Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Chp 30. Anara CD controversy : My take.

Ever wondered how boring the life of a scientist must be?

Ofcourse these people enjoy their life coz they are doing what they are passionate about. Their work is their life. But to us, they live in a boring world called dullsville, whose only inhabitants are the geeky nerdy thick-thick glasses type of the human species, who probably never had sex their entire life (even the married ones ).

And just imagine how excited they must have been if, one day, they are asked to analyse a porn CD!

Lets take one scientist for example. We shall call him “Mukundan”. (I dunno why, but the name Mukundan always spring up when we discuss about nerds and everything that’s geeky in nature. Mukundan was my classmate back in engineering college. A typical first class nerd and teacher’s pet. He’s always the goody goody type, topping the class in every subject, never showing his assignments to anybody else. He spends his entire day studying. God, I hate the bastard! )

So one day Mukundan receives an order from the Supreme Court asking him to analyse a porn CD and also find out if the girl in it is the real Anara or she’s super-imposed into it? What would his world feel like right then??? Oh man… probably, oozing saliva from his wide open mouth, heart beating wild like a crazy Japanese Taiko drummer drumming away after downing 10 shots of vodka and making a panting sound that would put a dog on heat to shame.

If you’re a bit lost, I’m talking about the Anara CD controversy which is in the news now and then. Anara Gupta, a former Miss Jammu beauty queen, has been accused of acting in a porn flick. She ofcourse challenged the accusation and there’s a legal battle going on right now. The court has sent the CD to various forensic labs all over the nation. In a way, don’t u think the Law is responsible for promotional activity?

I mean, they sent the CD all the way up North, to the Chandigarh-based Central Forensic Science Laboratory. The people there said its positive the girl in the movie is Anara. Then the Court sent the CD down South, to Hyderabad, the Andhra Pradesh Forensic Science Laboratory, where the people over there said its not Anara. So the Judge presiding the case thought. North and South is done. Lets send it to West India too. So we find the CD traveling on a nice Indian Airlines flight to the Gujarat Directorate of Forensic Science. I hope they are planning to send the CD to North-east India too. Otherwise I’m suing the Government for discrimination!

And man, you should read some of the statements these people make.

Sources at the CFSL said scientists had examined 'frame-by-frame' the pornographic CD sent by the Jammu and Kashmir police on January 23 before coming to the conclusion that the girl in the film was Anara.
-Times of India


Frame by frame???? Lol. And I thought there couldn’t be anything worse than watching a Shakeela movie right at the front row of a cheap local theatre! (Long story. Being in Tamilnadu for 14 yrs, I thought what the heck, lets see what all the fuss is about this Shakeela everyone talks about. So one fine day I went with my classmates to watch one of her movies. GAWWDDDD… I couldn’t sleep that nite. Those thunder thighs kept on haunting me in my dreams for atleast a week.)

In Hyderabad, the Andhra Pradesh Forensic Science Laboratory Director K P C Gandhi said "We had compared the CD as per forensic biometric studies from head to toe, including the fingers, toes and the hair line. We found the lady featured in the blue film sent by the J&K police was not Anara."
-The Hindu


Toe? Hair-line? Definitely takes the fun out of watching a porn flick don’t u think? Unless ofcourse you're planning to get real kinky...

And here’s the best part.

The report was of three pages, but many documents, including still photographs, had been attached with the report, the sources added.
-Indianinfo.com


Now its time for the lawyers to have some fun! Imagine the pictures making the round in the courtroom, passing the penetrating eyes of the lawyers (what am I saying? You can’t get more “penetrating” than this ) and just imagine the Jury asking for a recess so that they can run to the photo-copier machine and make a copy of the “evidence”
Anyway, lets get back to the scientists now. I don’t know why, but today I am on a scientist tripping mood

Mukundan and his colleagues are sitting in their messy laboratory, crowding up around the State-of-the-art computer. In goes the CD.

Mukundan: “Dai machan…. What a figure!”
Colleague 1: “Seriously. I’ve never seen anybody as beautiful as that.”
Mukundan: “So do you think its her on the CD?”
Colleague 2: “Who cares? Now just shut up and lets watch the movie peacefully.”

If you meet anyone who works in a forensic lab, chances are that he’ll have the Anara movie hidden somewhere in his computer!

All this made me wonder. Are these people purposely giving out contradicting reports so that the CD can be sent from one forensic lab to the other? And all this time, poor Anara and her family are under tremendous pressure. Just how would YOU feel if one of your close family member is accused of acting in a porn flick? Globalization or not, we are still Indians, and by that we mean saying “Chheee chheee” to such issues.

Ok, I’m not, but most Indians are

One thing I never understood till now. Why is this issue making such a big thing when we have people like Shakeela making a new movie almost every week???? Is there some kinda “license to screw infront of a camera” that I don’t know about? For God's sake, media people, plz leave Anara and her family alone.

I even feel that RK Puram scandal was blown way out of proportion. But then, who am I to judge. We have different background, with different level of tolerance. That’s what build a great Nation. Diversity. Cheers to that…

30 comments:

Mihir said...

I am wondering why u suddenly focussed on this Anara CD scandal ?? Is something fishy here ?? :P

illusionaire said...

:P :P :P

actually, i was planning on writing about this many blogs ago.

