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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Chp 270. The Fugly Truth

It’s not everyday that a guy can watch one of those romantic comedies and love it. Being a movie buff, I have seen my fair share of crappy romantic comedies that made me go - “That’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back” and the very rare “Hmmm… not bad” nonchalant monologue.

But “The Ugly Truth” was different. I’ve recommended it to all my friends after watching it, something that I rarely do. (Pssst… I’m not saying TUT is a great movie. But for a romantic comedy, its one flick guys will definitely enjoy watching)

The thing about TUT is that it was honest, straight forward and hard-hitting. And yes it had a happy ending but I could live with a romantic tragedy as well. The main point is that both Heigl and Butler played their role perfectly. The plot was predictable, but like I said, it’s a no brainer so you can just relax and enjoy the movie. The script was quite concise and the humor peculiar.

So here is me tagging all my visitors to take part in this. Give me five ugly truths that you know of (even one will do). Stuff that people are oblivious of, or know about but try to convince themselves that it doesn’t happen.

Of course let’s stick only to relationships. For example, “The ugly truth: All of us are racist” is something I’ve learnt along the way. Notable psychologists have proven that all of us are racists deep inside but the difference lies in whether we let our actions act upon our thoughts or not. But let’s deviate from such serious topics and stick only to ugly truths regarding relationships. Are you with me?

Here are my five ugly truths:

1. Most people go for moolah rather than true love.

As crude as it may sound, it is a fact. And women are always at the receiving end of such brutal denouncement. But why single out women? I’m sure many men would love to have a sugar-momma too. We live in a materialistic world, and at the end of the day, we need somebody to take care of our every needs. Eagles’ “Love will keep us alive” may make you melt like butter but that’s not reality. If it was a novel, I would place it under “fiction” genre.

Security is the keyword here. One needs to eat, put their children in a good school, go on a family vacation etc. Some guys may make it sound bad like branding somebody a gold-digger, but hey, believe me, it’s just jealousy. Had the tables turned, the same guys would be ready to jump into the same boat before you can say “Dude, WTF???”. Face the music. If you’re in love with a girl and afraid you might lose her to somebody more successful, then work your ass off trying to be that person who is successful. Simple as that.

2. Are you girl-friend material or wife material?

Ugly truth number two: A guy’s definition of a wife and a girlfriend is different. Most of us have different criteria regarding what constitute a good girlfriend and a good wife. Remember when Archie proposed to Veronica a couple of months ago? Yeah most of us were shell-shocked, because Veronica may be the perfect GF type but Betty is the perfect wife model.

That’s how we guys think. If you’re hot and ready to put out anytime, you’re the perfect girlfriend a guy can wish for. But if you’re prudish and abstain from parties and orgies? Then you’re the perfect girl every guy wants to marry. Ugly truth? Oh yeah. Only a few women who are a bit of both (or smart enough to play the role of both) manage to find what they’re looking for. For those who belong to these two extremes, this condition very much applies.

3. Attractive and sexy women have big BUTS.

The hotter you are, the bigger is your “but”. A typical guy conversation usually goes like this: “She’s got the perfect long legs and figure, but…”, “She may look just like Angelina Jolie, but…” and “Yeah she won the beauty pageant and is now a showstopper for YSL, but…” See, the but is always there. And the but is always followed by adjectives and nouns that aren’t so nice, like… control freak, flirt, stupid, dominating, short-tempered etc

The funny thing about nature is that the less attractive women (or men) have fewer buts. Well, at least that’s from my experience and I am not one to boast of such vast experiences but feel free to prove me wrong. How many of you actually exclaim “wowwww!” when you meet an extremely attractive woman who also happens to be a lawyer? My point exactly. I rest my case, your honor.

4. His-story may be history, but the past keeps haunting…

So we keep telling ourselves – the past is the past, what matters is the future. Congratulations, you now qualify to write the next series of novels for M&B. But unfortunately, life is not that simple. Meet ugly truth no.4 – There is no such thing as letting bygones be bygones.

