Chp 274. The importance of referrals

A “referral”, when it comes to the online world, is a web page that has a link to your blog. Hence that page becomes a source of traffic to your blog.

And how important are referrals?

Oh, quite important, if I may say so.

Just like in real life where it is important to get good referrals, be it a doctor’s referral or employee’s referral (among many other things), in the online world referrals play an important role in analyzing your traffic and helping you improve your online portfolio.

Long time ago, people actually used to pay others so that they could be linked on different websites. Popular websites charged higher fees because they had higher traffic. There was also the popular custom of “link exchange”, where two individuals A and B would put up a link of the each other’s blog on their respective blogs.

I think all those practices died down after Google redefined its criteria for determining Page Rank and rewrote its algorithm. They finally realized it wasn’t fair to give a particular website a high PR just because of the high number of referrals alone, because as mentioned above, being referred to didn’t necessarily mean one is popular - It could easily be bought.

Enter web 2.0 and a whole new dimension opened up.

Today, referrals come in many forms and shapes and sizes. Ever since blogger.com introduced a “Blog List” widget that shows the update of all the blogs you’re following, the number of referral visits to any blog has increased like Kim Kardashian’s derriere.

Yup, “Bloig List” certainly made life easier for those who aren’t subscribed to blog feeds through emails or feed readers and aggregators.

There are three main types of traffic you get on your blog.
1. Direct traffic
2. Search Engines
3. Referring sites

I’ve been blogging for 6 years now, and this is the first time my referral traffic is more than 50% of my total visits! blogger.com’s “Blog List” widget is one of the main reasons for this, as I have never taken part in those “link exchange” programmes mentioned earlier above, or the many referral programmes that “pays you”.


[October 31, 2008 to October 31, 2009 Google Analytics report]

The reason I came up with this post is that yesterday, I finally completed one year with e-referral.com on my blog. In case you haven’t notice, there is a list of referring sites on my blog side bar at the bottom, which tells me how people come to my blog, in real-time.



Such data is important. Of course Google Analytics too generates such data (and one may argue – a more accurate one) but hey, I’m just trying to simplify this as much as I can for all my visitors. This post is about how you can analyze your incoming referral traffic and look for ways to maintain that clientele or look for grounds where you can create a new niche. I’ll talk about Search engine traffic and how SEO helps you achieve a high SERP rank etc some other time. This post is dedicated solely to referrals.

Disclaimer: Before proceeding, I just want to point out that a 100% accurate result cannot be generated on anything that is digital. Even when it comes to visit counters, I use three popular counters simultaneously – Google analytics, sitemeter and stat counter. And they always give me different values at the end of the month, but they all come pretty close to each other.

Needless to say, there is a lot to learn from the referrals that you get.

For example, if you are getting a lot of referrals from Poetry websites, then it means people appreciate your poems and you need to keep writing and improve on that. If you get a lot of referrals from some of India’s most popular blog conglomerate sites like desipundit, mutiny, blogbharti etc, then it means your writing appeals to the average Indian and you need to focus on ways to go a notch higher. You have to look at other platforms too. Are you getting high referrals from Facebook, Orkut, Digg, StumbleIn, LinkedIn, Twitter etc? For each entity, you need to devise a separate plan to take it to the next level as they are all different.

Remember one very important fact: The average blog visitor DOES NOT comment on your blog. They read what you write. Whether they like what they read or not, most people do not leave a comment. So it is wrong to judge who your visitors are based on the comments you receive.

That is where referrals play an important role.

If you’re a marketing freak, you will be familiar with STP. That is – segmentation, targeting, positioning. How do you position your blog? You have to take so many things into consideration, and not just what you receive on your comments.

Around 70% of my referrals come from misual.com [8913], considered as one of the most popular Mizo community sites today. A couple of friends and I run this site and there is a side bar I update once every week on the website, where I list out all the popular Mizo blog updates. What this result shows me is that all the other blogs I update weekly on the site will get high traffic too, even though the people who visit such sites/blogs may not leave any comment.

Other community sites like lawrkhawm [708] and suankual [116] too give me good traffic. This shows that discussion forum visitors are extremely active and tend to click on external site links that they see (or recognize).

I got referral visits from all the social networking sites I have joined - Facebook [136], Twitter [161] and Orkut [115]. This means that people who read your social networking profile, tend to click on your blog link if they find your profile/scrap/discussion/tweets interesting.

Another useful information I got from my referral traffic is that I have just one popular post at Digg [994] and one at desipundit [156]. So all those traffic from digg and DP went only to those two posts. And I must confess, there’s nothing great about those posts, except that I wrote them at the right time, when everybody would be talking about it or searching for it.

