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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Chp 208. Are you an average man? :)


Of late, many of us are bombarded with the vimax penis enlargement ads!

At first I thought these guys were going on a mega advertising spree but I grew suspicious when I started noticing these ads at sites such as bbc, ebay, technorati, ndtv, mtvindia, nat geo etc! And then whenever I come online from my sister’s laptop or from a Sify Cyber café, I could never see the same ads.

These are some of the ads:





At first I thought it was ip specific, kinda like a new hybrid of viral advertisement where the ad cookies determine whether you can access the ads or not based on your browser history (something like how adsense works where the displayed ads are based on the content of your particular post). I assumed that if you have cyber-nanny installed or your office bans you from visiting certain restricted sites like personal yahoo mail, orkut, myspace etc, then you may not be able to see these ads.

I was wrong.

Today as I was surfing for more details regarding this ad, I came across this interesting discussion thread.

http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=1749920&tstart=0


Allison says:

As I mentioned yesterday this is a browser hijack malware and nothing to do with your OS, server side issues or anything similar.

--------------------------------------------

12th root of 2 says:

The answer is: You have a Trojan Horse called DNSChanger 1.1 or other variation that is causing unauthorized ads to load in place of various websites’ scheduled ads.

The Trojan Horse is most likely in (root) /library/Internet Plug-Ins, but don't bother to try to find it in the finder or with spotlight - It's invisible. A free trial version of MacScan will find it, isolate it, and allow it to be trashed.

Be sure to do a full scan of the entire hard drive –
I found the Trojan in the “main” library – not the user library. If you purchase MacScan, you can perform custom scans of smaller areas of the hard drive.
You don’t need to re-install Safari
You don’t need to disable your JavaScript
You don’t need to disable your Plugins
You don’t need to install blocking programs
Just get rid of the Trojan Horse!



So there you go. This is not an aggressive marketing pitch but rather a stupid malware. Come to think of it, when was the last time we received a proper decent penis enlargement advertisement that was not associated with spam?



I like the way this company directly attacked the "size doesn’t matter" theory:

Vimax.com
Don't buy in to the myth that says women don't care about the penis size. If you are small then it doesn't matter how good of a person you are, because you won't hold on to your loved one for long.

So basically, this company is all out to prove that romance is dead and all women are a Jenna Jameson or a Sylvia Saint or a late Linda Lovelace (err… I googled those names…)

Another point I just love:
You control the growth because once you reach your optimum size you could stop taking VIMAX PILLS. We say you could stop taking VIMAX PILLS because it is not necessary to be larger then 9 inches. Most women can only comfortably accommodate a 9 inch penis. Anything larger than that may be too large for most women. Nine inches or more then 9 inches, the choice is yours.
Haha this is so freaking hilarious! Imagine it is possible to change the size whenever we guys want?

"urrrm… honey, how was your day? Would you like the usual 9 inches for tonight or you prefer the 10 inches?"
"Darling, I had a hard day at office today… I just need to relax. Gimme just 8 inches for tonight if you don’t mind…"
"ok." (concentrates… 8 inches… 8 inches… 8 inches…)
"Ah! Here you go honey. Exactly 8 inches."



Even though the size of one’s manhood is what we guys sometimes joke about, I usually don’t find the same joke coming from the fairer sex. I’m just guessing it is no big deal (pun unintended). Because if this was really that big an issue, how come we do not find that many "famous quotations" by "famous people" regarding this.

Martin Luther King Jr. most definitely did not pep up the crowd with:
"I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the size of their schlong."

Shakespeare too probably did not lament in angst:
"To resize, or not to resize: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The tiny weeny size of outrageous fortune,"


Back home too, can you imagine what it would be like had that magical song from Qayamat se Qayamat Tak went like this:


"Papa kehte hain, bada laand hoyega…"

mmmm…

(Please do pardon my brazen vulgarity on this particular post. Desperate ads require desperate measures.)

Judging from the advertisement above (Surprise her!), Cornelia the first wife of Julius Caesar would have probably said

“I came, I saw, I wasn’t surprised.”

Our man Julius must have been mighty irritated with all the Roman citizens enlarging their… spearitus. The last straw was when he was taking a leak in the toiletorium and Brutus entered to pee and whipped it out…

Julius exclaimed, “Et tu, Brutus!!???”

----------------------------------


Across many cultures (if not all), the size of one’s manhood is usually used as a factor to determine one’s manliness. The bigger the tool, the macho-er the fool, supposedly. Cellular phones are the only thing we men brag about who got the smallest.