You may move past your past, but you cannot hide from it. Meet Guy X who used to “shoot up” with his homies. After sometime, he gave up and turned over a new leaf. He met Girl Y, and they tied the knot. But after a few months, whenever Guy X wanted to hang out with his homies for the night, a fight with his wife ensured. She accused him of still shooting up and he blasted her for not trusting him. Likewise, meet Girl A who once had a hot steamy relationship with Guy A for years. Then they broke up and she met Guy B. Even though Guy B knew about her ex-lover, he loved her and they both said “I do” eventually. But after the marriage, one brief phone call from Guy A to Girl A was enough to make Guy B go all ballistic and nuclear.

So in the midst of such reality, is there any such thing as “the past”? Maybe if we don’t keep running back to it or run into it unintentionally, then it really doesn’t matter. But are we really capable of that? That my friends, is for you to ponder.

5. Relationships stink.

That’s my last ugly truth. Relationships stink. You might consider me to be a cynic with some of my revelations above, but yes, relationships really do stink. Literally, that is.

If you are truly in love with somebody, one sure way of knowing if what you have going on is for real or not, is to let one rip off when you’re with her (or him). When you’re with your loved one all alone, all cozy and warm, just hold that person close and tight, and then fart your way to glory. The reaction that follows after that will determine if your relationship is truly genuine or not. Trust me on this. And if she answers will a giggle and a cute little cushy fart of her own, marry her.


There you have it. My five ugly truths. Now it’s your turn. Feel free to disagree with my views or give me your opinion. Cheers.


Bobby Revell said...

I like really petite women that are cute and have nice (not big) butts, and for me the relationship ends when we are no longer having sex 5 times per day. Hey, I'm just being honest lol:)

Zaia said...

Hehe... Mizo blogger zingah love guru kan tam sawt hle mai!!
'boy/girl-friend material or husband/wife material hi chu a awm ngei ngei. Hmeichhe lam pawhin ziak ve se, a ngaihnawm ngawt ang.

BUT...... lolzzzzzzzz...

A ngai tein, chhiar a nuam leh e.

illusionaire said...

@ Bobby: hahaha! Long time no see dude. :D Well, reading your comment, I think relationships should end when one no longer calls it "making love" but rather "having sex". lolz :D

@ Zaia: lolzzzz lets hope some of our womenfolks can counter this :D

Bobby Revell said...

I was of course joking, but I am fortunate that I have a really cool girlfriend at least for now (until she finds out who I really am and my real age hahaha). Truthfully, I think the older a woman gets, the more likely she'll want money over anything else. But I agree, in general, relationships do stink.

Alejendro said...

Love relationship blah, blah... girlfriend, boyfriend blah, blah, blah.... they're just waste of time... You got girlfriend, you broke up, you get hurt... you find another woman, you think it's gonna last more longer, but you broke up again before you're ready, you find it hard to understand, to believe, you got hurt... and.... it's go on and on.... So, what I suggest is whenever you're ready to get married, just do it... there's no point in keeping girlfriend.

And one thing I learned, Long-Distance-Relationship never work out, and them beautiful girls will tell you things which they don't really mean, you'll fall for all the sweets they've whispered to your ears.

I find it hard to understand the way of girls. Today they'll treat you like you're the only one, tomorrow you'll be their worst enemy, they won't even speak to you, but this is The Ugly Truth.

Pixie said...


I'm just gonna keep quiet and read the comments that coem up here!! :P


Kym said...

I did rather try the fart part, let me see the result..

illusionaire said...

@ Bobby: LMAO! yeah lets hope she doesn't find out about your real age. hahaha! Hope you manage to keep it going for a long time :)

@ Alej: Yeah... people who aren't able to find a GF are usually this cynical. lolz :D But I agree with you about Long distance relationships. Usually dont work out... :(

@ Pixie: hihi not fair, you gotta participate too and not just be a mere spectator :D

@ Kym: Do avoid the garlic and beans if you are going to try it out later :D

Sekibuhchhuak said...