Among the top 20 referrals, 8 personal blogs are in the list. The irony is that I got the highest blog referral from my ex’s blog This proves that you cannot hide from your past relationships. lolz. 195 referrals came from her blog, and since I was linked only once on her blog and that was to my Chor bazaar post, this means that 195 people looking for the infamous “chor bazaar” in Delhi landed on her blog, and then came to my blog from there. Ah. Cheap people. Just like me and my ex. Lolz.

This is followed by Pixie [154] who recently moved to her wordpress blog. Definitely one of my dearest blog friends, whose real life identity I do not know. But then, that’s what online life is supposed to be anyway, right? After her comes Sekibuhchhuak [137], Father_Sphinx [135], Claytonia Vices [119], Zaia [112], Sunshinejoy [111] and Chhangte [103]. Thanx a lot you guys, for being such a good source of traffic.

Last but not the least, Google [1515], Yahoo [967] and AOL [101] also feature in my top 20 result. But this is where e-referral goes wrong. I am getting search engine results too under google, yahoo and AOL referral result. They are supposed to be organic results only, which means webpages from google, yahoo and AOL that are not search results. That can mean yahoo mail, gmail, etc.

Because if search results are supposed to be included, then my search engine traffic is 15,384 during this past one year. The above three figures definitely do not add up to it, even if you throw in a few extra results for Bing, Ask, and other search engines. Like I said, you can’t have an accurate result, but if you analyze the result that comes closest to it, your job is done.

The most important thing is, don’t be a traffic whore, but if you are serious about blogging, then it is important that you start analyzing your traffic and understanding what your visitors want or like. Don’t depend on the comments alone. Cheers everyone.

Chp 273. Vacation in your city!

Ever had a relaxing weekend vacation… in the same city that you live in?

No?

Oh my god… you are definitely not adventurous then.

Last Diwali weekend, I packed my belongings excitedly, went to office, and then moved my copywriter ass to South Mumbai after office hours!

Yeah… I’m sure you must be thinking, what’s so great about spending the weekend in South Mumbai if you live in the Mumbai suburbs anyway? People travel from one place to the other all the time.

You’re right. People do. But when we move around the city, we go for client meetings or meet friends at a restaurant or even to party or shop or for a sleepover. How many of us actually go to such places as if we are going on a vacation to Ooty, Shimla, Ladhakh, Munnar etc? Zilch would be my nearest guess.

I did. And boy it was fun. I went to South Mumbai not as a Mumbaikar, but as a tourist. I packed three bags. I even looked stupid when the taxi driver asked me if he should drive by Peddar road or Marine drive. The role playing was fun. And it was the first time I didn’t abuse the taxi driver when he actually took a longer route to get to my destination. I clicked photographs. I smiled and waved at bystanders.

Friday was cultural day in office due to Diwali. Last year, I dressed up in lungi and kurta for this very same occasion (and kick-started a very heated argument in the comment section of the above mentioned link, with one pro-Khalistan Sikh saying us “chinkies” from North East India should never wear “Indian attire” or try to assimilate with the rest of India as it is a disgrace since we don’t belong to mainstream India. Ah. Sweet memories.)

Anyhoo, my closest friend from office V said she’ll bring her husband’s long kurta for me to wear. Roy's long kurta was a little too big for me, but people said I look good in it



With my facial feature, friends said I looked more like an oriental Syrian catholic priest… or even the priest who carries that smoke emitting ritual pot in an Eastern Orthodox Church. Lolz.



After office hours, I went to my friend ST’s place at Worli. The vacation began.

Had a great time that night playing Dumb charades, among other things that cannot be mentioned in public

On Saturday we had a football match - Mizos (of Mumbai) versus Zomis (of Mumbai). When my two Mizo friends and I reached the venue, there were like 50+ Zomis at the football ground already – Azad maidan. We were the first Mizos to reach the place and it was already late. Pretty embarrassing if you ask me. But eventually, Mizos all over Mumbai arrived one by one, and by half time, there were as many Mizos as Zomis.

We were down 3-1 with just 10 minutes to go, and then my friend James was substituted - We eventually won 4-3.

This is James


After the football match, we had a volleyball match against the Zomis. I played V-ball again after more than 10 years! Fortunately for us, the Zomis weren’t pro, so we won that match too. I ended up with ache all over my body the next day.

We ended the day in a large huddle, Mizos and Zomis together, hand in hand, and said the Lord’s prayer in English.

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Saturday night was at S’s place. She had this really cool place at Mahalaxmi and we played dumb charades again that night, among other things that cannot be mentioned in public. Great fun we all had overall. S was indeed a great host (which she proved again the next day too).

The next day, Sunday, was Church day, which was followed by the second service at G.

