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Sunday, March 17, 2013

Chp 445. Sacrificing a friend

Just yesterday, somebody who used to be a good friend of mine sent me a friend request on Facebook. “Used to be a good friend” because her boyfriend back then became insecure about our friendship as we shared a lot of things in common, and so he told her to stop talking to me and “unfriend” me on Facebook.

She even started commenting on my blog using a fake name (she’s an awesome blogger herself). She didn’t use her real blogger account because she was afraid her over-possessive boyfriend might just check my blog posts to see if she commented or not, no matter how insignificant her comments might be. And so we built this great big wall of partition between us, breaking off every single communication.

And then they broke up recently.

So… yeah, she sent me a friend request yesterday. I accepted, with a grin. The first thing I asked her was, “Was it worth it? Was it worth losing a friend?”

“It’s hard to explain,” she said.

I completely understood what she meant because I too lost a dear friend once.

Back in college when N and I were a couple, I had a female bestest friend, Sonam. She was this really adorable chubby Sikkimese junior who I had a lot in common with - same humor, same likes and dislikes, same emotional tolerance, same temper tantrums. 

Even though she was like “one of the boys” to me, N never liked how close we were, and finally told me she couldn’t stand it anymore and that I must choose… Choose between my girlfriend and my bestest friend.

I chose N.

And so I told Sonam she couldn’t call me up in the night anymore to tell me about her crushes or how her day went or who she had a fight with or invite me to one of her friend’s house party. I lost my good friend that day.

N and I had a good run, until we broke up after I graduated. She came from a very conservative Rajasthani family and the chance of them accepting me into their family was extremely small.

It was only after we broke up that I thought of Sonam.

Did I just lose a good friend over nothing?

And that is the part that is difficult to explain, and why I understood my blogger friend when she said it’s hard to say whether it’s worth it or not. Because I wouldn’t exactly call it “over nothing”, as there were many memorable moments shared with my ex as a result of me unfriending Sonam.

But still, the idea of having to choose was very difficult. I knew for a fact that N didn’t want to be the bad guy in that situation. I’ve seen her tried, but no matter how hard she tried to push away any feelings of jealousy, it made her very uncomfortable whenever Sonam and I were together. I didn’t want N to be uncomfortable or sad as we were both in love back then. Hence I had to make the ultimate sacrifice and let go of a good friend.

Have you ever been in such a situation where you had to choose between a lover and a friend from the opposite sex? Do share your story with me. 

And oh, speaking of “unfriending”… one of my ex-girlfriends unfriended me on Facebook even though we had a mutual break-up and were in good talking terms with each other until the day she got married. Maybe this is the exact same thing, that I was making her husband uncomfortable, hence she had to unfriend me. Maybe it is a natural and logical reaction to let go of friends and past flames in order to keep the fire of a new relationship burning? Or maybe being jealous is just a part of our human nature and the only thing that differs from person to person is the intensity in which we get jealous?

To end this semi rant, do watch this really touching romantic short play, “The Last”. About past relationships. Guaranteed to move you if you’re the mushy type.

And of course once you’re done watching the above video, do watch the parody, “The Last Resort”. Guaranteed to crack you up with laughter. Cheers! :)

EDIT March 18th: Just so we’re on the clear, don’t assume that I’m this really lucky Casanova who boyfriends tell their girlfriends to stay away from, lolz. Regarding my blogger friend, I wasn’t the only guy her jealous ex-boyfriend told to unfriend. There were a few other guys along with me that she had to unfriend. We even thought of forming a “Unfriended By xxxxx Association” and maybe even run in the upcoming election and win a couple of constituencies so that we’ll have enough power in the Assembly House to pass a new Law banning her from unfriending any more male friends just because her ex boyfriend was super jealous. Lolz. :)


Njldst said...

I've only had 1 proper girlfriend till now, and we broke up after a year together because i chose not to compromise on my friendships. Not one friend in particular, but the idea that our romantic relationship was not enough to fill the void in my life. It isn't exactly the same, but i believe i chose a different path than you, and i'm still waiting to see how this turns out.

