Chp 374. Five “Can’t” & “Don’t” Lies men say

Yeah people do say that guys lie by exaggerating a bit, so as to boost our ego or massage our pride. Apparently, we tend to show off or brag about our skills and conquests, while adding a few “extra” details here and there.

But what most people, especially women, don’t know is that, sometimes we tend to lie by demeaning ourselves too, and we have perfectly good reasons for doing that. Yup, we are not ashamed about falsely claiming to have shortcomings and lack of common sense or skills. We play the “loser” role all too often, all for a very good reason.

Here are a few such can’t and don’t lies most guys say, sometimes to women, and sometimes to other men too. This post by the way, is written in light humor, and should not be taken seriously or literally :P

 
Lie #1. I can’t cook.

When it comes to the cooking department, women think there are just two types of guys – those who can’t cook shit, and those who pride themselves with their cooking skills. The second one is the real foodie type, and boy do they love cooking. But there are also many guys who CAN cook, but act like they can’t. And this holds true especially among many Mizo guys.

Yup, many of us can indeed cook but we lie about it for one very simple reason – so that you can do it, honey.

Well… it’s not actually about chauvinism or sexism. It’s about romance! (well, if women can fantasize about their Prince charming to be tall, fair, handsome and rich, this isn’t that bad either)

So there you are thinking your guy can’t even cook and how you’re the only reason why he’s still alive, and that makes you love him even more… but the harsh reality is that he’s just sitting his fat ass in front of the TV on his favorite beanbag watching the Barclays Premier League while downing a pint of Carlsberg, relived that he didn’t have to miss the match because you’re the one in the kitchen.

But of course, that doesn’t mean he loves you any less… :)

 
Lie #2. I can’t drive.

There are two “I can’t drive” lies guys say. One is when you use it in front of a woman because you don’t want to drive her to the shopping mall or beauty salon. The other more frequently used one is when you use it in front of your guy friends.

Yes, being the designated driver sucks.

When you’re with a bunch of your homies out for a wild time in the night, it is always the driver who has the least amount of fun. Especially when there’s a girl in the back seat with your friends. So there you are, driving your drunken yodeling friends in the back seat while you’re concentrating hard on the road… sucks right? Initially, I used to feel good about myself because I felt I was the one who could rise to the occasion for my friends… but time and experience will only teach you that it’s not worth it at all, and that even if you don’t volunteer to drive, there will always be someone from your group who’ll drive. It’s not going to be the end of the world, you know…


Lie #3. I don’t know her.

If your girlfriend ever talks about a girl and asks you if you know her, the SAFEST reply is to just say no. It doesn’t matter if you know only her name or seen her photograph once at a friend’s Facebook album. Just say no. It doesn’t even matter if there’s no chance in hell your girlfriend’s going to be jealous. Just say no. No no no.

Trust me, you don’t want to start answering uncomfortable questions if you say yes, especially when you can’t even remember where or how you know her! (ah, hazy memories, if you know what I mean). And if your girl then realizes you DO know her and reminds you who she is and how you know her, just act all “ahhhh… ok ok, THAT girl… now I remember!!” and she will laugh at your short term memory and even call you a fool. But hey, at least a confrontation has been avoided! :)

 
Lie #4. I didn’t see her.

When you’re walking with your girl and a hot (usually skimpy clad) girl walks nearby and if your girl ever asks, “You see that?” ALWAYS reply, “Who? What? That old uncle over there?”

Of course you bloody saw her. You didn’t even need to see her, you already “sensed” her presence using your unique guy radar. There are a lot of jackasses out there who stare directly at a girl, but there are also many of us who have mastered the art of looking without looking. It’s like the highest form of Zen. One quick glace from the corner of our eyes and a graphical mental note had already been recorded.

So always look the other way when staring at such girls, and when you tell your girl you didn’t notice her, it is more believable that way too. Doesn’t matter if she thinks you’re not observant enough, and frankly in this case, she won’t actually mind too.


Lie #5. I don’t understand.

This is by far the best free “Get out of jail” card you can play. If your girl ever says something you don’t agree with, but arguing with her is only going to make your relationship worse and there’s nothing for you to gain by proving her wrong other than hurting her feelings… just say you don’t understand what is going on.

Yeah, maybe she’ll think you’re a moron for not understanding what is being discussed. But you’ve avoided friction, and that’s what matters in the end.


xxxxxxxxx

So all in all, it is sometimes best to act dumb for the greater good. Of course sometimes if you play those cards too often, she’ll really think you’re THAT incapable of doing anything and may even lose interest in you. Like I said before, this post is not to be taken that literally. Cheers and a happy weekend :)

Chp 373. Family bonding weekend

Sup, folks. Great Monday aye? (unless of couse you’re a Chelsea fan). Well, today’s the last day of October, which usually means playing “November Rain” from tomorrow onwards, but this time, I’m gonna play a song dedicated to October.


[The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon – October & April]

Yeah it’s not a new song, but I still love it. This song says a lot about me and my relationship, if you know what I mean. Plus, this song was performed by The Rasmus (of “In the Shadows” fame) and Anette Olzon, the Nightwish vocalist who replaced Tarja. Perfect match for each other, if I may say so.

 xxxxxx

Now coming to this post, I invited my “little” niece over to my place for the weekend. She’s my cousin’s daughter, and she had just joined an MA course here in Mumbai two months ago. The last time I saw her was a few years ago at a family dinner at my place in Mizoram when I graduated from Engineering college. Dad invited our entire relatives for a grand feast because he was proud as hell to have a B.E. son.

