Thursday, May 31, 2007

Chp 124. The Ironies of Love

Exactly a year ago, I left Bangalore for good ol’ Mumbai to bunk at my sister’s pad. That was when my heart was grinded, shredded and minced into a gazillion pieces. Kima became Kheema. I sought solace in my sister then, flying to Mumbai from Bangalore just in time for her birthday.

Here I am again today, flying down to Mumbai from Delhi to celebrate her birthday. The only difference is, my heart has completely healed now. Time is a healer they say. How true.

Just like the song of White Lion that goes “There is life even after a broken heart, you can fight the pain from a broken heart”, I guess the hardest part of any break-up is just the initial phase. A broken heart cannot be cured by alcohol or friends or rebound girlfriends or watching Oprah Shows all alone. The only cure is time. Had I prayed to the Good Lord, I would have definitely felt better, but back then I wasn’t the person I am right now.

One thing I have realized when it comes to this game of cat and mouse is that people who are in a relationship seem to have this know-it-all attitude about anything related to love, and those who aren’t in any relationship have a very cynical attitude about it.

The ones who think they know everything about love (especially the newly married folks), tends to irritate you up to the brink of insanity, obliviously encouraging you to point that shot-gun towards them: “You know, buddy, love is not about how she looks or speaks. It’s about feelings.” And picture in your mind your smelly hairy ugly obnoxious colleague clasping his hands firmly as soon as he uttered the word “feelings”… Aaaargh, wouldn’t you wanna commit hara-kiri too?

And then there are those who are completely skeptical about love, especially the recently dumped ones. Utter the word “love” and they’ll look at you as if you’re inflicted with the most repulsive contagious pus imaginable. The mere sentence “I think we should reconsider our situation and slow things down a bit, maybe see other people” can turn the World’s greatest amorist into the coldest cynical misogynist.

Ah, the tides of love .

Funny how all things corny and mushy makes you wanna run to the loo to throw up, and yet, when that same thing happens to you, you’re like, wowww what hit me??? It’s something like swearing never to fall in love again after an unfortunate experience, only to fall a victim to the seductive call of Aphrodite all over again.

That my friends, is how materialistic love toy with our hearts over and over and over again. Love swoops into our life and sweeps away all sense of reason. Sometimes it makes us even dumber than a baby toddler. You tell the young child, “Sonny, don’t touch that. It is hot. It is called fire!” or “Don’t shove your teeny weeny fingers inside that electrical socket”, chances are, he will probably do it. But the difference is, once he realize how much it hurts, he will never do it again. We, on the other hand, are fully aware of the consequences, yet repeat it nevertheless. It’s something like that joke “One sure evidence that there exists superior extra-terrestrial life beyond Earth is that they haven’t tried to contact us” .

Still, that is how life is. C’est la vie.

In any relationship, it is of utmost importance to realize which World we live in. People too engrossed in romantic novels à la M&B sometimes make the mistake of trying to live out that delusion dream of a perfect relationship with a perfect Prince Charming. And while doing so, often make the mistake of missing that oh so obvious train stopping right in front of them.

Girl, here’s a radical suggestion. Throw away your Carole Mortimers, Emma Darcys and Daniel Steeles. Try reading Guy-ie magazines instead (not the graphical kind). Because what is the point in reading such mushy books when it is a known fact that we guys will never read them?

It’s something like table manners. Girl reads book on table etiquette. Guy reads book on table etiquette. Girl and Guy sit together at table. Things work out fine because the guy does everything the girl wishes him to do, according to the book on table manners.

But when it comes to love, girl reads girlie mags, guy does not read girlie mags, and hence does not do the things the girl expects. And in the end she tells her friends that he is unromantic and unaffectionate. Here’s a thought. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the guy is romantic and affectionate, and that the problem lies with the girl being over-romantic and over-affectionate?

