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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Chp 106. A blessed long distance relationship

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. That’s what two people in love experience all the time. This is a special post dedicated to all of us who are in a relationship, especially a long distance one.

Long distance relationships are complicated. There need to be a great amount of understanding among the couples in such a relationship. Some of the more common issues I’ve heard are: [The names are entirely fictional and any resemblance to real people is completely coincidental].

John calls up his girlfriend Mary and tells her that he’s going out with a friend and colleague, Jenny, for tea. Mary tells him that it’s okay and that he need not inform her about all these “silly things”. So the next time Jenny invites John for tea again, he didn’t tell Mary. At the teashop, Mary’s friend Teresa saw John and Jenny together, and calls up Mary immediately. Mary then calls up John and scolds him for not telling her about them and accuses him of two-timing her and being a flirt, and eventually dumps him.

Linda and Matt are deeply in love with each other. Linda told Matt “Let us be honest with each other and tell each other everything” to which Matt obediently said yes. Later on, Matt heard from the grape vine that Linda went out for a movie with her ex-boyfriend Pete. Matt called her up and asked “Why didn’t you tell me you went out for a movie with him? I thought you said we must tell each other everything?” to which Linda replied, “How can you expect me to tell you everything? For the love of God, give me some space here! I can’t take it anymore, you are suffocating me” and with that she hung up, broke up with him and got back together with Pete.

Stacy called up the love of her love Nick, “Darling, a dear dear old friend of mine from School and College days has just landed in my city. I am so excited to meet him and catch up with old times. We are going to…” Nick rudely interrupted,
“Him? You mean it’s a guy?”
“Uhhh.. yeah… what’s wrong?”
“Tell me this, are you sleeping with him? Are you? Are you?”

And then there are those dudes who call up their long distance girlfriends every minute, wanting to know where they are and who they are with. A boyfriend concerned about his girl is cute, but inquisitiveness to this level is the heights of insecurity.

Looking at the above four cases, it would be easy for any outside onlooker to comment that they never loved each other. But these are actual problems that occur between two people in a long distance relationship who love each other dearly. Most of us are an insecure lot, especially when we cannot see our loved one with our own eyes and must rely on what he/she tells us.

And that is what long distance relationships bring: one of the greatest ironies of Love. For the more we love somebody, the more we are supposed to trust that person. But instead, for most of us, the more we love somebody, the more possessive and jealous we get! Ironic indeed. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why many renowned psychologists do not believe in a thing called Love.

And sometimes, even short distance relationships do not work out if there is no trust. Is there any such thing as a long distance and a short distance relationship? Yup indeed there is. And that is our relationship with God. Our Lord is high up there in Heaven and in our hearts at the same time. And in His case, the same rules apply: If there is no trust and faith, our relationship with God will falter eventually.

How similar is a long distance relationship with God and our loved one? Very similar. Some of us cheat on our long distance girlfriend/boyfriend by flirting or sleeping with somebody else, things that our loved one would definitely not allow. Similarly, we cheat on God by doing things that He would not allow, like stealing, accepting bribes, blaspheming the Word of God etc.

Another similarity: Don’t you enjoy talking with your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend over the phone? You talk to each other for hours, unproductive as it may be, talking about anything ranging from your neighbor’s cat to a funny incident that happened at the Mall. Likewise, in our long distance relationship with God, we (should) enjoy talking to Him, praying whenever we feel like, not just to ask Him for favors but just to have a chat with Him, thanking Him for everything that He did for us and asking Him to keep protecting all our loved ones.

In the end, any relationships, especially long distance, will have a much higher chance of working out if we ask for the good Lord’s blessings. Love is one of God’s greatest gifts to Mankind. Right from loving our neighbors to loving somebody in a special way so that we may multiply and spread our seeds, they are all God’s Commands.

Many of us, influenced by M&B novels, mushy love songs and magazines like Cosmo and Vogue, tend to make the mistake of giving our all in a relationship with someone. When you give it your all, be prepared to fall down hard if the walls come crumbling down. I learnt it the hard way. But now that I have Jesus in my heart, it's funny, but all other “worldly” emotions seem to play a minor role, like those background singers in a Robbie Williams concert.

There is nothing wrong in a Christian youth to fall in love, but we must be careful about the way we love somebody. Do we love somebody so much that we sometimes fail to think about anything else, including Jesus? Do you think God would appreciate what you do with your loved one? Is it a healthy relationship? These are just some of the few questions we need to ask ourselves. I consider myself extremely lucky to be in a relationship with someone who understands why neither of us can give it our all in our relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, by saying that we must not give it our all, I do not mean we are not serious with each other. Ofcourse we should be serious with someone we love, but always let the Love of our Almighty Father have a higher priority than the love for any mortals.

And at the end of the day, be it a long distance relationship or “short distance”, always pray for your loved one. Pray for him/her and for Almighty Lord’s abundant blessings, and if it is truly His wish, everything will work out perfectly for the two of you.

Praise be the Lord.


Jason said...

Amen to that, Kima!! So well said !!

Super post, as usual :)

virgochhas said...

I never thot of it dat way...I mean our relationship wit God as a long distance relationship...

datz a great way of putting it...anatha eye opener..

thanks again


Hmai said...

hei chu experience atanga ziak ani maw :P ..... great one honey!!!! keep writing.

Calliopia said...

Nice analogy Illu...can't say I've ever heard sth quite like that before.

Btw, sounds like someone's been doing a lot of research on LDRs. Maybe you should give me some pointers? ;)

Mizohican said...

thankyou thankyou everyone :-)

mnowluck said...

Amen Amen!!!!

Keep on posting Kima

mnowluck said...

Amen Amen!!!!

Keep on posting Kima

Anonymous said...

Finally making a comeback on ure blog !:)
Its my opinion that only those realtionships governed by trust and respect last. It doesnt matter long or short... as long as there is trust, everything will be fine.
I can still call my ex boyfriend in the middle of the night to discuss my paper, or crisis , just cuz even though we are not together ( but technically we are in a relationship called friendship"), we still repect each other as indiviuals. I think most people dont see, that respecting the other person's prespective/ actions/space is a key factor to long lasting, if not successful relationships.

Trust goes a long way as well. An extremely cynical person would never be able to survive.

Our relationship with is god is special. Each of us view God differently. An extremely religious friend of mine held an opinion that by me, not going to the temple or joining the prayer meetings, i was being disrespectful to God. I just think , if God is our hearts, there is no need for anything of those other things. I think of God , all the time.And I trust and hope , He is thinking of me too. :)

We trust our lord to be there for us and trust ourselves to be there for HIM when he needs us.

Almostunreal said...

been so busy tht got no time to visit any blog...not even mine

well written..amen