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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Chp 15. Election

A couple of days ago, we had the college elections for the various posts.

The way it was conducted was very professional. It wasn’t one of those voting we used to have back in engg college u know.. where we write who we want to vote for in a piece of paper and then the class prefect collects them, counts them himself, and declare the results almost immediately

No no, its very different out here. The candidates standing for the various posts had to submit an SOP (“Statement Of Purpose” for the uninitiated ) to the PGP office after being nominated and seconded by another person. There is also the publicity part. Our seniors were quite disappointed with our batch because junta were not as enthu as the previous batches when it comes to promoting and stuff. But then we had the various pitching and SOP box.

For the SOP box, candidates had to introduce themselves and spell out their agenda for a year if they were elected for the post. They had to point out why they are better than the other candidates and hence, why we should vote for them. And then the audience grill them with questions that lean more towards the uncomfortable side. Some of the questions asked were:

“If you are in the Acad council and you come to know about one of your friends giving a proxy, how will you tackle it? Will you report it to the PGP office or keep quiet and tell him not to repeat it again?”

“If you are appointed the sports secretary and you have to conduct a match between two sections and you just remembered you have a 5000 word assignment to submit the next morning. What will you do?”

“Suppose you are the hostel secretary. What is your stand on the current room allotment policy? Suppose people are taking food from the mess and then leaving the empty plates outside their room. In spite of telling them to return the plates to the mess, they continue doing it. What action will you take then?”

“If you are the hostel secretary, Mr.Garuda, will you stop chasing women?”

Ok ok.. I made that last one up (He he.. Mr. newly appointed hostel secretary Garuda, you better get that washing machine plug point in our floor fixed before I malign your name again. Remember bracket 1st semester? Muah ha ha…)

Apart from the SOP box, we had the candidates pitching. It was the best part of the whole election process I must say. Its when the candidates come personally to each room and tell them their agenda n intentions. Its their way of saying they are dead serious about the post they are standing for, and that every student in the campus matters to them. Its also their way of saying “Lets cut the crap. Just vote for me”.

I have mentioned earlier that this was the best part of the election. Its bcoz, usually our group of frens will be sitting together in one room when one of the candidates enter. And the personally screwing begins! We ask the poor guy all sort of questions (which would be censored in a SOP box) until he start feeling really uncomfy. He knows he gotta keep his cool ofcourse, and the pure evil in us really have a field day I mean it is so funny to see someone you’ve known for quite a long time, your friend, your classmate, someone you joke around with everyday, suddenly becoming so serious and different and… politically oriented! anyway we wish all the people we tormented a genuine best of luck.

Election day came.

The entire PGP staff were there monitoring the entire election process. It was ofcourse a secret ballot. But you can’t help but laugh at the polling booth. There were like 5-6 such “polling booths” inside the classroom, all apart from each other. After getting our IDs verified, we had to sit in one of these “booths”. Its just a normal chair and table, except that a tall card box wall have been constructed on all three sides. LOL! Talk about secrecy, this is the limit!

Here is a pic of me exercising my franchise!



The results were out that same day… The newly elected office bearers are:-






















































President

Sathya Prathipati




-




sathyap_blr@yahoo.co.in


Hostel Secretary

Sanjeev Garuda




9845356745




gvsanjeev@rediffmail.com


Alumni Secretary

Apurv Parashar




9886091185




apurvparashar@yahoo.co.in


Sports secretary

Muthu Mohon




9845500123




muthuraman_in@yahoo.com


Acad Council

Sairam K

Jeni Kurian

Abhinav Thakur

Mohit Singh




9448025358

9886812296

9880647861

9845350091




krish_sairam@yahoo.com

jenck@sancharnet.in

abhinav_thakur@yahoo.com

mohit_recj@rediffmail.com


Placement Reps

Konark Singhal

Tuhin Garg

Mayur Aggarwal

Nidhi Bansal

Gaurav Kumar

Amitesh Rattan

Saurabh Singh

Jacob Samuel




9341340301

9845696227

9845702994

-

9886807292

9845356735

9886261408

9845481073




konarkindia@yahoo.com

tuhin_garg@rediffmail.com

libyamayur@yahoo.com

nid_4_spd@yahoo.com

gkgoyal81@yahoo.co.in

amiteshrattan@yahoo.com

saurabhsingh_2@rediffmail.com

jacob.samuel@gmail.com



I must confess that many guys I voted for did not make it. But then that’s what democracy is all about. Whether you like the person or not, its up to everyone to make the best out of what you have right now. A big congratulations to everyone who made it. And tough luck to those who didn’t. Its not the end of the World. Hoping to see a brighter IIMB thru your hands.

