i la :-) lolz.

Mahse a tlangpui in, Mizo nula hmeltha deuh a nih chuan, Mizo mipa in an oppose leh zual, proportional tak in :-)

Jokes apart, mipa leh hmeichhia in hmangaih chuan innei se, in ngaizawng se mahse hur lutuk leh lerh lutuk lo se a tha ber in ka hria.

illusionaire said...

@ Jimmy: lolz!!!

But then again… sheesh, shame on you. Is that all you ever think about? Adsense revenue, adsense revenue, adsense revenue? There’s more to life than just money, bro :-P

@ Vikram:

Thank you for your visit and comment. I know you might have considered my statement to be a bit hard to digest, but what I write on my blog are stuff that I have personally gone through or what I have seen my close friends face from the general public.

Sure, all of us are a little bit racist, even though we try not to show it. It’s a normal human behavior. And then some of us go an extra mile to say those abuses out loud. People from the NE have always faced the brunt of such abuses, but there are also some incidence which goes way past the “normal racial abuses” (if there is indeed such a thing as normal).

I have been in situations where I am sitting in a restaurant and bunch of people walk in, saw us and exclaim, “chhiii, there are watchmen in here. Lets get out.” And then they laugh and leave. I know many guys who had beer bottles etc thrown at them from a moving car with the guys shouting “chinkyyy chhii chhiii… go back to China.” I know people who were shoved out from the queues they were standing in by certain miscreants and not a single person coming to their support. When those two Naga girls were stabbed at Gateway of India, Mumbai, not a single person came to help them. They just stared at the girls and watched them bleed to death. I can go on and on. I am totally against the treatment Dalits face, but tell me frankly, how different are those treatments and the treatment faced by people from the NE? Maybe the word “untouchable” is too extreme, but I was just trying to point out the similarity to certain extent. And yes, I know about such atrocities committed to dalits. Back in Coimbatore, I made a huge ruckus at a “tea stall” when I witnessed the infamous “two tumbler system” with my own eyes. It’s disgusting how people can treat the same human being with such difference!

Love your blog, especially the reservation post!

illusionaire said...

At J and Aduhi:

I do believe this is definitely an issue, because here at phai, I have heard more than enough about our Mizo women complain about the men over and over again, painting the entire Mizo men community as a bunch of xenophobic, narrow minded, alcoholic, useless bunch of people who are overly possessive of our women.

The main theme of this post is NOT a debate about whether interracial relationship should be accepted or not. It is about the sexual segregation. Why do women label us men as if we are the bad guys here? The point I am trying to make here is that women are also equally anti-miscengenist as men, if not more. The only reason we never hear women speak out much about this is that not many Mizo men are in an interracial relationship. But that doesn’t mean women are free of any blame.

If we are going to have an interracial relationship debate, then let’s have it between those who support it and those who don’t. Let’s not make this a case of Men versus Women, because believe me, it definitely is not!

And J, I don’t believe that just because many men post stuff about this issue at various internet forum, means women are less hung-up on this issue. Let’s talk about ratio here. For every girl in an interracial relationship, let us assume 10 guys voice their protest. Now compare with the guys who are in an interracial relationship and the women criticizing them for that. The end result would more or less be the same.

Just imagine, the same number of Mizo guys start marrying non-Mizos. Do you honestly still believe Mizo women even then would not be hung-up on this issue?

I once read about the “Marriage Squeeze”. It is an interesting sociological phenomenon, where African American women feel that all the best African American men are marrying the whites, hence giving them lesser option for selecting a good mate among their own community. Try comparing this with the current situation in Mizoram and you will see a lot of similarity. This once again proves that gender has got nothing to do with who is anti-miscengenist or not.

I am just trying to show the other side of an interracial relationship here, based on my many observations all over India.

illusionaire said...

@ Vaiva: Va rawn sawi tha ve aw boss. Nia, ka sawi tum ber chu hmeichhia te pawh hian hnamdang pasal/nupui neih hi rel an hrat em em a, mahse internet a tiang lam article support na a an rawn ziah apiang hi chuan MIPA vek hi min puh tlangpui a, hei hi chu a dik berin ka hre lo. Hmeichhia te hi an in enchiang fe a ngai. An thinrimna zawng zawng hi mipa chunga an tlaktir thin vek mai hi chu a hawi zauloh thlak ang reng deuh ka ti.