He movie hi tum loh deuhvin nizan khan nula ho nen kan en! :-)

A tlangpuiin kan inngaihzawn bul kan tan dan hi apawimawh khawp mai. Dawn thui lutuk lova tih chi kan inchhir fo mai! Ka fimkhur tawh khawp mai (hehe) BUTS.......

dr_feelgood said...

I'm done with analysing relationships.I'm trying to make it to my Golden Anniversary,no matter what.

nancy said...

ka movie en hual a nih hi...

keichu 'relationship don't stink' ka ti ve tlat :)

wonderboy said...

Khi film khi ka lo hre lo lehpek. En ve tur a nih khi.

"Ka kutzungte a aikhrih, a na luttuk han pawt teh" ka tia. A pawt a, kan vawih trot mai a(h), kan nui nasa dun teh sin. :-)

Distance hi chu chhuanlam mai2 ah ka ngai. Induh tawn tak2 chu distance hian a tibuai pha lo ka ti, ka la expi lo nangin ka hre ve tlat mai.

aduhi said...

I may watch it, not for all the "truths" but for Gerard Butler :)

Mos-a said...

women - can't live with them .. can't live widout em. but out of the two i'd rather live with a woman.

toy soldier said...

no comment :)
comment leh si: I hre ltk..hrat thlak e mai.. :D
Chhiar nuam.

vana said...

HE muvee hi ka en a, hmuhnawm ve tho mai, mahse a predictable mah mah in ka hria. Element of suprise a vang deuh. A tawpna kha a ho deuh ka ti bawk hehe

mazami said...

wow..some more 'ugly truths',maybe it'll better if we don't know too much.Having said's one for the guys..pssstt..we girls classed u guys as bf/husband materials..

Anonymous said...

duh!.. ka thil hriat loh zawng tak. no opinion


claytonia vices said...

Ugly truth #452 (just kidding with the no.): If one of the couple asks the other, 'Do you love me?', then something is very wrong, so run for your life!!! LOL!! If the basic reason for being in the relationship is under constant doubt then you have trouble.

Ugly truth #453: Wise men learn from others mistakes. Fools learn from their own. Some never learn.

illusionaire said...

@ Seki: lolz... i rawn insawitheih dan a uih :D Keipawh nula ve tho a lawm ka enpui...Romantic comedy mipa nen an en kuk kuk ngailo mipa vek chu.

@ dr_feelgood: hahaha. All the best! :) You should be the one with so much truth and insights to share with us greenhorns.

@ nancy: Lo en ngei ngei rawh. Chuan i vawih a rimtui bik chu ka ring kherlo. :D

@ wonderboy: hihihi in van lo romantic dun ve, mahse in romantic dan a uih, literally speaking :D Distance hi chuan a ti buai ve a lawm, experience ve la i hre mai ang :-)

illusionaire said...

@ Aduhi: lolz. Yeha plx do :-)

@ Mos-a: Well, you do have another option - live with a man. errr... isnt that what you were doing? :P

@ toysoldier: HAHAHA! Hrat lam a ni lo. Observation atang zawk a lawms ;)

@ Vana: Nia... romantic comedy a nia, easy watching, mahse Guy Ritchie emaw Tarantino movie anga expect loh tur. En ve theih khawp mai.

@ mazami: "we guys" as in? All of us or... errr... me? :D Yup, I know about how girls classify us guys. Both BF and husband criteria are similar. Unfortunately, we guys don't classify women like that :-(

@ zualbonez: hahaha.... gothic topic ka rawn post tep tawh :D

@ claytonia: lolzzzz. Well, ugly truth #453 is more like an advice, a good advice, but truth #452 is priceless! :-) And why do I get the feeling that this is coming from personal experience? Did somebody with a beautiful feet ask you that recently? :D

mesjay said...

Hairehai! Does truth have to be so ugly?

Sekibuhchhuak said...

Damlailusun-pa, Happy Diwali ! :-D

mnowluck said...

Oh oh .. I fart vang ni maw "Damlai Lusun Pa" i loh nih ..

