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Sunday, May 25, 2008

Chp 175. The MENOPAUSE Club

To all my brothers.

Are you tired of being stereotyped as the dirtier sex just because you are a male? Are you sick of all the generalization about how you have no sense of neatness and tidiness when it comes to your bedrooms?

Well, despair no more, my brothers. The MENOPAUSE Club is born!

MENOPAUSE (Men for Equality on Neatness Objecting the Promotion of Absurdly Unfair Sexist Exemplification) is now formed with the sole purpose of giving a chance to the unfair sex to stand up and object to women persistently depicting us slobs or pigs.

Apart from the MENOPAUSE Club, there are also various other organizations you can join to combat this gross misconception about us that we love to get dirty and make sexist jokes. The following Clubs will prove all that wrong.

BRAS – Brothers Revolting Against Sisters

THONG - Those Humans Oppressed by the Nymphet Gender

GARTER – Guys Angrily Rallying To Express their Rights

PANTIES – Pledging Allegiance to Nullify The Incorrigible Established Stereotype

LINGERIE - Liberal Intellectuals & Neat Gentlemen Expressing Rage at Inequality Everywhere

Let me tell you one dirty little secret about women.

pssstttt psssttt… Not all of them are neat and tidy and roses and butterflies all the time.

The only difference between a man and a woman is that a man will invite you into his room any time no matter how dirty it is, whereas a woman will do so only when her room is sparkling like a Swarovski showroom.

So the next time a girl abruptly says thank you for the wonderful lunch/dinner and then closes her door, trust me, it is not because of you It has nothing to do with you. It’s just that she left a couple of clothes lying around on her bed or her shoe rack is jumbled up.

Do know that a girl’s room is as untidy as yours, most of the time. They just have a mysterious cryptic way of communicating with their roommates to clean up everything before they arrive, just like how we guys can text-message our roomies to clean up the house without looking at our phones while using shorthand codes only other guys will understand. Eg: “dude babe room.” The only difference is that, while we guys “clean” up by shoving everything under the bed or inside the closet, womenfolk do so in a more elegant manner.

But that doesn’t mean we should just stand by let women pester and nag us about our bedrooms!

With the bedrooms fallen, what next? Our love for junk food? Our innate passion for sports? Our special ability to think of only one thing at certain times? Our refusal to ask for directions even when we're lost? All that will be taken away from us soon!

Why must we always be the victim of anything that is horrendous and revolting? We have already surrendered to the fair sex when it comes to the position of the toilet seat, do you really want to give up your prerogative on the bedrooms as well?

We need to stand up to their nagging and relentless hen-pecking. Join the MENOPAUSE Club, my brothers. The next time your girlfriend complains, tell her that the lizard she is pointing at has a name - "Tommy", who had been a reliable companion all those times she gave you the cold-shoulder.

Tell her the cobweb on your ceiling is your definition of art, just like how her definition of art is Prada or Jimmy Choo. Tell her you intentionally collect dusts on your book-shelves and TV, just like how she collects different make-up kits, girlie magazines and conditioners. Tell her you love to strip your CPU open and leave it around like that, just like how she loves to wear those tubes and spaghettis barely covering her body.

Let me warn you about one thing, my brothers. Women are extremely cunning! Don’t ever fall into their traps.

Suppose you are at her place. Doesn’t matter if she’s your girlfriend or best-friend or your best-friend’s girlfriend. As long as she is not your direct blood relative, always be alert for all the small small signs.

Sometimes she will purposely open her closet in front of you, knowing fully well that you are slyly taking a sneak-peek from behind. She would have never done that if she knew it was shabby. If she tells you not to use her bathroom because the flush is broken, it probably means all her toiletries are in a mess inside. In a typical Indian 1BHK/2BHK bachelor apartment, we guys usually leave our shoes in the verandah (because of the obvious reason). Women on the other hand place their neatly arranged and organized shoes by the main door, because it is the most prominent place to notice.