A tawpah chuan mahni hnampui ngei neih hi chu a tha, mahse tiang ang debate/discussion kan nei dawn a nih chuan, mipa ho chauh hi i puh lovang u. Chu chauh chu a ni mai ka ngenna chu, kan Mizo hmeichhiate atangin.

@ 3d, Sam, Mnowluck, Almost unreal, toy soldier, tluanga:

Yes, thank you guys for your comments. Any way, just to put it short, this post is not about pro-interracial relationship or anti-interracial relationship. It is just a simple post to highlight about the fact that women too are anti-miscegenist and not just the guys alone, contrary to popular belief. I urge every woman to look deep within themselves and also at how other women react to such situations, before pointing the finger at us guys.

Ps. Sam, yes the word miscegenist is correct and I did not get it confused with misogynist :-) It is not an official dictionary word and is derived from “miscegenation”, hence I can see the reason why you think I’ve used a wrong word. The term "anti-miscegenist" is taken from the book "Racially Mixed People in America" [ source: Left-Wing Anti-Miscegenism ] Looking forward to your comment.

@ Mesjay: lolz. Pi Mesjay. Nia, i rawn sawi pawh hian ngaihtuahna a ti kal thui hle. Mizo diktak hi enge han tih dawn hian direct answer tawp hi chu a van gang reng a sin… A pawimawh ber chu mahni nihna a chiang hi a ni in ka hria. Chumi zawh mahni nihna leh hnam zahpui loh hi. Chuan Mizo kan nihna hi vai ho zingah hian chhuang em em i la, Mizo diktak hi kan ni mai :-)

@ Anonymous: :-) Sawi dik tho mai a, mahse Mizo hmeichhia min han duh ve tur hi an awm bawk silova, engtin nge kan tih tak ang? Mizo hmeichhia nupui ah neih chu ka tum bawnra a, mahse ka hmu zo silova, a buaithlak khawp mai. Ka bem ho hian min duh si lova, saas ka neih ve ten min ban zel bawk sia, chatuan lunglen khua ah ka tang a nih ringawt mai hi… hairehaiiii… :-(

Dee Dee said...

Though I usually refrain from commenting on your 'serious' posts, I just had to step in this time. To be honest I think your topic is a non-issue for me hence not commenting on that. In your response to Vikram's comment you cited the incident where 2 Naga girls were attacked at Gate way of India. Just to correct you, there was a young man- a 'vai'if one MUST put a lable to his 'ethnicity'. His photograph was splashed all over the news papers. Guess what he was doing? Trying to help those unfortunate girls and pleading with other by-standers to help at the same time. Granted that no one else stepped up but you could have also put it down to sheer horror/terror since one of the girls whose throat was slit bled so profusely that she passed away almost immediately. But the point is, 'he' stepped up. Also, when I met with the accident on JVLR a few months ago, everyone from the bus passengers and driver to the guy selling juice on the roadside came to my assistance almost immediately. The juice vendor provided ice, some one else a hanky to wipe the blood away and two young girls who I'm sure were already running late for office rushed me to the hospital. No one stopped to think "hey! she's chinky/nepali/foreigner. Should I help her or just watch".
Since I was attended to immediately at the hospital, I did not have a chance to thank those two girls or take down their contact details. The reason I'm narrating this is peolple like the young man who tried his best to help the two Naga girls as well as those who came forward without hesitation to assist me are truly unsung heroes. Let us not dismiss that reality. Hence just wanted to correct u when u said 'When those two Naga girls were stabbed at Gateway of India, Mumbai, not a single person came to help them.'

illusionaire said...

@ Deedee: Sure there has been many incidents when people step up. Similarly, during a national catastrophe like floods or earthquakes, we see sworn enemies work together to help each other. At such times, people forget about their indifferences... I never said people never step up. All I am saying is that there are times when people don't, and this reflects harder on the minority community because of the abuses he/she is already facing.