This was her then, that night when we celebrated my B.E. graduation at my house. The one on the extreme right, sitting and smiling shyly.



I picked her up from Bandra last Friday. I was still expecting her to be the small bespectacled pony-tailed little girl, but wonders of wonders, NOOOO. I guess she underwent some strange mysterious paranormal phenomenon called “growing up” because this is her now:



And from the previous other pic above, the other two girls in the pic are nieces of mine too, the daughters of another cousin. You see the one in the middle? You see the innocence in her eyes? Well, apparently this is what she is today:



The third niece in the pic had also transformed into this now:



Holy mother of *beep*, how (and why) do they grow up so fast??? They just make me feel like I am stuck in some limbo while everything and everybody else is moving swiftly past me. Swish swish swish…

Well, I know from my dad’s side, a lot of my cousins are way older than me. Another niece of mine (daughter of yet another cousin) even married one of my closest friends, who I have treated like a brother since primary school days…



…and they already have two freaking kids.

These are just a few of my nieces I’m mentioning here. There are even many other nieces who are older than me! Comon, nieces! Stop it. Give your uncles a chance to grow up at their own slow and desired pace, ok? We’re in no rush, so why should you be?

Anyway, my niece Eunice (which rhymes, capisce?) and I had a great time bonding over family and stuff, and it was something I haven’t done in a really long time. For people like me who had stayed outside Mizoram since third standard, it’s not that easy staying connected with all my cousins and their children (and I come from a really huge family from both my mom and dad’s side).

We spent Saturday watching movies in the morning and Barclays Premier League matches in the evening. She’s a Manure fan (oh the horror!!!) and we watched her team barely win against a struggling out-of-form Everton side.

After that we watched my team AR53NAL play against CH3L5EA. And we all know the result of that match. That, my friend, is the true Arsenal team.

After watching Arsenal hump Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, my niece bowed her head in shame, and quietly uttered, “You know what, uncle? After watching your team and my team play tonight, I have now come to realize that when we beat your team 8-2 at Old Trafford, you guys had around NINE main players absent due to suspension, injury and transfer. Most of your players then were from the reserve team and it was not such a great glory after all to win by that much. In fact when we lost 6-1 to City at our OWN home, with a full strength squad, that was the ultimate disgrace and shame for us. At least when you guys lost 8-2, it was not a home match for you guys. But for us, it was indeed a home match, and we all know the vast difference when it comes to pressure while playing home and away matches. So any football fan will know how much more shameful 6-1 is than that 8-2. As of now, I am going to burn all my Manure posters and I am going to start supporting Arsenal. Will you guys accept me as a Gunner fan? Please, uncle, pretty please? If not for me, then at least for my great grandfather (and your grandfather), the late Pu Zabanga’s sake?”

That’s what she told me that night…

Actually I think she said something like, “What shall we have for dinner?” but that’s what I heard coming out of her mouth.

Anyhoo, I finally dropped her at the station on Sunday evening as she had to get back to her hostel. Strangely, as I watched her go, there I was, standing like a proud uncle.

After she disappeared into the sea of commuters, I went to Santa Cruz to meet my old school mate and really close friend Hminga, who had come down to Mumbai with his dad (Pu Rinsanga, IAS rtd) and dad-in-law (Pu Liansanga, Engg-in-Chief rtd). They were on a vacation.

They wanted to try seafood, so I took them to the best seafood joint I know – Soul Fry @ Bandra. From Bombil cutlet to Surmai fry to Pomfret masala to Crab & Prawn main courses, we tried them all, occasionally flushed down with a pitcher of Tuborg draft beer. And they absolutely loved it.

Both the dads knew my parents so well that it was just like sitting with my own family members. They told me stories about my mom’s school days, my dad’s bachelor days, how they met each other, when they got married etc etc. I really had a great time sitting with the two wonderful dads and listening to them talk. What was even more fascinating was that they both knew my girlfriend’s parents extremely well too, and they started telling me stories about them also, while teasing me now and then.

I still can’t stop marveling at how so many of our previous generation knew almost everybody, whereas when it comes to our generation, we hardly know each other.

We soon parted ways, and with that ended my awesome family bonding weekend. This was definitely one of those weekends worth cherishing for a long long time.

Chp 372. This week in the BPL + Fantasy Football

What a weekend huh? Manure got thrashed 6-1 at home, Chelsea lost 1-0 to QPR, Liverpool drew against Norwich, and Arsenal trashed the giant killer Stoke City (who drew against Manure, Chelsea & Spurs and even beat Liverpool & Bolton).

This was even bigger news for me at the fantasy football league I’m playing. Although I am still 8th rank in my league (the same as last week), I’ve come a long way. I started from 27th rank! Why? Simply because I hate Manure to the core and I vowed that I will reach top 10 without using a single Manure player. Now my aim is to reach top 5 without any manure players.

If you’re a fantasy league player, you’ll of course know that Manure players, especially Shrek, had been pouring in points after points every week. In spite of all that, I managed my team carefully every week, and I am in 8th position now. Most of the players above me are using manure players, so this week’s result brought me one more step closer to overtaking them.