See where I am getting at? Ah the guile! Hence when a guy sees all that, deep within his subconscious he’s convinced that women are always like that all the time. tsk tsk… shame on you for tricking us O woman

Take a simple experiment. Call up your ex-girlfriend and tell her you’re coming over to her place to collect something. WHAM! You will notice how different her apartment is now from the time you were dating. Why? Because of the obvious reason that she’s not going to waste even an ounce of energy cleaning up her apartment just to impress a jerk like you.

I'm telling you, brothers, our end is nigh. Unless we do something to stop the evil armies of womenfolk from marching across the gates of Hades, our very extinction is at stake. Women don't need us now. They now have Playgirl, artificial insemination, and Ellen DeGeneres. We have become defunct.

Join the MENOPAUSE Club before it’s too late brothers. Stand up together the next time any woman nags you about your room.

United we dirt.


Kima Orchestrating The Equality for XY-chromosomes


Jerusha said...

It's times like these that I suspect that deep inside that cobwebbed, dusty thing you call head, there flickers a little light, some remnant of the human you almost were before God decided to put the Y in your chromosome perhaps? Sigh. What could have been...and now this! So sad
:( And as for Ellen DeGeneres, is she even really female and human? I half suspect sometimes that she's a guy with a (gasp!) functioning brain.

illusionaire said...

oooo I know you're prolly frustrated and all because Ellen is soon going to marry her lesbian partner Portia de Rossi as California has just legalized same sex marriage. It's ok sweetie. Another girl will come along in your life... here have some more icecream... :-) I swear, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned :-P

Becky said...

Nice post:)Ka blog thar poh ka siam zoh fel hmain in ron hre leh pekah...I antenna hi a va han thra em em ve a.Rawn in report ka tum trep toh a mahse ka in report hmain i lo hre daih toh a,ka blog thar poh ka la paih fel lo,ka paih fel hunah mizo blog directory ah khan ka ron in register thra leh ang auh...

mesjay said...

now, that's the most sexist, unfair,and defamatory piece i've read! some of the info you've provided through spying/snooping/sneaking may be right, but unfair non the less.

Arpan said...

Really great. It expresses the thoughts of many a male. What a rogue you are, Kima !!

Naupang^Fel said...

I always keep my room clean ever since I was born again. Hopefully I don't have to join the MENOPAUSE club :)

illusionaire said...

@ Becky: Hehehe... Well, there is this thing known as google alerts and feed readers. Thats how I came to know about your new blog even though you were still in the middle of designing it. :-) I'll make the changes for you at Mizo Blog Directory as soon as I solve a few bugs in that particular page.

@ Mesjay: :-) I hope you take it in light humor, dear pi Mesjay. Was just trying my hand at exploring the limits of my sarcasm. :-) Sexist post, I agree. But unfair? Hmmm... maybe we can put that up for debate? :-)

@ Arpan: lolz. Thanx Arpan. Thats what the general idea of this post was suppposed to convey. I'm glad it worked.

@ Dave: I agree, cleanliness is next to Godliness. But for the rest of us who don't follow this practice, we got no other option but to join this Club :-)

Anonymous said...

“Sandman: We need to stand up to their nagging and relentless hen-pecking…” Women can sometimes incessantly nag to wear a man down. Nagging is not loving ladies. Men don't like to be nagged anymore than you do. Nagging will deeply cause a man to resent, if not eventually hate you. Nobody wants to be bombarded with bickering, ridiculing remarks, and downgrading comments. Men have already come through the boyhood stage and evolved into men. They don't need you to mother them. Nurturing is nice, but nagging is hellish and immediately despised :)

“Women are extremely cunning! Don’t ever fall into their traps…”If someone gently runs her finger along the side of her nose while speaking to you, chances are, what she is saying is a lie. You can distinguish this behavior from someone who is merely scratching an itchy nose by being mindful of the pressure applied. A scratch is more deliberate while the lying action is more subtle.

