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Sunday, February 13, 2005

Chp 22. Love, jealousy & ex-girlfrens : A Valentine's Day Special


Long long time ago, before the invention of the wheel, the male homo sapiens left their rugged dark caves during the day in search of meat while their women remained in the close confinement of the caves gossiping away. And at the end of the day they all returned to their respective female homo sapiens with whatever they managed to lay their hands on. A dodo, a saber-tooth, or even a mammoth.

They were happy indeed. Each guy had his own woman. Ofcourse there was no courting involved. It was more a matter of brute strength. The strongest guy in the gang gets the first choice to choose who his woman will be. Sometimes he may choose more than one, but paleontologists haven’t proved that yet.

Once the two were paired up, the woman became a sex slave to the man, and he in turn became the victim of the earliest form of nagging in history This makes you wonder. Was our ancestor romantic? I’m sure he wouldn’t have given his woman a red rose, but maybe he atleast tried. Comon, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, after all, we wouldn’t even be here today had the woman firmly crossed her legs. I’m sure he must have done something or said something to her to make her melt in his arms.

Maybe he took her for a walk by the creepy mosquito-infested swamp in the night. And then gifted her a necklace made up of dried animal skulls to show how much he care. And then one thing led to the other… and viola, the human generation continued! And ofcourse he need not worry about protection or venereal diseases at that time, the lucky bastard.

But there’s one thing I’ve always wondered. What if things between him and his designated woman did not work out? How do they break up? And if they find new partners after that, do they feel anything about their old flame?

Ofcourse the woman might have cut off his manhood to display her anger on being dumped *ouch*. Or maybe they simply stopped talking to each other again. They both definitely had a hard time dealing with such issues.

Fast forward. Thousands of years later, mankind is still struggling on how to deal with ex-girlfrens/ex-boyfrens.

I guess I am one of the very few lucky ones to have such a good relationship with my ex. We are like very close frens now. We still talk to each other almost every nite and tell each other whats going on with our lives.

In a way, although I’ve never gotten married before, breaking up with someone ur really serious about is like getting a divorce. You’re cutting off every connection you had with someone you’ve shared everything in life with, someone who knows everything about you inside out.

Ofcourse there are many downsides. Like if you suddenly have this urge to speak to her just to hear her voice again at 3 in the morning after drinking half a bottle of rum, and u see her number “busy”, It does kinda make u feel a bit... left out.

Yeah, my ex is now seeing somebody and I’m really happy for her. Even though sometimes I do feel a bit jealous about it, its not like one of those jealousy waves that hits you when ur still going around and she disappears with somebody else while ur at the dancefloor (not that she ever did that, I’m just giving an example ). It’s a different kind of jealousy here. Its just that, its kinda difficult to accept the fact that someone you know so well and shared so much together, is now in the arms of another man.

Ofcourse I don’t have any rights to tell her anything about it, but I do have the rights to feel jealous. Even she told me that there’s nothing wrong in getting jealous. This is what happens to couples who break up.

We ofcourse have both gotten over each other. But I still don’t know why I am so uncomfortable with this entire charade. Is it because of the history that we had? Or is it simply because of the fact that I know her current boyfren very well back in college? Coz, one of the unwritten rule is that guys do not go for a close fren’s girlfren even if they break up. Girls will never understand this. It’s a complete guy thing. We NEVER make a move on our fren’s ex-girlfren.

But then, I am happy for her as she has found her destiny. Anything that makes her happy, makes me happy too. And there’s no other guy I’d want her to be with other than this guy she’s seeing right now. Makes me feel like a father giving his one and only daughter his blessings . But I will always feel uncomfortable being in the same room as she and her current boyfren. A couple of months ago, I was invited to one of my fren’s bday party. She has also invited my ex and her boyfren. When I heard about that, I cancelled out the last minute. I mean, I really don’t wanna be close to them when they are cuddling and coochie cooing each other. I can spend the whole day with my ex, or with my ex’s boyfren. But definitely not when they are together. Period.

On the brighter side, I am still happy with whats going on here. Coz I know so many guys out there we have mega problems with their ex. Not just guys but the fairer sexes too. I’ve even heard some cases about being stalked and stuff!