And pornos and sleazy ads and irritating spam mails only seem to add more "truth" to the myth that the only thing women want in this world is a well endowed guy - somebody who can stand like a tri-pod, if y’know what I mean.

Sex & the city Samantha cried when the guy she really liked (finally) happened to have a "small one". And since many women worship her, men all over the world are making genuine attempt to make sure that doesn’t happen to them too. Because to be dumped by a woman purely because his "thing" is a thingie, most men would rather be dead than face that ultimate embarrassment.

Well, whether I cry or not, my first intention right now is to remove this freaking malware from my system. Shooooo. Fly away, you big horrible penis.

Special thanx to colleague Aalaap who twitted:

Everyone - edit your windows Hosts file and put "127.0.0.1 b1.adv.net" and rid yourself of this Vimax assault.

How to edit Host files in Vista

Aalaap also continues to blog about this with solutions for firefox, windows, mac and linux users :

Firefox users: Simply right click any of those ads and select "Block images from b1.adv.net..." and you're done. How I wish everything was this simple!

Non-Firefox users running Windows: You have to edit your Windows "hosts" file and add a fake DNS entry for the host "b1.adv.net"...


Cheers to all you average men out there!




If you find this post funny or are one of those users irritated with this Vimax Ad or even one of those guys who are "average", please feel free to digg this post!

69 comments:

benjamin rualthanzauva said...

courtesy of Russel Peters:

Men with small dick are likely to have more sex than those with big dick :-) because they are motivated and gives lots of effort.

Women should should appreciate smal dick guys for their effort. those with big dick gives little or no effort :-)

Sekibuhchhuak said...

Hei chu leh....hmmm...

:-)

jothiek said...

"The tiny weeny size of outrageous fortune"...Very nicely put!

It's fun reading this post. :)

wonderboy said...

Hahaha....tui/ngaihsak zawng a hriat hle mai :-)

Pixie said...

LOL!!! :-)

I have heard such discussions in the bus, shopping malls... It's so disgustingly embarrassing to the guy, especially when 2 girls discuss the same guy and his "thingy"!!

illusionaire said...

@ Pixie: heeeheee. Now stop saying "thingie". Say "THING". :) ya I know it is extremely embarrassing for a guy, but I guess as long as there are companies like VIMAX out there ready to exploit this situation, we will never be rid of this "disease of the mind", if I may say so. Sad... :(

@ Ben: lolzzz... I think that will inspire a lot of my friends, although it makes no difference to me.. HAHAHAHHA :D

@ seki: hmmm... i lai a mi? :D

@ jothiek: thanx dude. Its highly unlikely that Shakespeare uttered those, even in vain, but nonetheless it was fun :D

@ wonderboy: hahahha... mipa zawng zawng ngaihven lam chu a nilo emni? :)

Steve said...

Cool solution bro

I still worry about something lurking on my computer trying to do this and taking up space... guess I'll have to live with it :(

aduhi said...

so did you buy the pills? you seem extremely interested!!

Eveline said...

One of the e-mails i got at work today:

Say YES to perfect sex
Can't find proper medication for your penis?
Best solution & Fast-acting boost ms. Here you can find brands that you trust.

RRrrrrriiiiiiiittttttteeeeeeee!!!

Thanks for the comment on my post by the way...
Kept me grinning all day :)

luliana said...

I usually surf from my laptop, and I have never come across this add..So I guess its safe to say my system is not infected with this malware...

Or...maybe I really don't need to enhance the size of my shlong :P

hehehe

illusionaire said...

@ steve: Well, theoretically speaking its not taking up any additional space on your comp as those ads are displayed at where ads are supposed to be displayed :) But then of course, being a malware we have no idea how it must be affecting the rest of our system!

@ aduhi: Oh its a pill!!! I didn't even notice! I thought it must be a cream or balm or something like that...

wait a minute! How did you know it's a pill?????

:-D

@ eveline: I get so many many such mails like that every day! *GRIN* But then this is new to me, this new form of advertisement replacing malware! Really smart I must confess, though extremely irritating.