Women are masterful at playing the damsel in distress. Women are clever at playing confused and helpless to get a man's help. Sometimes it is nothing more than laziness and working the sexes. Women know men are hormonally challenged, attentive, and alert as to any opportunity to befriend a lady. Many ladies have no interest at all, but simply want to use guys to get some help moving furniture, fix their car, or do their homework. Chivalry and being a gentleman is perfectly acceptable. Yet when a woman doesn't reciprocate and shows herself unthankful after the fact and distances herself from the guy that is not cool. It is no surprise women at bars work guys for free drinks than disappear. I even knew one young lady who admitted to using guys she had no interest in whatsoever to get a nice dinner whenever they asked her out.

Men don't want to be controlled. Frankly nobody does. What you did to get your man, you must continue to do to keep him. Demanding and controlling women weary their men and drive them away. After a long hard day at the office, a man wants to come home and chill out. If you've asked your man to do something, let him do so without you lording yourself over him. Allow your man to maintain his own individuality, dress as he pleases, communicate in his own style, and be comfortable in his own skin.

This is a subtle manipulation method learned by girls throughout childhood. Their loud screeches often got the little princesses precisely what they wanted whenever they were little girls. Is it any wonder as women they easily and subconsciously revert back to a temper tantrum to wear a man down? The less drama the better for guys ladies. Please don't be a drama queen. Be a blessing to your man, not an emotional drain and burden. Your man shouldn't dread coming home to you after a long day at work.

It may be entertaining and enjoyable for ladies to talk about female things, which often border on gossip. Men however aren't interested in hearing all the dirt about somebody. Guys want to get the job done, pay their bills, and have some fun.

I have said what I have to …LOL….but then not to forget gender equality is more than a goal in itself. It is a precondition for meeting the challenge of reducing poverty, promoting sustainable development and building good governance. In a globalizing world, gender equality and empowerments of women are vital tools-to achieve sustainable developments of societies, and are even admitted by the fools.

Hail brothers! (in Christ) :)

Anonymous said...


Pixie said...

You had me smirking here!! and I hate to say this, but you had me agreeing on a couple of things!!
How do you come up with these things?!!!

mnowluck said...

KOTEX: Kima Orchestrating The Equality for XY-chromosomes.. ka tran ltk :D

KIMA enge nih ang le?? :D

Aqua said...

LOL!!! maybe you should read this book "why men cry and women lie". or buy copies for all your female friends :)

Btw have linked to you in my latest post.

Mos said...

reminds me of the time when yours truly and a pal of mine went to this chick's place and he had to take a leak.. 2 minutes later he rushes out of the bathroom grinning wickedly.. he comes to me and whispers ..Bro..she's got breast enlargement cream in her medicine cabinet..!! :)

illusionaire said...

@ anonymous1: Ah, I sense a lot of anger and frustration in your tone :-) Brother, I do hope you know I was only being sarcastic in my post... kinda like looking at the lighter side of this relationship between the sexes.

@ anonymous2: Thanx! :-)

@ Pixie: Exactly, how can you not agree with what I've said? :-) The cards are laid on the table for everyone to see. hehehe. I come up with stuff like this from mere observation, my friend :-)

@ mnowluck: lolz. Well, KIMA could also stand for "Kiss Intensely My Ass" :-D

@ Aqua: Ahemmmz. What makes you think I haven't read that book before? :-))) Try reading this book too: "The Naked Bachelor". Buy copies for all your male friends :-)

Thanx for the link on my previous post! And thanx for highlighting our cause too. I have copied your post to my pen drive and hoping to have a good discussion at your blog when I come online again tomorrow.

@ Mos: I speak about equality for men and all you can think of is breast enlargement? :-))) Ah, you'll never change, dear ex-roomie.

Almost Unreal said...

I have one word for this: LOSERRRRR


illusionaire said...

Ouch. I know reality hurts, but does it really hurt that much for you, dear MY TRAMMM? :-P

Sekibuhchhuak said...

