Chp 294. Emergency exits.

Something that I’ve been noticing for quite some time now… are you an emergency exit material?

No I’m not talking about how fast you can jump from the second floor when your girlfriend’s father suddenly returns from work, earlier than usual.

The emergency exit in an aeroplane is quite a special place. If you haven’t noticed it yet, let me tell you that not anybody can just sit in those seats. If you are disabled, crippled, sick, a child, or past your prime, then expect the stewardess to politely ask you to shift your seat.

[Pics below were taken during my recent Kol-Mum flight]



The owner of the bag that you see in front of me, was obviously asked to move it as you cannot keep any baggage on the floor in this area.



The people who get to occupy these seats (or the entire row) are young, fit, and usually male.

So why are people asked to change their seats? Why can’t the person issuing the tickets give them non-emergency exit seats in the first place? These are the questions you might ask. Well, I do not work in the aviation industry, but my assumption is that not every aeroplane has the same seating arrangement/numbering, so that is why emergency exit seat numbers differ from plane to plane. Anybody with factual knowledge on this can correct me if I’m mistaken.

And so young jocks are asked to occupy these seats, in the hope that in case of an actual emergency, we they will immediately swing into action and open the emergency doors in one swift strike like Sir Lancelot, hence saving all the passengers and becoming folklore heroes, and have minstrels singing about them for ages to come...

Yeah right.

Ever tried opening one of these doors?

Me neither.

So what makes you think that just because you’ve got an athletic build and young and pumped up with testosterone, you will rise to the occasion? Doing something you’ve never done before in your entire life with the only source of “experience” being a flimsy cartoon manual lying in front of you (ok no dirty thoughts now)... Seriously, is that really enough to be entrusted with the lives of all those around you?

Ah, heavy burden isn’t it? Like the weight of the entire world resting on your shoulder while you have a cast on both your arms...

Sure I love sitting in the emergency exit. If the stewardess asks me if I am willing to shift my seat to the emergency exit, I have no problem darling. Wider leg space is all it takes to have a refreshing flight.

But to be honest, I really don’t know if I am up to it. Ever been caught in an emergency situation? In case of fire or earthquake, please form a single file and move towards the exit in an orderly fashion… Haha, in your dreams. One single minor tremor and its pandemonium all over. People running over each other, screaming, shrieking, shoving, jostling, every man for himself. I would most probably be crushed to death from people behind as I try to open the door.

What I’m thinking is that, there should be an actual certified course regarding the emergency exit.

Like, for starters, people who actually need to be told the following instruction given below (again, taken in the same Kol-Mum flight) should no way be near any exit point, however strong and sturdy they may be!



Yes, seriously, do not open the door during take-off and landing. Doh.

The course should teach people how to open the emergency door in an actual simulated environment, like the way young stewardess-wannabes are trained at Air-hostess Academy, like Kingfisher. And once people are qualified enough to “graduate”, they receive a photo id of some sort (eg: Certified Emergency Exit Citizen Marshal or something like that). And every time they fly, all they have to do is whip out their ID à la FBI, and sit in the emergency exit.

This way it is much safer for the rest of the passengers too because there is now a person qualified enough to do the needful.

It also saves our male ego from any embarrassment. Suppose I am already sitting in the emergency exit and a stewardess comes up to me to remind me where I am sitting and whether I am up to the task, you really think I will say no in front of everybody, especially if there’s a hot chick nearby I’m trying to impress? Of course not! I’m a man.

Be a man.