Fart ve lo mai ang :D

diary said...

His-story may become history, but her-story? Naah, never, nada. But then again, women are to blame. We easily forget a man misendeavours, but we never ever forget a woman's sins. Sad, but it's an ugly truth.

Kym said...

...Ugly truth, they don't actually accept you the way you are,they change you almost imperceptibly to be like this or like that and at last you see yourself as another person...and worse you give up trying to make him happy after long years of hardwork and endup singing "I'm a single lady..I'm a single lady..."

Blind Dayze said...

5. Relationships stink.... next time im gonna try this out..letting one rip out without warning.. i usually give out a warning beforehand when im with my significant other before i fart...

Jerusha said...

How can you say relationships stink? Just because they end doesn't mean they stink, in fact I think you say they stink because of the end, which means you miss them. But while they last, wowza! It's so good to be in love - ugly truths and all!

illusionaire said...

@ Mesjay: Haha. Yes, sometimes... thats why people invent "white lies"... :D

@ Seki: Happy belated Diwali to you too, damlailusun ve tho pa.

@ mnowluck: Fart ve la chu, nunlai lusun pa i niang. a uih lutuk, i saas a thi daih thei. :P

illusionaire said...

@ diary: hmmmm... coming from a woman, I guess it must be true. Ugly indeed.

@ Kym: hehehe... thats so true. Most girls try to change a man. Years later, they either complain, "you've changed", or "I thought I could change you but I see it is hopeless". We guys are then just stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.

@ Blind Dayze: lolzzzz. Do let us know the outcome. hihihi.

@ Jerusha: lolz... my dear, looks like somebody didn't read the context :D And hey, welcome back! :-)

Mimihrahsel said...

heh. a va ngaihnawm ve, heh. :-D

illusionaire said...

Engmaw ngaihawm? :P

Andy Varte said...

I've always believed that the girl/woman you're with may be everything that you've ever wanted, but that doesn't account for everything that you have to yet to want... eh?

Jerusha said...

What 'context'? I didn't realise there was a 'context' to miss..You wrote your 5 points on your thoughts on relationships, and I disagreed with a point like you openly suggested :D

Eveline said...

While point 2 might be something i could agree on, all your other points are way way off chart!

Specifically Point 1: The fact that the song 'Sometimes love just aint enough' wasn't just sung by Patty Smith.
Money trumps love for most of us women because that's how the world defined success and the kind of people that women should be with. Of course, not all women think like that, fortunately. There are only some (both men and women)who still give more importance to the fact that love does weigh more than anything else.

The other points.. it's called "misdirection" but then i'm also in the mood to disagree. :P

illusionaire said...

@ Andy: hehehe... yeah... the more we have, the more we want, type :D I guess what we always want in someone change depending on that someone. :-)

Jerusha: lolz, my dear, I was talking about your comment on "relationship stink" part. I wasn't talking about relationships ending or how good it is to be in love etc. I was talking about farting, hence the reason I used the term "stink". :-)

Eve: lolz. Feisty woman, you are :-) Yes I agree there are those who still give importance to love, but there are a lot of factors too which we use to weigh our options. I love this mood of yours. Growwwllll... :-)

mang buhril said...

huh, am a bit late here.
i've seen the movie, liked it a lot.
Your point 2 make a lot of sense and true indeed.
btw u must have done a lot of instrospection to bring out this 5 pointers .. he he, the relationsihp expert in u have come out.

illusionaire said...

lolz... its all about observation, bro. One need not experience it first hand... just like how it is smarter to learn from other's mistake than your own :D

zama said...

HEi xet hi chu en nuam khop mai..
Bialnu bialpa te chu..term awm ni berin ka hria,,tuman kan term kan inhre lova,HMangaihna te chu(a dik te chuan) kumkhaw daih tur a ni mai...iningaihzawnna leh hmangaihna tak2 hi khaikhin chi a niin ka hre lo...hmuh hnuhnu a piang tha kan ti thei zel ani ber lo maw!!!