This week I scored 46 points. I know, that’s not much, but due to many disappointing match results, others too didn’t score much either. Although I am still at the same place in my league, I moved up at the global leagues, India league, Gameweek 2 stats, and Overall.

My strategy:

This week, I took a big gamble and placed all my Man City players in the game. I mean, I could have played safe, but there was no point getting x points, and the people above me getting the same amount of points. We would all just be moving up by the same amount. My aim was to overtake them, so in order to do that, I needed to have players their players were paying against.

And yes, my gamble paid off. My biggest points this week came from my captain Aguero (12 points) and Silva (10 points) who both scored a goal each against Manure.

But I didn’t fare well with my other strikers. I got a disappointing 2 points from Suarez, and 5 points from Agbonlahor (who had an assist).

Newcastle versus Wigan, I knew who was going to win, so I placed my trusty Taylor duo in the game again. They both played their 90 minutes as expected, and I got 6 points each from both of them.

Bolton versus Sunderland, I placed my bets on Bolton, and put Cahill & Muamba in the game, while I made Larsson sit out. Bad choice. 1 point from Cahill (2 goals conceded) and 0 point from Muamba because he didn’t play (Ohhhh I am so transferring his fat ass this week), while Larrson could have at least given me 3 points had I played him.

My biggest dilemma this week was Swansea versus Wolves. Both teams are unpredictable and inconsistent. I had both Ward (Wolves) and Dyer (Swansea). It is always a bad idea to have two players from teams playing against each other (especially a defense + midfield combo) to play at the same time, but I didn’t have any other choice. Got 3 points from Dyer and 1 point from Ward.

Although my gamble with Manure paid off, my Chelsea players screwed me over. Ramires didn’t play, and Bosingwa gave me a freaking -3 due to his red card (but I couldn’t help chuckle at those players who must have used Drogba, especially if they have made him captain. His red card + captaincy would mean minus 6, bwahahaaa!)

Goalkeepers – I had a tough time deciding between Hart and SZCZ. In the end, I decided to stick to Arsenal loyalty and used SCZC. He gave me 2 points. I could have got 3 points had I used Hart, but that’s okay. Being an Arsenal fan, I am happy to have at least one Arsenal player in my team.

I used to have Vermaelen, Arteta, Mertesacker and Ramsey. I eventually had to transfer them due to injury and also because the others weren’t giving me any points. But I will definitely buy an Arsenal player/s again, once the team has settled down and the famous game dynamics and one-touch play of Arsenal is back in the game. (RVP is too bloody expensive so I can’t afford him anyway).

All in all, I think I am performing quite well so far, given the fact that this is the first time I am playing fantasy football in my life

My Team.



Cheers.

Chp 371. A True Story… of Love & Romance

“Bawihi…” He softly whispered to her, as he pulled her hair back gently beneath the pale moonlight. She looked at him with her soft innocent eyes and parted her trembling lips… She sighed, “I’ll forever be yours… Bawiha.”

.............

The young couple had been in love since time immemorial. They could be you and me, for they represent every young Mizo guy and girl in Mizoram.

In our Mizo culture, unlike most other Indian cultures, being in a relationship at an early age is not only accepted, but sometimes encouraged by our parents too. It is perfectly normal for young boys to visit a young girl at her house and woo her. This concept is called “Nula rim” (Nula means a woman who is single, and rim means to court).

Traditionally, during the process of “rimming”, it is the duty of the girl to welcome the guy (who is sometimes accompanied by his wingman) to her home. She makes tea for her suitor and sits with him in the living room. Then they talk about different things, trying to see if they have anything in common or whether he can make her laugh with his corny jokes.

Sometimes, she gets multiple suitors coming from different places (and such women are called “nula luck”). In such a scenario, the second suitor usually leaves on seeing that somebody’s already beaten him to the house, but there are also incidents in which guys from different places do sit together, each one trying to impress the girl and outdo the others (pretty much like a Group Discussion round of an MBA admission process).

Meanwhile, her parents too do not get involved and while most parents move to the bedroom to give their daughter privacy with her suitor/s, there are also some who do stay within earshot of the conversation, spying and listening to make sure nothing hanky-panky is going on and that no lines are crossed.

The girl eventually ends up liking one of the boys, and they soon become a couple. He lovingly calls her “Bawihi”, and she returns that love by calling him “Bawiha”. The words bawiha and bawihi means “Loved one”. People in love show their affection to each other by uttering those words to each other.

However the concept of “bawihi” and “bawiha” is not something new in our Mizo society.

During the days of “Zawlbuk” (a dormitory right next to the Chieftain’s house, where all the young lads of a village would sleep together. Useful especially if warriors from different clans raided their village as all the young men could quickly assemble and fight back), there were times when the girlfriend of one of the young warriors would hide behind the bushes below the Zawlbuk and wait for everybody to sleep.

Then she would gently call out, “Bawiha…” in the middle of the night. Her lover would then secretly leave the Zawlbuk and whisper back, “Bawihi…” In the darkness of the night, they would keep signaling “bawiha, bawihi” to each other and move towards the sound until they had found each other.

Such was the sweetness and romance of bawiha and bawihi.


.............

At this point, my friend could not control himself anymore. He fell to the ground and laughed uncontrollably, tears gushing out from his eyes. And then taking a deep breath, he looked at me and asked, “You seriously wrote all that shit?”