I mean, is there a tangible standard definition of what romance actually is? To a girl, romance can be a candle lit dinner, red wine and Michael Bublé playing at the background, whereas to a guy, romance can very well be a greasy KFC zinger burger, a can of Kingfisher beer and Metallica blasting at the background. You might say, “use your common sense, the second option is not romantic at all”. Now hold that thought for a moment while I explain my theory of “burger + heavy metal” romance . The very word “common-sense” means that the knowledge is common. The question you should ask yourself is, “made common by what?” Made common of course by all those M&B writers, Archies & Hallmark cards and sophisticated restaurants thinking of different ways to increase their profit.

Seriously, here is a food for thought. Giving a rose to your loved one, no matter how clichéd that is, can still pass on as something “sweet”. Now are you really giving that rose because it is sweet, or because it is a depiction of being sweet as is observed in the movies and novels? Take the Holy Bible for example. There are many great love stories in there, especially King Solomon’s “Song of Songs”. Yet we never find anybody actually “getting down on their knees to admit their undying love” or “holding hands and walking together by the idyllic shores of the Red Sea drenched in myrrh and frankincense while romantically sharing an exotic plate of barbequed manna”. The Love mentioned in the Bible is pure, unadulterated and direct, with no extra fittings. The extra fittings are just an invention of the human mind along the passage of time for that “feel-good” factor.

Anyway I guess those are the ironies of love.
  • You play with fire, you get burnt. Yet the spirit of love never dies.
  • There is no love without hurt.
  • Things you used to find too corny and “so not you” suddenly become your very principle of existence the moment you fall in love.
  • The moment you fall out of love, you suddenly have this strange unexplainable hatred for all the opposite sex. The harder you fall, the deeper your hatred.
  • No matter how “artificial” some of our behaviors are when it comes to love, you still do them nonetheless.
Have a great week ahead.

Ps. I will try updating my blog from Mumbai, but will most probably not able to update the “blog section” of misual.com. until then, keep the faith everybody.

14 comments:

Jason said...

The Ironies of Love indeed :-)

Well summed up ...

There is something about it and you have elucidated it too well, Kima ...

illusionaire said...

:-)

Thanx Jason.

Une said...

Hmmmm....... i thil ziah hi mo.. a dik ka ti... A to Y.5 ka pom :-) a poi em? ... tak2 in a tha lutuk... keichu love hi ka la na ve a :P ... Bryan Adams hla "when u love som-one" tih khan ka omdan a hrilh vek mei:-) athu kha a dik kual koi vel vek ani.. nge i ngaih dan?

illusionaire said...

une, lolz, nice nick :-)

I know what you're going thru dear. Dont worry, everything will work out fine for you. Keep the faith.

The song "When you love someone" speaks volumes! Thats my opinion right now.

Dancer said...

this is freaky when u know u were just discussing about it a while ago and to read about it....do i fall under the "skeptical" category even if i wasnt dumped....to all the likes ok Kima....cant wait to hear ur comments one year from now.....why fall in love when u ur gonna fall out of it sooner ot later...i'd rather be happy than be in love......but time sure heals.
p.s - couldnt think of abetter nick...hihi

illusionaire said...

lolz Dancer :-)
Well, that was exactly one of the points I wanted to make. If you have that attitude of "why fall in love anyway if you're gonna get hurt", then where is the thrill and fun of staying alive? :-) Life becomes dull and quite meaningless then. Its something like saying, why make money when we're gonna spend it anyway? You catch my drift?

Melpomene said...

Hey Kima! Haven't been here for a while and ..... WOW!!! You've been busy! Anyway, great post ...... everybody's favourite and extremely frustrating topic! And believe me, it applies equally to girls as well as to guys.

It took me ages to learn that just because a man doesn't show love in the way I expect or define it doesn't mean he doesn't love me (hahahahaha TRIPLE negative!) And so I accept it .... BUT ..... why is it that the man in my life..... my husband .... and from your post, I suspect most men..... expect us females to understand and accept them for what they are when they make no effort at all to understand and accept us... and once in a while just TRY to show us love in the way we want you to? Or rather, they do understand but it seems will not try and instead resort to scoffing and put downs. Is it some macho thing? That only the girl must change her attitudes, but the supreme male ..... oh no, he can stay just the same!