Monday was a holiday, and I went over to my ahermzzzz place.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend. I didn’t check my mail or even went online. I didn’t look at my twitter updates, FB or orkut updates, blog updates, news feed and google alert updates, etc etc. My phone was switched off too. That was the most relaxing weekend I ever had. No clients calling me up to spoil this one vacation I really need.

The last time I ever switched my mobile phone off was during our Udvada trip to Gujarat. Maybe I’ll blog about that someday. But for now, this is to let you all know that sometimes we do need this kinda vacation – the destination doesn’t matter. Just switch off your freaking phone and abstain from going online. Believe me, you have no idea how relaxing that is.

Chp 272. Music Monday: Running up that Hill

How many of you have heard of the popular chart-buster back in the 80s called Wuthering heights, maybe from your sister, father, mother, uncle etc? Irritating music video, right? Yeah those were the good ’ol late 80s.

The singer, Kate Bush, was one famous babe back then.


Here is my favorite song of hers – Running up that Hill (Make a deal with God).

Enjoy.



And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...


Other versions of “Running up that hill (A deal with God)”


Placebo - one band you definitely couldn’t ignore if you grew up with Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins fans… They did a cover of this song, which was truly awesome (and creepy to a certain degree) but with a very distinct Placebo signature all over it. Q-Magazine apparently said their version was more like a “pact with the Devil” rather than a “deal with God”.



Within Temptation, one of my all time favorite symphonic gothic bands (and who had featured many times on my blog) also came up with a cover of “Running up that hill”, and to me, this is the best version. But of course, I’m just saying this since I’m a hardcore symph-goth fanatic.



Another band not to miss: Icon & the Black Roses. I discovered them on last.fm through friends’ connections and I really love their dark goth style, though very different from the more glamorous symphonic gothic. Couldn’t find the band on wiki but thankfully found their cover of “Running up that hill” on youtube.



So there you go, dear friends. Hope you enjoy these four different versions of a truly fantastic song. Cheers and happy Music Monday.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Chp 271. The long and short of phone numbers

When I went home recently for my sister’s wedding, we cleaned up our house real good, including a couple of places that had been untouched for years. And guess what I found lying among the cobwebs behind an antique cupboard?

- My dad’s old designation card!



Lolz. Check out the phone numbers!

Man, those were the good ol days. Just four digits! Now all landlines are 7 digits in Aizawl and 8 digits in Mumbai, while mobile phone numbers are 10 digits. How many of us can actually remember a friend’s phone number when he tells us verbally for the first time? We always need a paper or mobile phone to take down the number, right?

Forget new numbers. It took a long time for me to remember my own mobile number (of course if people ask me why I don’t know my own number, out goes the classical retort: “Dude, I don’t call myself up”.)

But back in the days of 3 digit and 4 digit numbers, remembering a phone number was a piece of cake.

Our dads and grandpas were really fortunate. All they had to do was approach a girl and ask, “Hey babe, can I have your number?” and she’d be like, “heehee… its… 412.” And our stud with bellbottom pants and dirty comb sticking out of his back pocket didn’t lose his composure at all. He remained cool as ever because he needed neither pen nor paper to write down that number. 412. Memorized.

And can you imagine how dialing a wrong number must have been like back then?

“Hello, is this John?”
“I’m sorry, I think you have dialed the wrong number.”
“Oh! Isn’t this… 14?”
“No, this is 15.”
“Oh my apologies then. Wait a minute… 15? Albert?”
“Yes?”
“Dude! This is Mikey. Phone number 12.”
“Whazzaaaa Mikey!”

Ah, the bliss of not having to memorize much.

The biggest pain about 10 digit mobile numbers is that, apart from the fact that it is already such a long number, there are certain species of people who keep changing their mobile numbers, as if it’s fashion or something that must be changed with every season. Yeah I can name a few regular visitors to my blog who are like that too, but I won’t, lest they change their numbers again

One fine day, you suddenly receive an sms from an unknown number that proudly says – “This is my new number”. And you’d be like, “Who the hell is this?” because many smart people smartly forget to mention who they are in such text messages. I’m sure you would have received such an sms too. I usually reply, “And this is my old number”, while many of my friends simply reply “ok” and then delete the sms.

There are a few phone numbers I have memorized, but most of them were during the days of expensive call rates. Remember those days you had to pay for incoming calls? Hehe… Those days, even though I had a mobile phone, I always dialed my friends from a PCO, and when we called certain numbers too many times, our fingers immediately followed the rhythm it is used to.

Yup, if you ask me what is A’s number I may not be able to tell you, but if you give me a phone, I will dial her number correctly. Force of habit indeed.