I was as serious as hell. “Yeah… I mean that was just the gist of what I wrote. I ended up writing for around 7-8 pages, you know, so that I might get more marks.”

He laughed his ass out once again.

I was starting to get a bit irritated, and a bit worried too.

“What’s so funny? Did I not get my facts about our Mizo history right?” I asked him.

Finally, with a straight face, he said, “When they asked you to write an essay on the Bawih system in our Mizo society, they didn’t mean “bawiha”, “bawihi” and any of those romance crap. They meant “slave”. Hence you were supposed to write about the slavery system that prevailed in our Mizo society before it was finally abolished in 1914, how slavery worked, the two types of slaves, how slaves were treated etc…” 

Pin drop silence.

“Oh…” was all that could come out of my mouth…

That was the first AND last time I ever decided to write the MCS (Mizoram Civil Service) exams. A True Story indeed.

Chp 370. Dream interpretation, anyone?

Got this really crazy ass dream/nightmare last night. I for one, am not one of those bloggers who rant about their dreams… but this time, I just want to pour it out here because it was so realistic and… intriguing as hell.

The thing about dream is, no matter how realistic it feels then, by the time you sit in front of your computer, everything had become hazy and blurry. So when I woke up suddenly this morning at 4am, I immediately took my trusty Android and started writing down what I just experienced quickly in shorthand.

Now as I sit in office typing this, if you are the type of person who’s really into all this dream interpretation (and the paranormal), maybe you can explain the meaning of my dream…

In my dream, I was asked by Arsenal FC to play for the team since most of the players were injured . So there I was, playing my first match for Arsenal.

Ok, so far, I’m sure it doesn’t take a Jung or a Freud to deduce the meaning because after all, I am a hardcore fan of Arsenal.

Now the strange parts begin…

First of all, though I love Arsenal FC, when it comes to playing, I am more of a basketball player. I have indeed dreamt many times before about dunking over Yao Ming or Shaq, or scoring a buzzer-beater on game 7 of the Conference Finals. But last night was the first time I ever dreamt about playing football (as far as I can remember).

Secondly, yes, Arsenal is my favorite team, but any football fanatic knows Arsenal is performing extremely badly this season. We are close to the relegation zone due to the loss of important players, and the last minute players we bought don’t seem to be working out at all. So how come I’ve never dreamt about playing for Arsenal during our glory days. Why now?

Thirdly – this is the strange part – I scored four goals! We were playing against Newcastle United, and the full time score was 4-3. We won because of me! But what’s really strange was – all the four goals I scored were just very simple and ordinary. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, and none of my finishings were awesome or outstanding… the ball slowly and meekly rolled into the goal, just inches beyond the goalkeeper’s reach.

Now this is my dream we’re talking about. How come I didn’t tackle through 4-5 defenders as Messi would or score a goal with an unbelievable back volley shot or even a long range goal from beyond the centerfield? Why such simplicity? Yes, when I dreamt of basketball, I was the superstar. We do the impossible in our dreams, right? …flying over people and having superhuman strength sometimes. But last night, everything seemed to be really humbled.

Fourthly – now comes the strangest part, the reason why I woke up sweating at 4 in the morning.

So there I was, with my Arsenal team mates, hugging and rejoicing. Arsene Wenger too shook my hand and said something to me in French. I nodded. After I took a shower, I quickly went online from my mobile phone, looking forward to what the press would be saying about me…

But… there was nothing! Goal.com and Arseblog.com hadn’t updated the match highlights yet. So I went to arsenal.com, and a short notice read: “Arsenal beat Newcastle 4-3!” But no details of the game were there.

So I went to misual.com, and even there, nobody was talking about the match or my four goals. I thought some of the people there would be talking about how an admin of the site scored 4 goals for Arsenal and that it was a proud day for every Mizos across the world. But NOTHING. Then I called up my friend Amos, another admin of misual.com and a hardcore Arsenal fan. I knew he would definitely be watching the match.

I asked him if he was watching the match and he said yes. So I excitedly asked him if he saw me, and he said his TV view had been zoomed out so he couldn’t make out who the players were or who scored the goals!

I screamed.

I hung up and went to google.com from my phone (damn, that visual is still SO clear in my head right now, as if it actually happened!). With trembling fingers, I typed, “Arsenal Kima”.

The only results I saw were of my blog posts where I have blogged about Arsenal.

Then I typed, “Arsenal Newcastle match Kima 4-3”

No result!

It was then that everything became more distorted and my whole world started spinning around, and I woke up sweating and breathing heavily (and a bit angry too). Even after I woke up, it took me quite some time to realize it was just a dream… but damn, it was so freaking real.

-----------------------------

Now comes the interpretation – what does the last part mean?

From my own deduction, it looks like I desperately want attention. Or is it that I merely want to be recognized for things I have done? Things that I deserve to be appreciated for, but sadly ignored and swept aside? Am I being suppressed? Or is it that I want something more out of a relationship or in my life or even in my job, but I’m not able to get more no matter how hard I keep squeezing? At the end of the day, yes, I know it was just a dream. But sometimes, it makes you wonder because some of the reasons I mentioned above may indeed be true.

Like I said before, I don’t blog about things like this… but this one… this one is different. Eerily speaking.