Anonymous said...

Greatttttttttttttttt :D

Hriatpuia Pa said...

Ngaihnawm, as usual. Hmana horror fiction i ziah thin ang kha han ti leh tawh teh.. chuan, nakinah a buin i chhuah ang a.. :D

VaiVa said...

Lunch laiin lo dak zuai a, pic save phawt. tlaiah ka lo chhiar tha ang :)

Zakk said...

thats some deep personal shit you spilled buddy but i can relate to it.
kei chu i have a simple rule i make clear or we negotiate on before the relationship starts.
1. As long as ur my gf you will love & support Chelsea FC
2. Never put me in a situation where i have to choose between you over my friends (you may not always like the decisions)

come to think of it, Maybe thats why ive not had many serious relationships

Mimihrahsel said...

My curiosity brought me to check our mutual friends, and yup, I'm right, (I think) The detective me, hihihi :D

I've been having good friends all my life, and most of my bestest are always male. Few years ago, my very very best friend's gf was so jealous of me, inspite of me accompanying my friend to buy stuffs for her on valentine's day(s) and her birthdays, she would call me up, and just keep quiet saying nothing, so I finally decided to sacrifice my friendship. They went on for years, and finally broke up. They are now married to both different people. My friend and I are now in touch again, and his wife is my high school friend, and we go along just fine. I lost one friend too recently, coz his gf was jealous. Its like, when he goes back to his relationship, we stop keeping in touch, when they make up, we stop. lol. funny.

Didini Tochhawng said...

can't comment much, but wow!...what a hairstyle you had!!! Can't help laughing :D

Unknown said...

i can so relate to this. i have a lot of guy friends, and in my opinion they are better friends than girls. My boyfriends get jealous of my guy friends, and their girlfriends get jealous of me. Yes i've been asked many times to chose between my friendship and my relationship, i'd always chose friendships. Maybe because i've never took relationships seriously. Also, i throw these huge tantrums, accusing my boyfriends of not trusting me when they get jealous of my friends.

Xauz said...

I read the whole stuff and the only thing came into my mind is..The pic.. "seriously??? omg... you've got to be kidding me..Is that 'The Kima' who showed me all his teeth at the airport just to prove that his teeth were clean ??" I think this is the most appropriate time to use.. 'OMG'!! lol.. No offense though.. :)

OpaHmar said...

A moment of silence..... (you know the story bro)

ku2 said...

Yo!! Whyyy???
As to the sacrificing a friend bit- in theory, one should never have to sacrifice a friend for a lover. In practice though, different folks, different strokes, I guess.
Again, yo!!!

Mizohican said...


Martin said...

Nothing. Not one single thing in this world makes the hair in the second pic acceptable! Maybe except this story. :P

lawrkhawm said...

Should have never introduced you to this Feedjit stuff. Crap, "Visitor from Kolkata" obvious! Can't sneak on you blog anymore. Haha!

My story is 'deep'er than this shit(?) :))

daniel said...

Life is full of hard choices, some of which we are forced to make . I guess that's life.

Anonymous said...

She was my best friend and a lover for 8 years, recently she got a new boyfriend after moving to hurts, but what the hell, its her i let go. Oh! She shooo me out of her life..hurts sometimes but i am doing fine now :D

btw mozohican u r indeed a great blogger

tingmozema said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tingmozema said...

i have a whole different spin on an ex bf and his best friend, who is also my close friend.
Broke up with my bf but kept the friendship with his close friend because we had and have our own relationship that is not sustaining on my relationship with my ex bf.
can understand the moral dilemma u went through. but little girls and little boys come and leave, friends stay. :)

and well its a different story how i maintain our friendship with my ex's best friend. awkward as hell most of the time when ex is around, but i am ready to go through for this beautiful friend i got. he is one of the beautifuls thing i gained from my relationship with my ex.