You're welcome about the comments. Always nice to comment :)

@ luliana:

Or...maybe I really don't need to enhance the size of my shlong :P

errrr... Bro, I know being a medical student and all, you must be thinking that same thought, but those medical images you have in your human anatomy classes of a male body, believe me, that IS NOT the average size!!! So you're probably comparing yourself to that image which is not precise...
*BIG GRIN*

amuana said...

e khai a!!! hei zet chuh!!! Kan thianpa pakhat pawhin serh tan tih vel hi chu a ka duh teuhlo, neihsa pawh zawmbelh duh tawh mak nak alaia lo la tan then te chu a tih fiamthu kha ka hrechhuak zawk mai :)

Almost Unreal said...

desperate??? :D

Anonymous said...

so sandman, which type are you: 'come to mama, big boy' OR 'gimme a break, pee wee herman'!! :-)

-i pi bleki

mesjay said...

i keep getting those ads in my mail too. block hmak hmaks.

illusionaire said...

@ amuana: hahaha Pu Amuan, a dik a lawm, mithenkhat tan hi chuan serh tan te hi a uihawm lutuk. lolzzzzz.

@ almost: Excited about this post? :P

@ bmw: lolzzz pi Blacki, I cannot say which type I am - I'm very humble :D Other guys here might call me a show-off if I tell you the truth. *GRINNNN*

@ mesjay: nia pi mesjay, tiang ang mails hi chu khawvela ninawm ber a niang. But sometimes they are so ridiculous that they make us laugh too, for which I'm a little bit thankful to them. lolzzz.

DayDreamBeliever said...

Oh gosh! No comment! :P

Anonymous said...

Macs aren't the only ones impacted by Vimax ads. My PC had a bad ase of the '4 more inches', guaranteed results, surprise her tonight adds. It popped up (excuse the pun) on the wall street jurnel, News, yahoo finance, etc.

I eliminated it with the freeware version of Spybot. Ad-Aware couldn't find it after a long (excuse the pun) and through search, only Spybot did the job. Just thought some of you might want to know the long and short of it :-)

Philo said...

Definitive phallocentricism. Some even theorize skyscrapers, megaliths,and steles as cultural representations of that same penile fixation. Vimax only sophisticates it. Nice.

illusionaire said...

@ daydream: oh gosh! why so? :D

@ anonymous: hahaha! that was a very cheeky comment my friend, lolz. I think the reason why your Ad-Aware couldn't detect it was maybe ur system memory is not big enough (excuse the pun) to handle the virus database update? :) or maybe the infection is really small (excuse the pun) so it is difficult to detect? :) After all, the bigger they are, the harder they fall (excuse the pun one last time).

:D

@ philo: yes, this ad is so philocentric... errr phallocentric I mean :) Vimax is only doing what countless others have been doing for ages - attacking the core insecurity of every hot blooded man on this planet. And I think they are succeeding :)

thinchhia said...

Eh! Ka ten reuh che.intihhlum a tum a,sazutur a ei a,a sazu chiah a thi wheeh..
Crime n detective poh i chhiar thin ngei2 ang. Lolzee

illusionaire said...

lolzzzzzz... sazu thi chu leh!!!! ka rap e a i sazu thi rawn sawi ve hi chu :D

Bobby said...

If you're not hung like a horse, you need a tongue like a serpent!

You know Kima, I've often wanted to start my own company selling penis snake oil pills...there seems to be a fortune in it.

Why don't we ever hear about women not being deep enough? I can see the commercial:

"Billy's leaving me because he keeps bottoming out. I'm just not deep enough!" Blah blah blah! With sex problems, it's always the guy's fault...jeez am I being sexist?

In case you were wondering, I experienced temporary insanity the other day, but I have since recovered:)

Jerusha said...

According to most men - when it comes to themselves or their happy heads, size doesn't matter. But when it comes to their women's general size, or the size of their 'accessories' size does matter very much. Tenawm hlawm lutuk mai sala!

@ Ben's comment: Russell Peters' comment proves only one things - Russel Peters needs Vimax.

Anonymous said...

Eye popping article, Penis enlargement is a multi-million dollar industry and there are many products to choose from. Pills are the most common for. The need for creams, hanging weights and other esoteric methods are not only strange and potentially dangerous - they are also finally completely obsolete and unnecessary....LOL

sean said...

hey sandman, your blog is really starting to swing since I last checked ;^)

variable size? 8, 9, 10 inches? can't everyone do that ... er .. ok, never mind

an interesting department alright. Judging by spam volume a lot of people agree

that malware though, like the technique, that's slick

cheers

Sean

KSQUARE said...

shouldn,t the company should be sued for all this trouble??

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