Chp 369. A visit to Mizoram University

Notable poet and etymologist John Ciardi once said, “A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.” Whether that’s true or not, I did happen to visit our reputed Mizoram University during my short vacation in Mizoram.

You know you’re really old when you go to a University and all your friends over there are WORKING in the University, not studying.

The day started with me going to my friend OP’s place. From there, we took his bike instead of his car because of the rush hour traffic jam.

The road to MU was, as Chris Rhea crooned, The Road to Hell indeed. I got a sore ass by the time we reached MU and I wasn’t even in Prison picking up soap, if you know what I mean. Horrible the road was. Kinda shocked me as to how our Government could ignore such an important path.

At MU, I met my cousin and friends at the Bio-Tech department. Hung out with them for some time and I got to see all their researches and experiments. Later, we all moved to the MU Guest House where I met my friend Francis who’s the caretaker of that place. Other friends from the Education department too came and we all had lunch together. I met a few faculty members too.

One thing that definitely took me by surprise was the sheer size of the University. I mean… I wasn’t expecting it to be THAT vast. It took me almost half an hour just to travel from the Bio-Tech department to the Guest House. And the University is still expanding as I write this!

Francis took me for a short tour around the University Guest House, and by the time we were done, there was no time to meet my friends in the Administration section, Psychology department (U Baby) and English department (Cherrie)! It was already 5pm then. Closing time. Dayyymmmm!

Had I known it was going to be like that, I would have definitely planned it better. So I really felt bad telling my friends that I wouldn’t be able to meet them even though I was right there in the freaking University.

I did take a few photos and even a really good video from the “highest point” of MU – On top of a water tank!

On our way back, it rained like crazy. There was no way I was travelling back in a bike, but fortunately Francis was on his way to Aizawl for the weekend, so I hopped into his taxi. The road back was scary as shit, as we battled the heavy rain, thunder, lightning and landslides in an almost zero visibility mist while avoiding falling rocks, trees and boulders, but Francis assured me I found it scary only because it was my first time. Suddenly, I was filled with newfound respect for all those who journey that precarious road every day just to earn their living or learn something new.

All in all, I had a great time there, and I look forward to visiting the University again (but of course with much better planning next time).

Here are a few photos and video I took that day. Cheers!







[With my friends from misual.com]






[Funny thing. As we climbed up the “highest point”, water overflowed suddenly from the water tank above and drenched me completely!!!]



A 360 degree video view of Mizoram University from the “highest point”.

Chp 368. Contemporary Mizoram: My thoughts.

My dream vacation in Mizoram is almost over now. I have spent a lot of time with dad too, and I don’t feel that guilty anymore leaving my family and heritage behind to earn my living thousands of miles away.

Being on a vacation in Mizoram is actually not that much of a vacation. In fact it is kinda like work. Apart from looking after dad and doing house chores, meeting up with friends (friends I grew up with, old school friends, online friends) is compulsory too. And I have already attended four funerals and there’s a wedding I have to go to tomorrow. Four Funerals and A Wedding indeed, unlike the popular movie.

To make this post brief, here are my thoughts on a few observations –

 

1. Cost of alcohol in Mizoram.

Yeah yeah, everybody knows alcohol can truly never be banned even if you’re living in a Total Prohibition state like Mizoram. We Mizos just love taking a sip from the forbidden cup, don’t we? The cost of illicit booze in Mizoram is around 500 bucks for regular brands like McDowell and Royal Stag (which shoots up to 1000 bucks during Xmas/New Year).

When you break the law by buying something illegal at such an outrageous price, sometimes the same booze that you get every day in Mumbai actually tastes better in Mizoram, at least psychologically, due to the forbidden apple syndrome. But this time, things are different. With the recent 60-70% hike in alcohol price in Mumbai, the cost of illegal booze in Mizoram and legal booze in Mumbai of the same brand are more or less the same now, if not even cheaper! Suddenly, all the fizz is gone.

 

2. Invoking God’s name in every Goddamn thing

I was listening to Pu Zoramthanga’s speech on Remna Ni (Martyr’s Day) a few days ago. I found it quite disgusting. Politics and policies is one thing, but unabashedly using God’s name to gain political mileage is lower than the lowest of all things low. It’s natural to criticize opposition party members. Hell, I’m even ok with all the mudslinging and backstabbing. But to say stuff like “The MNF are God’s chosen people”, and “To criticize the MNF is to criticize God. Any Mizo doing is an enemy of Christianity”, in front of a Christian majority state is downright shameful and nauseating.

Are we that naïve? When I discussed this with my friends in Mizoram, they said they are now used to such statements from politicians, regardless of which party they belong to, and not many people take them seriously. I seriously hope so! Doesn’t the Bible say, “Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain”? We used to joke about how all politicians will go to Hell. Looking and what’s going on in Mizoram, do you still think it is a joke?

 

3. The Bastardization of Mizo language

Ctng cuan xom cy ly miy cyiy xxy ywh yyyyy. - If you’re not a Mizo, you won’t understand this. And if you’re a Mizo, you still probably won’t understand this. This is how the Mizo youth of today speak on Facebook and via sms. And strangely, they seem to understand each other. I thought I was the only one who despised this uncouth behavior, but upon reaching Mizoram, I found a lot of my friends here criticizing this “language” too.