Remember that night at the Pub when we were abused as "Why are these Nepalis here? They will demand a separate Gorkhaland here too" and then JV stood up immediately and we all know what happened after that. Even the waiters and managers came to our support. That was amazing and it felt great, but imagine there was a different set of people from the NE there that night and they just let things go by... wouldn't they be bitter? I have made many posts in Mizo sites informing about the attempt people from the other side are taking to bridge the gap. But at the same time, I am a realist and I cannot ignore the ones that leave a black mark too. Incidents like this one leaves one with a bitter taste.

life10 said...

kima..i often wondered why u faced so many incidents regarding this "chinky " issue....cuz i`ve lived 80% of my life outside mizoram and not once have i ever heard or felt anyone treat me bad cuz i was a "chinky" so at times i wonder if its just you are more touchy to the issue??? or is it just your face?? hahahha just kiddin :))
but i enjoy company of couples of interracial relationship and marriages,whether its the guy who is mizo or the girl.I think everyone should just live and let live...cuz when we get to know people individually its a different story altogether...though often its easier to condemn when we picture it from a distance as a "hnam issue" personally its a non issue for me.guy or girl..its their life..period.

life10 said...

and as to the hardships faced ..i doubt guys face more than sure its equally bad or good...hey for that matter even if you marry someone from your own may not have caste, dowry issues to face...but there are equally tough problems to bottom line..its all the same..but yes honour killing is something we`d have to face if we married a vai hindu or mulim..but that too if they are hardcore fundamentalists again depends on individuals...

illusionaire said...

ok I think we are all slowly diverting from the topic :-)

The point I'm trying to make here is not about whether interracial marriages are good or bad, or about racism or victimization.

The whole note of this post is on why women keep blaming us men for the problems they face, when we men too go through the same ordeal if we are in their position. Women too can be viciously anti-miscegenist, but many of them deny this, which I think is not the correct way of perceiving this issue.

Calliopia said...

My dear Kim, when will you ever grow up and realise this basic truth of life - women blame men for everything. Yes sir, we do. But then we also love you men more than anything else on God's green earth :D

PS Btw I always thought the two girls killed at the Gateway of India were not Naga but Manipuri?

Lucy said...

Iau..comment chu a sei thra hlawm hle mai.. :)

Sawi ve lo mai ang...

mccloud said...

Kiiimmaa Kiiimmmaa... a va sei ve :)

Jerusha said...

Scars on your body?? really, to second life10's comment above, what do you do to face so many chinky-related issues? I've known so many 'chinky' guys dating vai-nulas, but I've never heard of one being beaten up by her community men. Thik tur deuhin I awm thiam aniang a? hehe

On a more serious note, this topic has been discussed upside down-inside out-below-above-sideways and beyond. I agree with J 100%, and I also believe that the only good thing discussing it any further online now brings is traffic! :)

DayDreamBeliever said...

Well, just wanted to let you know I dropped by. Too many wise words have been posted here, os let me not clog the page up further. For what it's worth, I am absolutely nuts about some of my non-Mizo cousins-in-law, and a friend/ colleague of mine has a naga wife... I've never felt that she was that different in any way. Good post though, gave me a lot of food for thought.

Anonymous said...

Kei cu jerusha, callopa, life tih ho soi khi a ka tan tops. Sandmand, hmeichhia hi ni ve chiahla i sethiam ve mai angs. Mi kan hmangaih phot cuan duh2 kan nei ang cu, inlo soi ve theih a omlo re2. Mahse kan unaupaten vai an ngaihzong cu kan phal naaang, mipa an nih avangin. vai hmeichhia te cu an thring uih bonra tops a, mahse vai mipa te cu changkang tak2 kan Mizo mipa ho tluk phakloh an taaaam a lom. uiiii vai hmeichhia i ngaizong thin sim2 te cu ka zahpui tops ce. Sim vats roh!

Pixie said...

Oh Wow!!
That was pretty strong... and yea - u guys do have it tougher... and u do need to face quite a lot more...

But, very well written as usual... :-)

Dee Dee said...

My point lil bro was- always state correct facts at least to the extent possible. Case in point- 'Remember that night at the Pub when we were abused as "Why are these Nepalis here? They will demand a separate Gorkhaland here too".' What the pissed-drunk guy actually said in hindi was "So many Nepalis everywhere these days!" Thats it.

illusionaire said...

@ anonymous:

LOLz! Talk about feminism, this is the heights of it. i sawi hian logic a neilo!

Kindly do explain “vai hmeichhia te cu an thring uih bonra tops a, mahse vai mipa te cu changkang tak2 kan Mizo mipa ho tluk phakloh an taaaam a lom”?

