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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Chp 310. Skewed a bit is Love

My dear friend Aduhi tagged me in her post about the qualities of someone you would fall head over heels in love with. A post about the kind of person you’d like to spend the rest of your lives with and share your most <insert M & B adjectives here> moments.

Well, first of all, yeah, it’s quite a girly topic if you haven’t noticed it already I am one of the only three guys tagged in that post while the rest are all women. And the other two guys tagged in that post are already… you know… capable of swimming upstream if you know what I mean

Anyhoo, being a sport, I decided to give it a shot and list out 10 qualities… until I hit a roadblock.

You see, I am already seeing someone. I love that someone and I want to remain happy like this for as long as it takes. And I’m not just saying this because that someone reads my blog too

Trying to write about these qualities, I realized one thing – the way men and women perceive this thing called love is quite different. A woman will not react the same way a man will when you tell her/him about your dream girl/guy.


Scenario 1.

Mary and Richard are in love. They’ve even talked about the names of their (future) children a couple of times. Mary is a blogger. Richard is… well, active on Facebook, Twitter and other online platforms, but not that interested in blogging. But he never misses any of Mary’s posts.

One day, Mary’s friend tagged her in a blog post asking her to name 10 qualities she would like to find in her Mr. Right. And so Mary quickly jotted down 10 qualities and published her post. Richard came online later and read Mary’s post. “He must be a tidy person, someone who always folds his clothes neatly, wear fresh boxers every day, blah blah blah”.

Richard laughed because he wasn’t the type of person who is neat or tidy. In fact he didn’t possess many of the other qualities Mary had mentioned in her blog. Opening a can of beer, he took a quick gulp and burped. He then logged on to Facebook and started playing Mafia Wars.

Three months later, as planned, Richard and Mary got married and lived happily ever after.


Scenario 2. (Oh you’re gonna love this)

Henry and Jenny are in love. They’ve even talked about the names of their (future) children a couple of times. Henry is a blogger. Jenny is… well, a hot Kingfisher swimsuit model with a degree in law and currently the creative head of an Ad agency In spite of her hectic lifestyle, she never misses any of Henry’s posts.

One day, Henry’s friend tagged him in a blog post, asking him to name 10 qualities he would like to find in his dream girl. Henry, the stupid dork that he was, without thinking, quickly wrote down 10 qualities and published his post.

That was when the fight started.

An angry Jenny stormed into his room that very night. Her eyes were moist red, hair a mess, and Henry could have sworn he caught a whiff of vodka in her breath.

“What the fuck do you mean you like a girl who is good at cooking? So suddenly you have a thing for home cooked meals? Why didn’t you mention this to me on all those occasions when we ordered food or ate out?”

“Urmmm Jen listen…”

“No you shut the fuck up. How could you lie to me all this time? I thought you love me! And since when did you start finding girls with short hair attractive? So my long curly hair turns you off? Is that what this is? You want more variety? You slimy sleaze ball…”

“Jen…”

“Don’t Jen me asshole. Reading your post, I realized how I am not good enough for you. You want someone who loves dogs? You know very well about my traumatic childhood experience when I was chased by a street dog on my way to school. I can’t suddenly start liking dogs after that scar. Even my shrink will agree to that. Is this your way of saying you want to break up with me?”

“Whaa…”

“And who were you talking about when you said you want your dream girl to be passionate about hiking and adventure sports? You know I don’t have much free time to go on weekend vacations, leave alone hiking. Does Samantha love hiking? I’m sure she does, that fucking bitch whore. Why don’t you two go hiking and fuck and fulfill your every fantasy, you cheating scumbag.”

“Samantha who…? Honey…”

“Don’t you dare call me honey now, you slimy asshole. I can’t believe you’ve been living a lie after all these years. I thought I knew you. All those things you’ve told me, all the times we’ve made love… Oh Godddd… everything had been one big fat lie!!!”

And before Henry could say anything else, Jenny stormed out. That was the end of their two years “wonderful” relationship. End of scenario 2.

What can I say, my friends. C’est la vie. I may be generalizing a bit here, but the way most men and women treat relationships is quite different. And that is why, as a guy, we must be extremely careful about writing such stuff Try putting yourself in a woman’s head and don’t expect her to treat this the same way you would. It does not work that way.

Hence the reason why I must politely decline from writing Aduhi’s tag. If you think this is unfair, well, what can I say. We got skewed.



30 comments:

A. K. said...

Scenario 2 is hilarious! But a Kingfisher swimsuit model with a degree in Law!

illusionaire said...

haha... why stop at just "hot"? :D

dr_feelgood said...

I tell you I've wised up long ago:
Scene I:Wife" Hey!! why are you ogling that Bollywood girl?"
Me. "No No my dear. Was just thinking Ash has got a sexy giggle just like you"
Wife. "Why don't you join her fan club.You can put up her poster on the bedroom wall"

Shuakshuali said...

Hahaha, fu-neee..and totally tue too :D
But guys do feel insecure too when a gf's list doesnt correspond to his attributes. Fact!
Scary thing this list-making :D

aduhi said...

Well at least you responded to the tag even though you didn't put up your list. Good enough.

I should have suggested this earlier - you could list all of her good qualities. That way you would have replied to the tag and at the same time avoided an unpleasant scene (as in scenario 2 here). Totally a win-win situation.