Amol suggested i write about the budget! :))) Just imagine what i would have written then! :)

Anonymous said...

it is definitely not a porn flick. jus a happy couple tryin to capture some happy moments. n moreover, there was no third party in the scene except for the frenzied lizard which was jumpin from one wall to another probably searching for the perfect angle. wel, u cant help noticing such things wen u go frame by frame. :P

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha... your blog is too funny d00d. anyway, please update regularly. i have to view your blog everyday and see no update. sort of disappointing.

but this blog is one of your best so far. cant stop laughing!

illusionaire said...

lol anonymous1. Guess u know more about the CD than i do :) If what ur saying is true, then why make a mountain out of a mole hill? was the movie even XXX category?

yo, anonymous2. thanx, ya i was busy these past few days with my Strategy case Submission. Now i'm relatively free again...

Anonymous said...

what?! isnt it out on ur lan yet? how sad!! and the reasons for all this brouhaha are
1.they were certainly bigger than mole hills
2.it is not one of those hindi movie scenes where, as soon as the couple hits the bed, the camera for some strange reason focuses itself on a coupla doves on a distant tree tryin to get their beaks entwined or on a male-female hand clasp movin in a fashion as if the owners of the hands(obviously not in the picture) are trying to squish some beetle that got between their palms.
3.adding to 2, yes! it dus deserve a tripleX.

illusionaire said...

sorry dude, we don't have such things on our LAN. i know it sux, but everything is strictly monitored here. In a way, its good, coz it will save us from scandals a la R.K.Puram.

Anyway, lets hope Anara n her well wishers pull thru.

Anonymous said...

ohh i'm sure the dps rkp thingie will pale in front of the escapades of our mizo friend out here :D...and u seemed to b quite interested in anara ..ny plans for her?? and whats with all the people making a fuss abt porn flicks!! if anara is getting what she wants.! then whats the prob??!! :D
- T.

illusionaire said...

Tommy...
The "R.K.Puram" scandal may not be a big thing to you, but the "P.D.Tommy" scandal definitely was a big thing, na? :P :P

Say, why don't u request a song for her on the new "Song Request" section of my blog? :D
How about the song "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" by Billy Joel. Its perfect for you two! After all, that day at "Indie Joe's" was what started everything :)))

Anonymous said...

At Tommy: ha ha. Kimas taking ur trip again! LMAO.

At anonymous:
dude, u were supposed to understand what kima really meant when he said that.
hint hint: *this is a public blog*

No such thought policing or stuff like that here, don't worry. we're chill as ever :)

anyway, i've requested kima to remove that post of yours. hope u don't mind. Peace dude.

-A

illusionaire said...

hmmm... :)

But one thing i gotta admit. Lots of guys asked me if i have the CD after reading my blog! LOL. :)

for the last time, no i do not have such a CD, and i have not seen it either.

shalom

:)

Anonymous said...

well, atleast are you planning on seeing it in the nearby future?
:-))

illusionaire said...

aaaaarrrgghh!!!! :)

instead of continuing this topic here, why don't u guys request some songs instead? :) I'll play any song u want, as long as i have it with me...

Chiru said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
illusionaire said...

sorry chiru :)

Chiru said...

sorry Kima :)
Nice and funny article..

Pallavi said...

log anari ban gaye 1! heheeh !!

Anonymous said...

The worst post I have EVER read. Long and stupid and boring. Your earlier posts were entertaining and funny...

illusionaire said...

i know :(

lost interest in blogging... :(

Anonymous said...

hey d00d, what happened? dont stop blogging yaar. and dont listen to that guy who has just commented.
your blogs are always funny and i love what you wrote about the anara sex controversy.
but maybe you can reduce the length of your post a bit :-) but dont worry, that post was not boring at all.

keep on blogging yaar.

illusionaire said...

lol anonymous thanx. and dont mind that other comment. thats just my fren n classmate Allen trying to leave his trademark scorn everywhere :)

peace out.

Anonymous said...

Bah! How did u find out it was me!! I was hoping u would get pissed off and reply. Oh well... :-D

Anonymous said...

So all those genuises just sat there watching the movie frame-by-frame and noting down details about the hairlines, fingernails, eh?
My ... Ain't they missing out on the better things in life :P

Anonymous said...

So all those genuises just sat there watching the movie frame-by-frame and noting down details about the hairlines, fingernails, eh?
My ... Ain't they missing out on the better things in life :P

Anonymous said...

just came across your site through mbaleague..i think! dude, you are seriously funny....I probably will have my blog up in a few years time...

sorry to know that you are an aresnal fan:-)

illusionaire said...

@ Anonymous aka Allen: Dude, one need not be a scientist to figure out that was you :) Who else use that kinda tone all the time? :)

@ Anonymous 2: Lol dude! exactly what i was thinking! Those poor suckers... :)

@ Anonymous (who probably is a ManUtd fan): Thanx :) Hey watchout for the Gunners next year. They're gonna get the treble! :)

Anonymous said...

buddy you dont need to wait for next year for the 'treble'...arsenal loosing to manU at the F.A. cup final would be their third loss to manU this year..all said and done getting out of the champions league sucks big time for both the teams!!

illusionaire said...

he he... we'll see about that :P :P

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