This is exactly the kind of double standard I am talking about. I have heard many other women say this too. Hey, you like vais or not, that is none of my business. But don’t talk about the women like that if you have a fetish about the men. Period.

Kan hnam i chhuang em em chuan i hming leh veng te nen rawn comment law law la, an chhuangawm a lawm chung te pawh chu :-) Vai mipa i star te chuan, vai hmeichheho haw tur hi i nilo ringawt. Chu chu a ni mai. Vai hmeichhe ho chu an thing bikna i rawn sawizel theih chuan a lawmawm ngawt ang my dear. Han discuss zel teh ang u.

@ Jerusha:

:-) hehehe.

As life10 suggested, it must be my face :-P

Anyway, those are my experiences and feel free to mock me or make fun of the fact that I have gone out with vais, but that only strengthens my argument here. Mizo women complain and complain about the men not welcoming interracial relationship, but deep inside, it is actually the women themselves who talk extremely dirty and filthy if they see an interracial couple. Ah, the sarcasm some girls are capable of spewing out!!!

And this is one important factor every woman should know before they come out with an article blaming the entire male population for everything.

Dear Jer, isn’t it funny how interracial relationship is such a big discussion everywhere, but the moment the other truth about it is revealed, it becomes a non-issue? :-)

Ps. See how nice I am to you. And still you’ve been “shooting” me non-stop in your blog even after our agreement :-(

@ J: Yeah, I still learn each and every passing day, thanx for the reminder :-)

yes those poor girls were nagas :-(

@ Lucy: naaaaa… :-(

@ mccloud: lolz. Nia a sei tha bawk a, kan sawi tui hlawm bawk a, rawn tel ve ta che? :-)

@ deedee: ok ok. But he did say “gorkhaland”. I can vouch for that. Ask JV before replying plz. If he too says that’s not so, then I will take back my words.

@ pixie: Thank you thank you pixie. I’m greatly honored you came and read a Mizo-centric post of mine! :-) Thanx once again.

Kanidar said...

I thuziah hi ka chhiar chhuak vek zel, new post a awm leh awm loh ka check deuh reng bawk :-)

Hmanni khan Mizo zirlai pawl pakhatin Sr.Adviser ah min ruat ve avangin, an nula pakhat hnam dang ngaizawng an zilhna turah min ko ve a, an zilh nial hnuah tlem ka sawi ve a, nula an chhuahtir hnuah Mipa ho kha "Thikthu kan tichhe dawn a nih chuan Mizo nula te hi kan ngaihsak tur a ni, khawi lo an kal dawnin kan kalpui peihin, campus atanga bazaar kal tur te pawhin mamawh an neih leh neih loh te zawt thin ula, chuan hnamdang an thlek lovang" kan ti ve a, Campus khata cheng ho an ni bawk a, a result a tha phianin ka hria.

I blog ka chhiarchhuak parh thin bawk a, kan inthlahrung lo a ni :-)

Hersh said...

Hello again, I think this sort of thing is pretty normal for any small, close-knit community. Or maybe those women are jealous......

Anonymous said...

hey kima, let me firstly say i am in love with your blog.
but this particular one bothered me a little.
you see,i really like this mizo guy, a collegue of mine at work. i might even be in love with him.i am not mizo. i am from north india.not from anywhere close to any of the north eastern states : )

anyway, this guy i know is smart,shy, funny,hard working,focussed, talented and very cute : )
i really don't care about where he is from. i never really thought about it untill now.
i never knew dating a non mizo was such a huge issue in your community. it worries me a little. maybe that is why he is so hesitant about getting serious with me.could it be this whole race and identity issue i wonder.
i don't see him as a mizo guy or someone from the north east. i just see him as a great guy.
and maybe that is the problem,maybe at some level he feels that i just don't understand his "mizo side"

i really hope you are exaggerating in your post dear.
maybe i am being a little naive about this whole issue cause i don't know what problems mizos have given me a lot to think about so thanks for that : )


illusionaire said...

Hey Nikita, if you're for real and serious about this, mail me at Have lots to tell you... was serious with a non-mizo too for 3 years, and her name is almost like yours! (just interchange two letters)

Its more private through mails. Cheers.