There is one peculiar characteristic I’ve noticed in my girlfriend; whenever we go out to dine at a restaurant or hotel, she never lets the waiter serve us the dishes. She is dead set against other people serving us food; she considers it degrading and demeaning for a fellow human being to do something for us that we can easily do by ourselves, even if their job profile requires them to perform such a task. An admirable quality, if you ask me.
“They’ve already bought the food to the table, how difficult is it for us to lift our hands to serve the dish by ourselves?” she would often remark. Of course if we are having something really fancy that requires extraordinary talent from the waiter’s part to serve the special dish, then she lets the waiter do the needful. But when it comes to “ordinary” items like rice, noodles, gravy etc, she always insists on serving the dishes herself.
Before jumping into our own respective conclusions, I think it is very important to take a deeper look at our Mizo culture. Just because most of us (at least a majority of the youth of Aizawl) wear the latest designer labels and listen to the latest hiphop chartbusters doesn’t mean that we are at par with the much more modernized Western World or Indian Metropolis. In such places, the society has progressed up to such a level that the service industry is one of the healthiest Industries in the economy.
In a developed Country or Metropolis, people pay for the services rendered onto them. Right from valet parking to door-man tipping, many employees thrive on such business. In Mizoram, such services are almost unheard of. Most of the restaurants in Mizoram are places where you have to place your order and wait for the designated chef to finish cooking your order so that you can take it back to your table. That’s how life is over there: Simple and uncomplicated.
That does not mean we are displaying some weird tribal streak or anything like that. It saddens me whenever I come across such Mizos (expatriates) who have been away from Mizoram for hardly a few years and all of a sudden have this detestable attitude towards Mizoram for its “backwardness”, “naiveté” and even “tribalism”. Being individually backward is different from being economically backward. Mizoram is a very young and petite State with an extremely scarce job opportunity, and it would be exceedingly unfair to even attempt to compare it with the social life of other progressive States of India.
Another important factor we cannot afford to over-look: the cultural peculiarities of the Mizos.
Nearly 20 years I’ve been studying outside Mizoram now. Whenever I tell my non-Mizo friends about the “Servant-Master” relationship in Mizoram, nobody believes me. They exclaim, “Kima, that’s a load of bull.” But it’s very much true.
What they find so hard to believe, is the fact that in Mizoram (those households having domestic help), the servant/maid/butler not only live in the same house with his/her own private room, but also dines with the family on the same table at the very same time!
Yes I can picture you finding that hard to swallow too. But it’s true. Any Mizo will vouch for it. In Mizoram, class distinction is not very prominent. Social stratification is usually based purely on one’s income and job designation. And social mobility between two different classes is easier compared to most other Indian societies. Hence, servants are also treated with deep respect and almost “equals”.
When I was studying in Kolkata, I had a Marwari Local Guardian. He used to take me out of the hostel once every month to stay at his joint-family home for the weekend. I was surprised at what I used to notice over there. During any meal, all the womenfolk of the house sat on the floor or in the kitchen making fresh chapattis for the men who were seated on the dining table. The family was a very large one, but none of the wives ever got to sit with their husbands during any meal. After we all finished eating, the wives washed the plates and then only eat the remaining food. Just imagine how a servant would be treated in such a household if this was the treatment meted out by the family members themselves: Having a servant sitting with the family during a meal in such a household would be sacrilegious!
Even if that is just the oddity of that particular family, I’ve been all over India enough to know that servants are treated almost like outcasts. Most of them sleep on the hard kitchen floor at night. Currently the trend is a “visiting maid”, where the household employs such a maid to come over to their house at a particular time on a daily basis. That way it works out best for both parties: The family don’t have to support her with food and shelter, and the maid can have multiple employers.
But in Mizoram, such “visiting maids” are unheard of. The servant stays with the family on a permanent basis. And youngsters address them with a “U” prefix to their names. “U” (pronounced “oooh”) means to call somebody an elder brother or sister, a sign of showing the deepest respect to somebody older than you: U-Kima, U-Sangi, U-Jimmy, U-Mary etc etc…
Another difference: In a metropolitan culture, if you are (formally) invited to a friend’s place for dinner, the least courtesy is to take along a bottle of wine or something like that. And if you wash your dirty dishes, it would be considered an extremely grave insult to the host’s hospitality. In our Mizo culture, that is not how things are. Usually the guests aren’t expected to bring anything to the host’s table, but it is common courtesy for the older members of the “guest group” to help the host with the cooking, and later on, the washing.
