Chp 128. Shrek of the Caribbean’s 13

A review of the latest release of Shrek, Pirates and Ocean’s 13.

Caution: May contain spoilers. [That is, in case you haven’t watched them yet (duh), which is quite unlikely as I am only able to publish this post 4 days after I wrote it due to scarcity of internet access here in Mumbai near my apartment]

One of the greatest perks of vacationing with your elder sister is that you get to watch a lot of movies, all free of cost .

And what moment can be more auspicious than these past two weekends which just saw the release of three much awaited Hollywood blockbuster sequels: Shrek the Third, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s end, and Ocean’s 13.

Frankly speaking, I was quite disappointed with “Shrek the Third”. Maybe because of all the hype surrounding it or that the previous two parts were just too damn good. Or maybe it’s a fact that the film Industry cannot pull a “Godfather” again, that is, make all the sequels as great as the prequel.

Movies	I	II	III
The Godfather
Shrek
Pirates of the Caribbean
Ocean’s 11-13

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Rating the three new releases, this is my order of preference:

Ocean's 13

Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End

Shrek the Third

3^rd Place: Shrek the Third.

No pun intended on “Shrek the Third” indeed coming third . At the end of the show, one can’t help having that eerie feeling that somewhere out there, the directors, producers, writers and casts are laughing their asses out at us for falling for their sick prank.

The humor in the movie was extremely bland and childish on many occasions. It was nothing compared to the previous two parts, and the introduction of Arthur (voice of Justin Timberlake) didn’t make any difference at all. In fact, frankly speaking, to me it felt as if the twisted plot lines were the result of a strong gust of wind suddenly blowing inside the studio and mixing up all the plot lines of different projects… I mean, mixing up fairy tales with folklores and myths and urban legends? In the previous part, we saw the Fairy Godmother as the main villain. Part one introduced us to the three little pigs, pinnochio, gingerbread man etc. I sincerely felt the writers shouldn’t have brought in the characters of King Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot, the headless horse man, cyclops etc this time.

I think what made it worse was the grand build-up to the movie. With all the hype surrounding it, one automatically goes to see the movie expecting it to be better than or at least as great as the previous two parts. My sense of humor just got slam dunked and all you see at the end of the show were just frowning faces everywhere. The kids loved it though; you could hear them laughing during the entire movie at any damn thing, after all, they are just kids. Even tele-tubbies make them laugh. But for grown-ups, this movie is a complete no-no.


2^nd Place: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

We loved it. But then, after a not so great second part (Dead man’s chest), we do deserve to be entertained . Loved the humor, especially the Pirate jokes. And the best part was, Captain Barbossa’s back! Love him. He’s an epitome of all things Pirate .

Keira Knightley’s as dashing as ever, charming her way with her boyish yet feminine appeal right into our hearts. The action scenes were definitely better choreographed than the previous part. And hey, the movie’s almost 3 hours long, but I feel it’s definitely worth your money.

Chow Yun-Fatt was another ingredient to this great blockbuster. Acting wise, I give him a full 10 out of 10. But I was disappointed a bit because the writers did not utilize his full potential as a martial-arts artist. No such fancy trademark moves of his during the rumble. And speaking of Chinese, there was that Singapore bath-tub scene where two hot Chinese babes were “fanning” Chow Yun-Fatt, and when the British soldiers came, one of the girls got shot in the head. The other girl looked up with burning vengeance in her eyes. At this point, I expected her to do some really fancy kung-fu move or something like that. But nah, the next scene, she too was shot. What an anti-climax.

Apart from that, the movie was fantastic. Swashbuckling action and sarcastic humor wise, this movie takes the cake. Plot wise though… hmmm there are a few too many loop holes. Like for example, when the British soldiers were holding Davy Jones’ heart at ransom, threatening to shoot it to pieces if the crew of the Black Pearl disobeyed them, well, knowing the almost-supernatural powers of the human-fish mutant crew, I’m sure they would have secured the heart safely had they rushed the nervous and scared British troops. And then I didn’t get the part about the Calypso at all. So she grew bigger and bigger. Then she turned into hundreds of crabs. Then she created a whirlpool. And then what? That wasn’t what I expected after all the hype created by the pirates about the dangers of releasing her.

And the meeting of the Heads of “their respective Seas” didn’t exactly make me go all “wow”. A meeting of the head of different families of a mafia would make me sit up more on my seat than this (even that music video “…them thangs” by G-Unit (50Cents) with a similar assembly of different head honchos is more exciting to watch).

Anyway, with all the fantastic action scenes and slick Jack Sparrow humor, this movie is worth every penny.


1^st Place: Ocean’s 13.

After a rather dull and boring second part, the magic of Clooney and Brad Pitt finally struck again. We all loved the first part, didn’t we? You’ll love this one too.

Al Pacino played out his role perfectly. There was no Julia Roberts this time, but I think its better that she wasn’t. I mean, how corny is it for a movie star playing a certain character to play a part of the actual movie star’s character (in “Ocean’s 12”) even if it means a few minutes guest appearance of Bruce Willis. No wonder the second part was such a flop. This time, the writers have done their homework well, learning from their mistakes. And the result? A fantastic third part.

Just a small suggestion though. They should have written Yen’s Chinese dialogues during the movie with English subtitles. So what if the crew understands Chinese? The audiences don’t. Eventually we get what the little China man is saying because the rest of the cast talk in such a way (subtle repetition of what he said in English under the sly pretext of exclamation) that we can figure out what he said in Chinese. But when the rest of the crew do that too often, the fact that they are trying to translate what Yen said in Chinese to the audiences is pretty obvious and hence becomes quite lame.

Over all, this is the best movie to watch this summer so far. I didn’t like Spiderman 3 at all. And then there is the upcoming sequel of Fantastic Four (Silver Surfer) to hit the silver screen next week. I will be in Delhi with my baby by then, so I guess even if the movie sucks, let’s just say I won’t be disappointed inside the theatre *evil GRIN*

Chp 127. NBA 2007 Finals [Game 1]

Three new posts in a span of 24 hours. Must be the Mumbai heat getting into my head

Woke up this morning at 6 am although the game was supposed to start only at 0630 hours IST, because I was hoping to catch some of the highlights of “The road to the Finals” of both the Eastern and Western Conference. But nah. Nothing. No such build-up. Just the usual “Sportscenter” program running on ESPN. Then at 6:30am the game started.

Before that, let’s take a brief look at how these two best teams from the Eastern and Western Conference got here:

Spurs: 1 Cavs: 0
Spurs: 4 Jazz: 1
Spurs: 4 Suns: 2
Spurs: 4 Nuggets: 1

Cavs: 0 Spurs: 1
Cavs: 4 Pistons: 2
Cavs: 4 Nets: 2
Cavs: 4 Wizards: 0

Made my usual (extra strong) coffee as I parked my sleepy ass on top of the burly cushy bean bag. Here is my own personal recap of this morning’s game, noted down on the comp after each Quarter. What time is it? Game Time!!!!

1^st Quarter:

Slow start. Yawnnn. The Cavaliers ended the first quarter by missing 9 of their last 10 shots. Lebron James scored just two points while Duncan converted 8 points with great assists from Parker. Parker was on fire, challenging the tall Cavalier defence with awesome drive-ins and teasing them around. He massed up 6 points. And regarding my earlier question in my previous post, the answer is, yes, Parker is still very much seeing Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives), and in fact they are planning to tie the knot next month. She was right there at courtside cheering for her fiancé. Lucky Parker!

Spurs: 20 Cavs: 15

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2^nd Quarter:

Spurs lost the lead by going the first 6 minutes without scoring a point. Ginobili played badly, fumbling in the offence court, missing shots and creating unnecessary turnovers. That kinda executed a domino effect on the rest of the team, and Cavs took a 25-22 lead half way through the second quarter. Time-out called by the Spurs.

And then something happened during that time-out; Either it was old man Gregg Popovich giving a good pep talk to his players or Eva Longoria secretly giving a flying kiss to Parker, but after that time-out, the Spurs were on fire. Amazing assists (Steve Nash style) from Parker. The Spurs took a 9-0 run in less than one minute! Score- Spurs 31 Cavs 26. Another Time-out.

