Chp 270. The Fugly Truth

It’s not everyday that a guy can watch one of those romantic comedies and love it. Being a movie buff, I have seen my fair share of crappy romantic comedies that made me go - “That’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back” and the very rare “Hmmm… not bad” nonchalant monologue.

But “The Ugly Truth” was different. I’ve recommended it to all my friends after watching it, something that I rarely do. (Pssst… I’m not saying TUT is a great movie. But for a romantic comedy, its one flick guys will definitely enjoy watching)



The thing about TUT is that it was honest, straight forward and hard-hitting. And yes it had a happy ending but I could live with a romantic tragedy as well. The main point is that both Heigl and Butler played their role perfectly. The plot was predictable, but like I said, it’s a no brainer so you can just relax and enjoy the movie. The script was quite concise and the humor peculiar.

So here is me tagging all my visitors to take part in this. Give me five ugly truths that you know of (even one will do). Stuff that people are oblivious of, or know about but try to convince themselves that it doesn’t happen.

Of course let’s stick only to relationships. For example, “The ugly truth: All of us are racist” is something I’ve learnt along the way. Notable psychologists have proven that all of us are racists deep inside but the difference lies in whether we let our actions act upon our thoughts or not. But let’s deviate from such serious topics and stick only to ugly truths regarding relationships. Are you with me?

Here are my five ugly truths:


1. Most people go for moolah rather than true love.

As crude as it may sound, it is a fact. And women are always at the receiving end of such brutal denouncement. But why single out women? I’m sure many men would love to have a sugar-momma too. We live in a materialistic world, and at the end of the day, we need somebody to take care of our every needs. Eagles’ “Love will keep us alive” may make you melt like butter but that’s not reality. If it was a novel, I would place it under “fiction” genre.

Security is the keyword here. One needs to eat, put their children in a good school, go on a family vacation etc. Some guys may make it sound bad like branding somebody a gold-digger, but hey, believe me, it’s just jealousy. Had the tables turned, the same guys would be ready to jump into the same boat before you can say “Dude, WTF???”. Face the music. If you’re in love with a girl and afraid you might lose her to somebody more successful, then work your ass off trying to be that person who is successful. Simple as that.


2. Are you girl-friend material or wife material?

Ugly truth number two: A guy’s definition of a wife and a girlfriend is different. Most of us have different criteria regarding what constitute a good girlfriend and a good wife. Remember when Archie proposed to Veronica a couple of months ago? Yeah most of us were shell-shocked, because Veronica may be the perfect GF type but Betty is the perfect wife model.

That’s how we guys think. If you’re hot and ready to put out anytime, you’re the perfect girlfriend a guy can wish for. But if you’re prudish and abstain from parties and orgies? Then you’re the perfect girl every guy wants to marry. Ugly truth? Oh yeah. Only a few women who are a bit of both (or smart enough to play the role of both) manage to find what they’re looking for. For those who belong to these two extremes, this condition very much applies.


3. Attractive and sexy women have big BUTS.

The hotter you are, the bigger is your “but”. A typical guy conversation usually goes like this: “She’s got the perfect long legs and figure, but…”, “She may look just like Angelina Jolie, but…” and “Yeah she won the beauty pageant and is now a showstopper for YSL, but…” See, the but is always there. And the but is always followed by adjectives and nouns that aren’t so nice, like… control freak, flirt, stupid, dominating, short-tempered etc

The funny thing about nature is that the less attractive women (or men) have fewer buts. Well, at least that’s from my experience and I am not one to boast of such vast experiences but feel free to prove me wrong. How many of you actually exclaim “wowwww!” when you meet an extremely attractive woman who also happens to be a lawyer? My point exactly. I rest my case, your honor.


4. His-story may be history, but the past keeps haunting…

So we keep telling ourselves – the past is the past, what matters is the future. Congratulations, you now qualify to write the next series of novels for M&B. But unfortunately, life is not that simple. Meet ugly truth no.4 – There is no such thing as letting bygones be bygones.

You may move past your past, but you cannot hide from it. Meet Guy X who used to “shoot up” with his homies. After sometime, he gave up and turned over a new leaf. He met Girl Y, and they tied the knot. But after a few months, whenever Guy X wanted to hang out with his homies for the night, a fight with his wife ensured. She accused him of still shooting up and he blasted her for not trusting him. Likewise, meet Girl A who once had a hot steamy relationship with Guy A for years. Then they broke up and she met Guy B. Even though Guy B knew about her ex-lover, he loved her and they both said “I do” eventually. But after the marriage, one brief phone call from Guy A to Girl A was enough to make Guy B go all ballistic and nuclear.

So in the midst of such reality, is there any such thing as “the past”? Maybe if we don’t keep running back to it or run into it unintentionally, then it really doesn’t matter. But are we really capable of that? That my friends, is for you to ponder.


5. Relationships stink.

That’s my last ugly truth. Relationships stink. You might consider me to be a cynic with some of my revelations above, but yes, relationships really do stink. Literally, that is.

If you are truly in love with somebody, one sure way of knowing if what you have going on is for real or not, is to let one rip off when you’re with her (or him). When you’re with your loved one all alone, all cozy and warm, just hold that person close and tight, and then fart your way to glory. The reaction that follows after that will determine if your relationship is truly genuine or not. Trust me on this. And if she answers will a giggle and a cute little cushy fart of her own, marry her.

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There you have it. My five ugly truths. Now it’s your turn. Feel free to disagree with my views or give me your opinion. Cheers.