Good Luck.

Ps. Sathya, President-2006, does not wish for his phone number to be listed here (personal reasons). If you want to know more about anything here in IIM-B, plz feel free to call up the others!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Chp 14. MCC

During the semester holidays, jobless me and equally jobless Tommy (who later turned out to be not so jobless at all – that silent killer fraud!) roamed the face of Bangalore, by hearting all the various roads and gullies beyond Brigade Road. It was fun. After all, I had two cars at my disposal and my semester pocket money from dad has just arrived We usually drive after lunch or after dark, coz rush-hour traffic in Bangalore is pathetic! We move at snail pace, with barely an inch between each cars, everyone fighting for every god damned space that is created. And at the end of the day, there is not a single scratch on the car. How in the Hell did I, then, manage to kiss that wall of concrete on the eve of monu’s b’day? (Sorry monu, let my leg heal, and I swear I’ll definitely get that dent on your car fixed)

One of the places we went to was the Mount Carmel “Cul-Ah” fest. IIMB took part in the dance competition. So there I was, driving the participants to the college. Man, the place was jam-packed. People fighting to get in, all queued up at the entrance gate. Other than Moron and I, the rest of the guys were dancing, but never-the-less we both received a “participant” badge too. Our dancers are Tommy, Doc, Chu, Andy, Pragya Dutt, Kanu Priya, Icy and Rashmi. The girls had to enter thru a different gate. Reminds you of the Airport.

As we entered the gate, the MCC students checked our wallets. Our wallet of all the things to check. Makes you wonder if they are checking it just to check you out, if u know what I mean… Anyway I just can’t figure out why our wallets are being checked. First of all, its an invasion of privacy big time. And secondly, what can you hide in your wallet that you can’t hide between your socks or in a concealed pocket inside your pants. Weed? Not possible bcoz all our cigarettes and lighters are confiscated by that big-burly-my-ass thin scrawny watchman who I feel felt me up more than required (that lecherous bastard). Condoms? Well, it’s a girls' college after all and there may be some delusional guys out there hoping to get “lucky”. But then, doctor's advice: Do not carry condoms in your wallet It can become “useless” bcoz of the pressure inflicted upon it. So unless the guy is really uninformed, i don't think he'll have one of those in his wallet. Bombs? Sure, if your wallet is the size of a VIP suitcase. It really does not make any sense checking your wallets... Maybe the girls wanna see how many plastic the person is carrying

Anyway we got in and roamed around the campus for a while. Nice campus. Some of the girls were really hot while a few others, I must say, had too much of a make-up on them. It was here that I realized one of the disadvantages of being in IIMB. I did not know a single soul out here. And believe me, I’m not the introvert type. If it was back in Coimbatore or Hyderabad or Chennai, I would have met atleast 15-20 people I know by now. But looking at my life here, well, the only people I know outside our college (other than my school and engineering college buddies) would be some of the regulars at Club-X (on those few Saturday nites when I go there to escape the L^2 parties back in hostel). Management is about socializing? Hah. Maybe in the long run, but definitely not while you’re slogging for it.

The dance competition started around 3pm. I stood at the back stage coz the audience section was full. When it was our turn to dance, junta cheered when the name “IIMB” was announced over the mc. Feels good, u know…

The guys danced well. A very good mix of Hindi, Punjabi and Hiphop. Some of the songs they mixed were "subha subha jab khidki khole", "ghash khake", "eric sermon's react", fida - "lets do the balle balle", sukhbir's "ishq" and munnabhai mbbs-"dekh le" . Frankly i must admit, the quality of our dance was not as good as the other colleges, but for an IIM standard (or for any post graduate level, for that matter), I must say, the guys were amazing. People cheered thru out the dance.


[Our dancers: Tommy, Icy, Pragya, Andy, Chu, Rashmi, Kanu Priya and Doc]


We left immediately after that. While I was driving, the guys who are still there called up and said we did not win, but the audience is shouting for “Once more” for us! But then, the guys had to get back to college to attend a ppt, and we haven’t had lunch yet, so we didn’t go back to MCC.

I stopped at my favorite joint on the way back – “Fanoos”. We all ate there and I had my usual “jumbo” mix of lamb and sheekh. Yummy*. Reached IIM by 6pm.