Lebron James is now on Parker, man to man. Immediately Popovich brought in Ginobili to help Parker in the offence. It worked. The Spurs were still unstoppable. Eric Snow (of the Sixers fame), the only “veteran” player from Cavs to have played the NBA Finals before, entered the game with around 14 seconds to go. The second quarter ended with Lebron James on just 1 assist and 4 points (all Free Throws) with a 0-7 Field Goal! Parker ended the first half with 12 points and 5 assists. Duncan had 14 points and 6 rebounds.

Spurs: 40 Cavs: 35

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Half Time report on ESPN: “The special relationship between Gregg Popovich and Tim Duncan”. Yawnnnnnnn. How clichéd can things get? We’ve seen these things a zillion times whenever there’s an outstanding coach and an outstanding player making it to the Finals: Phil Jackson & Michael Jordan, Jerry Sloan & John Stockton, Don Nelson & Steve Nash, Larry Brown & Iverson, Pat Riley & Alonzo Mourning, etc etc. What we miss out the most during half-time when watching such a match on cable are the cheer leaders .

3^rd Quarter:

Grant Hill and the other commentators at Half Time report were right; the game was becoming a Tony Parker show. Parker put in 6 more points in the third quarter. Lebron James scored his first Field Goal after 6 minutes. At this point, I think the best performer from Cavs would be Gooden with 12 points and 2 assists in this quarter, although that flagrant foul on Ginobili with 2:21 to go was unecessary.

Ginobili contributed well too, with 9 points and a 2-3 three point FG. Towards the end of the third quarter the Spurs seemed to have completed decimated the Cavs. Lebron James was still struggling with just 8 points and a 2-12 shooting FG! Tim Duncan reached his double-double with 20 points and 11 rebounds before being substituted by Elson with 0:47 seconds remaining on the clock.

Spurs: 64 Cavs: 49

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3rd Quarter break: I seriously felt the game kinda sucked. What makes a great game? At this point, both teams should have scored more than 60 points at least, with at least two key players from both teams in foul trouble. In this game, nobody’s in the danger zone when it comes to fouls. Hence, no thrill. I love it when the players had to change their pace and game-play because of foul troubles. Other incidents that make a game a great game: Over-Times, fist fights and heated arguments! Today’s game felt as if all of them were on sedatives or something like that. I’ve never seen such a pacified & tranquilized Finals as today’s.

4^th Quarter:

Spurs continued to dominate. Although a part of me was happy, there was also a part of me disappointed because Cavs were not putting up a good fight at all. It definitely did not feel like the Playoffs, leave alone the Finals. Spurs surprisingly took more offensive rebounds than was expected. I think that was the main key to them taking such a good lead. Halfway through the fourth quarter Spurs were on an 18 point lead. Spurs had a good percentage from beyond the arch too, with most of them burying 3’s above 50% FG. James scored his first three points with 6:50 to go. Parker replied immediately with a coast-to-coast drive-in. Lebron then answered with a 3 point “back-to-back three” reply to Parker’s reply. Are things starting to heat up? Too little too late. Spurs were on a 14 point lead with 5:56 to go. Time-out.

Cavs came back and put up a worthy fight nevertheless. With 2:27 to go, the lead was reduced to single digit (78-69). Another Time-out.

Lebron James blocked Parker at one end (it looked like Goal Tending to me) and Gibson fired a three at the other, reducing the game to an 8 point lead with 1:45 to go. Duncan increased it to a 10 point game with 45 seconds remaining. Gibson fired another 2 point, 6-8 from the field, pulling back the lead to 8. Parker with a three point play put it back to 11 points lead. Again Gibson answered with a two (7-9 FG) with 8 seconds to go. Too late. Spurs clinched the first game with a 9 point lead. Yay.

Spurs: 85 Cavs: 76

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Spur’s path to victory:

1. Spur’s excellent defence completely disabled Lebron James. There were always others around to help out whoever was taking James.
2. Offensive rebounds. Cavs took 7 offensive rebounds out of their today 32, while Spurs massed up a whooping 43 rebounds out of which 13 were offensive rebounds!
3. Apart from 24 points and 13 rebounds, Duncan also contributed to 5 blocks (I still love his shy smile after every time he blocks someone). Lebron James on the other hand had just 14 points, 7 rebounds and 1 block.

Players who scored doubled-digits in Game 1.

Players (team)	Points	FG	Assists	Rebounds
Parker (S)	27	12-23	7	4
Duncan (S)	24	10-17	1	13
Gibson (C)	16	7-9	4	1
Ginobili (S)	16	5-12	0	8
L.James (C)	14	4-16	4	7
Gooden (C)	14	6-9	0	4
Pavlovic (C)	13	6-12	0	5
Varejao (C)	10	3-6	0	4

Over all, Spurs had a 45.3 FG percentage while Cavs shot 42.9%

Hoping to see a higher percentage from both teams on the next game. Go Spursss!!!

Next Game: Monday morning 0630 hours IST @ ESPN.
Match venue: San Antonio.

Chp 126. Mumbai diary

Content:
* NBA Finals 2007.
* Life in Mumbai.
* PC parts price-list in Mumbai.
* Autos in Mumbai.
* …and other useless topics I can cough out.

I guess this is probably the first time I am updating my blog with two new posts in one day. I really hope you go through my previous post too (shamelessly taking for granted that you are going to go through this one )

Well, so right now, as mentioned before, I am vacationing in Mumbai at my sister’s place. She just got her increment at work recently, so we are always smiling at home.

Mumbai is just like how I remembered it. After all, things don’t change much within a span of 6 months, duh. Except for that gap right in front of our apartment connecting to the highway which is now blocked. Hence we have to take a U-turn all the way ahead if we are coming from the other side. That means at least 5 rupees extra on the meter. Still, compared to Delhi, Bangalore and Chennai, the autowallahs in Mumbai rock: They all obediently ply by the meter unlike the other places mentioned above.

Everybody in our Apartment like Sify Café uncle, phone booth uncle, milk shop uncle, cigarette shop uncle, other phone booth uncle, and the vegetable vendor all still remembered me!! They asked me where I’ve been all these time. I replied “Delhi”. They exclaimed, “Wow your Hindi has improved!” Must be the way I pronounced Delhi. Lolz. Just kidding. But I assure you, my Hindi has really improved after staying in Delhi.

Met the IIMB gang at Infinity Mall, Andheri (E). Hanged out at Monu’s posh apartment. When they asked me about Delhi, I replied, “Delhi is soooo amazing. Everybody speaks Hindi over there. Even the small kids running semi naked on the streets know Hindi!!!” Except for Amra and Monu, nobody else got the joke. You gotta be a non-Hindi speaker struggling at Hindi language classes to understand the joke. (“America is so sophisticated. Everybody can speak in English over there!” Got it? )

We ordered Shawarmas, our gang’s favorite junk food (right after KFC zinger burgers), from Monu’s place. Another subtle reminder that in Mumbai, one can order anything over the phone. And I mean anything. With a population density of over 27000 per sq km, the service industry is thriving extremely well. The population density of Delhi is around 9400/sq km – It may be the most densely populated State/UT in India, but city-wise, Mumbai is way ahead. (Just for comparison: Bengaluru is approximately 3000/sqkm, Kolkata & Chennai are both around 25000/sqkm and Aizawl is around 95/sqkm).

And oh, Mumbai is humidddddd!!!! Sticky sticky sticky everywhere. Thank God my sister has an AC in her bedroom. And I don’t know if it is the AC or the responsibility talking, but I seem to be able to concentrate on my studies much more. And by studying, I mean reading through my “Manorama Yearbook 2007” (Now you know where all the density data above came from ). I plan to be familiar with the entire book by the end of August. I sincerely hope I can meet that deadline.

Apart from my IIMB friends, I’ve also met Aldrin (online nick ThugAngel) and a few others. Unfortunately I still can’t find the time to meet the others like Muang (online nick mnowluck) and some of my old friends from School and College. There is so much to pack and send to Delhi, I just feel like outsourcing this “simple” task of mine. Any takers? I will pay in bhel puris and alu chaats.