But now, we simply press our friend’s name on our handset, and voila - A call is made. Some of us even “say” the person’s name to make the call. Maybe in the future, all we'll have to do is think that person's name, who knows.

And before mobile phones entered the Indian market, we all carried that small diary, where we wrote down all the landline numbers of all our friends and cousins and crushes. Lolz. But unfortunately, technology has killed the little black book, because it is not necessary to have one anymore.

Now we no longer stand in front of an STD booth (sometimes in a long queue) waiting for our chance to call up our beloved long distance girlfriend/boyfriend. And yes it was extremely pissing off to stand in line for more than 30 minutes and when our chance finally came - the person we called was not at home!

Yes. Frustrating indeed, but hey, those are the memories we will never forget. Now we spend all our spare time, trying to memorize lots of 10 digit numbers that change frequently. I must say I prefer the good ol days in many ways. Days when only one house in a particular locality had telephone or TV. You can’t deny it; those days were extremely fun and memorable.

Cheers. This is me signing out before I get more nostalgic.

Chp 270. The Fugly Truth

It’s not everyday that a guy can watch one of those romantic comedies and love it. Being a movie buff, I have seen my fair share of crappy romantic comedies that made me go - “That’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back” and the very rare “Hmmm… not bad” nonchalant monologue.

But “The Ugly Truth” was different. I’ve recommended it to all my friends after watching it, something that I rarely do. (Pssst… I’m not saying TUT is a great movie. But for a romantic comedy, its one flick guys will definitely enjoy watching)



The thing about TUT is that it was honest, straight forward and hard-hitting. And yes it had a happy ending but I could live with a romantic tragedy as well. The main point is that both Heigl and Butler played their role perfectly. The plot was predictable, but like I said, it’s a no brainer so you can just relax and enjoy the movie. The script was quite concise and the humor peculiar.

So here is me tagging all my visitors to take part in this. Give me five ugly truths that you know of (even one will do). Stuff that people are oblivious of, or know about but try to convince themselves that it doesn’t happen.

Of course let’s stick only to relationships. For example, “The ugly truth: All of us are racist” is something I’ve learnt along the way. Notable psychologists have proven that all of us are racists deep inside but the difference lies in whether we let our actions act upon our thoughts or not. But let’s deviate from such serious topics and stick only to ugly truths regarding relationships. Are you with me?

Here are my five ugly truths:


1. Most people go for moolah rather than true love.

As crude as it may sound, it is a fact. And women are always at the receiving end of such brutal denouncement. But why single out women? I’m sure many men would love to have a sugar-momma too. We live in a materialistic world, and at the end of the day, we need somebody to take care of our every needs. Eagles’ “Love will keep us alive” may make you melt like butter but that’s not reality. If it was a novel, I would place it under “fiction” genre.

Security is the keyword here. One needs to eat, put their children in a good school, go on a family vacation etc. Some guys may make it sound bad like branding somebody a gold-digger, but hey, believe me, it’s just jealousy. Had the tables turned, the same guys would be ready to jump into the same boat before you can say “Dude, WTF???”. Face the music. If you’re in love with a girl and afraid you might lose her to somebody more successful, then work your ass off trying to be that person who is successful. Simple as that.


2. Are you girl-friend material or wife material?

Ugly truth number two: A guy’s definition of a wife and a girlfriend is different. Most of us have different criteria regarding what constitute a good girlfriend and a good wife. Remember when Archie proposed to Veronica a couple of months ago? Yeah most of us were shell-shocked, because Veronica may be the perfect GF type but Betty is the perfect wife model.

That’s how we guys think. If you’re hot and ready to put out anytime, you’re the perfect girlfriend a guy can wish for. But if you’re prudish and abstain from parties and orgies? Then you’re the perfect girl every guy wants to marry. Ugly truth? Oh yeah. Only a few women who are a bit of both (or smart enough to play the role of both) manage to find what they’re looking for. For those who belong to these two extremes, this condition very much applies.


3. Attractive and sexy women have big BUTS.

The hotter you are, the bigger is your “but”. A typical guy conversation usually goes like this: “She’s got the perfect long legs and figure, but…”, “She may look just like Angelina Jolie, but…” and “Yeah she won the beauty pageant and is now a showstopper for YSL, but…” See, the but is always there. And the but is always followed by adjectives and nouns that aren’t so nice, like… control freak, flirt, stupid, dominating, short-tempered etc

The funny thing about nature is that the less attractive women (or men) have fewer buts. Well, at least that’s from my experience and I am not one to boast of such vast experiences but feel free to prove me wrong. How many of you actually exclaim “wowwww!” when you meet an extremely attractive woman who also happens to be a lawyer? My point exactly. I rest my case, your honor.


