Just yesterday, somebody who used to be a good friend of mine sent me a friend request on Facebook. “Used to be a good friend” because her boyfriend back then became insecure about our friendship as we shared a lot of things in common, and so he told her to stop talking to me and “unfriend” me on Facebook.
She even started commenting on my blog using a fake name (she’s an awesome blogger herself). She didn’t use her real blogger account because she was afraid her over-possessive boyfriend might just check my blog posts to see if she commented or not, no matter how insignificant her comments might be. And so we built this great big wall of partition between us, breaking off every single communication.
And then they broke up recently.
So… yeah, she sent me a friend request yesterday. I accepted, with a grin. The first thing I asked her was, “Was it worth it? Was it worth losing a friend?”
“It’s hard to explain,” she said.
I completely understood what she meant because I too lost a dear friend once.
Back in college when N and I were a couple, I had a female bestest friend, Sonam. She was this really adorable chubby Sikkimese junior who I had a lot in common with - same humor, same likes and dislikes, same emotional tolerance, same temper tantrums.
Even though she was like “one of the boys” to me, N never liked how close we were, and finally told me she couldn’t stand it anymore and that I must choose… Choose between my girlfriend and my bestest friend.
I chose N.
And so I told Sonam she couldn’t call me up in the night anymore to tell me about her crushes or how her day went or who she had a fight with or invite me to one of her friend’s house party. I lost my good friend that day.
N and I had a good run, until we broke up after I graduated. She came from a very conservative Rajasthani family and the chance of them accepting me into their family was extremely small.
It was only after we broke up that I thought of Sonam.
Did I just lose a good friend over nothing?
And that is the part that is difficult to explain, and why I understood my blogger friend when she said it’s hard to say whether it’s worth it or not. Because I wouldn’t exactly call it “over nothing”, as there were many memorable moments shared with my ex as a result of me unfriending Sonam.
But still, the idea of having to choose was very difficult. I knew for a fact that N didn’t want to be the bad guy in that situation. I’ve seen her tried, but no matter how hard she tried to push away any feelings of jealousy, it made her very uncomfortable whenever Sonam and I were together. I didn’t want N to be uncomfortable or sad as we were both in love back then. Hence I had to make the ultimate sacrifice and let go of a good friend.
Have you ever been in such a situation where you had to choose between a lover and a friend from the opposite sex? Do share your story with me.
And oh, speaking of “unfriending”… one of my ex-girlfriends unfriended me on Facebook even though we had a mutual break-up and were in good talking terms with each other until the day she got married. Maybe this is the exact same thing, that I was making her husband uncomfortable, hence she had to unfriend me. Maybe it is a natural and logical reaction to let go of friends and past flames in order to keep the fire of a new relationship burning? Or maybe being jealous is just a part of our human nature and the only thing that differs from person to person is the intensity in which we get jealous?
To end this semi rant, do watch this really touching romantic short play, “The Last”. About past relationships. Guaranteed to move you if you’re the mushy type.
And of course once you’re done watching the above video, do watch the parody, “The Last Resort”. Guaranteed to crack you up with laughter. Cheers! :)
EDIT March 18th: Just so we’re on the clear, don’t assume that I’m this really lucky Casanova who boyfriends tell their girlfriends to stay away from, lolz. Regarding my blogger friend, I wasn’t the only guy her jealous ex-boyfriend told to unfriend. There were a few other guys along with me that she had to unfriend. We even thought of forming a “Unfriended By xxxxx Association” and maybe even run in the upcoming election and win a couple of constituencies so that we’ll have enough power in the Assembly House to pass a new Law banning her from unfriending any more male friends just because her ex boyfriend was super jealous. Lolz. :)