Chp 310. Skewed a bit is Love

My dear friend Aduhi tagged me in her post about the qualities of someone you would fall head over heels in love with. A post about the kind of person you’d like to spend the rest of your lives with and share your most <insert M & B adjectives here> moments.

Well, first of all, yeah, it’s quite a girly topic if you haven’t noticed it already I am one of the only three guys tagged in that post while the rest are all women. And the other two guys tagged in that post are already… you know… capable of swimming upstream if you know what I mean

Anyhoo, being a sport, I decided to give it a shot and list out 10 qualities… until I hit a roadblock.

You see, I am already seeing someone. I love that someone and I want to remain happy like this for as long as it takes. And I’m not just saying this because that someone reads my blog too

Trying to write about these qualities, I realized one thing – the way men and women perceive this thing called love is quite different. A woman will not react the same way a man will when you tell her/him about your dream girl/guy.


Scenario 1.

Mary and Richard are in love. They’ve even talked about the names of their (future) children a couple of times. Mary is a blogger. Richard is… well, active on Facebook, Twitter and other online platforms, but not that interested in blogging. But he never misses any of Mary’s posts.

One day, Mary’s friend tagged her in a blog post asking her to name 10 qualities she would like to find in her Mr. Right. And so Mary quickly jotted down 10 qualities and published her post. Richard came online later and read Mary’s post. “He must be a tidy person, someone who always folds his clothes neatly, wear fresh boxers every day, blah blah blah”.

Richard laughed because he wasn’t the type of person who is neat or tidy. In fact he didn’t possess many of the other qualities Mary had mentioned in her blog. Opening a can of beer, he took a quick gulp and burped. He then logged on to Facebook and started playing Mafia Wars.

Three months later, as planned, Richard and Mary got married and lived happily ever after.


Scenario 2. (Oh you’re gonna love this)

Henry and Jenny are in love. They’ve even talked about the names of their (future) children a couple of times. Henry is a blogger. Jenny is… well, a hot Kingfisher swimsuit model with a degree in law and currently the creative head of an Ad agency In spite of her hectic lifestyle, she never misses any of Henry’s posts.

One day, Henry’s friend tagged him in a blog post, asking him to name 10 qualities he would like to find in his dream girl. Henry, the stupid dork that he was, without thinking, quickly wrote down 10 qualities and published his post.

That was when the fight started.

An angry Jenny stormed into his room that very night. Her eyes were moist red, hair a mess, and Henry could have sworn he caught a whiff of vodka in her breath.

“What the fuck do you mean you like a girl who is good at cooking? So suddenly you have a thing for home cooked meals? Why didn’t you mention this to me on all those occasions when we ordered food or ate out?”

“Urmmm Jen listen…”

“No you shut the fuck up. How could you lie to me all this time? I thought you love me! And since when did you start finding girls with short hair attractive? So my long curly hair turns you off? Is that what this is? You want more variety? You slimy sleaze ball…”

“Jen…”

“Don’t Jen me asshole. Reading your post, I realized how I am not good enough for you. You want someone who loves dogs? You know very well about my traumatic childhood experience when I was chased by a street dog on my way to school. I can’t suddenly start liking dogs after that scar. Even my shrink will agree to that. Is this your way of saying you want to break up with me?”

“Whaa…”

“And who were you talking about when you said you want your dream girl to be passionate about hiking and adventure sports? You know I don’t have much free time to go on weekend vacations, leave alone hiking. Does Samantha love hiking? I’m sure she does, that fucking bitch whore. Why don’t you two go hiking and fuck and fulfill your every fantasy, you cheating scumbag.”

“Samantha who…? Honey…”

“Don’t you dare call me honey now, you slimy asshole. I can’t believe you’ve been living a lie after all these years. I thought I knew you. All those things you’ve told me, all the times we’ve made love… Oh Godddd… everything had been one big fat lie!!!”

And before Henry could say anything else, Jenny stormed out. That was the end of their two years “wonderful” relationship. End of scenario 2.

What can I say, my friends. C’est la vie. I may be generalizing a bit here, but the way most men and women treat relationships is quite different. And that is why, as a guy, we must be extremely careful about writing such stuff Try putting yourself in a woman’s head and don’t expect her to treat this the same way you would. It does not work that way.

Hence the reason why I must politely decline from writing Aduhi’s tag. If you think this is unfair, well, what can I say. We got skewed.