I’ve also fixed my comp finally, will pack it up along with my “things to send to Delhi” pile. Whoever said Computer accessories are the cheapest in Delhi? I asked around in Delhi for the cost of an SMPS box. Everywhere it was around 600 to 900 bucks. In Mumbai, I’ve just bought an SMPS box (with one year warranty) for 400 bucks! I might buy some other accessories too. 160 GB hard disk for around 2000 bucks, GeForce 256MB AGP card for around Rs.2000 etc. They even have a 750 GB hard disk!!!! Let me know if any of you (I mean those of you I can meet in Delhi) want anything from here.

For some people, the idea of a vacation might be “to sleep till noon”. Not for me though. Because this is the only time my sister can sleep till 8 as I get up around 7:00-7:30 in the morning to let the house maid in. And tomorrow morning, I am getting up at 6:00 am because of the NBA Finals which will be telecasted LIVE by ESPN at 0630 IST. Woohoo, I can’t wait to watch it. It’s between the Spurs and the Cavs. Of course I will be rooting for the Spurs, with veteran Tim Duncan leading the squad (I nearly changed my name to Kim Duncan during my early College years because of him!)

Kima’s head to head match up:

Point Guards: L.Hughes (Cavs) vs Parker (Spurs).
I’m sure Tony Parker has an edge, especially since Hughes has an injured foot. Although I’m not so sure if he is still seeing that Desperate Housewives girlfriend of his, Eva Longoria.
Cavs: 0 Spurs: 1

Shooting Guards: Pavlovic (Cavs) vs M.Finley (Spurs).
Finley can get the job done from down-town. He has been one of my favorite players since his Maverick days.
Cavs: 0 Spurs: 2

Forwards: Lebron James (Cavs) vs Bowen (Spurs).
Alright, advantage to the Cavs in this particular position. Nobody can stop James once he is on fire. Bowen may be one of the best perimeter defenders in the league, but it’s James he’s up against.
Cavs: 1 Spurs: 2

Power Forwards: Gooden (Cavs) vs Duncan (Spurs).
Duncan wins hands down. Go Duncan Go!! Show them who’s the 3 time league MVP and 3 time Finals MVP. Duncannnnnnnnnn!!!!
Cavs: 1 Spurs: 3

Centres: IIgauskas (Cavs) vs Oberto (Spurs).
Another position the Cavs have an advantage over the Spurs. Oberto needs to work on those post ups, especially since IIgauskas is shooting 52.5% in the playoffs.
Cavs: 2 Spurs: 3

Sixth man: Gibson (Cavs) vs Ginobili (Spurs).
I used to love Ginobili for his brave drive-ins. I still do. Plus this Argentinian got a mean shooting skill. But then, Gibson is also hot from beyond the arch.
Cavs: 2 Spurs: 4

Spurs definitely have an advantage over all, but then, team work and team dynamics are more important than individual talent and ratings. Let’s see how both the teams fare against each other. Indian TV timing (ESPN LIVE) of the Finals is listed below:

Game 1: June 07. 0630 hours. @ San Antonio.
Game 2: June 11. 0630 hours. @ San Antonio.
Game 3: June 13. 0630 hours. @ Cleveland.
Game 4: June 15. 0630 hours. @ Cleveland.
Game 5: June 18. 0630 hours. @ San Antonio. [# If necessary]
Game 6: June 20. 0630 hours. @ Cleveland. [# If necessary]
Game 7: June 22. 0630 hours. @ San Antonio. [# If necessary]

I love this Game!

Until then, this is me signing off from Mumbai, with a ticket back to Delhi on Monday. God bless you all.

Chp 125. Disemvowel

Among hundreds of new words and phrases recently added to the updated version of Collins English Dictionary, is the word “disemvowel”. It is something like a dark humor spoof, considering it’s origin from the word “disembowel” meaning “to remove the internal organs (intestine, stomach etc)”.

Yup, you guessed it. “Disemvowel” means to remove the vowels from a word, especially in sms, emails and internet chat sessions, in order to abbreviate the particular word.

Accorded to my limited perceptive observation, “disemvowelment” (which can become an addictive habit if unchecked) occurs mainly due to 6 reasons:

1. Cost cutting
2. Time saving
3. Phone model
4. Redefining “coolness”
5. Mister and Miss Busy
6. Sheer laziness

Cost cutting.

The cell phone boom of year 2K in the Indian market took place during my 2^nd year Engineering College (Coimbatore). Everybody suddenly had one. 3 rupees/min incoming call rate in 1^st year of College providentially reduced to almost 0 rupee/min outgoing call rate, thanks to fierce competition. Included in such schemes were “free sms” options¹ [see footnotes]. And coming from such a “free sms” culture, we never had the need to use short cuts in our sms, because after all, it didn’t matter if our sms crossed the one sms limit or not.

Time saving.

Disemvowelers justify their action by bringing up the time factor. Guys like me and Paul Johny (of the “more than 500 sms/day” fame) would disagree. We even conducted our own little experiment back in College. Give us a good phone with T9 option and we can assure you we will type entire sentences with coherent words quicker than disemvowlers.

Phone model.

It’s true, when it comes to technology, we must know where to draw the line. Outdated technology (old handset models with keys as hard as pebbles) and some of the latest technology (many of my friends sport PDAs now) will only hamper the desire to type proper words. Writing entire sentences in such phones feels extremely tiresome and the user has no other option but to resort to disemvoweling.

Redefining “coolness”.

“Lts B Frnds”, “Whr u frm”, “Hv V mt b4” are just some of the chat lingo one can find at various chat sessions. And sometimes, people consider it “cool” to speak like that to such an extent that a person with proper formality asking “where are you from, can we be friends?” is actually laughed and mocked at. In this process, words are replaced and soon become the actual word itself. For example, the Mizo word for monkey “zawnga” unofficially became “zonga”, which later transformed into “xonga”. Who knows what the next transformation would be? “Amos-a”?

Mister and Miss “always busy”.

When one is in the middle of an important work, or even a movie, the person usually resorts to typing the shortest sms reply possible. That’s understandable. But don’t you just hate it when somebody, who has all the time in the World, sends you a reply with just a “K” to your every sms? Hence come my last category of disemvowlers. I call it the “lazy texters”. I also call it the “Thomas Joy Syndrome”.

The Thomas Joy Syndrome.

Also known as the “K” Syndrome, people suffering from this disease tend to reply to every sms they receive with just a “K”. Aptly named after Thomas Joy, one of my closest friends (classmate and roommate right from 7^th std School till College graduation) he is an epitome of sheer laziness when it comes to sms. In fact rumor has it that the “K” he writes is actually saved as a template on his handset so that he doesn’t have to waste tremendous energy typing that single letter.

So, there you go. The disemvowelers of our era.

Why do some of us disapprove of such a habit? Because we cannot hide from the fact that we Indians are pathetic when it comes to English. Forget vocabulary, many of us still make clumsy grammatical mistakes when we speak or write English. I can assure you there will be at least 20 such mistakes in all my posts, and if it was not for “auto word correction” the number of “casualties” would definitely increase. And in the midst of us struggling with the universal lingua franca, to develop the practice of disemvoweling is to sign the death warrant of English.

Two other reasons why I don’t approve of disemvoweling especially when it comes to sms:
1. It feels like a sign of disrespect or that you’re not considered important enough in the other person’s life.
2. You may understand what you are typing, because after all, it is you who is typing. But the person who receives your sms is having a hard time trying to put two and two together. Keep that in mind.

Any English teacher will tell you the kids of today are actually using words such as “thru”, “wanna”, “bcoz”, “brb” and “lol” in their English essays. Couple that with a bunch of erroneous sentences marred by grammatical and spelling mistakes and you have the perfect ingredient for disaster. Added to all that is the influence of hip-hop with its own jargon that really makes today’s kid clueless when it comes to naming the animal that barks: Is it a dog or a dawg or a dogg?

I sggst v shld gt bk 2 r Wrn & Mrtn!

Footnotes:

¹ Free sms: I consider myself to be a part of the “old skool” of “free sms” generation. Even though some service providers still offer free sms schemes today, one can easily observe the difference between the “old skool” genX and the newbies. A newbie with “free sms” may still disemvowel while typing his/her sms because at a certain point of time, he/she didn’t use such a scheme, but us old-timers started directly with free sms, hence had no reason to cut short our length. Coimbatore (BPL and Aircel) directly kick started with free sms to gain a pie of the market share of the large College student population back in 2000-01, while most of the other places in India didn’t have such a scheme.