4. His-story may be history, but the past keeps haunting…

So we keep telling ourselves – the past is the past, what matters is the future. Congratulations, you now qualify to write the next series of novels for M&B. But unfortunately, life is not that simple. Meet ugly truth no.4 – There is no such thing as letting bygones be bygones.

You may move past your past, but you cannot hide from it. Meet Guy X who used to “shoot up” with his homies. After sometime, he gave up and turned over a new leaf. He met Girl Y, and they tied the knot. But after a few months, whenever Guy X wanted to hang out with his homies for the night, a fight with his wife ensured. She accused him of still shooting up and he blasted her for not trusting him. Likewise, meet Girl A who once had a hot steamy relationship with Guy A for years. Then they broke up and she met Guy B. Even though Guy B knew about her ex-lover, he loved her and they both said “I do” eventually. But after the marriage, one brief phone call from Guy A to Girl A was enough to make Guy B go all ballistic and nuclear.

So in the midst of such reality, is there any such thing as “the past”? Maybe if we don’t keep running back to it or run into it unintentionally, then it really doesn’t matter. But are we really capable of that? That my friends, is for you to ponder.


5. Relationships stink.

That’s my last ugly truth. Relationships stink. You might consider me to be a cynic with some of my revelations above, but yes, relationships really do stink. Literally, that is.

If you are truly in love with somebody, one sure way of knowing if what you have going on is for real or not, is to let one rip off when you’re with her (or him). When you’re with your loved one all alone, all cozy and warm, just hold that person close and tight, and then fart your way to glory. The reaction that follows after that will determine if your relationship is truly genuine or not. Trust me on this. And if she answers will a giggle and a cute little cushy fart of her own, marry her.

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There you have it. My five ugly truths. Now it’s your turn. Feel free to disagree with my views or give me your opinion. Cheers.

Chp 269. Pee or Poo, swing all you want!

Just like “Mr/Mrs” in English, in our Mizo culture we address senior citizens with the prefix “Pu” or “Pi” depending on the gender. This is like the prefix “Shri/Shrimati” in Hindi or “Thiru/Thirumati” in Tamil. Our English guests took a long time to get used to this and tried their best not to laugh because the two prefixes Pi and Pu are pronounced “Pee” and “Poo”.

(At this point, I’m glad I didn’t introduce them to Pu Mafaka)

Speaking of pee and poo, has it ever occurred to you that some of the greatest ideas and innovations were conceived while the person is sitting on “the throne”?

Maybe that is why Auguste Rodin’s “The Thinker” strangely resembles a man deep in thought, sitting on what looks like a medieval European toilet.



Newton discovered gravity because of the apple, but ask yourself this: What was he doing under the apple tree in the first place? Remember those days the lavatory system at home wasn’t that modern? So sometimes people would just go outside their house and do “it” behind the bushes or under the tree.

Little Newton just happened to be doing his thing under the tree when the apple fell near him. At first he was like, “Cool, something to chew while I do” and he assumed the apple would ease his motion inside when suddenly he realized there’s a different kinda motion involved and voila - Gravitational force was born!

Likewise, Archimedes was happily taking a bath… and you know how much we guys love to pee during a shower And so there he was just peeing inside the tub and whistling an old Greek pop song while air-harping with this right fingers when suddenly… splashhh! The water overflowed and he discovered density!



One of my favorite episodes of SCRUBS is Season 3, Episode 13 entitled “My Porcelain God”, which also features Michael J Fox as the guest actor.

In this particular episode, the casts get an epiphany while sitting on the roof toilet! Hilarious, especially with the sound effects of an epiphany building up. Lolz.



The free online dictionary defines Epiphany as:

1. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
2. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization

Basically, it means something that will make a light bulb suddenly appear over your head. Tingggg

And this is indeed true for many of us, especially those of us in the creative field. Some of the most profound concepts we came up with were generated in the loo. We sat. We shat. We conceptualized.

That’s the beauty about the loo. If we are not reading any book or newspaper, there is nothing else to do except just sit. Sit and think. That is when those of us with restless minds spring into action and come up with really crazy mind-blowing ideas. Our mental frame swings wildly in all directions.

And there’s nothing more irritating than somebody disturbing that moment of tranquility. It’s like somebody rudely awakening you just when you’re on a speedboat and Pamela Anderson calls you “Tommy”… That’s when you wish you had a shotgun inside and blasted the mofo to Kingdom come.

Now comes another brilliant act of creativity. In order to prevent such interruptions, our Creative Director came up with this totally rad idea – Install three different bulbs as indicators so that people outside will know what exactly you’re doing inside!

The restroom is free.