Altogether it was a great experience I must say.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Chp 13. Novocain1

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novocain 1

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than air,
I’ll tell you why …

The name of the song is “Give me Novocain”, from the latest Green day Album “American Idiot”. Click
here to download a sample of the song. I’ve been playing it for the umpteenth time today. The way the song starts and the lyrics flow, go so well with what I’m going thru right now.

This swollen pain on my leg won’t just go away, however hard I wished it to disappear. Life sux, especially when you are so used to physical activities. You can’t walk, leave alone run. You fall behind when walking with frens bcoz of the limp. Climbing up or down the stairs is a Herculean task. And at night, you cannot sleep in your favorite position…

But where there is rain, there’s always that rainbow. Some of the advantages of having a ligament tear is…
• Your frens pamper you!
• You get the front seat of the car whenever you are going out (No more fighting for that special place).
• Front seat means you’re the DJ. You play what songs you like in the car even if the other ppl at the back seat don’t like the music *muah ha ha*
• You don’t feel guilty about ordering food from outside for every single meal bcoz after all, you cannot walk to the hostel cafeteria with that leg (although my room IS the closest room to the mess in the entire hostel campus)
• You just sit in your room and watch movies the whole day
• If you are falling behind work or not doing what you’re supposed to do and the people in-charge reprimand you, you just tell them “ligament tear” and their attitude towards you immediately changes!

Ofcourse there are certain downsides, like tomoro will be the 3rd Strategy class I will miss. Its really tough getting up for the 1st lecture in the morning with a leg like this, and especially if you have taken pain-killers just before sleeping. I found that out today. You know, this leg does not bother me that much. I can limp where I want to go. But early in the morning, when it hurts the most bcoz of it being stationary thru-out the night and also bcoz of the morning cold air, well, lets just say classes are the last thing on my mind. So if I bunk 3 classes, that means I got just 3 bunks left out of the remaining 25 lectures! In a way this is good. It will motivate me to go regularly for the remaining classes.

Right now we are doing the Pepsi vs Cola war in Strategy class. I feel bad missing it. Our prof Ram C is God when it comes to strategy. I don’t think there has ever been a case of anyone sleeping during his lectures. You can’t help but sitting up alert thru-out his entire class, listening to every word that he says. Such is the dept of his knowledge on this subject (And also partly bcoz he asks random people questions about the case)

Anyway, I guess that means I got lots of catching up to do. Plus 3 classes of Macro-economics this week. And on top of that, my sister (the PhD one from UK) is flying to Mumbai from Mizoram on 26th this month. She will leave for London the next day so I gotta move my ass to Mumbai and see her off (Its been 3 years since I last saw her!)

Ah! Mumbai. Can’t wait to unwind over there. Mumbai here I come!

1 novocaine - procaine administered as a hydrochloride (trade name Novocain) administered near nerves as a local anesthetic in dentistry and medicine

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Chp 12. Fracture

Today while playing football, I made the stupidest mistake of stepping on the ball while dribbling… The result? Crash, Boom, Bang. Ofcourse I didn’t mind the bruises I got on my knees or the small bump I got on my forehead. These minor injuries do not bother me, after all, I am a direct descendant of one of the fiercest warrior tribe of the north-east. But what bothers me was the fact that the rest of my body landed on my left ankle... ouch!

I tried standing up, but all I could feel was numbness. The guys carried me to the side and they continued playing while I sat and watched them play. Even I thought it wasn’t so serious… until I removed my football studs and looked at my feet. My ankle was all swollen up! It was like those Biology experiments we used to do back in school, you know, when we cut the outer bark of a plant (the phloem and xylem part) and leave the rest intact. Within a few days, the food and water which are supposed to be transported get accumulated at one of the cut ends. Using Amol as support, we limped back to hostel…

How ironic. Just a minute before I fell down, Amol told me to do one of my Jackie Chan moves, u know, when he’s lying down flat on the ground and he pushes himself up and stands on his feet. And I told him I’ll do that after the football match coz I don’t wanna get injured while doing it, and I really wanna play a good game of football before I get injured. We both laughed. The next minute was when I fell down. We weren’t laughing then.

Took a shower and then Amol drove me to the hospital. Sagar Apollo.

I have always been scared of hospitals. They are depressing… the smell of medicines remind me of all the pain I used to go thru. Has it ever occurred to you that, when you go to the hospital to visit a friend, the place is so normal… but when it’s time to go there for a treatment, your entire perspective change? Strange huh?

