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Saturday, June 07, 2008

Chp 179. You know you’re a flirt when...


A lighter look at community, cellular phones and call-centers, as inspired by some of the guys I used to hang out with. I guess sometimes some guys don’t even realize what they have become...

10 WARNING SIGNS cautioning you that maybe it’s time to take the subtle hint and slow down things a bit...


Community – The 10 warning signs.

You know you’re a flirt when...

  1. When you visit your neighbors, they immediately order their daughters to go to their room.

  2. When your name is announced in the local Church, the entire mass giggle.

  3. When a visiting preacher you’ve never seen before stands on the pulpit and sermons about the 7 deadly sins, at the part about “LUST” he looks at you sternly in the eye and gives a dramatic pause for 5 minutes.

  4. When you visit a nearby Christian run pre-school in your locality, all the children lovingly calls you “Father”, which seems strangely weird to you because you’re not a Catholic.

  5. When you have a brother who is a drug addict, another brother rotting in jail for burglary, and a sister who joined a satanic cult, and yet your mother calls you the black-sheep of the family.

  6. When the government under pressure from the community had to construct a new road that bypass your house, so that students can take a different route to go to that women’s college.

  7. When you go out of town for a business, all the parents get together, rejoice and thank the Almighty.

  8. When you are banned by the community to go to anyone’s wedding because the groom always become suspicious of the bride if you are present.

  9. Whenever there is a spiritual Gospel crusade/revival held in your community, during the sermon about Lucifer and Hell, your name somehow always gets mentioned on the loudspeaker, including your complete initials, date of birth and postal code.

  10. When the government does not dare to take any action against you in spite of the protest because you increased Mizoram’s tourist revenue by tenfold after Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt mentioned about your “farm house” in their Top 50 favorite destinations.



Cellular phones – The 10 warning signs.

You know you’re a flirt when...

  1. When you start calling every girl by the name “baby” over the phone, so as not to make the mistake of calling them by a wrong name.

  2. When you own a different mobile phone for each service provider, so as to avail their “same network free calls/reduced call rate” offers.

  3. When a girl calls you up from an unknown number and sweetly asks you to guess who, you immediately talk as if your voice is breaking up and then switch off your phone abruptly. Rather that than wrong guesses!

  4. When the sales manager of your service provider had to resign because of incurring a sudden 200% sales loss after your switched to another company.

  5. When some of the template SMS (text messages) stored in your handset are:
    • Hey wanna go out 2nite?
    • I swear you’re the only one!
    • That’s really sweet of you, [insert name]. Ur amazing! Muuaaah*
    • I love you too.


  6. When you call up the customer care service and a female executive answers and says “hello”, you already know who she is before she tells you her name.

  7. When you get a tennis-elbow from over-using the phone.

  8. When you firmly believe the greatest discovery or break-through in the history of mankind is the technological wonder of “Call Waiting”.

  9. When you dropped your phone and it conked, the cops received 40 different calls within the next 10 minutes, asking them to check if you’re dead or kidnapped.

  10. When you start having a lot of similar first-names in your phone address book:
    • Jenny AOL
    • Jenny HSBC
    • Jenny ICICI
    • Jenny Taj front-desk
    • Jenny Taj house-keeping
    • Jenny vodka
    • Jenny mole right chin
    • Jenny Air-deccan
    • Jenny brigade road
    • Jenny vegetarian
    • Jenny singer
    • Jenny singer roommate
    • Jenny easy
    • Jenny tomboy
    • Jenny 2pm-6pm only



Call centers – The 10 warning signs.

Dedicated to those guys NOT working in a call-center.


You know you are a flirt when...

  1. When you actually call up your “friends” working in call centers to remind them that it is time to get ready for work because their cab is on its way.

  2. When you have dated more Mizo girls working in call centers than those actually listed in your city’s Mizo Directory.

  3. Whenever you hear the name of a particular call center, the first thing that comes to your mind is the number of girls you know working there.

  4. When you know every girl’s shift timings, break timings, the names of their supervisors and the days they are off.

  5. When you know exactly who to call and when to call. You know how much time X will take to go to the loo during her break, so that you can briefly call up Y who is taking a dinner break so that you can continue talking with X as soon as she comes out from the loo, before calling up Z whose break is just about to start.

  6. When you know more office gossips than people who are actually working there know of.

  7. When HR recruitment executives of every call-center strangely contact you whenever there are job vacancies/interviews, and coyly ask you to “go spread the word”.