Well frankly speaking, much as I hate people raping my mother-tongue, I think this is just the way the teens of today rebel. Comon, even when we were their age, we have all done something to rebel against society and be a little bit anarchic, right? I don’t think it is fair to moral police them and criticize them openly. If anybody speaks to me in that strange tongue, I just ignore them, plain and simple. They think they’re uber cool talking like that. I’m sure they’ll get over it one day, just like how we got over our bell-bottom pants and self-recorded tape cassette collections. Let them have fun. Yyych llych cuan myau byau cyau piau.

 

4. Traffic Jams in Aizawl

Maybe because I have read so much about the horrible traffic jams in Aizawl that when I finally got to see it, it wasn’t as bad as I expected. Not at all. In fact I loved it! Compare this to Mumbai traffic jams and you will know what #FML really means. And in spite of the traffic jams in Aizawl, people still drive politely, giving way to other cars and pedestrians, with nobody honking their horns or fighting for road space. It’s beautiful.

And my friends in Chaltlang told me it takes them forever to reach Dawrpui due to the traffic jams. Urmmm… why don’t you just walk? From the time I arrived in Aizawl, I’ve been walking almost everywhere and its fun. You enjoy the breathtaking scenery, you bump into old friends and relatives, you move faster than the traffic, and it’s also a good exercise especially for people like me. And then my friends told me I find it fun only because I don’t live here and that I won’t be having this cheerful attitude if I was living in Aizawl. Hmmm… difficult to argue with that because I live in Mumbai. It’s like asking you if you were a dog, would you prefer rock music or hiphop? I’m not, so I won’t know.

 

5. Hanging out with my homies

Gone are the days of excitedly reaching home from the airport, spending some time with my family, and then visiting as many friends as I could that very night. Now I have to call up my friends first to see if they’re at home or free to entertain friends. Because most of them are now married, and many of them have kids too, so life is definitely different now. Even during daytime, all of them are working, so it’s very difficult to meet up with friends for lunch. Couple of years ago, all I had to do was send a short sms and my friends would be at the rendezvous point even before me.

I also attended my nephew’s birthday. My bro-in-law is a member of “Aizawl Thunders”, a Bullet-only biker gang. As expected, a lot of Thunders came for the birthday party, but what’s really funny was that, beneath all the leathers and modified bikes and long grungy hairs and machismo, they were just typical dads, running to their wives and kids whenever they called out their names, sometimes feeding them and other times changing their diapers. Lolz. But they’re a really funny bunch of people, hilarious and bright, and I look forward to spending time with the gang again.

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So this is just a short update from me. I have taken a lot of pictures, and I’ll post them once I reach Mumbai because the net connection at home is not very good. Cheers, I gotta sleep early because I have a wedding to attend tomorrow.

Chp 367. Of Mizoram weather & dad’s condition

One week in Aizawl now, and it had been blistering hot, humid, sweaty, rainy, windy, misty, wet, damp and freaking cold. Yeah if you wanna experience what “extremes of climate” feels like, Delhi is nothing. Come to Mizoram! Lolz.

At least in Delhi, the change happens gradually. Over here, things go from “Hell, it’s hottt!” to “Fackk it’s colddd” overnight. The first two nights I was here, I couldn’t even sleep due to the heat. And since I lost all privileges to the master bedroom downstairs (which my sis had taken over from me), I am now sleeping in dad’s old study room. It’s either that, or sleeping upstairs comfortably in my dad’s bedroom, mom’s bedroom or my nieces’ bedroom, but that means I can’t come home late (8pm is late by Mizoram’s standard) as they’re already sleeping by then, or smell of booze in front of my nieces (not that I will be drinking because Mizoram is a dry state and alcohol is strictly prohibited. Haha.)

Also, mom doesn’t allow me to smoke upstairs because she finally managed to make dad quit smoking due to his medical condition (whenever I meet people in my locality, the first question they ask me is, “When did you come home?”, second question: “How’s your dad?” and third question: “Is he really still NOT smoking? Wow!”) and mom’s afraid dad will feel like smoking again if he sees me smoking.

By the way, I mentioned earlier that dad and mom sleep in different bedrooms. That’s not because of any marital issues, lolz. Dad sleeps in my old bedroom upstairs due to his medical condition, like the loo is closer and higher (taller) in the attached bathroom etc. and the view from the balcony of that room is awesome. He’s kinda bedridden for almost two years now and was admitted to a hospital a month ago, and he’s the main reason why I took this long vacation from work. He’s pushing 80, and sometimes need assistance with his daily chores. But his great sense of humor is still intact.

He watches TV from his bed the entire day (when he’s not sleeping), and guess what he likes watching? Korean movies dubbed in Mizo. Lolzzzz! There’s nothing cuter and sweeter than watching my Old Man deeply engrossed in a Korean chick flick. I fear to ask him if he even knows what’s going on, but the expression of satisfaction and contentment on his face reassures me that he’s truly enjoying what he’s watching.

After two nights of sweat and humidity, the next three days had been extremely cold. Mizoram is no stranger to bits and pieces of cyclonic winds lashing it mercilessly, with no warning in advance, and I was right in the middle of it.

