To all my brothers.
Are you tired of being stereotyped as the dirtier sex just because you are a male? Are you sick of all the generalization about how you have no sense of neatness and tidiness when it comes to your bedrooms?
Well, despair no more, my brothers. The MENOPAUSE Club is born!
MENOPAUSE (Men for Equality on Neatness Objecting the Promotion of Absurdly Unfair Sexist Exemplification) is now formed with the sole purpose of giving a chance to the unfair sex to stand up and object to women persistently depicting us slobs or pigs.
Apart from the MENOPAUSE Club, there are also various other organizations you can join to combat this gross misconception about us that we love to get dirty and make sexist jokes. The following Clubs will prove all that wrong.
BRAS – Brothers Revolting Against Sisters
THONG - Those Humans Oppressed by the Nymphet Gender
GARTER – Guys Angrily Rallying To Express their Rights
PANTIES – Pledging Allegiance to Nullify The Incorrigible Established Stereotype
LINGERIE - Liberal Intellectuals & Neat Gentlemen Expressing Rage at Inequality Everywhere
Let me tell you one dirty little secret about women.
pssstttt psssttt… Not all of them are neat and tidy and roses and butterflies all the time.
The only difference between a man and a woman is that a man will invite you into his room any time no matter how dirty it is, whereas a woman will do so only when her room is sparkling like a Swarovski showroom.
So the next time a girl abruptly says thank you for the wonderful lunch/dinner and then closes her door, trust me, it is not because of you
It has nothing to do with you. It’s just that she left a couple of clothes lying around on her bed or her shoe rack is jumbled up.Do know that a girl’s room is as untidy as yours, most of the time. They just have a mysterious cryptic way of communicating with their roommates to clean up everything before they arrive, just like how we guys can text-message our roomies to clean up the house without looking at our phones while using shorthand codes only other guys will understand. Eg: “dude babe room.” The only difference is that, while we guys “clean” up by shoving everything under the bed or inside the closet, womenfolk do so in a more elegant manner.
But that doesn’t mean we should just stand by let women pester and nag us about our bedrooms!
With the bedrooms fallen, what next? Our love for junk food? Our innate passion for sports? Our special ability to think of only one thing at certain times? Our refusal to ask for directions even when we're lost? All that will be taken away from us soon!
Why must we always be the victim of anything that is horrendous and revolting? We have already surrendered to the fair sex when it comes to the position of the toilet seat, do you really want to give up your prerogative on the bedrooms as well?
We need to stand up to their nagging and relentless hen-pecking. Join the MENOPAUSE Club, my brothers. The next time your girlfriend complains, tell her that the lizard she is pointing at has a name - "Tommy", who had been a reliable companion all those times she gave you the cold-shoulder.
Tell her the cobweb on your ceiling is your definition of art, just like how her definition of art is Prada or Jimmy Choo. Tell her you intentionally collect dusts on your book-shelves and TV, just like how she collects different make-up kits, girlie magazines and conditioners. Tell her you love to strip your CPU open and leave it around like that, just like how she loves to wear those tubes and spaghettis barely covering her body.
Let me warn you about one thing, my brothers. Women are extremely cunning! Don’t ever fall into their traps.
Suppose you are at her place. Doesn’t matter if she’s your girlfriend or best-friend or your best-friend’s girlfriend. As long as she is not your direct blood relative, always be alert for all the small small signs.
Sometimes she will purposely open her closet in front of you, knowing fully well that you are slyly taking a sneak-peek from behind. She would have never done that if she knew it was shabby. If she tells you not to use her bathroom because the flush is broken, it probably means all her toiletries are in a mess inside. In a typical Indian 1BHK/2BHK bachelor apartment, we guys usually leave our shoes in the verandah (because of the obvious reason). Women on the other hand place their neatly arranged and organized shoes by the main door, because it is the most prominent place to notice.
See where I am getting at? Ah the guile! Hence when a guy sees all that, deep within his subconscious he’s convinced that women are always like that all the time. tsk tsk… shame on you for tricking us O woman
Take a simple experiment. Call up your ex-girlfriend and tell her you’re coming over to her place to collect something. WHAM! You will notice how different her apartment is now from the time you were dating. Why? Because of the obvious reason that she’s not going to waste even an ounce of energy cleaning up her apartment just to impress a jerk like you.
I'm telling you, brothers, our end is nigh. Unless we do something to stop the evil armies of womenfolk from marching across the gates of Hades, our very extinction is at stake. Women don't need us now. They now have Playgirl, artificial insemination, and Ellen DeGeneres. We have become defunct.
Join the MENOPAUSE Club before it’s too late brothers. Stand up together the next time any woman nags you about your room.
United we dirt.
- KOTEX
Kima Orchestrating The Equality for XY-chromosomes