  8. When you are asked by the hon. Education Minister to give a seminar on call-centers to the youth of Mizoram because you have the most amount of experience among Mizos working in call-centers, even though you have actually never worked in such a place your entire life.

  9. When you are the first person the police contact for assistance whenever there is a complaint of call-center cabs driving rashly in the middle of the night, as you are the only one who knows all the routes taken by every cab.

  10. When you excitedly bought a copy of Chetan Bhagat’s “One night at the Call center”, only to be extremely disappointed that it was not what you thought the book would be about.



18 comments:

luliana said...

tee hee..i guess i still have a long way to go to be officially proclaimed a flirt..

btw, link hi chemtatrawta-ah khan a lut zel a nia..

illusionaire said...

ooops! Guess I made a mistake in my link at misual.com. I'll change it right away. Thanx for letting me know bro.

Lucy said...

Hey!!..Where are my comments?? This time I'm very sure I left a comment because I remember thinking it was gonna be the first!

Lucy said...

:) And you know all these because they came from your very own experience..

Anonymous said...

Ha ha.....Fantastic post! :) As per the guidelines had mastered the art..haram!..LOL..As long as you keep her delighted by humorous flirting you would always find her begging for more from you. The major trick here is to be unconventional and do something different from the rest.

I say "Let the devil emerge"...LOL..Flirting is all about being creative and unconventional therefore don't be afraid to be a bit rude at times but know your limits. Flirting is useless and would not work till the time there is an element of slight rudeness involved in it. Therefore it's good to take off your angel clothes and be a devil for a change.

Here it is, ..LOL...If there is one thing that every man (or even woman) has been interested in since they are kids, this is the knowing of how to flirt. Do you remember that pretty girl in your classroom that you wanted to talk to but you didn’t know how to start? If there is one person who struggled with girls, that’s me :)

I don’t know if you were so desperate that you even wrote down the lines you’d tell the girl. Well, I did. I remember that there was this girl I was in love with and I didn’t know what to say, so what I did was to write what I was going to say and imagine what would be her answer and then I’d write down my response....LOL..omigosh...nice flashback! :) Cheers! keep going! absolutely great post :)

Almost Unreal said...

I always tell my friend to call me by my name..hehe

Pixie said...

LOL!!
Brilliant piece of analysis!! ;-)
How much of it is personal experience?!! ;-)

illusionaire said...

@ Lucy: Arrrrrrrr! for the upteenth time, I'm telling you you did not leave any comments here! Seriously, stop mixing sleeping pills and beer :-)

I know all these because of that fat guy and that curly haired guy who used to accompany me to your apartment. *BIG GRIN* Soon, that fat guy will leave a comment here on my blog trying to outsmart me... just wait and watch :-)

@ anonymous: lolzzz! That was indeed a priceless moment. I may have done something similar to that in the past too, but I am not admiting it here on my blog *HEEHEE* I like it when you said flirting is good when it's about being creative. I have definitely tread that line before. But I hate it when it results in people getting hurt. That I completely despise.

@ almost: I hear you... baby. :-P

@ pixie: lolz. well, nothing is personal experience. Like I mentioned before, it's all from observations :-D

toy soldier said...

Hehe,@cellular phones # 1,got few guys trying to actually use the word "baby"...thanks to you i knw y they did :)

Almost Unreal said...

acceptable..for a friend :D

illusionaire said...

@ toy soldier: I'm glad I could warn you in advance :-)

@ almost: I know ur hoping and praying people would call you up as say "baby"... but... its a cruel world we live in... you have my heartfelt sympathy...

:-)

Bobby said...

This is a fantastic article! I don't know which is my favourite, but I think it's #10 under warning signs...haha! I stumbled your homepage and this post, I also reviewed them. I hope it sends some traffic your way. I was amazed to find that your homepage has never been stumbled, so I am glad to get you in there:)

illusionaire said...

Thank you so much as usual, Bobby. You are the greatest! :-) I hope that brings some traffic to my site too. The reason why I don't add those buttons are because most of my posts are quite Mizo-centric which do not cater to a global audience. But I try to be as general as possible... Thanx once again!

Superhypersonic said...

haha
Absolutely Hilarious!
Loved the 'children address you as father ' bit :P

illusionaire said...

Thanx superhypersonic :) Love the name too. you sound fast :)

Shantanu said...

Ha, ha! That was amusing. :)

illusionaire said...

:-) thanx...

vishnuprasath said...

Hi Friends,
There is nothing to worry about getting jobs in Kolkata , so that a near future will ahead to your way.