We went to the casualty department, and there they told me to lie down on the bed. The nurse came over and took my BP. Lol… I couldn’t help but ask her what’s all these gotta do with my foot. Her name’s Lily Abraham. Probably a mallu, coz only mallu Christians have such names. She coyly told me that it’s the hospital regulation to take a BP of all injured patients. We got into a short conversation then. She asked me where I got the injury, and I told her while playing football in the football field. And then she asked me how I got the injury. I controlled myself not to give her one of my snappy replies like “I was tying my shoe lace and guess I tied it too tightly coz the next minute I had this”. Later after examining my wound, she asked me whether I was feeling any pain. Gawd…. I still manage to control and not say “No, it tickles”. But it was when she asked me whether I was feeling the pain anywhere else that I could control no longer. I looked at her nonchalantly and said “Actually nurse, I am feeling the pain deep down in here too (points to my heart)”. She smiled and walked away. Amol told me to stop flirting with her! Lol. Me flirting with her? Ok I agree she was quite cute, but a hospital is the last place I’d wanna start a relationship at. It is so… dull. Depressing. Sad. Its where people die or holler in pain.

After that, the doctor told me to get an X-Ray. An attendant wheel-chaired me to the X-Ray room. It was so embarrassing. People stared at me on the way, so to make the best out of it, I made a facial expression as if I was deep in pain :-) You should see the concern on their faces.

At the X-Ray room, they lifted me to the table and prepared to X-Ray me. Just before they pressed the yellow button, I asked whether I have to hide my face or anything like that. Doctor smiled and said no, the X-Ray is aimed only at my leg. And then I couldn’t help asking him whether I’ll be able to have sex regularly after this. He smiled and said yes. I replied “Great! Coz I’ve never had regular sex before.” We both laughed. It sure does remove the tension. He smiled and said “Good one”.

As i sat there waiting for the results to come out, I kept my fingers crossed. God, I so do not want it to be a fracture. Plz plz… let it be a sprain. I can bear the pain of limping, but I don’t think I can bear the pain of wearing a plaster on my leg for a month!

Finally the attendant brings out the X-Ray sheet. He looks at it. I asked “what does it mean?” He said “Sorry, only doctor knows”. So I turned to the doctor and asked the same question. He too smiled at me and said “only doctor knows”! So there I was, once again wheel chaired back to ground zero. The doctor looked at it for a few minutes, which seemed like hours. I could see cracks everywhere, but then, maybe those are how its supposed to be. Finally he turned to me and said “its not a fracture”.

Man, I was SOOOOO happy. It was as if God has given you a second chance to live. But then the doctor told me that it is a very serious ligament tear and that I should not walk around for atleast 2 weeks. That sounds real bad, but considering the option of having a fracture instead, well, this is nothing :-)

He bandaged my entire ankle with a sprain bandage and gave me medicines. Amol went to pay all the bills while I waited in the doctor’s office. Got into a conversation with the doc. He asked me where I’m from and I said IIM. He was like “Really? Cool. Coz I wrote my CAT this time and I got short listed for the interview at IIMB”! Small world eh? So there I was, sitting in the hospital, giving the doctor tips on interviews and how life is like in the IIMs. For a moment, it felt really great; coz here is a well qualified doctor actually listening to my advices!

We left soon, and joined the others at Brigade road, where we all watched the movie “Alexander”. I limped everywhere, but it wasn’t so bad….

Only bad thing was, my phone crashed yesterday (long story). So I can’t call anyone I know coz all my phone numbers are in my freaking phone. Phelia, if you are reading this, plz call me ASAP.

Gnite everyone. Tomoro I am going to wake up in pain… :-(((



Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Chp 11. Thanx

Thanx a lot Vikas, Anonymous and Agony Aunt for your comments, and all the others who have sent me lots and lots of personal mails or left me consoling offlines. Paolo, Johny, thanx for those wonderful words of support. I promise I’ll keep in touch regularly from now onwards. Not to forget my classmates here in IIM who spoke to me in the most concerning tone... thanx a lot everyone….

Yup, i have talked to the PGP Office and here are the outcomes...

a) If i flunk, i will not be kicked out immediately. I will be allowed to do my 3rd semester anyway even if i surely do not qualify for promotion next year. Because I’ll have to do my summer internship at Castrol otherwise the institute will get a bad name. Well, frankly speaking, the idea of working sounds really exciting, especially in an environment like Castrol, since I’ve never worked my entire life, and even though this internship is only for 2 months.

b) If i do badly, i will have to work extra hard this semester to push up my cgpa so that i will be allowed to continue next year.

c) If i do great, well, i still have to work hard.