Chp 124. The Ironies of Love

Exactly a year ago, I left Bangalore for good ol’ Mumbai to bunk at my sister’s pad. That was when my heart was grinded, shredded and minced into a gazillion pieces. Kima became Kheema. I sought solace in my sister then, flying to Mumbai from Bangalore just in time for her birthday.

Here I am again today, flying down to Mumbai from Delhi to celebrate her birthday. The only difference is, my heart has completely healed now. Time is a healer they say. How true.

Just like the song of White Lion that goes “There is life even after a broken heart, you can fight the pain from a broken heart”, I guess the hardest part of any break-up is just the initial phase. A broken heart cannot be cured by alcohol or friends or rebound girlfriends or watching Oprah Shows all alone. The only cure is time. Had I prayed to the Good Lord, I would have definitely felt better, but back then I wasn’t the person I am right now.

One thing I have realized when it comes to this game of cat and mouse is that people who are in a relationship seem to have this know-it-all attitude about anything related to love, and those who aren’t in any relationship have a very cynical attitude about it.

The ones who think they know everything about love (especially the newly married folks), tends to irritate you up to the brink of insanity, obliviously encouraging you to point that shot-gun towards them: “You know, buddy, love is not about how she looks or speaks. It’s about feelings.” And picture in your mind your smelly hairy ugly obnoxious colleague clasping his hands firmly as soon as he uttered the word “feelings”… Aaaargh, wouldn’t you wanna commit hara-kiri too?

And then there are those who are completely skeptical about love, especially the recently dumped ones. Utter the word “love” and they’ll look at you as if you’re inflicted with the most repulsive contagious pus imaginable. The mere sentence “I think we should reconsider our situation and slow things down a bit, maybe see other people” can turn the World’s greatest amorist into the coldest cynical misogynist.

Ah, the tides of love .

Funny how all things corny and mushy makes you wanna run to the loo to throw up, and yet, when that same thing happens to you, you’re like, wowww what hit me??? It’s something like swearing never to fall in love again after an unfortunate experience, only to fall a victim to the seductive call of Aphrodite all over again.

That my friends, is how materialistic love toy with our hearts over and over and over again. Love swoops into our life and sweeps away all sense of reason. Sometimes it makes us even dumber than a baby toddler. You tell the young child, “Sonny, don’t touch that. It is hot. It is called fire!” or “Don’t shove your teeny weeny fingers inside that electrical socket”, chances are, he will probably do it. But the difference is, once he realize how much it hurts, he will never do it again. We, on the other hand, are fully aware of the consequences, yet repeat it nevertheless. It’s something like that joke “One sure evidence that there exists superior extra-terrestrial life beyond Earth is that they haven’t tried to contact us” .

Still, that is how life is. C’est la vie.

In any relationship, it is of utmost importance to realize which World we live in. People too engrossed in romantic novels à la M&B sometimes make the mistake of trying to live out that delusion dream of a perfect relationship with a perfect Prince Charming. And while doing so, often make the mistake of missing that oh so obvious train stopping right in front of them.

Girl, here’s a radical suggestion. Throw away your Carole Mortimers, Emma Darcys and Daniel Steeles. Try reading Guy-ie magazines instead (not the graphical kind). Because what is the point in reading such mushy books when it is a known fact that we guys will never read them?

It’s something like table manners. Girl reads book on table etiquette. Guy reads book on table etiquette. Girl and Guy sit together at table. Things work out fine because the guy does everything the girl wishes him to do, according to the book on table manners.

But when it comes to love, girl reads girlie mags, guy does not read girlie mags, and hence does not do the things the girl expects. And in the end she tells her friends that he is unromantic and unaffectionate. Here’s a thought. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the guy is romantic and affectionate, and that the problem lies with the girl being over-romantic and over-affectionate?

I mean, is there a tangible standard definition of what romance actually is? To a girl, romance can be a candle lit dinner, red wine and Michael Bublé playing at the background, whereas to a guy, romance can very well be a greasy KFC zinger burger, a can of Kingfisher beer and Metallica blasting at the background. You might say, “use your common sense, the second option is not romantic at all”. Now hold that thought for a moment while I explain my theory of “burger + heavy metal” romance . The very word “common-sense” means that the knowledge is common. The question you should ask yourself is, “made common by what?” Made common of course by all those M&B writers, Archies & Hallmark cards and sophisticated restaurants thinking of different ways to increase their profit.

Seriously, here is a food for thought. Giving a rose to your loved one, no matter how clichéd that is, can still pass on as something “sweet”. Now are you really giving that rose because it is sweet, or because it is a depiction of being sweet as is observed in the movies and novels? Take the Holy Bible for example. There are many great love stories in there, especially King Solomon’s “Song of Songs”. Yet we never find anybody actually “getting down on their knees to admit their undying love” or “holding hands and walking together by the idyllic shores of the Red Sea drenched in myrrh and frankincense while romantically sharing an exotic plate of barbequed manna”. The Love mentioned in the Bible is pure, unadulterated and direct, with no extra fittings. The extra fittings are just an invention of the human mind along the passage of time for that “feel-good” factor.

Anyway I guess those are the ironies of love.

• You play with fire, you get burnt. Yet the spirit of love never dies.
  
• There is no love without hurt.
  
• Things you used to find too corny and “so not you” suddenly become your very principle of existence the moment you fall in love.
  
• The moment you fall out of love, you suddenly have this strange unexplainable hatred for all the opposite sex. The harder you fall, the deeper your hatred.
  
• No matter how “artificial” some of our behaviors are when it comes to love, you still do them nonetheless.

Have a great week ahead.

Ps. I will try updating my blog from Mumbai, but will most probably not able to update the “blog section” of misual.com. until then, keep the faith everybody.

Chp 123. Horoscopic love!

[Tagged: Humor]

How many of you believe in horoscope?

I have come across so many occasions where people would actually judge other people by their horoscope! Suppose your boss has the habit of shouting at everybody in the office; one person is sure to remark, “not surprising, he’s a Leo” . X dumped Y and is now with Z, hence another remark, “X is a Taurean while Y is a Sagittarian. These two are not compatible at all, which is why X is with Z, a Piscean.” You have no idea how hard it is for a person who doesn’t believe in horoscopes standing next to you to control his laughter.

I am a cusp (Aries-Taurean). When my friend Paul, the only guy friend I have who’s hardcore into horoscopes, heard about this, his immediate exclamation was “Duuuude! You’re a freaking cusp! You know how many chicks would fall for that? Mannnn if I were you, I would definitely exploit this chance!” lolz. I guess horoscopic serenading just ain’t my style . I came to know about me being a cusp only a couple of years ago during my Hyderabad days from my dear friend Kini (“bestest” friend types, if you know what I mean). She and I would spend every morning reading our horoscopes together. I would make fun of the various predictions while she would try her best to be serious about it.

Naaah, I don’t believe in horoscopes anymore. The only time I’ve ever believed in it (briefly) was during my High school days when I used to have this gargantuan crush on T. She was my childhood sweetheart, but unfortunately I wasn’t hers. She hardly even knew I existed. Horoscope is something like wrestling; you outgrow it with age. And later on as you look back, you find it extremely ridiculous that you once used to ardently believe those things were actually real and genuine.

The daily horoscopes printed on newspapers are so global and generalized that anybody can apply any of it to their life. Many of you horoscope followers will hate me for saying this, but do conduct this little experiment. When a friend asks you to read out her horoscope, read out some other horoscope instead. Trust me, at the end she will still swoon in complete belief and approval, exclaiming “ah, that is soooo true!” .

Horoscopes have never played any role in any of my relationships. Till now, all the women I’ve been emotionally involved with or attracted to are all the eldest in their family. The reason for this is not “horoscopical” but rather psychological. Women with younger siblings are more mature mentally in dealing with the whim and fancy of their younger siblings, and are more understanding and caring when it comes to general people-skills. And since I’m the youngest in my family with three elder sisters, I guess a part of me will always be spoilt and childish. I believe the youngest of any family can never truly outgrow being pampered with love and affection. This should not be confused with maturity. The youngest of a family may be very responsible and mature with his studies, work and life, but there will always be a thin streak of childishness when he’s alone with his elder sisters.

