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Friday, May 18, 2007

Chp 121. To dimple or not to dimple

[Secular post, tagged: Humor]

Is smiling discriminative? I mean, for a dimpled guy smiling with all thirty-two teeth glaring & dazzling, is it sexually demeaning for him to portray such a “feminine” pose?

That’s what myheritage seems to think so. A fantastic site I came across at Marzie’s blog, it is a place where you can upload your pic and search for your celebrity look-alikes. I uploaded my pic, a great Kodak moment, only to get a result of 10 celebrity look-alikes, all women! Aaaaargh.



But then, it struck me. Yes, this is definitely a case of sexism! So I googled for (dimple smile) Shah Rukh Khan’s pic online and replaced my snaps with his. Viola, again I got a result with the fairer sex dominating the scene.



Sexists! A whole bunch of female chauvinists out there! Who made a declaration that dimple smiles are exclusively a girl’s thing? Bring out the banners Ma’, me and muh boys are gonna march down “Raj Path” and “Vidhan Soudha” protesting this gross sexual discrimination. Especially in this age of metrosexuality, it is a crude depiction of men to be compared to women just because of our dimples! Burn the conservatives. Brothers, unite!

If Martin Luther King Jr. was alive today, his immortal speech would probably go something like:

>> I have a dream, that one day this Nation will rise together as one, not just men and women, but also men with dimples, to live out the true meaning of its creed, that all men are equal, whether they have dimples or not.

>> I have a dream that one day the State of Maharashtra, a state sweltering with heat of injustice and oppression among the dimple haves and have-nots, will be transformed into an oasis of dimple-freedom and dimple-justice.

>> I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Rajasthan the sons of men with dimples and the sons of dimple-less men will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.

>> I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the dimple on their face but by the content of their character.

>> I have a dream that one day man, with or without dimples, will look at a woman straight in the face and scream out at the top of his lungs, “who let the toilet seat down?”

One smart-aleck once said, “The weaker sex is usually the stronger sex because of the weakness the stronger sex have for the weaker sex”. He probably said that after being manipulated and exploited endlessly by his androphobic girl-friend. He was also probably drunk, and probably had a dimple too.

Dimplophobia: Fear of dimples

It is a known fact that most of us guys don’t care as much as the women about how we look. And even if we do care about our looks, the only thing we want to look like, is to look “cool”. The word “cool” in this perspective covers a wide range: We wanna be as cool as Bruce Willis in “Die Hard”, or Keanu Reeves in “Constantine” & “Matrix”, or Orlando Bloom as “Legolas” in “LOR”, or James Gandolfini in “The Sopranos”… That’s what we guys mean by being “cool”.

And the one word we definitely do not want to be associated with, is the word “cute”. Ban that word! Cool, good. Cute, bad.

Suppose a guy meets two girls at a social gathering and one of the girls really got to like him a lot and mentions that he is really cute, the guy would of course beam with self-conceit. But when he goes back to his group of guy friends and they ask him what happened, I can bet my dimples that he would not tell them she used the word “cute” to describe him. Instead he would probably lie and said she found him “cool”.

And you know what? Cute is sometimes defined by the presence of dimples. I admit people never find me cute, at least when they are sober. But still, I guess that’s better than being called ugly or repulsive or Gollum or Jabba the Hutt or Jar Jar Binks.

This is what myheritage churned out when I submitted a pic of me with no dimples and with no smile.



That, I like. Until then, I will spend sleepless nights turning and tossing from the fact that the formula “Me + Dimple + Smile = Female” is there for everybody to see, laugh at and mock.