Basically, this is what i'll have to do if i wanna continue. In a way, consulting all my frens and they telling me that even they are unsure about why they want to do an MBA was a little bit assuring. But we are all in a different boat here. It may be the same water that is rocking our boats, but the way my boat rocks will be different from the way yours rock because of the difference in design and structure. We may row our boats together, side by side under the sunny blue skies, but this still does not make my boat similar to yours. Our boat is what we are, and we cannot change that. I may give it a nice paint job with a coating of varnish, or install a powerful motor engine on it, or even a tall white sail with a union jack mast flying up high, but deep inside, my boat is still what it initially is.

In this world that we live in, we must row our own boats. And competition has forced us to row our boats against the current. Tough, difficult, exhausting, and extremely strenuous. But if we don’t row in this direction, we fall behind. And we drown.

Even when we are rowing against such a strong current, there are also other hurdles. Like a hurricane, a typhoon, a giant whirlpool or a perfect storm. We have to get past all that. Right now, I guess what I am facing is one such obstacle. THIS is my personally tsunami. Will it swallow up my boat? Or will I ride the wave?

Noah’s Ark survived for 40 days and 40 nights (ever wondered why all biblical statements point out the days as well as the nights?). My boat is not as big as His, nor does it carry all the animals found on earth ( I heard the Dodo’s were too dumb to get into it, hence… ). But I am happy and contented with what I have in my boat.

Sometimes, I just feel like letting go of the oars and flowing with the current. Life is so much easier then. But do you know where that leads us to? At the end of the current there is always that huge gargantuan waterfall that leads us to our rocky death. That is why we should never stop rowing…

Friday, January 07, 2005

Chp 10. Confessions

Ironic huh. This is my first blog of the year and probably the last of my life here in IIM. It took me a lot of courage to put this up on writing. But I guess that’s my only way of relieving myself from this tormented world that I currently know. Recently for the past one month, I’ve been thinking… and by thinking, I mean really thinking.

If a cat is hungry, will it eat the mouse? Just because other cats are eating mice, should he just eat it too? What if he doesn’t like the mouse… what if he knows other ways of satisfying his hunger, like leftovers from the family table or cereals… But since everybody is eating mice, should he also jump into the band wagon too? Well, suppose the cat is already in the pack, running around, eating mice, and still finds no satisfaction in doing it, shall he continue doing it, or leave the pack? What will the other cats think of him? Branded a loser? A drop-out? A quitter?

And suppose there’s a new element in the picture. Enter a dog. Now the dog calls all the cats and says, “this cat who doesn’t like eating mice, he’s not fit enough to be in our pack. So I hereby officially kick him out”. Then what has that cat become? Well, he’s not a loser or a dropout anymore, but he became a failure.

So our cat turned around silently and left the group. He walks outside and the cold air hits him. It is dark and chilly outside. He has never been alone before. All these time, the cat has always been in the company of frens. He realized he has been doing everything with them all thru-out his life. But this time, it is just him alone. He walks up the dark alley, whose only source of light is the flickering street lamp, his only companion is his shadow that changes its size as he approach the next street lamp. He smiles when his shadow becomes big, but when it become small, it reminds him of what he is and this makes him even sadder.

He thinks and thinks. Which is better, the lesser of the two evil. Being a failure or a quitter. And finally he realize. Being a failure is better no doubt. By failing, you learn, but by quitting, you are haunted forever for the rest of your life.

I decided a couple of days ago to leave this prestigious institute called IIM because I did not perform well in my acads. I really screwed up my exams. I told only my really close frens here about my decision to leave. Amra, Amol, Tommy, Monu, Ankita… and I could not go on after that. The reaction I got from them was… how do I explain it… painful. Hence Garuda, Rajeev, Pankaj, Nikhil Kumar, Iyer, Ezzy, Nike, and all the really really close frens that I have found after coming here, plz forgive me for not telling u all about this…. You guys have no idea how painful it is for me to tell u all these…

The first person I told about this was Amra. It was right after my mid-terms. I slogged my ass off for this subject called MPPO, and I was even teaching some of my frens about the fundae and stuff. Wrote my mid-term exams very confidently. And when the results came out, guess what? I got the lowest in class. Even all the guys I taught got more than me. Getting below average I can digest. But not getting the lowest, when I studied so much for it. Is there any point in pursuing something that you are just not capable of? So I told Amra I am planning to quit. She thought I was joking. But when she found out I was dead serious…. well… it was an awkward moment. That’s why I couldn’t tell Amol or any of my really close frens here.