I’m just trying to imagine what would have happened had I taken Paul’s advice and played the cusp card. In my mind, there I was walking up to an attractive lady sitting all alone at the bar table inside a discotheque with “single and ready to mingle” written all over her face, smile, posture and body language. I cleared my throat as I bent over to whisper into her ears, “Hi, how yoooo doing? I’m a cusp”. And as soon as I uttered the magical word “cusp”, her face immediately lit up as she raised her pretty eyebrows revealing a twinkle in her eyes. She looked at me like a starved African Lion looking at a luscious plump zebra galloping just two feet away. Then she suddenly pounced on me and threw me on top of the bar table. She dived on top of me as she screamed while tearing her clothes “Oh My God! A CUSP! You’re a cusp!!! Take me! Take me! Give it to me right here you mighty mighty mighty cusp! Give it to meeeee!!!”

Naaah.

That will never happen. But I’m pretty sure my friend Paul thinks that can actually happen. Hehehehe .

Chp 122. Speech in Mizoram

One of my closest friends Isaac (Online nick: Jupiter) called me up the other day:

"Bastard, don't tell me you're the same Kima who gave a motivational speech on career guidance at Dawrpui School recently?"

"Uhhhh... yeah. How in the World did you find out about thattt???"

"My girl-friend is studying in that same school and she told me about it. I knew there won't be that many Kimas in Mizoram who can pull off something like that while making it interesting at the same time. Plus she mentioned about IIM-Bangalore..."

"Your girl-friend is in 12th standard? Oh my God!!! Catching them young huh? Is she into M&B novels or she's still at the barbie doll phase? Ever heard of statutory rape? You're one step away from pedophilia..." And the tables turned and I ended up taking his trip even before he could continue with his plan to take my trip. Wrong day to pick on me Isaac :)

So that's what I did, on the last day of my stay in Mizoram a month ago before flying down here to Delhi: Gave a speech infront of a large School audience on the topics: Career, Enginerring, MBA, UPSC and "studying outside Mizoram". Yeah if my friends Amol, Tommy, Monu, Amra, Ankita, Shubha etc ever knew about this, they would all die laughing.

Two of my UPSC tutors at MU (Mizoram University) - Dorothy (English) and Pratab (GS), invited me to give a small pep talk at Dawrpui School of Science and Technology, Aizawl. At first I was a bit reluctant of course, but then, never underestimate the persistence of an English teacher: Dorothy’s continuous bombardments of complex English vocabulary finally annihilated the very last bit of resistance within me: I gave the speech just before leaving Mizoram.

Speaking in front of an audience is a cakewalk for me now, thanks to my short stint at IIMB, where our speeches were not only monitored and judged on the spot, but also videotaped for further analysis. Stage fear was not a problem; neither was coming up with an impromptu speech. The only problem was, I’ve never studied in Mizoram since class 2, hence I had no idea what level should my speech be tuned to for my target audience.

On D-Day, I walked into the class. The students of both sections were packed into the auditorium, with the teachers hovering by the sides. I stood on the podium, took a deep breath and looked around. Girls clearly outnumbered the boys. I also felt that the girls had too much make-up on them for merely class 12 students, but then, maybe that’s the practice in Mizoram.

Prof. Bringi Dev, my beloved Managerial Communications Prof always used to say, "The key to making a great speech lies entirely in the opening line; Make it interesting and you have the audience’s unmitigated attention throughout the speech; Screw that up and expect tomatoes to be thrown at you". My opening line was, “Ah. 12th standard. I’ll do anything to relive those days again. To be young, carefree and wild once again. To fall madly in love with a person sitting in your class thinking he or she is the one you’re going to end up with for the rest of your life. Well, let me assure you that that will not happen. Similarly, you will most definitely not end up doing what you dream about the most. And that is what I am here to talk about.” Hook, line and sinker.

Trick no.2: Body languages, eye contacts, dramatic pauses, spontaneity, confidence, enthusiasm etc to increase the audience’s attention, a fact that need not be mentioned here.

Trick no.3: Making them comfortable. The more comfortable they are, the more they open up. During the Q&A round, the first student to ask me a doubt stood up and addressed me as "Sir". My immediate reaction was quick smirk followed by an immediate gesture to make him sit down. I told them not to call me "sir" or stand up, and that everything should be casual and informal. I sincerely believed more students ended up asking more questions because of that.

I talked about Engineering and MBBS. I cleared one of the biggest misconceptions about computer engineers in Mizoram, where most people think a Comp Engg is just someone who can fix your computer that won't boot, or install Windows and Anti-virus, repair system registry and configs, recover corrupted/lost files, download codecs for movie files etc etc. I told them the real meaning of a software engineer, and explained about programming using different languages, and also the importance of Maths in any engineering field.

Trick no.4: A brief joke here and there, especially if directed against one of their teachers, makes everything seem more interesting *naughty grin*. I took Pratab's trip on a couple of occasions: The entire class laughed, and when I returned to my topic, the response from the students was much fresher. And then of course I couldn't help cracking a sexist Engineering joke. Like, when I explained about the trend in which more males go into engineering than their female counterparts, I slip by a brief jest: Suppose there is an engineering crisis, say an electrical fuse. A man will look at the fusebox and try to analyse what is wrong. Is the transistor malfunctioning? Is there a loose connection somewhere? Is the input power voltage too low? A woman on the other hand, will first think, ok if I’m going to fix that, what dress should I wear? Will the color of the fusebox go with my nail-polish? Will the spark reveal the foundation on my cheek?

I can wholeheartedly say I captured the student's undivided attention especially when I was talking about MBA, explaining what marketting, HR, finance, consultancy etc were all about, although I confess I did get a little bit carried away with some of my examples, judging from some of the blank expressions on the students' faces. Hehehe. Anyway, I sure am glad I was able to clear a lot of the students' doubts. The entire speech including the Q&A round was estimated to go on for around 30mins to an hour; Instead we easily crossed 2 hours of amazing class participation.

Another topic I really enjoyed talking about was on "the life of a Mizo studying outside Mizoram", where I warned them about the dangers of "parental detachments", that they should all be extremely careful about not attending classes and about the "night life" of the metros that could devour them into pieces if they did not have any self-control. The girls should especially be aware of the fact that they would no longer be under the protective eyes of their parents and the Mizo society, hence there would always be guys around at every nook and corner ready to "do something to them that they will regret later". I warned them about the liberalness of the places outside Mizoram where one could acquire not just alcohol but street drugs freely unlike in Mizoram.

All in all, I felt a strange feeling of satisfaction and contribution to the welfare of our society after giving that speech. Even though I knew that these children would definitely be given such warnings by their parents or friends, I felt better knowing I personally played a small role in carving out the giants that they would be later on in life. God bless them all.

Chp 121. To dimple or not to dimple

[Secular post, tagged: Humor]

Is smiling discriminative? I mean, for a dimpled guy smiling with all thirty-two teeth glaring & dazzling, is it sexually demeaning for him to portray such a “feminine” pose?

That’s what myheritage seems to think so. A fantastic site I came across at Marzie’s blog, it is a place where you can upload your pic and search for your celebrity look-alikes. I uploaded my pic, a great Kodak moment, only to get a result of 10 celebrity look-alikes, all women! Aaaaargh.



But then, it struck me. Yes, this is definitely a case of sexism! So I googled for (dimple smile) Shah Rukh Khan’s pic online and replaced my snaps with his. Viola, again I got a result with the fairer sex dominating the scene.



Sexists! A whole bunch of female chauvinists out there! Who made a declaration that dimple smiles are exclusively a girl’s thing? Bring out the banners Ma’, me and muh boys are gonna march down “Raj Path” and “Vidhan Soudha” protesting this gross sexual discrimination. Especially in this age of metrosexuality, it is a crude depiction of men to be compared to women just because of our dimples! Burn the conservatives. Brothers, unite!

If Martin Luther King Jr. was alive today, his immortal speech would probably go something like:

>> I have a dream, that one day this Nation will rise together as one, not just men and women, but also men with dimples, to live out the true meaning of its creed, that all men are equal, whether they have dimples or not.

