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Saturday, September 05, 2009

Chp 261. An ode to Old Monk!


LoLz. I know I haven’t updated my blog at all due to hardcore campaigning on a couple of new brands for the past one month. Anyway, I was just digging through my drive and saw this old post of mine which I didn’t post eventually.

It’s an ode to Old Monk. lolz. Yeah, there was no supply of Old Monk rum in Mumbai some time ago. None of the wine shops had it, and the only place where one could get this rum was at expensive pubs and restobars.

But soon after I wrote this post, Old Monk was back in full swing in the market, so there was no point posting it. But then, I did spend a lot of time writing this post, and since there had been no post for quite some time, let me just post this just for the sake of posting. lolz. Cheers.

And hope you guys can appreciate the humor (if you do find it), and not judge me


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Old Monk, Old Monk, where art thou?


There’s no longer happiness in my soul. Ever since my best friend, Mr. Old Monk died, my life had become an endless journey of self pity and depression.



Nearly a month has gone by, and Old Monk Rum is still extremely scarce here in Mumbai. Gone are the days when every wine shop used to stack them up neatly on their shelves, glimmering proudly from above, as if they are shouting out to you, “Pick meee, pick meeeeee! Forget that snobbish Sula wine above, or that flaky bottle of vodka, or the snooty whisky bottle below. I am here for you, and only you. I am even ready to take a bullet for you!!!”

Old Monk. My teacher. My companion. My blood brother. They said you’re leaving me… Quo vadis?

One bar owner told me you were stopped because you’re undergoing a “renovation” of some sort and that you will be back in the market soon with a new branding, new logo + symbol, new content, and new MRP.

Oh no!

So that means no more “7 years old aged rum”? No more seeing that fat baldy old man in the logo who had been an inspiration to me in my deepest darkest hours? I don’t care about the MRP because the cost defers from place to place. Old Monk full bottle (750ml) costs around 130 bucks in Bangalore, 240 in Mumbai and around 220 in Delhi. And of course less than 100 bucks in Daman & Diu and Goa, while it is 700+ bucks in Mizoram (ze black markets… that’s what my friends tell me ).

But why deprive us of this drink?

I know, Old Monk isn’t exactly the type of drink that sells like hot cake at a posh restobar. Or the type that can get you laid if you think your drink can impress a woman and suddenly make her feel… Paris Hiltony. It’s all in the drink, buddy.

But Old Monk has been there for me through thick and thin. Hence, this is a post dedicated to you, Old Monk my friend. For being there when I needed to clear my head and write a blog post, or for getting me kicked out of B-School. Lolz.


Here you go, Old Monk. Some favorite goodbye songs of mine. with their lyrics altered, specially for you. A parody.




Sing to the tune of "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver.


All my mugs are cracked
I’m ready to die
I’m standing here outside the bar
I hate to go home without any drink
But the dawn is breaking
Its early morn
My bro is waiting
He’s watching some porn
Already I’m so sober
I could die

So binge me and pour for me
Tell me that you’ll fill me up
Fill me like I’ve never drank before
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when you’ll be back again
Old Monk, I hate to go…



Sing to the tune of "Wake me up when September Ends" by Greenday.


Some gurl has come and passed
passed out on my bedroom floor
Wake me up when this dry drought ends

Did you know that Old Monk’s stopped
seven weeks has gone so slow
Wake me up when this nightmare ends

Here comes the waiter again
offering me vodka
Drenched in draught beer again
wishing that it was rum

As my memory dies
but never forgets what I drank
Wake me up when Old Monk is back.




Sing to the tune of "Goodbye To Romance" by Ozzy Osbourne.


A dry day has been and gone
Tomorrow will I find Old Monk
or will it pain?
Everybody's having rum
Except me, I'm the lonely one
There’s no Old Monk.

I say goodbye to Old Monk, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I dare you
Goodbye to all the booze
I guess that we'll binge
We'll binge in the end




Sing to the tune of "Goodbye" by Air Supply.


I can see the veins popping in your eyes
And I know how hard you drink
You deserve to have one more shot.
I can smell your burp and I sympathize
Cops doing breath analyze
Oh it’ll never smell the same.

I don't wanna gulp you down
I don't wanna bottoms up
i don't wanna drink it all
Coz then you might vanish

You would never ask me why
My fart is so disguised
I just can't live so dry anymore
I would rather leave Mumbai
Than to ever change my brand
There's nothing left to drink but McDow.


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Cheers!

Related reading: An ode to Vodka.



18 comments:

aduhi said...

Brilliant. I actually sang all the songs, and laughed, and laughed. I wish there's another drought coming soon so you can write some more "songs".

VaiVa said...

Hei vang hi ni maw Dry day-ah pawh a quar- i rawn paipawn tawt reng ni! :P

Eveline said...

I swear by Old Monk. Apparently not as passionately as you do. :D

I had quite a memorable story when i was drunk on Old Monk. It was in college and had drunk quite a bit at this bar next to my college. When i was trying to find an auto back home, a lecturer from my college walked upto me and asked if i was in Teacher's ____ class?