As mentioned before, in most societies, a guest washing the dishes is considered as an insult to the hospitality shown by the host. But in Mizoram, common etiquette is for the guest to “attempt to wash the dishes”. Of course the host usually intervenes and stops the guest before he/she can actually wash them, but it is considered quite a bad manner if you are just dumping the dishes without even attempting to wash your own plate. Do remember this point if you are ever invited over to a Mizo’s house for dinner. As you are done eating, attempt to wash your plate. Try making a loud indication that you’ve finished eating, if you are afraid the host might not realize you’ve finished eating
. Exclaim, “oooh what a lovely meal”. Subtle hints only. Do not go around proclaiming, “Ah, I’ve finished eating. Now I am going over to the kitchen sink to wash my plate with my own hands!”
Later on, the elder youth of both sides of the family (guest and host) get together to wash all the dirty dishes, while the parents and children relax in the living room eating paan and smoking cigarettes or watching the idiot box.
That is why culture is very important: Culture of the particular society and their perception on various issues. A servant dining with the family is normal in our Mizo society, but it is not so in most other Indian societies. Similarly, manual labor is usually confined to the lower classes in other societies whereas in Mizoram, people of different statuses rub shoulders with each other during such manual labors [Digging graveyards, cleaning ditches, farming etc]. The same issue can have different perceptions in every society. Most Mizo youth consider Call center jobs and Civil service to be extremely prestigious job designations. The Metropolitans usually consider such occupations as “last resort jobs” or “something that you do when you fail in everything else”.
Coming back to my earlier topic, I think my girlfriend has a very good point. Some of you may say “It’s our money and we can spend it anyway we like. And we like to be treated as Royalty at such restaurants.” Sure, I am not here to dictate the way you manage your financials. Your money - your wish. Just consider this as a friendly advice. The modern capitalist class is less cohesive than the medieval aristocracy which was based on noble descent. Birla, JRD, Mittal, Ambani, Rockafeller, Carnegie, Ford etc are just some of the greatest success stories in recent times. They all started from the lowest rung of the ladder working their way up the industrial society with nothing but hard-work, initiative and enterprise. They truly deserved to be served. Whereas when most of us are barely earning enough to make ends meet or are still depending on our parents for “pocketmoney”, can you honestly say you have a clear conscience to let somebody else serve you food at a restaurant?
Food for thought. Peace out!
“They’ve already bought the food to the table, how difficult is it for us to lift our hands to serve the dish by ourselves?” she would often remark. Of course if we are having something really fancy that requires extraordinary talent from the waiter’s part to serve the special dish, then she lets the waiter do the needful. But when it comes to “ordinary” items like rice, noodles, gravy etc, she always insists on serving the dishes herself.
Before jumping into our own respective conclusions, I think it is very important to take a deeper look at our Mizo culture. Just because most of us (at least a majority of the youth of Aizawl) wear the latest designer labels and listen to the latest hiphop chartbusters doesn’t mean that we are at par with the much more modernized Western World or Indian Metropolis. In such places, the society has progressed up to such a level that the service industry is one of the healthiest Industries in the economy.
In a developed Country or Metropolis, people pay for the services rendered onto them. Right from valet parking to door-man tipping, many employees thrive on such business. In Mizoram, such services are almost unheard of. Most of the restaurants in Mizoram are places where you have to place your order and wait for the designated chef to finish cooking your order so that you can take it back to your table. That’s how life is over there: Simple and uncomplicated.
That does not mean we are displaying some weird tribal streak or anything like that. It saddens me whenever I come across such Mizos (expatriates) who have been away from Mizoram for hardly a few years and all of a sudden have this detestable attitude towards Mizoram for its “backwardness”, “naiveté” and even “tribalism”. Being individually backward is different from being economically backward. Mizoram is a very young and petite State with an extremely scarce job opportunity, and it would be exceedingly unfair to even attempt to compare it with the social life of other progressive States of India.
Another important factor we cannot afford to over-look: the cultural peculiarities of the Mizos.
Nearly 20 years I’ve been studying outside Mizoram now. Whenever I tell my non-Mizo friends about the “Servant-Master” relationship in Mizoram, nobody believes me. They exclaim, “Kima, that’s a load of bull.” But it’s very much true.
What they find so hard to believe, is the fact that in Mizoram (those households having domestic help), the servant/maid/butler not only live in the same house with his/her own private room, but also dines with the family on the same table at the very same time!