Somebody’s doing No. 1.


Somebody’s doing No. 2.


(Isn’t it funny how we call them politely as no.1 and no.2 ? I wonder who came up with such names! Quite funny if you really think about it.)

Read our Agency blog about these bulbs: Creative Sanitation, Webchutney Style

This made life soooo much better for us. We no longer need to wait outside without knowing how long the person inside is going to take, and we are not disturbed either once we’re inside. This idea is the kind that makes you go, “Why didn’t I think of this first???”

But in spite of such a cool innovation, I must point out that it is still one bulb short. After all, peeing and pooing aren’t the only things guys do in the loo, right? Maybe we need a white bulb indicator for that.

Errr… hold on, I was talking about changing clothes inside the loo as the fourth indicator. What were you thinking?

Moving on, this is to show you all that crappy situations need not necessarily give rise to crappy ideas. In fact, if an attractive (and often seductive) woman from an Advertisement agency presents you a concept, do remember that there is a high chance she came up with that idea while she was… in a “position” that’s not so attractive nor seductive, if you know what I mean. Of course don’t try to picture her in your head. I said stop. Still doing it? Goddd…

So to end this post, I must get back to my opening paragraph. Pi is pronounced Pee and Pu is Poo in Mizo. But no matter how much crap you get, explore all possible horizons, angles and perspectives. SWING your thoughts in every direction. After all, if you join “pi” and “pu” together, you will get “Pipu” which means SWING in Mizo!!!!

Ah! Lame, but at least I managed to connect my points. Lolz. And yes, pipu really does mean “swing” in Mizo. Maybe this shows that creativity is universal and is not bound to any specific language. Or maybe this shows that a crappy blog post is universal and can swing any ways. Hehe. Good night.

Chp 268. Wedding Planner: D-Day!

I had such a grand plan of writing different posts about the wedding, like the system of bride price in our Mizo culture, the distribution of bride money ceremony, the bachelor party, the bridal shower, the wedding, the aftermath, etc etc... all with pics.

BUT

I fell sick right after the wedding!

I don’t even wanna mention again about how busy I was during and before the wedding. Just imagine a decorator, a traffic cop, a manual labourer, a driver, a manager, a host, a waiter, a babysitter, a circus clown, a chief minister’s bodyguard, a newspaper editor, a bartender, a mailman etc etc, and put them all in your hands like putty, squash it up nicely, mix them real hard... and throw that fused matter at the wall... kaphasssh!!!. Yeah, that’s me.



After the wedding I was bedridden for three days with high fever and loose motion, and managed to find just enough strength to make it back to Mumbai.

So in this final post of the “Wedding Planner” series, I will make everything brief, cut short all the posts I have written earlier and combine them all in this one post.

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First of all, I must once again profusely thank all my friends who sacrificed their time (and office leaves) in order to help me out. A lot of them brought their cars and ferried our English guests from the airport, showing them around the city etc. As they were nine of them, that meant 3 cars at all time (three of them do not fit in the back seat of a typical Indian small car because they’re all huge!) plus one or two other cars for my sisters and cousins.

Tluanga, Sanga, Robert, Johnson, Matea, and the rest. THANK YOU!

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The Bride Price

In our Mizo custom, we do not follow the dowry system, where the bride’s side have to pay a certain amount of money and other assets to the groom’s side. Instead it is just the opposite in our culture - the groom’s side have to pay the bride’s family “mo man” which is the bride price.

The amount is just Rs 420/- (although it is usually higher in Southern Mizoram like the Mara community). 420 bucks was a big deal back then, during the days of chieftainships and zawlbuk, and since we still use the same amount today, people give Rs.420/- in the smallest change possible so as to make the amount look big

Once Rs.420/- is paid to the bride’s father and he accepts the amount, he returns Rs.20/- to the groom’s family as security. This is called “Thutphah” and is usually not returned to the bride. Supposed a calamity befalls the married couple, like the bride dies, then this amount is used for the funeral.

Now, the remaining Rs.400/- is distributed among the bride’s selected family members and friends, and this is called the “Man ei”. Of course the amount distributed is more than Rs.400/- and there is no specified amount on the number of recipients. Sometimes around 20 people and other times more than 100. And the amount distributed is also not specified. It’s usually Rs 50/-per recipient, while other families distribute different amount for different categories.


[Preparing the “Man ei” list and keeping money inside the bags]

Those who get a share of the bride price are supposed to play a very important role and are the guardian of the bride. If the marriage does not work out or she is treated badly by the groom, she can run to the house of those who had a share in her bride price, and it is their duty to take care of her temporarily.