'Yeah,' I shouted back, thrusting my hand forward to shake her hand, 'and I'm brilliant'.

We never quite saw eye to eye after that day. With Old Monk I am reliable that way... :)

Love what you did with the songs..I'd have to admit they sound better now. ;)

Sekibuhchhuak said...

A hla ho khi chu ka sa ngai lemlova, ka hre vak bawk lo :-) Mahse, Old Monk hrim hrim hi chuan lung a ti leng ve hrim hrim mai. Vanglaite pawh min hriatchhuahtir rum rum mai :-)

Kan thenawmpa hi Sipai pension ani a, Old Monk leh Black Bull kha anei tha thei sia. Kan awt thei a sin aw :-)

Blind Dayze said...

All the lyrics inspired by the temporary lack of Old Monk? Wow... i can only imagine the "love" songs you'd come up with if you lose/lost a girlfriend :-)

I'll take the Leaving on a Jet plane and Ozzy ones... i can well relate to both of them in different levels.. ;-)

...errrr i think your last post was after you had too much of Old Monk..hope u appreciate the humor :D

illusionaire said...

@ Aduhi: Haha... well now you see why I had to post this. I spent quite a lot of time with those lyrics... glad you liked them :-)

@ VaiVa: Ka dry na a reiiiii tawh. i news lo em mai. Chuvang a lawm nangni ang bula awm te a hrehawm ka tih, zan dar 11 hnu ah chuan :D

@ Eveline: lolz... yeah, Old Monk is quite a college crowd drink, especially down south. Thats how I got into it the first place, and remained loyal to this brand. I don't drink much now, but memories of Old Monk will always remain :-)

@ Seki: hehehe.... Old Monk hi chuan kan lung a ti leng vek lo maw.... rum in thrin ka hriat hrim hrim hi chu Old Monk deuh vek an ni... North lamah khan tlemin brand dang in ka hmu nuala, mahse South ah chuan a lar tawps..

@ Blind Dayze: Writing football topic posts feels best with a little swig of good 'ol Old Monk. hihihi.

Mimihrahsel said...

haha..bro! I just LOVE the lyrics.. maybe you should upload 'em in youtube, I'm sure they all will be a hit. (Something like the different version of "living next door to Alice") :-)If you need a vocalist, I'm here, I'm here! lolzz..

David M. Thangliana said...

Hey Kima, ver' ver' nice. OM a awm loh chuan engin nge i thlak? Local in em ni? Tuna a avatar thar thla han post la... Mizoramah zawng meiling zinga vur tlang zawn ang hlauh a ni mai si a!

illusionaire said...

@ Mimi: Actually, I do do spoofs on music videos, but unfortunately, I am not allowed to post them on the internet. lolz. Long story. hehehehe.

@ Pu DMT: :-) Substitutes are always there, but then, they do not come close to the real deal. Chuanin, Mizoramah chuan wine a awm tawh kha... tha ve viau lo maw? And of course, there is no such thing is prohibition if one really wants it. Meiling zinga vur zawng ang em em chu a ni dawn a mi? :-)

Pixie said...

LOLZ!!

Loved your post! :D

and the lyrics!!

you know, you are crazy don't you?!!

hugs!

claytonia vices said...

Oh, the sweet pain of not having something you want badly! It can be quite inspiring! :)

"Actually, I do do spoofs on music videos, but unfortunately, I am not allowed to post them on the internet. lolz. Long story. hehehehe."

Ok, does that require an entirely new post? ;)

dr_feelgood said...

Congress sorkar ah chuan 'Awl Mawng leh Nu mawng' a lar ber an tih thin kha!! mahse tun ah chuan 'change' a awm tawh. 'Wine Flu leh Swine flu' ha ha ha.

illusionaire said...

@ Pixie: hehe thanx Pixie. Hugz. And yeah, I know I'm crazy, and I'm loving it. lolz.

@ Claytnoia: Haha, yeah some things are best left unblogged :-) Did a couple spoofs on some of our popular Mizo music videos (using video editing software and a month planning and directing), but the owners didn't allow me to circulate them. So, those are not going to see the light of the day.

@ dr_feelgood: lolz. Nice one, wine flu and swine flu. I guess that is an enormous change from the Congress. But "Nu mawng" is hilarious too, especially if you check out what "congress" means in the dictionary. *GRIN*

THANGHMING said...

"Show me a boy who did not grow up on Old Monk and I'll show you a wimp".

DylanSailo said...

keipoh old monk hi ka duh thei khawp mai , "fancy" deuh deuh ai in, i blog chhiar ngaihawm thei khawp mai...mizo blog directory ah khan ka in register thei lo re re
Fonzc

illusionaire said...

@ Thanghming: HAHAHAHA! I'll drink to that. lolz.

@ Fonzc: A registration code kha renew leh a ngai anih hmel, blog directory chu... ka lo en chhin ange.... tun weekend hian ka haw dawna, chumi hma a update ngei chu ka tum. Thanx for visiting :-)

tablaman said...

Cheers to that! It's my favourite tipple too. Now I haven't seen one in years. :-(

Geneza Pharmaceuticals said...

Oh! Very lyric ode!)))