A lighter look at community, cellular phones and call-centers, as inspired by some of the guys I used to hang out with. I guess sometimes some guys don’t even realize what they have become...
10 WARNING SIGNS cautioning you that maybe it’s time to take the subtle hint and slow down things a bit...
|Community – The 10 warning signs.|
You know you’re a flirt when...
- When you visit your neighbors, they immediately order their daughters to go to their room.
- When your name is announced in the local Church, the entire mass giggle.
- When a visiting preacher you’ve never seen before stands on the pulpit and sermons about the 7 deadly sins, at the part about “LUST” he looks at you sternly in the eye and gives a dramatic pause for 5 minutes.
- When you visit a nearby Christian run pre-school in your locality, all the children lovingly calls you “Father”, which seems strangely weird to you because you’re not a Catholic.
- When you have a brother who is a drug addict, another brother rotting in jail for burglary, and a sister who joined a satanic cult, and yet your mother calls you the black-sheep of the family.
- When the government under pressure from the community had to construct a new road that bypass your house, so that students can take a different route to go to that women’s college.
- When you go out of town for a business, all the parents get together, rejoice and thank the Almighty.
- When you are banned by the community to go to anyone’s wedding because the groom always become suspicious of the bride if you are present.
- Whenever there is a spiritual Gospel crusade/revival held in your community, during the sermon about Lucifer and Hell, your name somehow always gets mentioned on the loudspeaker, including your complete initials, date of birth and postal code.
- When the government does not dare to take any action against you in spite of the protest because you increased Mizoram’s tourist revenue by tenfold after Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt mentioned about your “farm house” in their Top 50 favorite destinations.
|Cellular phones – The 10 warning signs.|
You know you’re a flirt when...
- When you start calling every girl by the name “baby” over the phone, so as not to make the mistake of calling them by a wrong name.
- When you own a different mobile phone for each service provider, so as to avail their “same network free calls/reduced call rate” offers.
- When a girl calls you up from an unknown number and sweetly asks you to guess who, you immediately talk as if your voice is breaking up and then switch off your phone abruptly. Rather that than wrong guesses!
- When the sales manager of your service provider had to resign because of incurring a sudden 200% sales loss after your switched to another company.
- When some of the template SMS (text messages) stored in your handset are:
- Hey wanna go out 2nite?
- I swear you’re the only one!
- That’s really sweet of you, [insert name]. Ur amazing! Muuaaah*
- I love you too.
- When you call up the customer care service and a female executive answers and says “hello”, you already know who she is before she tells you her name.
- When you get a tennis-elbow from over-using the phone.
- When you firmly believe the greatest discovery or break-through in the history of mankind is the technological wonder of “Call Waiting”.
- When you dropped your phone and it conked, the cops received 40 different calls within the next 10 minutes, asking them to check if you’re dead or kidnapped.
- When you start having a lot of similar first-names in your phone address book:
- Jenny AOL
- Jenny HSBC
- Jenny ICICI
- Jenny Taj front-desk
- Jenny Taj house-keeping
- Jenny vodka
- Jenny mole right chin
- Jenny Air-deccan
- Jenny brigade road
- Jenny vegetarian
- Jenny singer
- Jenny singer roommate
- Jenny easy
- Jenny tomboy
- Jenny 2pm-6pm only
|Call centers – The 10 warning signs.|
Dedicated to those guys NOT working in a call-center.
You know you are a flirt when...
- When you actually call up your “friends” working in call centers to remind them that it is time to get ready for work because their cab is on its way.
- When you have dated more Mizo girls working in call centers than those actually listed in your city’s Mizo Directory.
- Whenever you hear the name of a particular call center, the first thing that comes to your mind is the number of girls you know working there.
- When you know every girl’s shift timings, break timings, the names of their supervisors and the days they are off.
- When you know exactly who to call and when to call. You know how much time X will take to go to the loo during her break, so that you can briefly call up Y who is taking a dinner break so that you can continue talking with X as soon as she comes out from the loo, before calling up Z whose break is just about to start.
- When you know more office gossips than people who are actually working there know of.
- When HR recruitment executives of every call-center strangely contact you whenever there are job vacancies/interviews, and coyly ask you to “go spread the word”.
- When you are asked by the hon. Education Minister to give a seminar on call-centers to the youth of Mizoram because you have the most amount of experience among Mizos working in call-centers, even though you have actually never worked in such a place your entire life.
- When you are the first person the police contact for assistance whenever there is a complaint of call-center cabs driving rashly in the middle of the night, as you are the only one who knows all the routes taken by every cab.
- When you excitedly bought a copy of Chetan Bhagat’s “One night at the Call center”, only to be extremely disappointed that it was not what you thought the book would be about.