Of course today nobody follows this, and when marriages don’t work out, the wife runs back directly to her folks. But back then, it was always not possible to go back to her folks as they usually lived in different villages. So she would go to the nearest village where one of the “man ei” people lived. There is also the “Pa zawn” – an appointed local guardian who stays in the same village/locality as the bride for extra security.

Those days, it was considered a high honor to be invited by someone to come and have a share of the bride price, because it meant people trusted you and that you were capable of providing shelter and security.

The arrangement between the groom and bride are not done directly between the bride’s parents and groom’s parents. Two groups are instead appointed by the respective sides as spokespersons. The person(s) the groom’s side appoint is called “Palai” and the person(s) the bride’s side appoint is called “Lawi chal”.

When a guy falls in love with a girl and they want to get married, he tells his family about her and they in turn send a Palai to the girl’s house. The Palai must not be related to the girl’s side and he/they usually hold a respectable position in the community. The Palai must also be an extremely smooth talker so as to convince the girl’s father to let the marriage take place. Negotiation on the bride price also takes place, but in a very inconspicuous way.

Then comes the “Lawi chal” who speaks for the girl’s family and if the girl’s father allows the marriage to take place, the “lawi chal” takes care of the bride personally throughout the wedding and even takes her right up to the groom’s house after the marriage.

NOW... explain all that to these people.



Yeah, meet the In-Laws. Amazing bunch of people they are. We would all burst out laughing at every little incident or sentence. Our football arguments were heated too, as they’re mostly Liverpool fans, hardcore Reds, and it seems back in the UK, the loyalty to a particular club is hereditary.

For the man-ei, the function was in English, and mom’s cousin Upa Sangzuala played the role of the “Palai” for our English guests. He explained the whole concept and there was a very good turn-out.








Food was ordered from Hotel Ritz, so we didn’t have to do any of the catering. Phew. But half the time I was managing the traffic outside our house. The road was completely jammed as each family came with their own car. Apart from that, there was also the chief minister of Mizoram and his entourage. I never got to eat anything that evening.




[Blogger and cousin Mimi with her bro. Mimi took food thrice that night, and her bro ran over my freaking feet with his car as they were leaving! Aaaaargh!]


[lolz, this is a picture perfect snap. It looks as if the CM and dad are cracking a dirty sexist joke, while the CM’s wife and mom look away disapprovingly. Haha]

We bought 20 bottles of the infamous Hnahlan grape wine, which is the only permitted alcohol drink in Mizoram. And guess what? Nobody drank a sip! It tasted soooo horrible, like a mixture of cheap wine and cough medicine. Two grand down the drain. I later distributed it among my friends. Hihi.

The Man-ei function and Wedding day were of course recorded.


The “Man ei” has various categories:

1. Sum hmahruai: This goes to the girl’s father’s siblings and they play an extremely important role. They are also the first to receive the money, hence the name (sum means money and hmahruia means leading). In our case, it went to dad’s two elder brothers.
   
   
2. Sum fang: This is next in line of importance. It usually goes to the father’s closest friends, but in our case, it went to dad’s two younger brothers.
   
   
3. Pu Sum: This is for the girl’s mother’s siblings and cousins. It is an all male domain, meaning, the maternal uncles will be getting this share.
   
   
4. Pa Lal: This is again an all-male recipient list, and it goes to the father’s cousins. In our case, it went to father’s relatives and his closest friends.
   
   
5. Ni Ar: This is only for the womenfolk, and it goes to the father’s female relatives.
   
   
6. Nau Puakpuan: This goes to the women who looked after the soon-to-be bride when she was a baby. Female members who are related or close to the family (but necessarily did not directly look after the bride when she was a baby) are also included in this list sometimes.

Here is our “Man ei” list. My cousin said this is probably the first Mizo “man ei” list to be put up online. Haha!

Sum hmahruai:
1. Thantluanga, Khatla.
2. L.Pachhunga, Khatla.

Sumfang:
1. Hnehzauva, Mission veng.
2. Lianmawia, Mission veng.

Pu Sum:
1. Lalnghinglova, Chanmari.
2. Dr. Malsawma, Chaltlang.
3. Zothansiama, Republic.
4. Lalbiakdiki, Thakthing. - for her husband Ricky L. Rinliana (L)
5. Zotinkhuma, Khatla.
6. C.Hmingthanzama, Sikulpuikawn.
7. Upa Zosangzuala, Bazar bungkawn.
8. Upa C.Thangnghilhlova, Upper Khatla.
9. L.V.Zahnuna, Chaltlang.