Interesting!Ka lo ngaihtuah vak ngai loh thil a ni.Ngaihnawm khawp mai:-)

He i pawl rawn sawi The Menopause club a an founder hi ka hria a sin:-PP

heheh..Hetiang pawl zawm zawm lo hian i roomte i khum te fai tak in lo vawng tawh thin la a nih chu...hahaha.

feddabonn said...

rather tend to agree with mesjay. this IS unfair. all the women in my life (mother, sister, wife) are quite as untidy as i am (or am not)! its sexist to make this a men only club!

illusionaire said...

@ seki: sala :-) Heng pawl zawm hi a nuam zawk a lawm room tihfai mai mai ai chuan. Tihian he pawl hi ka din a nga, chuan Mizoram politics ah pawh ka rawn lut ang kum 3 hnuah. Min lo vote ngei ngei dawn nia. SKK ah ka ding ang :-P

@ feddabonn: Now that you put it like that, I see I am being unfair. I SHOULD have invited the womenfolk to join the club too :D But what about those women who don't believe in this? :-)

feddabonn said...

aah. there are always some unbelievers. ignore them. get nominations from fathers/brothers/sons/boy friends/husbands. they are there, my friend, we just need t find them!

Sekibuhchhuak said...

hahah..I kam-pe-ner ah ka lo tang ang..hehe.Nia,an chhung an hung a,vote hmu tha ngawt ang chu..tling sa..:_DD

Jinx said...

Hmmm...another thought provoking post eh! This is your second post dragging and tainting good ol' women's name. Me seriously think you need to get yourself a wife :P

luliana said...

My dad and sis once gave me a visit, and they both agreed that my room was quite tidy for a bachelor's..does that automatically disqualify me to join the menopause club??!!

illusionaire said...

@ luliana: Infact it QUALIFIES you to join the club. Even though you have a tidy room, you will still be stereotyped as somebody having an untidy room. This Club is formed just to fight that misconception about guys.

@ Jinx: Well, depends. Will you volunteer? :-P

@ Seki: Nang ang ten min campaign sak dawn te chuan kan tling chiang viau ang. Hehehe. Nula vote zawng zawng chu kan hmu nghal tawh tihna a nia.

@ feddabonn: touche. Will start looking for such people. Just need the direction on where to look :)

makima said...

My floor is my 'random access area'.
I long for true love... so that she may clean my room.

Can I join now?

illusionaire said...

Yes of course you can! :-)

Register here... :-D

Anonymous said...

hmm, i wonder just how many women's room have u entered?
with all the nitty gritty details like these..let me guess, you were just doing your research for your blog.
or, are you with the FBI or some spy agency that install secret cams in women's rooms?
the bottom line is dude
we the dudesses have been constructed by society (mostly men) to be,act, smell in certain's not our fault that we were made to look cleaner or smell nicer than men. so you must give us credit for tryiong so hard to keep up with the 'brand' that has been tagged to us.
you guys on the other hand have it much easier cos its ok for you to smell weird, look awkward and be a total asshole.. we girls cant cos we are not allowed to..its not socially acceptable..blah blah ..

o how i wish i was a guy and could write stuff like u wrote..u have it so much easier trust me..

ku2 said...

g-tei nen chuan kan va tlai ve, still, praise sounds good no matter how long over due. and yes, m all praises. been reading thru allllll those posts (of course, skipping thru the serious n the footie topics, tho im a gunners fan too)
huge fan of ur brain. im the tlangval among 5 sisters,my closet's a mess. but i smell good, n i dnt have B.O.

illusionaire said...

:P Thank you for the comment, and no I didnt miss it :P

ku2 said...

hah! i knew guys would do anything for a dare or a bet!
rite now i wish u were my brain

kim.chinzah said...

I'm 2yrs late in commenting :) But yes, I like the abbreviations alot!! ..especially KOTEX lol.