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Friday, November 04, 2011

Chp 374. Five “Can’t” & “Don’t” Lies men say

Yeah people do say that guys lie by exaggerating a bit, so as to boost our ego or massage our pride. Apparently, we tend to show off or brag about our skills and conquests, while adding a few “extra” details here and there.

But what most people, especially women, don’t know is that, sometimes we tend to lie by demeaning ourselves too, and we have perfectly good reasons for doing that. Yup, we are not ashamed about falsely claiming to have shortcomings and lack of common sense or skills. We play the “loser” role all too often, all for a very good reason.

Here are a few such can’t and don’t lies most guys say, sometimes to women, and sometimes to other men too. This post by the way, is written in light humor, and should not be taken seriously or literally :P

Lie #1. I can’t cook.

When it comes to the cooking department, women think there are just two types of guys – those who can’t cook shit, and those who pride themselves with their cooking skills. The second one is the real foodie type, and boy do they love cooking. But there are also many guys who CAN cook, but act like they can’t. And this holds true especially among many Mizo guys.

Yup, many of us can indeed cook but we lie about it for one very simple reason – so that you can do it, honey.

Well… it’s not actually about chauvinism or sexism. It’s about romance! (well, if women can fantasize about their Prince charming to be tall, fair, handsome and rich, this isn’t that bad either)

So there you are thinking your guy can’t even cook and how you’re the only reason why he’s still alive, and that makes you love him even more… but the harsh reality is that he’s just sitting his fat ass in front of the TV on his favorite beanbag watching the Barclays Premier League while downing a pint of Carlsberg, relived that he didn’t have to miss the match because you’re the one in the kitchen.

But of course, that doesn’t mean he loves you any less… :)

Lie #2. I can’t drive.

There are two “I can’t drive” lies guys say. One is when you use it in front of a woman because you don’t want to drive her to the shopping mall or beauty salon. The other more frequently used one is when you use it in front of your guy friends.

Yes, being the designated driver sucks.

When you’re with a bunch of your homies out for a wild time in the night, it is always the driver who has the least amount of fun. Especially when there’s a girl in the back seat with your friends. So there you are, driving your drunken yodeling friends in the back seat while you’re concentrating hard on the road… sucks right? Initially, I used to feel good about myself because I felt I was the one who could rise to the occasion for my friends… but time and experience will only teach you that it’s not worth it at all, and that even if you don’t volunteer to drive, there will always be someone from your group who’ll drive. It’s not going to be the end of the world, you know…

Lie #3. I don’t know her.

If your girlfriend ever talks about a girl and asks you if you know her, the SAFEST reply is to just say no. It doesn’t matter if you know only her name or seen her photograph once at a friend’s Facebook album. Just say no. It doesn’t even matter if there’s no chance in hell your girlfriend’s going to be jealous. Just say no. No no no.

Trust me, you don’t want to start answering uncomfortable questions if you say yes, especially when you can’t even remember where or how you know her! (ah, hazy memories, if you know what I mean). And if your girl then realizes you DO know her and reminds you who she is and how you know her, just act all “ahhhh… ok ok, THAT girl… now I remember!!” and she will laugh at your short term memory and even call you a fool. But hey, at least a confrontation has been avoided! :)

Lie #4. I didn’t see her.

When you’re walking with your girl and a hot (usually skimpy clad) girl walks nearby and if your girl ever asks, “You see that?” ALWAYS reply, “Who? What? That old uncle over there?”

Of course you bloody saw her. You didn’t even need to see her, you already “sensed” her presence using your unique guy radar. There are a lot of jackasses out there who stare directly at a girl, but there are also many of us who have mastered the art of looking without looking. It’s like the highest form of Zen. One quick glace from the corner of our eyes and a graphical mental note had already been recorded.

So always look the other way when staring at such girls, and when you tell your girl you didn’t notice her, it is more believable that way too. Doesn’t matter if she thinks you’re not observant enough, and frankly in this case, she won’t actually mind too.

Lie #5. I don’t understand.

This is by far the best free “Get out of jail” card you can play. If your girl ever says something you don’t agree with, but arguing with her is only going to make your relationship worse and there’s nothing for you to gain by proving her wrong other than hurting her feelings… just say you don’t understand what is going on.

Yeah, maybe she’ll think you’re a moron for not understanding what is being discussed. But you’ve avoided friction, and that’s what matters in the end.


So all in all, it is sometimes best to act dumb for the greater good. Of course sometimes if you play those cards too often, she’ll really think you’re THAT incapable of doing anything and may even lose interest in you. Like I said before, this post is not to be taken that literally. Cheers and a happy weekend :)


TS Khupchong said...

Post tha tak a ni...ti ringawt phawt teh ang!

Mizohican said...

Va rawn comment rang ve :D

TS Khupchong said...

First ka tum alawm! :P

daniel said...

Guilty of a few. But I really cant cook, but will get by somehow instead of starve.

H.Vangchhia said...

"I can't drive" tih khi kan pi hnenah hmanni khan ka sawi. Stick shift (gear thlak chi) khalh sak turin min ti a, nidang chhut tel ngai hek. "Open field ah chuan min try tir la ka khalh ngam," ka ti vel. Ka seilenna ramah stick shift bak kan neilo tih hre heklo hairehai :P

dolly dollz said...

Bengvar thlak hle mai... :D Hriatduh dang pawh ka la ngah ania :D

aduhi said...

How about:
Of course I would love to go shopping with you.

And later:
No dear, take all the time you want browsing through the entire store.

And much later:
No! I am not bored waiting while you try on a dozen clothes.

A couple of hours later:
Yes I am very excited to go to three more shopping malls.

Oops just realised those didn't fall in the "Can't" and "Don't" category. Anyway I'm sure you must have uttered those words without being entirely truthful :P

Pixie said...


Have heard most of them except the "I can't drive"!!
There's also the "I didn't experience true love till you came along" line as well!! ;)

But, we know you guys are using the "lines" and indulge you, at least a bit!! ;)
but, by the end of the month - you would be cooking for her even if you had said - "I can't cook"!!! hehe!!

Mizohican said...

@ TS: lolz :)

@ daniel: hehe... its really fun cooking :)

@ H.Vangchhia: Americans ho hi stick tih vel ah an buai ve ngawt in ka hria, ka lo chhiar tawh velah hian.

@ dolly: haha... i hriat duh dang chu a hriat theihloh :P

@ Aduhi: errrm... yes, those lies are not exactly related to my lie post, so I must say I have never uttered those lies before :)

@ Pixie: lolzzzzz yeah thats another lie I've heard before, but hey, thats not a "guy only" lie. It comes from women too :)

KymBawi Khuptong said...

What about the don't lies a guy will say like: "I don't know how I hurt my back"...ekekek...

Ok, I should be very cautious now when he says I can't cook and sits in front of the TV...:D