The only thing I wanna know is, is it possible to break up with someone and yet be such wonderful frens? As long as the two of you are not seeing anybody else, ya, I think its possible. But the moment one of you hook up with somebody, the other person obviously gets isolated. Reality bites.

My ex always calls me up now and then, and tells me to find a girlfren its just that, our heavy IIM schedule prevents me from finding the time for any commitments... Ok, that’s a very lame excuse on why I ain’t serious with anybody yet. The real reason is… guess I’m not ready yet. You know, this is really funny. Usually it’s the guy who gets over a relationship almost immediately while the girl is still hung up on him. After we broke up and I moved to Hyderabad, I’ve dated many times. I went out with this girl, I went out with that girl. It was a break that I needed. And while I was running around, my dear ex never saw anybody. And when she finally went out with somebody, she became serious with him. Where as, me, I get completely freaked out whenever anything is starting to become serious. And the final result: She is happily back in wonderland while I still roam the streets of brokenhearts alone.

Dating is fun, but its just not the same as spending time with someone u truly love.

With someone ur madly in love with, well, the time u spend with her seems to be the most wonderful time u’ve ever spend in ur entire life. Its as if time has just stopped moving and its just the two of you in this entire world. You don’t care who’s giving you a stare or notice the two auto drivers beating up each other in the distance. The most wonderful thing about being in love is the way you can see right through each other like nobody else can. You don’t need to put on a fake smile or a false accent. You don’t need to give any excuses for being late. You don’t need to give a rose for forgetting a date. At the same time you don’t need a reason to give her a rose; you can give her one whenever you feel like. You can take each other for granted. You don’t need to consult each other to make a plan for a party or an outing. You just know that the other person would love to go along. You know each other’s deepest darkest secrets. And when you tell each other that, well, the secret is no longer "dark"... She fills everything dark and sad in your life with light and warmth. You fight a lot too, but at the end of the day you always make up, promising never to fight again. And very soon, you fight again. And then make up again. The strangest thing about love is that, everytime you fight, you grow closer to each other. You fall more and more madly in love with each other everytime you say that you don’t want to speak to each other again. Sometimes you don’t need to say sorry for something you did that hurt the other person. You can make it out easily from the other person’s behaviour that even though he never said sorry, he meant sorry in every action that he makes or every sentence that comes out of his mouth. Love means never having to say you’re sorry – Eric Segal.

What can I say. We guys are lousy with words when it comes to love. Its up to the girl to understand what we really mean

Valentine’s day. Another dogged day for the lonely hearted. I don’t wanna call up my ex and ask her what her plans are for the day. As long as I am surviving out here and she’s having fun down there, all is well.

Maybe I’ll spend the day with my frens. Get drunk and crib about old flames… or go to Club X with my frens and dance the night away... who the Hell am I kidding here? We have our freaking exams on 14th, 15th and 16th!

IIMB truly rox!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.


27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sandeep here.
dude i remember reading ur blog saying that u have exams on Christmas and New Year day. And now u have exams on valentine's day? ha ha ha...
Thank God im in a Law College :-)

Mary Jane said...

Hey Kim... sniff* sniff* that was a lovely post. i could see my exact life in ur post. Beautiful words....

but the page is loading very slowly initially. could it be bcoz of the music file?

Anonymous said...

Really psychedelic man! I didnt know you could come up with all this stuff :)

way to go!

illusionaire said...

@ Sandeep : Yeah dude, life is tough out here. The PGP Office just love fixing the exam dates on every special occassions. Hey ur in Law College? Maybe u can pass a law or something like that prohibiting the IIMs from conducting exams on occassions like this!

@ Mary Jane : Thankyou. I will see to the music file. I've already reduced the size to 1.2 MB from 5MB. and hey, thanx for ur comment :)

@ anonymous : Correct me if i'm wrong but this is Peeyush rite? dude, when i ask u to leave a comment on my blog, atleast do sign ur name if ur signing as anonymous! :D

S u z a n n e said...

Do you ever really get over someone?

illusionaire said...

Well Suzanne, thats a really tough question...

I think some feelings will always be there... You can run, but you can never hide from it. Instead of running away from soemthing that will always haunt u for the rest of ur life, i guess the best option is to face it.

Face it. and live with it.

Make the best out of what's left. Thats what living is all about.