Yes I can picture you finding that hard to swallow too. But it’s true. Any Mizo will vouch for it. In Mizoram, class distinction is not very prominent. Social stratification is usually based purely on one’s income and job designation. And social mobility between two different classes is easier compared to most other Indian societies. Hence, servants are also treated with deep respect and almost “equals”.
When I was studying in Kolkata, I had a Marwari Local Guardian. He used to take me out of the hostel once every month to stay at his joint-family home for the weekend. I was surprised at what I used to notice over there. During any meal, all the womenfolk of the house sat on the floor or in the kitchen making fresh chapattis for the men who were seated on the dining table. The family was a very large one, but none of the wives ever got to sit with their husbands during any meal. After we all finished eating, the wives washed the plates and then only eat the remaining food. Just imagine how a servant would be treated in such a household if this was the treatment meted out by the family members themselves: Having a servant sitting with the family during a meal in such a household would be sacrilegious!
Even if that is just the oddity of that particular family, I’ve been all over India enough to know that servants are treated almost like outcasts. Most of them sleep on the hard kitchen floor at night. Currently the trend is a “visiting maid”, where the household employs such a maid to come over to their house at a particular time on a daily basis. That way it works out best for both parties: The family don’t have to support her with food and shelter, and the maid can have multiple employers.
But in Mizoram, such “visiting maids” are unheard of. The servant stays with the family on a permanent basis. And youngsters address them with a “U” prefix to their names. “U” (pronounced “oooh”) means to call somebody an elder brother or sister, a sign of showing the deepest respect to somebody older than you: U-Kima, U-Sangi, U-Jimmy, U-Mary etc etc…
Another difference: In a metropolitan culture, if you are (formally) invited to a friend’s place for dinner, the least courtesy is to take along a bottle of wine or something like that. And if you wash your dirty dishes, it would be considered an extremely grave insult to the host’s hospitality. In our Mizo culture, that is not how things are. Usually the guests aren’t expected to bring anything to the host’s table, but it is common courtesy for the older members of the “guest group” to help the host with the cooking, and later on, the washing.
As mentioned before, in most societies, a guest washing the dishes is considered as an insult to the hospitality shown by the host. But in Mizoram, common etiquette is for the guest to “attempt to wash the dishes”. Of course the host usually intervenes and stops the guest before he/she can actually wash them, but it is considered quite a bad manner if you are just dumping the dishes without even attempting to wash your own plate. Do remember this point if you are ever invited over to a Mizo’s house for dinner. As you are done eating, attempt to wash your plate. Try making a loud indication that you’ve finished eating, if you are afraid the host might not realize you’ve finished eating
. Exclaim, “oooh what a lovely meal”. Subtle hints only. Do not go around proclaiming, “Ah, I’ve finished eating. Now I am going over to the kitchen sink to wash my plate with my own hands!” Later on, the elder youth of both sides of the family (guest and host) get together to wash all the dirty dishes, while the parents and children relax in the living room eating paan and smoking cigarettes or watching the idiot box.
That is why culture is very important: Culture of the particular society and their perception on various issues. A servant dining with the family is normal in our Mizo society, but it is not so in most other Indian societies. Similarly, manual labor is usually confined to the lower classes in other societies whereas in Mizoram, people of different statuses rub shoulders with each other during such manual labors [Digging graveyards, cleaning ditches, farming etc]. The same issue can have different perceptions in every society. Most Mizo youth consider Call center jobs and Civil service to be extremely prestigious job designations. The Metropolitans usually consider such occupations as “last resort jobs” or “something that you do when you fail in everything else”.
Coming back to my earlier topic, I think my girlfriend has a very good point. Some of you may say “It’s our money and we can spend it anyway we like. And we like to be treated as Royalty at such restaurants.” Sure, I am not here to dictate the way you manage your financials. Your money - your wish. Just consider this as a friendly advice. The modern capitalist class is less cohesive than the medieval aristocracy which was based on noble descent. Birla, JRD, Mittal, Ambani, Rockafeller, Carnegie, Ford etc are just some of the greatest success stories in recent times. They all started from the lowest rung of the ladder working their way up the industrial society with nothing but hard-work, initiative and enterprise. They truly deserved to be served. Whereas when most of us are barely earning enough to make ends meet or are still depending on our parents for “pocketmoney”, can you honestly say you have a clear conscience to let somebody else serve you food at a restaurant?
Food for thought. Peace out!