Pa Lal:
1. S.Hmingthanga, Laipuitlang.
2. Lalrinawma Tochhawng, New Delhi.
3. Col. Lalchungnunga, Zarkawt.
4. Thangsailova, MacDonald Hill.
5. Lallunghnema, MacDonald Hill.
6. Lal Thanhawla, Zarkawt.
7. Dr. Thansiama, Zarkawt.
8. K.Zomawia, Zarkawt.
9. Maj. Lalhmingliana, Kulikawn.

Ni Ar:
1. Lalhmingthangi, Mission veng.
2. Lalramthangi, Mission veng.
3. Lalhmingliani, Zotlang.
4. Zapari, Ramhlun North.
5. Zahluni, Chaltlang.
6. Lalhmangaihi, Zarkawt.
7. Lallianpuii, Khatla.

Nau Puakpuan:
1. Thangzuali, Khatla.
2. Maj. Rochhungi, Jail veng.
3. Malsawmi, Venghlui.
4. Lalrampari, Chaltlang.
5. Lungtiawii, Zarkawt.
6. Mami Laltluangi, MacDonald Hill.
7. Sawmpuii, Electric veng.
8. Thansiami, Kolasib.
9. Laldinliani, Khatla.
10. Zothanpari, Kolasib.
11. Lalthianghlimi, Dawrpui Vengthar.
12. V.L.Tanpuii, Salem veng.


Once this was all over, everybody went home and slept while I ran back to the Church helping in the decorations and overseeing the sound-check at both the Church and community hall (where a small after-church function was supposed to take place).






I finally got to sleep around 3 in the morning, DEAD tired.


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The Wedding morning

Haha, you think a wedding day is all about dressing up nicely and going to the Church all happy and relaxed? My a$$! I was up from 6am managing the entire transportations, like arranging who’s gonna pick up our English guests, the wedding car, the flowers, who’s gonna transport our family members to Church, the order in which we follow the wedding car, food and tea for the reception, paper plates, cups and so many other things, the wedding program sheet for the Church, the special guests invited to the wedding, parking, etc. Aargh.

Barely 3 hours remaining for the wedding and I was still working, collecting the grand wedding cake from Zote Bakery. I took my cousin, my nephew and two friends along with me and Pi Neihthangi, the main person behind Zote Bakery, gave us a personal tutorial on how to arrange the wedding cake. What a great honor to be taught by the renowned lady herself!





I drove through heavy heavy heavy Aizawl traffic while the others carried the cake on their laps delicately. Ah, that ride was soooo memorable, but I’ll talk about that some other day. Hehehehe.



Once we delivered the cake to the community hall, we had to make sure all the food items and utensils were in place so that the KTP (Christian Youth Fellowship) Refreshment Committee can easily take charge. And then we all ran home to change for the wedding, with just 30 minutes to spare!!!!

Back at home, the women were busy grooming themselves and trying to look their best, with absolutely no idea how much we guys were toiling our asses out.







And finally, I made it to Church. I really don’t remember how, but I did. I welcomed as many guests as I could outside the Church, until the bride arrived with the best man.

The “Here comes the bride” moment I was looking forward to in my first WP post, never happened. Apparently, in our Church (Chaltlang South Presbyterian), we do not follow the practice of the father walking in the Church along with the bride by his side. I was supposed to do the honours of walking my sis to the aisle since dad couldn’t walk, but alas, the Pastor prohibited us from doing that. In our Church, the bride is supposed to walk in alone!



The wedding ceremony went on without any glitches.









Once the Wedding ceremony was over, we had the traditional photo session, where there’s a list of how people should take official photographs with the newlyweds in order, like with the bride’s parents, with the groom’s parents, the bride’s father’s siblings etc etc.









After the photo session, we made our way down to the Church community hall, where a short function was held.






[Ahemz]




[Popular band “Even Flow” performed two amazing numbers]


The newly married couple then made their way to our house, where they met my bedridden dad.



After that, the groom and his best-man went home (Tourist Lodge), while the bride and bridesmaid changed. We then had a short “inthlahna” (farewell) function at our house, and soon the best man came to collect my sister. She took her bags (one bag!) and got in the car.



The rest of us followed the wedding car (this process is called “in lawina”) and we all drove to Tourist Lodge following the wedding car and singing our traditional “lawi” song - chheih raw kha a lawi dawn e...


[I too changed... heeheeheee]




We had a final function there, and then its dinner time. Amazing food.













Once the dinner party was over, the adults went home, while we youngsters hung around for a while. Great fun we all had. I went home around 12 midnight I think. I really don’t remember. Hehehe.

And of course the next day onwards I was down with high fever and loose motion. But you know what? It was bloody worth it. Hic!

So many people gave their all for this wedding. It would be impossible to name all the people involved, but I really must thank one person who really contributed a lot for this wedding – u Baby, the bridesmaid.

Thank you so much, u Baby.