Amra said...

well well well .... wht do we have here...ladies n gentlemen: a raving romantic ... and all the time actin cool n all:ooohh i ma not a romantic@#$
:) bt good stuff.. n the song funda is cool. n dont worry abt the love bit hon , it will get u in the end. i already smell it in the air.. dont u think the air is philled with the smell of love... lotsa typos in this one huh?;)

Anonymous said...

I dunno how easy it is to get over someone while keeping in close touch with them. Kima you have to teach me this....

--Shubha

illusionaire said...

Hey Amra, are you trying to spoil my image here? :) he he, thanx for the kind words though. Ya, maybe one day i'll also have the honour of smelling what u smell... and i ain't talking about Monu! yeeewww... :D

Hey Shubz, its not that easy getting over anybody... neither is it a short process. i'll tell u how to deal with break-ups dear, but in private. When it comes to love, breaking up has never been easy.

Didi said...

Must tell u i read ALL your blogs!! and i still havent done my work...u do have a REALLY active imagination cos i know and u know that i know u have made up some facts...but chill, i wont spill after all baby bro, this is a healthier way of whiling your time away unlike the days u were a drug addict or the time u lead that sicko gang of skinheads!

illusionaire said...

Deeedeee!!!!!!!!! :)
Nice of you to visit my blog sis. Tell ur frens at TISS about my blog :D

and hey, easy on those accusations!!!! drug addict, my ass. That was like way back in 11th standard, 7 years ago. Thats like history sis. And you know very well i've cleaned up completely after that incident.

and easy on the skin-heads too. Those were my close frens back then, and they really showed me one hell of a wild time. Comon, we were all young and crazy back then. I remember all of you (my 3 elder sisters) sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to go to some rave parties at one point of time during their mid-teens. hah!
And speaking of skin-heads, isn't Haj, your darling boyfren a skin-head too? :P

Ramya said...

Hey Kima,
I think it takes a lot to still remain close to your ex. There is always this urge to get back with him/her. In a way, seeing someone else makes it easier to get over ur ex and deal with ur ex seeing someone else.
But this post was a surprise. Never seen this die hard romantic side of your before.

Anonymous said...

The Gay: he doesnt give a shit about females. but u cant do much when u r that way.
The Celebrity: you can become and come with money and power. but m n p are shortlived.
The Sissy: cashing on the female maternal instinct. u r not getting anything more than something to suck on.
The Romantic: nice and chivalrous n all that but too late to grab the boob. tut tut tut.
The Nerd: gives mental orgasms but to feel em ones gotta have a brain and so... do i have to say anymore?
So who is the gonna score this valentines? well, it is...
Grok,The Caveman: u dont find him around but he is the one who is making them cream in their panties.
so guys, drop ur levis, wrap ur package with a bearskin, pick up ur club and then.. u knw wat to do. grab em! drag em! and do em!

illusionaire said...

Gee anonymous, nice poem. Grok the caveman sounds like my hero! smooth isn't he? :)

Hey ramya, whats with all u girls? Just bcoz i expressed my feelings a little bit... emotionally, doesn't make me a die hard romantic. puleeeze. I still burp when i'm on a date, i let the girl walk on the external side of the pavement, i blow cigarette smoke on a girl's face while talking to her, i let her pay for the food and auto fare, i talk about WWE when she hinted that she wants to cuddle, and i constantly compare her with my ex-girlfrens... :)) ok ok fine, i don't do all that. But still i don't think i am what u call me. "I'm just a boy, standing infront of a girl, asking her to love him".

:)

Krish said...

"Maybe he took her for a walk by the creepy mosquito-infested swamp in the night. And then gifted her a necklace made up of dried animal skulls ..."

LOL!!!! ur really good at this man... for a minute there i was actually transported to the stone age days. you have a very vivid imagination. Keep posting...

illusionaire said...

:)
thanx Krish. how u been dude? heard delhi is getting hotter n hotter...

Jimmy said...

Hi man,
Nice post. Loved it coz I could relate with every single thing you had punched in. Yeah, my girl was mizo and in some ways, I guess you are more tolerant than you. Coz even when I hear my other mizo frens discuss about who she is going out with in Aizawl and stuff like that, I hastily jump in and try to change the subject. Or say I gotta go to the loo.
But I guess Whitelion had a point when they sang `There is life after a broken heart' rite?
I m still trying to find where mine is leading to without her ...

illusionaire said...