When it rains heavily in Mumbai, we complain about waterlogged roads and vehicles splashing water on us. Hehe, come to Mizoram if you wanna face the real hardships of heavy rains. Rain is always accompanied by landslides over here. Since the entire state is located on mountains and gorges, every house is precariously built on mountain slopes and hillsides. That is why in our Mizo vocabulary, we have two words for neighbor – “Kawmchhak” is the neighbor who lives above you on the slope, and “Kawmthlang” is the neighbor below you on the slope. And during landslides, sometimes entire houses get washed down the slope. There had been rare occasions when such houses were still intact after such a near-death ordeal, and people would joke about how their kawmchhak friend is now their kawmthlang friend. Lolz.

Apart from the landslides, there is the mist that accompanies the rain. Yeah, if you go to Ooty, Kodaikanal, Munnar etc. for a weekend vacation, I know how much you appreciate the scenic mist-covered mountains and valleys. Such serene and tranquil beauty inspires countless number of amateur poets and bloggers, and it is the ideal destination for a romantic getaway.

From Thursday to Saturday, visibility in Aizawl was reduced to around 10 metres because of the perpetual mist. All we could see everywhere were just white translucent mists, as if one was trapped inside a cotton-candy machine. And because of that, everything inside the house was damp – the curtains, my leather boots, the sofa, everything. Trust me, mist is not that romantic!

Yesterday being a Sunday, suddenly everything was clear again! Neither rain nor mist played a spoilsport to the beautiful day. The chimes of church bells from every locality resonated throughout the silent valley in great unison, reminding me again that this was the Mizoram I had always missed.

Some of my childhood friends from my locality came over after morning Church session to pay a visit to my dad. Then my online friends from misual.com, a popular Mizo site I co-host, came in a large group and paid a visit to dad. After that, my old school mates from St. Thomas, Cal, came and paid a visit to dad too.

Basically, that’s what Sundays are for in Mizoram – Going to Church during Church time and visiting sick friends or sick family member of friends during Church breaks (There’s a morning, noon and night service on Sundays that most people attend).

I felt a bit helpless bombarding dad with all my friends because he kinda preferred to be left alone, but he was still as cordial as ever and greeted all my friends with the utmost courtesy. Then he asked them who their parents were and immediately told them about how he knew their father/mother and what they used to do when they were young etc. He spent a really good time with my friends.

And of course since at least 80% of my friends are married with kids, dad and my friends continuously made fun of me about still being single and that they should put out an advertisement on every local newspaper with the message: “Marry him and get a Bolero FREE!”

Grrrrr…

But then, this is what every 30-something Mizo working outside Mizoram who’s too career focused to think of anything else (like marriage) face whenever they go home - the dreaded “When the hell are you planning to get married?” question. So at least I know I am not alone in this. Haha. Cheers for now. Laterz.

Chp 366. Upgrading Samsung Android 2.1 to 2.3.3

Just upgraded my Samsung Galaxy S I9000 from an outdated 2.1 to the latest 2.3.3! Actually, 2.3.4 is out but apparently it’s not available for India/Asia through Samsung (shitty) Kies yet, although you can upgrade to 2.3.4 using Odin etc.

Moving from 2.1 to 2.3.3 without even experiencing 2.2 is a mega jump in the Android Evolution! In Mizo, the appropriate term to use for this would be “Bawh Kân”.

I am quite a technogeek, but I am not THAT geeky enough to find joy in flashing ROMs, modifying Kernels etc at regular intervals, so I’ll just keep it simple in this post. The reason why I am posting this is to help anybody else who may have a problem upgrading their Android.

This post is about how I did it. But my method may not work for you, and I will not be able to tell you why it didn’t work for you. This is not a tech advice post or gyaan and it’s not meant for the experts out there. This is just a post for people like me who know a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

So yeah, a big WARNING in advance, for you may end up BRICKING your phone. If you really want to upgrade but you’re not that android-savvy, I suggest you find a friend who is an expert when it comes to this. I found mine – Lalremruata Chhangte (Chhanga). He guided me during this entire process through chat, and thanks to him, my phone is what it is today.

First of all, let me just state the obvious, that Samsung Kies is one of the crappiest software around. People at xda-developer forum too declared that whoever developed Kies should never be allowed to make softwares again. Haha.

You can always use other unofficial alternatives, but then, if you are not that tech-savvy there is always the danger of bricking your phone then. So for people like us, we have no other option but to use Kies.

So here’s what Lalremruata Chhangte told me to do.

1. Back up my contacts and messages

2. Root your phone

3. Download Titanium backup from Android Market

4. Back up all apps using Titanium

5. Upgrade using Kies

I don’t need to tell you how to back up your contacts and messages. You can do that using Kies, Google account and even your phone book has the option of exporting your contact list in .vcf format.

Regarding point 2, yes it is necessary to root your phone if you want to use Titanium backup software (available for free on the Android Market) as it requires superuser access. Here is how you root –

1. Download SuperOneClick v.2.1.1

2. Go to your phone “Applications/Development” and select USB Debugging

3. Connect phone to PC in debugging mode

4. Open SuperOneClick exe

5. Click on Root

6. Done, your phone is rooted and you now have Super User access

Once your phone has rebooted, go to Android Market and download/install Titanium backup. You can now open it due to SuperUser access. Click on “Batch” and then click “Run” for “Backup all user apps”. A new window will open with all your installed apps, and simply select all the apps and games you want to backup. I had around 350 apps I wanted to backup, so that took me around THREE hours to backup! I suggest you don’t do the same foolish thing, and only backup certain apps and games where you REALLY want to save your progress.