>> I have a dream that one day the State of Maharashtra, a state sweltering with heat of injustice and oppression among the dimple haves and have-nots, will be transformed into an oasis of dimple-freedom and dimple-justice.

>> I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Rajasthan the sons of men with dimples and the sons of dimple-less men will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.

>> I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the dimple on their face but by the content of their character.

>> I have a dream that one day man, with or without dimples, will look at a woman straight in the face and scream out at the top of his lungs, “who let the toilet seat down?”

One smart-aleck once said, “The weaker sex is usually the stronger sex because of the weakness the stronger sex have for the weaker sex”. He probably said that after being manipulated and exploited endlessly by his androphobic girl-friend. He was also probably drunk, and probably had a dimple too.

Dimplophobia: Fear of dimples

It is a known fact that most of us guys don’t care as much as the women about how we look. And even if we do care about our looks, the only thing we want to look like, is to look “cool”. The word “cool” in this perspective covers a wide range: We wanna be as cool as Bruce Willis in “Die Hard”, or Keanu Reeves in “Constantine” & “Matrix”, or Orlando Bloom as “Legolas” in “LOR”, or James Gandolfini in “The Sopranos”… That’s what we guys mean by being “cool”.

And the one word we definitely do not want to be associated with, is the word “cute”. Ban that word! Cool, good. Cute, bad.

Suppose a guy meets two girls at a social gathering and one of the girls really got to like him a lot and mentions that he is really cute, the guy would of course beam with self-conceit. But when he goes back to his group of guy friends and they ask him what happened, I can bet my dimples that he would not tell them she used the word “cute” to describe him. Instead he would probably lie and said she found him “cool”.

And you know what? Cute is sometimes defined by the presence of dimples. I admit people never find me cute, at least when they are sober. But still, I guess that’s better than being called ugly or repulsive or Gollum or Jabba the Hutt or Jar Jar Binks.

This is what myheritage churned out when I submitted a pic of me with no dimples and with no smile.



That, I like. Until then, I will spend sleepless nights turning and tossing from the fact that the formula “Me + Dimple + Smile = Female” is there for everybody to see, laugh at and mock.

Chp 120. SRS - Simulating “Reverend” Spiderman?

Yesterday we went and saw Spiderman-3. T’was a lot of fun. But being a comic freak, one can’t help grumbling a bit about the deviation from the “Ultimate Spiderman” series (the movie was based more on the original version of 1960’s) – According to my huge collection of Marvel and DC comics, Venom was created in a lab by Peter Parker’s dad, Gwen Stacy was more of a street-smart rebel, Sandman was never involved in the murder of Ben Parker etc etc. But hey, I will survive.

With great power come great responsibilities.

Immortal words by Ben Parker. Clichéd and hackneyed, but at the same time deep and insightful. I think there is a great lesson to be learnt from Spiderman. SRS, take note.

Nobody appreciates people who abuse their power, especially if that power is an outcome of a self-proclaimed autocratic societal diktat. Vigilantism, as mentioned in my previous post, is a result of the failure or incompetency of the law and order system. However, there is a big difference between the SRS and the likes of Spiderman, Superman, Batman etc. The method of operation (or should I say execution) of some of the SRS members is more similar to the likes of vigilantes like The Punisher, or when Spiderman wears the Venom suit, or when Superman puts on that red Kryptonite ring…

I appreciate all that the SRS has done for Mizoram when it comes to destroying Proxyvon tablets and other illicit intoxicants. Seriously, that is a truly noble deed.

But… the proverbial but…

That does not mean one can take the law into their hands and play God. Especially when we proudly claim Mizoram to be a Christian State (unconstitutional as that may sound). How Christian is it, when we have blood in our hands, or when the people elected to lead turn a blind eye to such actions?

Leading an unchristian life is unfortunate. But leading an unchristian life because of misinterpreting the teachings of the Bible is tragic. The latter is filled with zealous fervor, fanatically believing that he is fulfilling God’s wishes when in fact all he’s doing is hurting Him.

Rev. Mel White, cofounder of Soulforce, stated: “Historically, people's misinterpretation of the Bible has left a trail of suffering, bloodshed, and death”.

John MacArthur in his article entitled “Interpretation” at Bible Bulletin Board stated:

But it is also true that in many cases there are believers who for a number of reasons misinterpret Scripture. They come to Scripture with their presuppositions and force the Bible to conform to those presuppositions. They come to the Scripture with their predigested theology and their understanding of doctrine perhaps from the past and they want to force the Word of God into that. Or perhaps they are enamored by some prominent teacher or prominent writer and they sort of line up with that individual and they want to affirm what he says or what that group says without regard for a careful understanding of Scripture.

Christian societies have never been a stranger to Bible misinterpretations. Just like how some section of our Mizo society justify their action by claiming it to be the Lord’s commandment, other Christian societies have indeed committed such a faux-pas:

Justification of the notorious Witch hunt in Europe and early American colonies where women were burnt alive at random under false heresy accusations, justification of anti-miscegenation where white supremacists (KKK etc) claim that it is the Lord’s intention to separate different races and prevent them from inter-breeding, justification of “The curse of Ham” that encourages African slavery in America etc.

So the question is, if such a behavior in Mizoram is unchristian, then what kind of a Christian leadership should one expect? The answer, quoting from GotQuestions is:

There is Noah with his perseverance. Or Abraham with his great faith. We could look to Joseph’s unmatched integrity or to Daniel, a man of lofty moral character. Queen Esther showed tremendous courage in a hostile environment while the humble maidservant Ruth is a portrait of quiet dignity and inner strength. And no study in biblical leadership could ignore King David—a man whose passion for God is unparalleled in the pages of Old Testament writings. Moving into the New Testament, we have Mary, the mother of Jesus, who is a model of unequaled virtue. Too, there is Peter with his extra helpings of devotion and enthusiasm. And then we have the Apostle Paul, a man who considered suffering for the sake of the Gospel a reason for great personal joy.

And then of course there is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the ideal balance of sacrificial love and unbridled strength, who commands us to be non-violent and remind us that “those who live by the sword will die by the sword”.

It is quite obvious none of the role models of past Christian leaders mentioned above are the ones who go around beating up people fatally in order to cleanse the Christian society. Forming an association to prevent the entry of drugs and alcohol into Mizoram is indeed a good Christian gesture. I truly applaud the SRS for such a valiant effort. *Clap clap clap* But is violence really necessary????

Seriously, if one thinks that violence is essential in order to prevent the perpetuator from committing that crime again, then that person is dwelling in a delusional World. Because if the person’s sole source of income depends purely on drugs trafficking or illicit breweries, trust me, he will keep on committing the crime over and over again until he is caught once more. The only solution to that is imprisonment. That is what Jails are for.

And if there is something wrong with the Jails or people officially assigned to keep such people in prison, then there is something seriously wrong with the Leaders elected by the people. Is it nothing but pure hypocrisy if such a Leader elected by the people stand in front of the Church preaching the good word of the Lord and yet ignoring his duties here on Earth? How can such a Leader even consider himself to be a man of God when he knows very well that the neglect of his responsibility is having such a serious consequence among the masses? How divine is that?

As a Christian majority State, the quality of our Leaders must be devotional. But as long as we claim to be Christians and yet end up ignoring our duties or misinterpreting the passages from the Bible in order to justify our own personal whims, I might as well stick to comparing such leadership in Mizoram to comic characters as mentioned in the beginning. After all, both are fictional.

Chp 119. SRS – Unraveling the Messiah Complex

Being a huge fan of super heroes since childhood with a large collection of DC and Marvel comics, I really used to look up to super heroes such as Batman, Spiderman, X-men, JLA, JLS, Avengers etc. Most of them are vigilantes. Vigilantism usually arises when there is deterioration in the Law & Order situation. In any society, there is a certain threshold of tolerance the hoi polloi can take. Be it the failure or incompetency of a system or the oppression continuously faced by the people, there will definitely come a point in time when such people will no longer be able to tolerate it and take the law into their own hands: The Slave revolt of 137 BC, the Sepoy mutiny of 1857, the MNF rebellion of 1970’s etc.