Yo Jimmy,
thot i'll reply at ur blog, but i see u have deleted my post, so i kinda figured u dont wanna let others know about your ex...

Listen Jimmy, i know u must be missing her a lot, but life goes on. I'm sure there are a lot of other hot mizo girls around :)

by the way u aren't a mizo right? see, there's this teeny weeny problem with mizo girls when she's going around with a non-mizo. The way u deal with such problem is different. In every community, there are always that certain number of individuals who claim that a girl from their community cannot see a guy from another community. Those people still live in the past, if u ask me. Have no idea who gave them such ridiculous "authority" over our lives.

If u want more advice on this, maybe u can reach me personally on my mail id.

just chill dude.
and keep posting.

-Kima

Jimmy said...

Hi Kima,
Well, sorry about that post. The thing was, I had screwed up my last post (if you noticed, it was kinda incomplete) and I deleted it. And your comment also went along with it
:(
Anyways, you were right about what you said. But I gotta acknowledge that I had also screwed up big-time in that relationship. Well, I cannot right the wrongs now, but I sure can kick myself whenever I think of her, can't I? Heh (:
And yes, there ARE other fish in the ocean. But i don't know why the other me does not agree.
But .. well. Before I get senti .. C'est la vie, rite?
And Kima, thanks for understanding.

illusionaire said...

Jimmy,
the best thing to do is let time heal the wounds. Maybe in the future you might get back together, who knows. But until then, u gotta move on too. Since ur a pretty big rock fan, i'll put it across in the words of White Lion...

"Well it's time to say goodbye my friend
I'm glad you stayed until
the end
I hope that you've enjoyed the time we spent
Though I know that I will be back again
I don't know just how soon my
friend
Until we meet again just think of me
I'll think of you
It was easier to say hello
Than to say goodbye
Now the bus is leaving once again
I bid farewell to you"

I read ur post about the accident u had. lol. will leave a comment on ur blog soon, now that i know ur not going to delete it :)

About the mistakes that u made, what ever they were, i believe it was a good thing. Coz this way, u won't make the same mistakes again. So just chill out and listen to Ozzy. Not "Goodbye to Romance". That will make you feel even more senti. Listen to "So tired".

"Time has come to say goodbye
I know it's gonna make you cry
But you belong to another my love
And half a love that just isn't enough

I am so tired
And I just can't wait around for you
I am so tired
And I always thought we would see it through"

Jimmy said...

Hi Kima. Dam em? (That's just me trying out my rusty mizo) Music has a thing for everything, rite? Well, tell you ... ``I bid farewell to you'' did carry me on for a long time. And u wouldn't believe it: Immediately after our split, I found myself leanin' on Ugly Kid Joe's `` Everything about you'' for a long time too. Heh.

saii said...

Let's see what Queen has to say about this..."Just one year of love
Is better than a lifetime alone..."
by the way,am impressed!!

saii said...

Let's see what Queen has to say about this..."Just one year of love
Is better than a lifetime alone..."
by the way,am impressed!!

saii said...

Let's see what Queen has to say about this..."Just one year of love
Is better than a lifetime alone..."
by the way,am impressed!!

S u z a n n e said...

Time may heal all wounds but the scars will remain...

illusionaire said...

@ Jimmy : ha ha... ur mizo is good. Yup, music definitely have a moment for every occassion. Although i was a bit surprised at u listening to Ugly Kid Joe... AFAIK, ppl listen to that song only when they get jilted... not when they have a mutual breakup. Don't feel bad about getting dump, believe me, its much better than breaking up together. Ofcourse it hurts when somebody dumps you, but that way its much easier to get over that person. When the two of u decide to break up, its freaking hard to get over each other... trust me, i know.

@ Saii : Hullo dear cousin! welcome to my humble blog. How's everything in hyderabad? Found a boyfren yet? :) Give my regards to Rose. and plz don't comment 3 times in a row :)

@ Suzanne : Totally agree with you. The scars will always be there. Nothing can heal that. I know that sux, but thats just the way it is. Atleast look at the bright side dear. There are many others like you who are facing the same problem. Although this does not change anything, i hope it makes u feel better if i tell u that many others all over the world are going thru the same thing u are going thru....

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