Also do NOT click “Run” for “Backup all system data”. If you are upgrading, you will get new system data and they WILL conflict with your backed-up system data.

Once all that is done, open Samsung Kies. Make sure the software is the latest version. Also, it takes a very long time to upgrade to a newer version, almost the same time as downloading the latest Kies version from Samsung site and installing it in a new system.

After that, uncheck usb debugging mode and connect your phone to PC again.

Now Kies will detect your firmware and notify you that there is a newer version. After that it is just a matter of clicking next, next, next etc. Kies didn’t upgrade me from 2.1 to 2.3 directly. It needed two steps, so first it upgraded me to 2.2.

Once the upgrading was completed, I disconnected and rebooted my phone. It took a long time to load, but my friend assured me that it was because the dalvik cache was regenerating.

Finally, I was on 2.2! Yay.

Next step – 2.3.3

Now, 2.3.3 was a l’il mother@#$@#%.

I followed the same method as above and connected my phone to my PC and opened Kies. It prompted me to upgrade to a newer version again, and I clicked next next next, and it started upgrading.

But THIS TIME, while upgrading, I kept getting the error message “Connection to device lost”!!! But my phone was freaking connected! I tried again and again for around 10 times, but kept getting the same error message.

So my friend and I googled and found out that it was a very COMMON Kies error (stupid Kies). I even downloaded Kies to two of my neighbor’s computers, but got the same freaking error message again and again.

Finally, he saw this forum and forwarded me the link - Galaxy S - problem installing android 2.3 via Kies. Over there, one user “factory resetted” his phone and tried again using Kies, and it finally worked.

So, since I had everything backed up, we decided to do this. Lalremruata told me an easy way to do this from boot menu –

1. Turn off phone

2. Press UP volume key + home + power keys together

3. Boot Menu loads

4. Five options appear. Select third – “Wipe data/factory reset”

5. Confirm (warning: This cannot be undone. You’ll also get 10 options for NO and 1 option for YES, just so you don’t do this by mistake, lolz)

After that my phone rebooted and I lost all my apps, games, phone contacts, messages etc (which was not a problem as they were all backed up) and only my system apps like camera, video player were on my phone. It’s like a brand new phone.

I connected my phone to Kies again. It started upgrading. And then it showed me the same freaking error message “Connection to device lost” AGAIN in the background, BUT WAIT, my phone nevertheless went ahead and upgraded!! Woohoooo!

I even went to the forum link above, took the effort to register, JUST to say thank you in that thread. See, I’m not a leecher! Lolz.

So I was on 2.3.3 finally! W00t!

But if you think that's the end of my fiery tale, you’re mistaken.

Upgrading my phone to 2.3.3 automatically UNROOTED it. But I needed my phone to be in ROOT mode if I wanted to access Titanium Backup in order to retrieve all my apps data.

And here was the final problem – SuperOneClick software I mentioned earlier, isn’t compatible with 2.3.3 firmware! So I couldn’t root it using the method I had written above.

Again, Lalremruata did some research and finally told me to flash my ROM using Odin, as he advised me not to use GingerBreak because it could brick my phone due to various versions. One wrong Gingerbreak on a different firmware and its goodbye phone.

He sent me this extremely helpful link - [CF-Root 4.1]

The steps are given there clearly too –

Follow these instructions to the letter. Do not touch any buttons or checkboxes that are not listed below!

1. Unzip the attached CF-Root-xxx-vX.X.zip

2. (USB) Disconnect your phone from your computer

3. Start ODIN

4. Click the PDA button, and select CF-Root-xxx-vX.X.tar

5. Put your phone in download mode

6. (USB) Connect the phone to your computer

7. Make sure repartition is NOT checked

8. Click the START button

9. Wait for the phone to reboot

10. Done (if it took you more than 30 seconds, you need practice!)

He also sent me the .tar file (mentioned in point 1 and 4 above) that I should use for this operation.

To keep your phone in “Download mode” –

1. Switch your phone off

2. Now Press and HOLD the following Keys in the same order: First Volume Down, Second Home Key, and Lastly the Power Button

3. Keep the Buttons Held until you see the phone Light up, then Let go off the power button, but keep the Volume and Home Keys Pressed

4. Once you see a yellow Droid digging and the Text "DO NOT SWITCH OFF THE TARGET", Let go off all the buttons.

I followed all the steps above and successfully flashed my ROM using ODIN.

I rebooted.

I ended up getting SOFT-BRICKED! Lolz.

A red fish (piranha?) kept blinking on my screen and my phone refused to start up. Haha. I wasn’t able to go to boot menu either.

Again, Lalremruata browsed different forums and finally found another person who had faced the same problem I was facing. And the fact that that victim was also from India made me feel much better, as firmwares are also region specific.

That person finally managed to solve his problem, and Lalremruata sent me the same .tar file that person had used to resolve this issue.

Using that new .tar file, again I followed the steps mentioned above, and FINALLY it was a grand success. My phone loaded and it was perfectly rooted.

I accessed Titanium backup immediately and retrieved my apps.

So now, I am a happy man! :)

This is how I upgraded my Android OS. If I was an iPhone user, all I had to do was connect my phone to iTunes, click a button, and it’s done. Lolz. Yeah yeah, I am a huge iPhone basher, but regarding this particular incident, I must praise iPhone, like it or not.

A big thanks to Lalremruata once again! Cheers! \m/