You know, I would consider that burger and heavy metal date romantic if the guy was really into me and I was really into him. If we were communicating and enjoying each other's company. If we were at that stage where we are oblivious to everything else anyway. Some of my most memorable dates with my ex boyfriend (now husband) were at cheap roadside hawker places but we were lost in each other's eyes and that is all I remember now, 30 years later.

I'm not one for grand gestures and huge proclamations..... it all reeks of insincerity to me. Emotional bonding is far more important but my own experience is not many men are in touch with their emotions .... or ours..... so I guess that's how the culture of grand gestures came about. Much easier, isn't it?

But take it from a female, it is so nice once in a while to be surprised by a sweet act, a sweet word or just anything which shows you really care and that she is really special It makes us go all warm and fuzzy and all we want to do is to make you just as happy........ :D

P.S. As for Soloman, how do you know he didn't get down on his knees before he got down and dirty? He must have been a great seducer of women.... all how many hundred of them? Come on, do you honestly believe he just stood there and they flocked to him? ;D

Phebes

Pixie said...

Ironies of love, a very apt title...
But, the same applies with girls as well... and not all read mushy novels and M&B (yours truly! :P)
Well, all I say is - for love to go beyond, it requires hard work, faith, trust and lots of common sense and no spite...

Sundancer said...

Lo in ang deuh em tak anih hi. I've said enough about this subject, so I'll keep my mouth shut now before having cynical added to my long list of definitives.

illusionaire said...

Reached Mumbai safely. I guess this means back to Sify cyber cafes for the time being, untilI go back to Delhi.


@ pixie: Not all women may read M&Bs but that is the consensus of the majority, that all women are stereotyped to be a sucker for mushy "romantic" books :-)

@ sundancer: I understand :) For now just relax and I agree it might work out best if you stay out of this topic for the time being. My prayers are with you dear.

illusionaire said...

@ phoebes:

Thank you for taking the time to write such a lengthy comment.

I love your take on this topic. Thats one of the reasons why I asked my readers why they make a "romantic" gesture. Is it because the urge to do that genuinely came from within or they are just copying a Universally recognized romantic gesture?

Because at the end of the day, what really matters is the genuine feeling between the two individuals, as you mentioned, "eating roadside food together" etc.

The point I was trying to pass across is that, some women want to live their life straight out of a fantasy. For example: Suppose Cosmo suddenly proclaims that giving chocolates as gifts is no longer considered romantic and that giving each other raw eggs is the new romance, there might be certain people who dump their boyfrens for giving them chocolates instead of raw eggs and accusing them of being "clueless about love"!!! Ofcourse I am exagerrating a bit here, but you catch my drift right?

As for Solomon, well, I seriously don't think he needed to be a seducer, because remember he was a King. Being a King those days easily gives one a passport to multiple wives and concubines. I stand by my theory that he may have been a romantic when it comes to penning down his feelings on paper, but refrain from such actions when it comes to actually doing it. After all, he didn't have to do them because they were already in his power. Thats probably the other reasons why they called him "The Wise" :-)

kima-the-other said...

I get it now...no wonder Mithun could strut around singing "Zindagi mera gana, mai kisi ka diwana...o nacho, o jhumo, o mere sath gao nacho. I am a disco dancer!"

SEKIBUHCHHUAK said...

Ngaihnawm leh hle mai...

"The harder you fall, the deeper your hatred." dik khups mai.Keipoh hi a rei tawh viau nangin,eng ngemaw chang a hatredness/hurt a rawn chhuah chang hi ala awm fo mai:-P

Btw,"..berbecued manna..." chu ei a van chakawm ve awww..hehe.Manna berbecue a har awm??lolz

SEKIBUHCHHUAK said...

*barbequed tih zawk tur