It was only on 31st December after our MPPO final exam that I broke the news to Amol, Monu, Tommy and Ankita. I screwed up for the exam and told them that I might be leaving… Monu and Tommy were very supportive. They told me if I really feel I do not see myself as an MBA, then I should do what I feel is best. Ankita, well, she was totally shocked. She didn’t even say anything… just kept quiet when I told her I won’t be here when she comes back from the semester hols. The atmosphere was indeed tense. It was like a funeral. Yes. It does seem like a funeral. Me died.

Amol. Well, he didn’t say much, but he didn’t have to say anything. I could feel what he wanted to say and that’s all that matters. Amol, my closest buddy since coming here to IIM. Like normal average guys, we changed the topic and didn’t say anything about it again.

I just wanted to get out of this place before the results came out. I told my parents that I screwed up my exams and I might get kicked out. My parents were so supportive! My dad immediately said he never liked the fact that I got into IIM in the first place actually coz he wanted me to learnt the mizo culture and family business and stuff. I am the youngest and only son in my family and according to our tradition I am supposed to inherit everything. The main house, the offices, the farm, the two schools we own etc etc… and I have no idea how to run all these and especially no clue about the mizo culture bcoz I’ve been away from home for so long. So he wants me to come back and start a new life back home.

But he told me to wait for the results and hold my head up high if indeed I am asked to leave. I should not run away, that’s what he told me. That’s also what my sisters told me, and that’s what all my close frens told me. My frens said they will kill me if I am not there in the campus when they come back from the semester hols. Results will be out in another 10 days or so from now. The thing is, I didn’t want my entire classmates to be there when the PGP Office tells me to leave. Its kinda embarrassing.

It was then that I did more thinking. I even talked to a couple of professors I know really well. They all said the same thing. Don’t run away. Face your destiny like a man. Especially Anjana Vivek, our Fin Acc prof. She told me that marks are just one dimension of measuring a person’s capabilities, and that she has noticed a lot of potential within me, especially when she saw me giving a presentation. And so, on the last day of the 2nd semester, when all my frens were happy about going home, oblivious of the fact that I was undergoing a severe stressful decision, I decided to wait for the results and let fate play its own card. Amol and Monu quickly handed me their car keys for the holidays! Even though it looks like they gave me their car keys just bcoz I am their close fren, I do suspect that they gave it to me so that I won’t vacate this place while they are not here! :-)

Just day before yesterday I went to meet our PGP chair-person Mr.Jishnu Hazra. He was a bit busy so I was waiting infront of his office. The path to his office over-look a constructed building, probably a new faculty wing. And as I stare at the construction, I could so depict my life there. Will these walls which are being constructed become a wall for one of the great faculties or just a wall for a bathroom? Is this how my life is going to be? Uncertain? I am still in the process of being trained and groomed for the cruel cruel world out there. Just what type of building is going to be constructed out of the foundation laid is still a suspense.

I guess one of the fact that is responsible for making me what I am today is the fact that I am a spoilt-brat. Ofcourse I don’t sulk anymore to get what I want, but being the apple of daddy and mummy’s eyes, and being the pampered loving only brother of my three elder sisters, I really got used to getting things the way I want. Need money? Call dad. Money is there in a few days. Got into trouble? Call sisters. They solve it for me.

But this is my life. Sooner or later I will have to do things by myself. Dad told me its high time I get to know about the family business and also about our culture. I have no idea about the mizo culture. I hate mizo food, I don’t feel comfortable taking in mizo. But this is what I am and this is what I must know. All those nightmares about identity crisis comes back to haunt you in multi-folds.

I told my parents that I might get kicked out. I never told them that MBA might not be the right thing for me and that I might quit. I dunno how they will react if I tell them that, Coz I do not see myself working in an Investment company 3 years from now. I do not see myself working in a consultancy. I love designing. And anything that has to do with pure creativity. Marketing? Hmm… maybe. Advertising? I’d love to do that. But what about the long-term perspective? Mizoram? My home? My family? My childhood memories? Where do they all fit in? They are like two sides of a coin. Its either heads or tails. The coin will never land vertically.

It is on times like this that I really envy my frens. They work hard to build a stable future. And they can easily fit into any such future they are building. But me? No. I am only just becoming more and more confused every passing day. I have come across all these conflicting issues before but I guess I turned a blind eye to it. It was only when my ex girlfren told me that her parents will never accept me bcoz of the fact that I am a chinky, that I realized how reservations and all those other bull-shits do not help us at all.

I guess this is all I have to say for now…………….