Hence history has shown us that there are chiefly two main methods of taking the law into one’s own hands in order to “correct” the system:
1) To denounce the group & attack the entire system as a whole.
2) To remain with the group & attack parts of the system (selective).

The first method is what we call as a rebellion, coup d'état, uprising, revolt etc. The second method is what we term as vigilantism. The SRS (Supply Reduction Service), not being a part of the official Law & Order department falls under such a category. Hence there will always be those who loathe the SRS: Drug lords, booze manufacturers, alcoholics and drug addicts, anti-social elements, people who prefer to be an island, and also those with a strong sentiment against human rights violation, guardians of freedom of speech (fourth estate) and expatriates.

I on the other hand, had always been in support of the YMA’s “declaration of war” on A&D (alcohol and drugs). Leaving religious doctrine aside for some of my readers who prefer secular posts, let me mention that A&D also wreck families and society (duh!). I’ve lost close friends and family members to A&D, people who fell a victim to its addictive charm. I’ve also lost another set of close friends and family members, people who stayed clean from such substances but nevertheless fell an innocent victim to the hands of a crazy weapon-wielding drug addict or drunkard. And when the police are incompetent to prevent such an incident from occurring and when we live in a Christian society that pardons such killers (which takes place in the name of Christianity but sometimes is actually more due to societal pressure), it is only natural for a person like me to endorse such aforementioned vigilantism.

Sometimes there may be stray incidents of human rights violations. Of course my heart bleeds whenever I hear about such incidents. I wouldn’t exactly term that as a necessary evil, but weighing the good and the bad together, at least the former outweighs the latter. In places like Nagaland, Manipur etc, “organizations” like NSCN, UNLF, HNLC etc shoot such people at point blank! Things aren’t like that in good ol Mizoram. The SRS functions purely on a voluntary basis, keeping vigil throughout the night at places known for its drug trade routes, destroying “factories” and beating up peddlers from Burma and neighboring states smuggling tons of proxyvon tablets into Mizoram. Hence I always used to hold the SRS in high regards. Until I met H.

“H” is probably the most cynical overblown conceited arrogant braggart I’ve ever known! I met him through a close friend of mine and what turned out to be a simple introduction soon evolved into a regular daily tea-break companionship. He told me that he’s a part of the SRS. At first I was impressed. I’ve never met an actual SRS “foot soldier” face to face before. But soon, I just kept wishing we had never met…

A pure misanthrope at heart, H never stops talking. His mouth always used to go yakity-yakyakyak long before we even sat down inside the tiny tea shop. What I hated the most about him were those phone calls he used to receive while we were all sitting together sipping tea. He would listen for sometime and then yells out an order “yes, beat them up” or “Don’t let them go. I’m on my way. Just don’t release them, the bastards”. I always used to feel slightly sick in my stomach whenever he uttered those words on the phone, and that too with such a pompous air of authority.

Living in an opinionated world, all of us have our own opinion about almost everything: We have our own peculiar likes and dislikes. H seems to dislike everything. He criticizes everything and anything that moves- Here are a few of his “golden” misanthropical opinions I can still remember:

• Drug abusers – Scums of society. Should be beaten up.
• Drug peddlers – Should be severely beaten up!
• Illicit booze manufacturer – Burmese illegal immigrants, should be beaten up and sent back to Burma.
• Politicians – All corrupted.
• Civil servants and other officers – All corrupted.
• Government employees – All lazy, do nothing at office except eat “paan” and talk about sex with their colleagues and laugh with red teeth and fat bellies.
• Police (Excise) – All drunkards.
• KTP – Do not drink alcohol but smokes a hell lot, and also drinks tea every five minutes at the expense of the community members.
• Synod – Have forgotten their true purpose of serving the Lord, are now only concerned about their status (I didn’t get what he meant by this though).
• MHIP – Jobless housewives creating an unnecessary ruckus for publicity sake.
• Mizos working outside Mizoram – Traitors.
• Mizo women outside Mizoram – All sleep with non-Mizos for money.
  

The list goes on and on… The only organization he never criticizes (or should I say dare not criticize) is the YMA. And all I do is just listen attentively with a nod now and then to keep him talking. Even though it is a torture, sometimes it is necessary to listen to other people’s opinion, however bizarre it may be, especially if they have an extremist view in their ideology or political orientation, because it makes oneself understand other people better without simply discarding them as narrow-minded/conservative/fundamentalist etc.

From the way “H” thinks and his cynical attitude about life, it is pretty obvious that he is completely delusional about everything around him. In his belief, the entire system is contaminated by immorality, and nobody can save Mizoram from the clutches of such evil other than the SRS.

There was one incident that made me really really really detest H. One day, during our usual SRS conversation over tea, my friend brought out the topic of human rights violation. Being a silent observer, I was expecting H to say something like, beating up drug peddlers and alcohol manufacturers with rods and canes is regrettable but sometimes necessary so as to prevent them from doing it again. Instead, H snorted and laughed out loud and then clenched his fist and proudly asked us who got the guts in the whole of Mizoram to ever file a case against the SRS!!! I felt vomit rise up to my throat right then. H went on to exclaim that no lawyer will ever come forward in support of the so called victims because lawyers (people) in Mizoram have two options: Avoid crossing paths with the SRS and remain in Mizoram, or side with the victims and be kicked out of Mizoram! That was the last time I ever sat down for tea with H again. Thinking about his ugly mouth uttering that last sentence still disgusts me even now.

I am sure not everybody in the SRS is like H. I pray to God they are not. H’s attitude is far more destructive than all the proxyvon tablets that has ever entered Mizoram. You can still reform a drug-addict, but to change a mentality such as H’s would be a Herculean task because the grassroots source has already been deeply infected with a perception about society that everything is corrupted and filthy. Power fills him with a feeling of omnipotence. And with limitless power in his hands and a strong inner urge (ethnocentric “Hnam” feeling) to cleanse the system, it is only natural for a person like him to have a “God complex”.

Even though I support the SRS vigilantism to a certain extent, I boldly state that people like H must leave the organization. They give SRS a bad name. Power has gone into their head because they know they are untouchable. Abusing such power becomes a regular habit and they get drunk from excessive power the moment they wake up every morning.

We need good psychiatrists in Mizoram. Seriously. We also need a more effective law & order system. With the implementation of these two proactive strategies, I see a future Mizoram where the SRS no longer exist, not because of public disapproval but rather because they no longer need to. God bless Mizoram.

Chp 118. Delhi Ahoy!!!

Flashback: One week ago

"So when does this new course (in Delhi) start?"
"By the beginning of next month, dad."
"Hmmmm... and you really aren't satisfied with the quality of your coaching classes here?"
"Puleeeze... I mean he knows a lot, but he hardly comes to class, and most of the time spends his teaching hours dictating from DD Basu's "Introduction to the Constitution of India" with no real explanation as such..."

So there I was booking my flight ticket to Delhi for my UPSC coaching classes last week. It was a very sudden plan. I didn't even have the time to tell anybody about it. I chose a date that would be most suitable for my friends in Delhi to pick me up from the Airport. The date was 20^th April.

20^th April happened to be a Friday, a day when all my friends would be free from the shackles of their next-day-office bondage. 20^th April also happened to be the eve of my Birthday *grin* .

With just 2-3 days available for preparation, everything was hush-hush-ed. I packed my stuff quietly and left sweet ol’ Mizoram without a trace. I didn’t even have the time to inform any of my friends about my decision. On the direct flight from Aizawl to Delhi, “father_sphinx” happened to be on the same flight! Hence with the two of us leaving Mizoram, not a single editor of the popular Mizo site misual.com is now currently residing in Mizoram. Ironic huh? .

Landed at Delhi an hour away from my sweet birth anniversary. Perfect! The journey then onwards was not so smooth. First bump on the road: There was not a single PCO booth (functioning properly) inside the arrival lounge! Hence I couldn’t contact Amol who was supposed to pick me up at the Airport. Took a gamble and wheeled my luggage outside the Airport in the hope that there might be a local-call Booth outside the Terminal. There were two. Hence came the second bump on the road (A pretty nasty bump if I may elaborate): I called up Amol who was already there at the Airport and told him of my whereabouts and made another short (less than 20secs) local call; I was charged 40 bucks by the phone booth operator! Even though I have reformed and no longer have any desire to lead the life I once led, due to force of (past) habit, I couldn’t help uttering “WTF” in my head.