Kym said...

That was being thoughtful for your "someone". But then even if you have wrote it down it will surely suite with her qualities..:)

Pixie said...

Ahem! Scenario 2?! Really?!! :P
We are so not that insecure!! :D :D

I really thought you would put up a list!! :D

How's u been?! :)

illusionaire said...

@ Pixie: Long time no see! Am doing great Pix. :D Well, about scenario 2... hihihi :D

@ Kym: Ah, it would, I am not denying that. But we guys have to be careful on matters like this :D

@ Aduhi: hihihi, yes I did :) And yes listing just her qualities alone would really save me sweet ass. :)

@ Shuak: Like I said, I may be generalizing a bit here. A bit. :D

@ dr_feelgood: Haha, I got so much more to learn from you regarding this. Like they said, its better to learn from other's mistakes than your own. :)

odzer said...

I must say this is the most BRILLIANT post I have ever come across on your blog. Except for the swimming upstream part, I have clue what you were insinuating there at all :p

I have my sides aching due to excessive laughter. Excuse me while I go and die.

Banno said...

Very, very diplomatic. And also sensible, I think, to decline the tag.

ruolngulworld said...

brilliant!! and true :)

Varte said...

what a co-incidence!!! i've just talking about this wedding thing.. check my latest post - and also pot it in Misual.com too lolzzz

illusionaire said...

@ Odzer: lolz. Thanx bro :)

@ Banno: Of course one has to be diplomatic in the matters of the heart, lest I'm accused of being biased :D

@ ruolngulworld: hehehe :D

@ Varte: Lolz, it must be that time of the year for this kinda topic :P Will come check ur post out, but most prolly will link it at misual on the next update only.

Dewdrop said...

Hilarious :) loved the scenario 2, soo true. Very clever to avoid the tag anyway : D

illusionaire said...

As Alanis Morissette sang.. you live, you learn. :D

Jerusha said...

Where did my comment go? I clearly remember leaving a comment on this yesterday...OMG you deleted my comment! You fucking asshole you delted my comment. I will never ever speak to you again you slimy sleaze ball!!!

:)

illusionaire said...

haha! :P

blackestred said...

I hear you bro. Done that once and it cost me a few days of silence. :P Nice post, so true too.
BTW, need some help with a small Flash project I'm working on to score some brownie points. Think you can help? I can send you the .fla file.

zualbonez said...

hei chu ka hrethiam ve pha lo...mahse kan comment ve mai2...va gothic lo ve...he he

illusionaire said...

@ NotGood: No prob bro, send me the .fla file. I dont touch flash but my close friends here at our Co. do and I can always ask them for this favor.

@ zualbonez: hahaha... nia rin ai in a gothic lo khawp mai :D

prashant said...

Best of Luck for the upcoming Mumbai Bloggers Meet. I am sure; it will be a grand success.

Would you like to part of the IndiBloggers - Linkedin Group

http://innovationinbanking.blogspot.com/

warm regards
prashantn

Eveline said...

hahahahhahh... I'm so glad I'm at home and not at work when I read this, because if people were there, i'd be getting strange looks. roflroflrofl.. :) You are hilarious and educational. I never realized but you actually contributed verses to Mankind's Manual. I must have skipped over those in school. lol. :)

jay-me said...

o wise observer, i bow to you(bow, bow, bow, bow:))tak2 i love,love,love this one, its the best ever, i dont know if the guy-girl scenario is accurate but i just love the way you've twisted and moderated the whole "what i want in a guy/gal" burden, i mean, lets face it, we cant be choosers in love right, love can happen to anyone no matter how imperfect that person may be, im sure my better half drools over Adriana Lima but loves me more with all my imperfections, eh am i fooling myself??whatever...it was with sad, teary eyes (reasons undisclosed)that i ventured into your blog (not becos i was looking for shoulders to cry on but becos i wanted distractions. period.) and it was with happy, teary eyes with laughter-fatigued mouth that i leave this post because its "phantastically" humorous, i love writings with a slight dab of hahahehe, so tonight you're my hero, o great writer, i sacrifice myself at your alter,jokes aside, great read, kudos!

illusionaire said...

@ Prasahnt: It will be my first Indiblogger meet, I am really looking forward to it! :) I never knew there was a linkedIn group, am checking it out right now.

@ Eve: lolzzz. Thanks dear. And its not about being educational. Its just experience and observation. Like my blog tag says, I'm just an observer. And believe me, just keeping quiet lets me observe a hell lotttt! :)

@ Jay-Me: haha lal mimz. Thanx for the compliment but I'm just trying to be honest here with an open mind :D I love writing stuff like this too and will hopefully be coming up with another very soon ;)

David L. Ralte said...

ngaihnawm hle mai :D

neha said...

i just love your blog kima!
i must say the only good thing about my mizo ex was that he introduced me to your blog :P otherwise i would have never known it existed.
all the nest

neha

neha said...

all the *Best : )

illusionaire said...

Thanx David :D

@ Neha: lolz... and who was this boyfriend of yours? :)

dean said...

me thinks jen is a little overly melodramatic. :). wud never fall for a girl (no matter how well endowed) who overreacts to the point of insanity.. i should say.. ruining a two year relationship over a blog post..

Savita said...

So true :) Can totally imagine both 1 & 2 happ!