This was a pure case of tube-light robbery! 40 bucks for two short local calls! At first I thought the dude was just trying to rip me off because of my facial feature. But as I stood there arguing with the owner I observed the other people (non-mongoloids, read : typical Indian facial feature) actually pay 10 bucks for a local call! Both the booth owners had only notes of 10 bucks in their hands. And then Amol appeared on the scene and when I told him about the royal swindle, he bargained with the owner (or should I say pleaded?) in hindi and finally I got to pay just 20 bucks. Still, 20 bucks for 2 short local calls?????

Then Amol told me that sometimes it’s best not to argue with such people because they could create a lot of “problems”, and with a medical bill that could rise to more than Rs.5000 and probably a court case and my birthday party in a few more minutes, it was definitely not worth getting beaten up by the local goons (who are obviously in cahoots with the cops) over a mere 20-40 bucks. I couldn’t believe it. Hardly 10 minutes in Delhi and my dignity already got raped!

And yes, the two phone booths ran by those two swindling rotten-faced scoundrels right outside the Airport terminal are both Airtel Phone Booths. Kudos, Mister Sunil Bharti Mittal.

All my life, I’ve been only in South India. I can truly call Bangalore, Hyderabad, Chennai, Coimbatore, Mumbai and Cochin as my secondary home. I love South India. Most of my closest friends right from Primary School to Master’s degree College had all been South Indians, although I did have a couple of dear North Indian friends here and there too. And although I don’t mean to stereotype, I have indeed heard a lot of “stories” about North India and North Indians, in particular Delhiites. This is ofcourse not in reference to all the good people of Delhi and addressed only to the anti-social few. Hence I was indeed prepared, both mentally and physically, to face any thefts/ dacoity/ racial abuses/ ethnic slurs. I guess I just wasn’t prepared to face a 40 bucks rip-off immediately the moment I landed.

Anyway, having learnt a good lesson, Amol took me to Jaypee Vasant Continental next to Priya Complex for my birthday (dinner) party. Met the others there… it sure felt good to see everybody again, especially her. After we sat inside “Eggspectation” the Resto-Café, the clock struck 12. Happy Birthday to me, yay.!

I did have a small glass of beer to celebrate the occasion, just so as not to make my friends feel uncomfortable. That small glass funnily made me feel a bit tipsy because I haven’t touched alcohol in more than 5 months now since my born-again experience, while I used to down a full bottle of old Monk Rum at one shot before! Now I no longer have the desire or urge to get drunk again even after that one glass of beer, Praise be the Lord.

I couldn’t help laughing at the way I am spending my birthday now and they way I used to spend them for the past 7-8 years. Those other times, my B’day parties always involved unlimited booze, inebriated caterwauling, mithun-ishtyle disco dancing, intoxicated arm wrestling, and ending the night (morning) with a deep passing out, welcoming the first day of my new year with a head throbbing hangover. Last week’s celebration was so so so so much cleaner and at the same time so much more fun. I’ve never laughed out that much taking each other’s trips in such a long long time.

The Present:

Nearly a week now in Delhi. It’s not as hot as people warned me about, although the actual heat wave is yet to come. The place where I’m staying for the time being until I find my own pad is very cool compared to many other houses I already visited. Although I haven’t actually gone out that much, I really am starting to like Delhi. Neighbors and shopkeepers nearby are a bunch of extremely nice people. My roomies here tell me that the actual racial abuses and other notorieties depend upon the location/locality, and residential areas such as this are usually a safe haven for “outsiders”.

Cool. So my blogging will continue on a part time basis when I take a small break now and then from my study grind, so please do continue visiting my blog. I took a new mobile connection yesterday, and yes, it was obviously not Airtel.

Chp 117. Impression of a Christian

Easter confessions.

Four years ago (2003), Easter fell on 20th April. I remembered that date very well because the next day was my birthday. A combine birthday party was thrown by me and “V” on the previous night (PSG Tech, Coimbatore, TN). From our college gang of friends, a majority of us were Christians; hence most of us treated that night as auspicious. But as the night got younger and wilder, we all eventually ended up drinking. Even the more devoted Christians among us like P and J who were on Lent and sipping on orange juices soon turned to beer (Our gang loved beer. It was always beer on such occasions). Sadly, in the midst of our drunken follies, we had completely forgotten the significance of such a sanctified weekend.

Funny thing was, the next day all of us turned up for Church! Most of us were still sipping on limewater to cure our hangovers, but we all felt this urge within us to go to Church. We never turned up to Church for an impression on what others would think about us: we went to this really secluded Catholic Church far away from College (which was a tamil service! and none of us understood tamil properly, me being a Mizo and the rest Mallus). Yet we all felt a strange calling from within to celebrate Easter and go to a Church, any Church… maybe it was guilt, or a mixture of guilt and jubilation, or maybe it was just pure exultation.

It would be easy for anybody who saw us the previous night in our drunken-est demeanor to call us all hypocrites for going to Church the next day. A big bunch of hypocrites. I wouldn’t blame them all for calling us that, because that is the kind of impression that most of us usually pass on to our non-Christian friends here in India, that Christians are a bunch of frauds who drink a lot and lead an Americanized life and then go to Church all holy on a Sunday. Although I admit we were foolish then and gravely sinned, I wouldn’t say we were being hypocritical because of the way we kept a low profile of our Church visit and also the fact that we would all rather sleep the whole day because of our hangover rather than put on some impression we didn’t give a hoot for then.

But like it or not, that is the kind of impression many people have about Christians here in India today, especially among the youth of today’s upper and middle class section of the society. Being quite liberal and a bit more moderate than most people of other faiths, college-going Christians of urban areas are usually expected to be “amazing guys to party with” or “somebody who’s really cool and happening” or “a guy with excellent taste in english music, absolutely rocking”. Word on the street is that being a Christian will earn you some extra brownie points when applying for a job as a DJ, VJ, RJ, MC, Hostess, Event Manager etc.

A good friend of mine argued that we should not be worried about the impression we give to others and what matters the most should be “our inside”. No doubt, what is “within us”, our genuineness, our sincere faith, our honest attitude infront of God, our modesty etc are all important. But when we follow all that, we are also automatically giving out a good impression. Hence we cannot separate the two of them.

Years ago, I actually used to take my then girlfriend along with me to Church on a Sunday. She’s a Hindu. But she enjoyed going to Church with me, to listen to the teachings and sermons. I could tell that she was genuinely impressed with my religion. For the short time that we were together, I even became a better Christian. There was one incident I will never forget. One Sunday, she suddenly refused to step inside the Church with me. When I asked her why, after much hesitation, she whispered to me that she was having her periods and hence felt that she might “pollute” the holy sanctity of the Church... As she was extremely adamant about her decision inspite of my pleas and persuasions, I finally stepped inside the Church alone while she waited for me at the adjoining CCD.

Leaving old traditions and conceptions about menstruation aside, what really impressed me that day was the fact that she, a person of different faith, would show so much respect to our Church in a situation where she felt respect need to be shown. That was the impression she had about Christianity, and had we been together longer, maybe she would have converted to our faith… who knows.

Impression is more important than what most people think. We should all be aware of the fact that people of other faiths are always watching our every move, the way we dress up for Church, the way we lead our life outside the Church, how helpful are we in our society, our politeness, sincerity, honesty and dedication when it comes to work etc. When we give out a great impression, it sometimes makes other people want to follow our footsteps too especially when we practice what we preach. Gandhiji once said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

One of our obligations as a Christian is to spread the Word of God. And spreading the Word of God need not be only through sermons, preachings and missionary works. When we lead a respectable decent public life deemed appropriate of a Christian among our non-Christian friends, we are all automatically spreading God’s immortal Words. In a country with less than 3% of the total population, we have a mammoth task of standing out from the rest.

The question is, my friend, will you join me in that marathon? Lead a good Christian life inside and outside the Church, and not just lead such a life only for mere impression alone? Are we ready to show the others what being a true Christian is all about? Will you help me if I stumble and fall on the way? And more important, will you let me help you if you stumble and fall? The race has started a long time ago, my friends, come, let’s join them!